Good time!
A normal, healthy topic for a man: love, choice, decision-making.
You have made a decision, why now punish yourself for something that could not have been done?!
If today’s reality already exists, then there could not be anything else. Today, taking into account what we have lived, but not yet experience It is quite possible for you to build your own constructiveness, and not get stuck in self-covering yourself with ashes from a burned-out relationship, and quiet emotional or even real masturbation on the past.
However, maybe this is where you find your thrill? But apparently not, otherwise they wouldn’t have asked the question here: “I want to forget...”
And you try something else: don’t force yourself in the sense of “I’ll forget, I don’t want to, I won’t think about her anymore... but, oh, this place, we walked here... oh, she loves these flowers, and here, yes, this happened here! ...."
Just allow yourself to remember all this.
The surest way to get rid of difficult memories with 100% probability is verbal creativity + communication with a professional psychologist on topics of personality and relationships.
This will happen: one morning you wake up, and the world is different, and there is no this familiar pain behind the sternum, and there is not enough, there is no pinching under the throat, and a tear does not want to come from under the eyelids...
How so? Have I forgotten it? - no, I haven’t forgotten, I remember everything as before... but this pain is not there, where is it?
And it’s simple: you’ve moved to another level when you understand that love for a woman is not everything!
Here is from me one verbal live word sequence from my author’s surtherapy (or to make it easier to understand, this is my author’s therapy with love lyrics)
Fall out of love on Thursday.
Epigraph: This morning the words were heard on TV
Victoria Tokareva:
“You can love all your life, but stop loving on Thursday”
Something is shrinking in the sternum, knocking?!
Everyone thinks that the heart is somewhere on the left...
It is in the center, here it sings tunes,
And there he is silent, then he speaks...
How many times have I found you in it...
No, I didn’t close it, you’re always free...
Moments, days... seconds, like years...
Yes, time is fabric... but delicate muslin.
Why break the connecting thread?
Between the Points that turned off the parallels?..
At the crossroads we learned - “how to love?..”
They tortured themselves, burned themselves... they didn’t smolder at all...
Rain on Thursday...it just keeps pouring.
What after? – the rest of the days of the week...
____________________________________________________
School of Feelings by Dr. Valery Egorov
P.S. Read this one of mine, it is in tune with yours today.
Good afternoon. I was interested in your answer “Good hour! A normal, healthy topic for a man: love, choice, decision-making. You have made a decision...” to the question http://www.. Can I discuss this answer with you?
Discuss with an expertI don’t have statistics, but according to my internal feelings, about a third of the questions that guys come to me with concern relationships with exes. In particular, attempts to resurrect relations with them. Here, for example, Alexey writes: “This is the situation. I was doing well with my girlfriend until I met my ex. We talked to her, started communicating, and then I realized how much I missed her. I started to feel drawn to her. It seems like I don’t want to stir up the past, but I can’t resist... What do you say?”
In short, in my opinion, a renaissance with an ex-girlfriend, when it comes to getting back together months or years after the breakup, is a bad idea.
Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. Each of us has a friend or a friend of a friend who knows the story of when he and she got back together or even got married a second time and are now living happily and lovingly. And honestly, I am also glad that such unique people exist. The same goes for people who, say, jump from the 5th floor with an umbrella and only manage to break their little fingernail. But, you must admit, the news about another such lucky kamikaze is not at all a reason to climb onto the roof with an umbrella.
But still, in most cases, a “comeback”, I repeat, is a bad idea. Disgusting even. And that's why.
1. She didn’t become different
Habits change, but personality traits do not. No matter how much you, for example, would like to believe that from a bitch who eagerly gnawed your brain out for any nonsense reason, she turned into a gentle and trembling fairy, this is not so. Your ex may have learned new, more subtle and non-obvious ways to tell you that you're an idiot.
But if the girl’s basic settings include the option “blame others, not yourself, for all problems,” even after the reunion you will always be the extreme one. Just in less offensive terms than before. A piece of manure, no matter how beautiful a candy wrapper it is wrapped in, will still not become candy, as you understand.
2. You remain the same to her
The vast majority of people are extremely reluctant to part with their ideas about others. And no matter how much you strive to start over from scratch, or try to look at each other in a new way, this is hardly possible. Yes, at first you will probably flounder in waves of sentimentality and nostalgia, deliberately thinking and remembering only good things. But the past - with all its insults, careless words, mistakes and mistakes - has not gone away. And it will not allow you to be as carefree, spontaneous, delightfully naive and rapturously trusting as you were when you first met.
The best version of you is in the past. This means that after the reunion, flashbacks will inevitably begin. And if last time it took a girl a year to begin to perceive you, say, as a mattress or a womanizer (which, if you think about it, was the reason for your breakup), then now, mark my words, she will overcome the familiar distance from “he the best” to “he’s nothing, nothing without a stick” in a matter of weeks.
3. The voice of nostalgia can be confused with the voice of love.
Let's say you met a few months/years after breaking up, you hugged her in a kind of friendly way, dived into a cloud of familiar perfume and, to your great surprise, suddenly discovered that it still excites you. And she herself - all so fragrant, smiling and dear - worries you too.
And are you really sure that you will be able to reflect that this is actually a rekindled feeling or ordinary nostalgia, without which not a single meeting of exes is complete? Oh, well, as far as I can see, you are a damn self-confident guy! Such people usually get a particularly loud rake on the forehead. And when they go to the mirror, they discover that the bruise they received is far from the first.
4. In addition to what you have in common, each of you now has a personal past.
If a decent amount of time has passed between point A (your breakup) and point B (the decision to try again), there’s a good chance that your ex spent her lonely evenings not only doing satin stitch and watching Downton Abbey. Perhaps now it seems unimportant to you what she did there and with whom. After all, formally at that time you were not a couple.
But, mark my words: as soon as the sacramental “I loved only you all this time” sounds (and it will sound like hell), it will be difficult for you to get rid of the thought that the girl’s love for you did not prevent her from having an affair with a work colleague , sleep with the lead singer of the group “White Eagle” and go to the Maldives with your mutual friend Vadik. And this trinity (as well as those who managed to be in your bed) will be invisibly present in your bedroom - from now on until you come to the conclusion that getting back together was a stupid idea.
5. You're denying yourself a future.
The future with its uncertainty is scary, that's a fact. One of my friends, when asked why the hell he moved in with his ex, who drank a lot of his blood at one time, honestly answered me: “I’m tired of going on dates. It's not the same. And when and whether “that” will happen at all is unknown. And the unknown stresses me out.” Then I said nothing. But I'll tell you now.
I can still understand when women talk about the advantages of a caught tit over a crane soaring in the sky. This, after all, is our archetypal, nature-programmed program: to preserve and, if possible, increase. And your business, guys, is expansion (“A man comes into the world to build cities, discover new lands or conquer them”).
And if it seemed to you that I was urging you not to be afraid to go forward, to try and try, then you didn’t think so. Let go of the past and you will get the future. Easier said than done, of course. But you can at least start by erasing your ex’s phone number and stopping following her life on social networks. After all, if the universe didn't have anything worthwhile in store for you in the future, Tinder still wouldn't have been invented.
Still from the film “In Flight”
We don't know what happened to you. Perhaps this is because she left for someone else, or unrequited love that you have been experiencing for a long time, or incompatible characters that do not allow you to be together.
Whatever it was, you were prepared to suffer, tear out your hair and complain to everyone about your difficult fate. However, all you need is to forget everything that happened and continue to breathe deeply, enjoying life in all its manifestations.
In this material we will tell you how to forget the girl you love. Naturally, it will not be easy, but with a serious approach you will succeed.
1. Stop following her
So, let's start with the basics, without which all further actions will be absolutely useless. If you want to truly forget her, start with your social networks. Unfollow her on Instagram, unfriend her on VKontakte, block her on Facebook, stop following her on Twitter, and finally, forget about her other pages.
Otherwise, you will become fixated on all her online activities. Every post she makes will seem like a reference to your relationship, every new like from some guy will seem like the beginning of her new relationship with someone else.
Subsequently, your paranoia will go so far that you will not be able to do your usual things and will be stuck at the screen of your gadget for a long time in endless worries.
Just unfollow her and that's it.
2. Start working
“I’m already working like that, geniuses”, - you will think and you will be right. However, we mean real immersion in the work process, a sharp shift in your priorities towards your career.
Ask to be given more responsibilities at work (maybe you might even be promoted), try to get a job, achieve something you haven’t achieved before. In short, channel all your frustrated energy into your career. This way you will think about her much less, and maybe even forget about her.
3. Take off your rose-colored glasses
Many people, after breaking up with loved ones, have an irresistible urge to idealize and romanticize their past, believing that it was the best relationship of their lives. We have no doubt that you had some great times together, but be honest with yourself and admit that not everything was always smooth sailing.
So take your gadget or a piece of paper (if that's more convenient for you) and make a list of things that annoyed you about your ex. Also, do not forget to write down all the cases of your quarrels and disagreements.
Now you have a tool that will help you come down to earth whenever you want to remember how perfect your relationship was.
Just re-read it at such moments.
4. No more random encounters (with her)
Just because you know where she works, where she goes on weekends, who she communicates with, and how she likes to spend time in the evenings, this does not mean that you need to use this information.
You shouldn’t think that if you allegedly accidentally walk near her place of work, she will notice you and understand how wrong she was, after which she will rush into her arms to ask for a reunion.
Most likely, you will meet, exchange some routine remarks, create a tense environment for each other, and after all this she will still think that you are desperate and will want to see you even less.
5. Stop comparing yourself to her new boyfriend.
Kamon, this is the worst thing you can do if she has a boyfriend after your breakup. It is curious that no matter how good-looking you are, in such situations men always lack certain qualities that their rivals have. Even if they are not there.
6. Now think about how much money you won't have to spend anymore.
No more traveling together, going to bars and restaurants, expensive gifts and special events. A huge advantage of the relationship is unexpected cost savings.
Now that you're single, you can afford a lot more than before, and you won't have to spend money where you might not have spent money at all.
7. Speak up
If you've been bottling up your feelings about your breakup for a long time, it's time to let them out. To do this, you can invite your best friends to a bar, tell them everything you think about your failed love, scream a little, have a good drink (), and then wake up the next day feeling like a reborn person.
Naturally, in order to completely move away from bitter thoughts, a person needs time. Allow yourself to grieve a little, just don't fall into a depressed state and be able to throw out your emotions at the right time.
8. Know when to stop, though.
Everything in this life should be in moderation, even grief over your unhappy relationships. Therefore, if you think too much and tell everyone about your problem, you can become seriously obsessed with it.
You can talk about it endlessly, but it won't change anything. At some point, it turns out that you are simply replaying negative memories in your head and sharing them with others. Again and again.
In this case, it is better to take positive action and finally let go of the past.
9. Start reading a lot
Another surefire way to stop thinking about the girl you like is books. Because, as we all know, books are a real balm for the soul. Make yourself a big list of everything you ever wanted to read, and don’t forget to ask for recommendations from friends and on thematic resources.
At some point, there will simply be no place for negative thoughts in your head, and you will feel much better.
10. Enjoy being alone
To truly feel free from a relationship, give yourself permission to do everything you couldn't do when you were dating a girl. Now you can go anywhere, communicate with anyone, and return home whenever you want. Do whatever you think is necessary. No one will tell you now that this is wrong.
Just in case: act within the law.
11. Plan a trip
This doesn’t have to be some crazy European tour with an endless amount of adventures at every turn. At the moment, take some time to get rid of the oppressive thoughts that surround you where you are.
12. Stop biting yourself
Don't blame yourself for the fact that you still can't get rid of thoughts about your ex. Don't blame yourself for not following our advice, for checking her Instagram to see how she's doing. You shouldn’t blame yourself for the fact that you’ve already hung around her favorite cafe several times, hoping to meet her.
Being angry with yourself in such cases is not the most productive feeling. It prevents you from forgetting your ex-girlfriend and moving towards a new life in which many interesting events and people await you.
If at the moment you are not so easy to come to terms with the thought of a breakup, remember that time is the best healer of broken hearts. Therefore, continue to live your own life, reflect (but without fanaticism), mind your own business and at some point you will realize that you cannot remember the last time you thought about your ex.
Did you think that only us girls have guys who we will never forget, although we have never been in a relationship with them? Men also have such memorable girls.
“We went to high school together. She liked me, it was noticeable, but I didn’t feel anything for her then. We are now friends on Facebook and she has become a real hottie. Really, like a supermodel! I don’t know if I missed my chance or not, I never wrote to her, but I just like her posts.”
“We had, as they say now, “almost a relationship.” Then I suddenly stopped writing to her because I was scared of how quickly everything was developing. This is the biggest mistake of my life. I thought a million times about calling her or writing to her, but she’s probably already dating someone else.”
“I don’t know what happened between us. Maybe “friends with benefits”? We sometimes slept together. Then she left because she wanted something real. To be honest, I also had feelings for her, but I was afraid to admit it to her.”
“We were best friends. I never told her how I felt because I didn't want to lose her as a friend. As a result, our paths diverged anyway, so I guess I should have confessed to her when I had the chance.”
“A few months ago I had a one-night stand. Before that I was a virgin, so she was my first. Such a party girl. I know she’s slept with many others since me, but she was my first, and I think every man remembers his first.”
“I see her every day on the platform waiting for our train on the way to work. I don't know how to approach her without looking weird, so I just try to catch her eye every time. Which probably looks even stranger.”
“I go to the cinema with a group of friends every Friday, and there’s a lovely girl working there at the popcorn stand. I always go up to her to chat for at least a couple of minutes. I hope to eventually get her number.”
“She's my boss. So there's no way I'll do anything. I don't want to lose my job. But that doesn’t stop me from imagining her in my fantasies.”
“I became good friends with a girl in my college class. We often walked, held hands, flirted, but never kissed. But I had to do it."
"We work together. And we always flirt. But she has a boyfriend. And I'm not going to take her away. Although I think I could do it.”
“I don't know if this counts, but this is the girl I plan to date. We correspond constantly. We flirt all the time. I'm quite confident that we will go further. I'll be disappointed if we don't succeed."
“I met a girl online. We've never seen each other in our lives, but that doesn't matter. She's the only one I think about all the time."
“I followed one beauty on Instagram. But she didn't follow me. But she has such a body..."
"I have a girlfriend. And I only think about her. Seriously".
I thought I was lucky in life to have met her. Nice girl, beautiful, polite, well-mannered. I introduced her to my mother. Someday I would definitely propose to her... But she left. She just disappeared from my life one day, leaving emptiness and misunderstanding in it.
How could she do this to me? How to live now, what to do if I can’t forget my ex-girlfriend? Or is it my fault that the relationship didn’t work out? But I loved her so much!
How to forget a girl when she became part of your life
I abandoned my affairs, almost stopped leaving the house, everything here reminds me of her. As I fall asleep, I snuggle up to the pillow, which still retains her scent. I am upset, offended, crushed by the loss. I can’t think about anything else and I don’t understand how people manage to get over a breakup quickly and easily.
Friends say that time heals, they advise you to switch gears, go somewhere to relax, meet a new girl, seek help from a psychologist. But all this sounds like a joke. It's only getting worse for me. I withdrawn into myself, became irritable and don’t know how to live further.
How to forget a love that you don’t dare call ex?
If the relationship has collapsed, you need to first understand the reasons. Not understanding what led to the breakup and why the memory refuses to get rid of the past, the person continues to be perplexed, lament, feel sorry for himself or be offended by his former lover. He can truly let go and forget his former love only by breaking the cycle of these thoughts.
Who can't forget their ex-girlfriend?
It is most difficult for men with anal-visual ligament vectors to forget the girl they love after breaking up. From the training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan it is known that owners of the anal vector may have the following qualities:
- stability and constancy;
- good memory;
- desire for perfectionism;
- tendency to take offense;
- guilt.
People with the anal vector are unhurried and thorough, they approach the choice of partners critically, they look closely for a long time, and are in no hurry to take the first step. But, letting a person into their heart, they grow with him, become attached and cannot let go even when the relationship deteriorates. They are more willing to suffer and endure pain than to change anything. Any changes in their usual way of life are a stressful factor for them.
One can imagine how difficult it is for such a person to survive a breakup, forget his wife, or let go of his girlfriend. He dreams of a long-term and stable relationship, ideally one for life. Consistency gives him a feeling of comfort and confidence in the future.
With a dream of an ideal past
How can a person with an excellent memory forget his ex-girlfriend? The ability to remember the smallest details and store a huge amount of information is given to him by nature in order to thoroughly study the material, understand the subject, accumulate experience and pass it on to future generations. To remember means to appreciate and preserve what is left in the past.
The past is dear to a person with an anal vector: it is familiar, unchangeable and time-tested, in contrast to the future, which is frightening with its unknown. Therefore, such a person values already established relationships, remembers every event, word, look, time spent together. These memories become his property, treasure, value. He cannot part with them, cannot forget his beloved girl and everything connected with her.
Perfectionism is another trait of the anal vector. A man wants to be the best, most loved, worthy for his chosen one. He craves respect, praise, positive evaluation as confirmation of his ideality. Of course, he is looking for a worthy woman for himself, with a good reputation, ideally pure and immaculate. She wants to be her first and only. Such a man is ready to remain faithful to his beloved all his life and expects the same from her.
A guy with an anal vector dreams of an impeccable relationship built on mutual respect and trust, in order to subsequently create a strong family, which is one of the main values in life for him. Parting with your chosen one is parting with the dream of an ideal. That’s why he experiences the breakup so painfully and cannot forget the girl who dashed his hopes for family happiness.
Resentment does not let you forget
Another important reason why a guy finds it difficult to forget his ex-girlfriend is resentment. Resentment arises when desires and aspirations remain unfulfilled. This is the pain of unfulfilled expectations and unfulfilled hopes.
How does a man feel in this situation?
The relationship didn’t work out, which means you need to start all over again, change something in life again, adapt to something. It's painful.
The girl left for someone else - she probably found someone better, which means I’m not good enough, imperfect. This thought hurts.
By leaving, she devalued the past and deprived me of the future: the opportunity to start a family, to succeed as a husband and father, which is very important to me. And again the pain.
The man is offended: he feels insulted, humiliated, disappointed. And the reason for all this pain is a girl who did not live up to expectations, did not appreciate her, and exchanged her for someone else.
Balance and equality in everything is the formula for psychological comfort of the anal vector. Therefore, prolonged pain can even give birth in a soul tormented by resentment to a desire to take revenge on the offender. This is a kind of attempt to restore balance by hurting someone who hurt you.
But even if thoughts of revenge do not arise, resentment eats away at the soul and deprives it of joy. These vices keep you in the past and prevent you from moving forward. And an excellent memory does not allow you to forget your ex-girlfriend and the hopes and experiences associated with her.
Maybe it's my fault?
The situation is further aggravated by the fact that those with the anal vector tend to generalize their experience and project it into the future: “If one girl did this to me, then that means they all are like that, you can’t trust anyone.”. As a result, a person withdraws into himself, becomes embittered towards people, becomes gloomy and distrustful.
Another possible reaction to a breakup that prevents you from letting go and forgetting your ex-girlfriend is a feeling of guilt. A person with an anal vector has a heightened perception of justice. He painfully experiences the slightest deviations in one direction or another. The incorrect behavior of others makes him feel resentful. If he suspects the cause of the breakup in himself, he is tormented by a feeling of guilt.
He replays past situations, words, actions in his head again and again, trying to track his mistakes, find what, where and how he did wrong. Unable to correct the situation and restore justice, he becomes fixated on thoughts and cannot forget the girl towards whom he feels guilty.
Why is it not easy to forget the girl you love?
The presence of a visual vector elevates sensory experiences to the highest degree. Visual people are the most emotional. They are capable of experiencing the most vivid feelings, ranging from fear for themselves to selfless love for people.
It is difficult for the owner of the visual vector to be alone. He needs communication, sincerity, spiritual closeness. He wants to love and feel loved. Love for him is the meaning of existence. She displaces fear for herself, for her life, from her heart, giving way to worries about her loved one.
For a man with a visual vector, forgetting his beloved girl means breaking the emotional connection with a loved one, depriving himself of love. This means being left without something that filled us with meaning and gave us spiritual comfort and joy. Life without love becomes dull and dull.
In such a situation, a person can either fall into depression and become a victim of various fears, or artificially shake himself up in emotions, often associated with memories of his beloved girl. After all, the owner of the visual vector needs emotions like air. It is important for him to feel the emotional response of others. If he is left alone, he can “pump up” emotions to himself. In such a state, it is easy to begin to feel sorry for yourself, lamenting about “evil fate” and “how unhappy I am.”
So what should you do to forget your ex-love?
Natural attraction most often occurs between people with opposite properties and qualities. This is how it is designed so that we complement each other, creating a strong couple capable of surviving and raising healthy offspring. But the same differences that potentially ensure the creation of a stable union often lead to misunderstandings, conflicts and, as a consequence, to the breakdown of relationships and separation.
Understanding the characteristics of our psyche and the psyche of our partner, we begin to realize these differences that led to the breakup.
It is important to understand why it is so difficult to survive a breakup and forget the girl you love. What hopes and expectations are associated with the relationship and why. To do this, you need to “decipher” your unconscious desires, understand the reasons for your reactions, the emergence of self-pity, resentment or guilt. A deep awareness of these mechanisms allows us to understand what is holding us in the past.
As a result: like a ship weighing anchor, a person gets rid of a heavy load that prevented him from moving forward, forgetting his ex-girlfriend and leaving behind an unfulfilled relationship.
You can learn more about the structure of the human psyche, love and relationships between people at the online training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan. Many have already managed to get rid of love addiction, let go of painful memories, raise the sails of hope and set off towards new love.
By deeply understanding his nature, a person gains an inner core, self-confidence, the ability to perceive the world and people as they are, and gets rid of illusory expectations and unrealistic hopes. Life becomes meaningful and fulfilling, a huge amount of energy is released, strength and desire to move forward arise. Having realized his innate abilities and talents, a person easily finds use for them, realizing his natural potential for his own joy and for the benefit of people.
With knowledge of Systemic Vector Psychology, you can learn to respond adequately to difficult situations, avoid conflicts, find compromises, and truly feel your loved one. And also figure out how to forget your ex-girlfriend and build new, full and harmonious relationships, taking into account the individual characteristics of each partner.
You can take the first step towards a new life at Yuri Burlan’s free online training “System-vector psychology.” .
