GRADUATE WORK
INFLUENCE OF PARENTAL FAMILY IMAGE ON THE SPECIFICITY OF FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS IN MARRIAGE
Introduction
Chapter 2. Results of empirical research
2.3.1 Research
Conclusions from Chapter 2
Introduction
Relevance. It has already become customary to call the outgoing XX century the century of revolutions: social, scientific and technical, cosmic. It can rightfully be called the century of the revolution in family and marriage relations. Since the beginning of this century, major social changes have begun that have also transformed marriage and family. In modern society, it has become "fashionable" among young people to live together, without registering their relationship, in the so-called "civil" marriage. And every year the popularity of such relationships is growing.
It should be clarified that in domestic legal practice, civil marriage is understood as an unregistered relationship between a man and a woman living together in the same territory and leading a joint household for 1 month.
In Russian psychological science, this important phenomenon and the relations associated with it remain completely unexplored, while in the West a number of works by psychologists have already appeared on this phenomenon of social life of society, including the origins, causes of this phenomenon, and the relationship between a man and a woman. , parents and children in such a union, the attitude of society towards such cohabiting unions
Family problems have always been the focus of social psychologists. Psychology has accumulated a lot of experience in the study of family and marriage: the socio-psychological aspect of communication in the family and its role in the process of personality formation (BP Parygin, AG Kharchev, VM Rodionov); emotional attitude in the family (ZI Fainburg); their influence on the stabilization of intra-family relations, the conditions for the stability of the family (Yu.G. Yurkevich). However, the questions of the influence of the parental family on the spouses are practically not covered in the literature. And the information that is available is limited mainly to a discussion of theoretical problems, at the same time, the issues of organization and features of the application of practical methods remain without attention.
In recent years, as many sociologists and demographers note, a number of negative phenomena have been observed in the development of the institution of the family in our country - the number of single people is growing, the number of divorces is increasing, etc. The solution of such problems is unthinkable without studying the mechanisms of intra-family relations. In that work. All this, as well as a number of disagreements regarding the criteria for success - failure of marriage, allows us to conclude that the modern picture of the processes occurring in the family, affecting the satisfaction of spouses with marriage, needs to be examined more closely. Therefore, any research (including ours) concerning the modern institution of family and marriage is relevant, because the knowledge gained can enrich both the fundamental theoretical concepts of a scientist and the methodological tools of a practicing specialist dealing with the optimization of interpersonal relations in the family.
Purpose of the study: study of the influence of the image of the parental family on the specifics of family relations in marriage.
Object of study: the image of the parental family.
Subject of study: the influence of the image of the parental family on the specifics of family relations.
Hypotheses:
The image of the parental family has various influences on the system of attitudes and values \u200b\u200bthat develop in different types of families.
Having a child in the family can have an impact on satisfaction with the marriage relationship.
To achieve this goal and test the hypotheses put forward, it was necessary to solve the following tasks:
1. Conduct a theoretical analysis and identify possible components of the family image.
2. Consider the main theoretical provisions that define the concept of "civil" marriage.
3. Analyze the degree of consistency of the images of the parent and their family between men and women in different types of families.
4. Consider the influence of the existing system of values \u200b\u200bon satisfaction with marital relations.
5. To consider the influence of the image of the parental family on the value-motivational system of men and women in various types of families.
To solve the tasks and check the initial assumptions, the study used the complex methods and techniques:
Theoretical: analysis of psychological literature on the research topic;
Psychodiagnostic: methodology "Scale of family environment" adapted by S.Yu. Kupriyanov (1985); methodology "Value orientations" M. Rokich (1978); test - Marriage Satisfaction Questionnaire (MAR), developed by V.V. Stolin, T.L. Romanova, G.P. Butenko.
Statistical: analysis of average values \u200b\u200bof characteristics, comparison of distributions, correlation and analysis of variance.
Research data processing was carried out using the "STATISTICA" package.
The total sample in the empirical study consisted of 30 married couples, aged 18-34, residents of Tomsk. All married couples are married from one to three years. The sample was conventionally divided into three groups. The first group includes couples living in a "civil marriage", the second group includes men and women who are officially married, and the third group, respectively, are couples who are officially married and have children.
Scientific novelty and theoretical significance research is that in the work:
Generalized and systematized scientific ideas about the concept of "family image" and "civil marriage".
Revealed significant differences in these concepts.
Practical significance research is the possibility of using the results obtained in family counseling, psychological correction and other areas of practical psychology. The established dependencies make it possible to predict possible problems in marriage, to ensure the prevention of family and child-parent relations.
Scientific credibility and the validity of the results obtained is provided by a versatile analysis of scientific literature on the problem of family relations and methods of its study; the use of methods adequate to the purpose, subject and object of research, representativeness and balance of the sample (30 married couples), the use of various methods of mathematical statistics for data processing.
Chapter I. The image of the spouses' family as a component of the image of the world
The first chapter examines the concepts of the image of the world and the image of the family in the works of foreign and domestic psychologists; reveals the features of the structure of the family image; determination criteria. The concept of marriage is described, the features of "civil" marriage are revealed. Also, a review of domestic and foreign literature is made regarding such a concept as marriage satisfaction.
1.1 The concept of the "image of the world" in psychological science
In the works of researchers dealing with the problems of the formation of the image of the world, there is no established conceptual apparatus, there are a number of categories that do not have a single interpretation. Appeal to the sphere of the formation of the image of the world is found in various fields of knowledge: psychology, pedagogy, philosophy, ethnology, cultural studies, sociology, etc. The category "image of the world" occurs relatively recently and is designated as a "snapshot" of the work of consciousness, as a source of the emergence of images.
In the field of psychology, the theoretical development of the category "image of the world" is presented in the works of G.M. Andreeva, E.P. Belinskaya, V.I. Brul, G. D. Gacheva, E.V. Galazhinsky, T.G. Grushevitskaya, L.N. Gumilyov, V.E. Klochko, O. M. Krasnoryadtseva, V.G. Krysko, B. C. Kukushkina, Z. I. Levin, A.N. Leontyev, SV. Lurie, V.I. Matisa, Yu.P. Platonov, A.P. Sadokhina, E.A. Sarakueva, G.F. Sevilgaeva, S.D. Smirnova, T.G. Stefanenko, L. D. Stolyarenko, V.N. Filippova, K. Jaspers and others.
For the first time the concept of "image of the world" in psychology was introduced by A.N. Leont'ev, he defined this category as a psychic reflection taken in the system of connections and relations between the subject and the world around him. In his works, the image of the world is considered as an integral, multi-level system of human ideas about the world, other people, about himself and his activities. A.N. Leont'ev studied the process of the emergence of the image of the world, explaining it by the activity nature, which sets the image as the moment of its movement. The image arises only in activity and therefore is inseparable from it, the problem of generating an objective image of the world is a problem of perception, "the world in its remoteness from the subject is imodal."
Based on the provisions of A.N. Leontyev, his research N.G. Osukhova builds through the prism of the subjective image of the human world, comparing it with the concept of "myth" in the cultural sense, which this term has acquired today. She defines the image of the world as "an individual myth of a person about himself, other people, the world of life during his life." This researcher considers this category as a holistic mental formation, noting that it exists at the cognitive and figurative-emotional level. Considering the constituent components of the image of the world, N.G. Osukhova singles out the "image of the I" as a system of ideas and attitude of a person to himself in time of life, including everything that a person considers his own. In addition, the image of another person, the image of the world as a whole and the psychological time of a person are considered.
A.N. Leont'ev, revealing the structure of the image of the world, made a conclusion regarding its multidimensionality. Moreover, the number of dimensions was determined not only by three-dimensional space, but also by the fourth - time, and the fifth quasi-dimension, "in which the objective world is revealed to man." The explanation of the fifth dimension is based on the fact that when a person perceives an object, he perceives it "not only in its spatial dimensions and in time, but also in its meaning." It is with the problem of perception of A.N. Leont'ev linked the construction of a multidimensional image of the world in the consciousness of an individual, his image of reality. Moreover, he called the psychology of perception the concrete scientific knowledge of how, in the course of their activity, individuals build an image of the world "in which they live, act, which they themselves alter and partially create; this knowledge is also about how the image of the world functions. by mediating their activity in the objectively real world. " ...
Considering the dimensionality of the image of the human world, V.E. Klochko emphasizes its multidimensionality, revealing it in the following way: “The multidimensional image of the world, therefore, can only be the result of the reflection of the multidimensional world. The assumption that the human world has four dimensions, while others are added to the image, making it multidimensional, is devoid of any grounds First of all, it is difficult to imagine the very process of introducing new dimensions to the arisen image.In addition, the main thing will be lost: the ability to explain the mechanism of selectivity of mental reflection.In fact, dimensions characteristic of a person (meanings, meanings and values) represent objects included in the human world and are qualities of the objects themselves. This ensures their difference from an infinite set of objective phenomena, simultaneously with them affecting the human senses, but not penetrating consciousness, thereby determining both the content of consciousness at each moment of time, and its value-semantic saturation "(55 ).
S. D. Smirnov notes the main characteristics of the image of the world:
1. The amodality of the image of the world is explained as follows: “These properties (ie supersensible components, such as meaning, meaning) are just as directly included in our image of the world as sensually perceived properties of the first kind, although they, as a rule, do not can be identified on the basis of perception and are not discovered by the subject in the course of his individual activity, but are products of the socio-historical process, being fixed in concepts, language, cultural objects, norms of community, etc. The image of a person's world is a universal form of organizing his knowledge, In other words, the image of the world is not so much a reflection of the past and the present, but a reflection of the future, that is, it is a system of our expectations, forecasts of what will happen in the near or distant future under the conditions of our inaction or when performing certain actions, deeds.
2. The holistic nature of the image of the world. Those. the image of the world does not consist of images of individual phenomena and objects, but from the very beginning develops and functions as a whole. This means that any image is nothing
other than an element of the image of the world, and its essence is not in itself, but in that place, in the function that it performs in an integral reflection of reality.
3. Multilevel structure of the image of the world. Following A.N. Leontiev S.D. Smirnov also distinguishes structurally nuclear and surface structures of the image of the world. This scheme (image) of the world has the character of a nuclear, structure in relation to what appears on the surface in the form of one or another modally formed and, therefore, subjective (A.N. Leont'ev, 1979, p. 9) picture of the world (visual, auditory, etc.).
4. Emotional and personal meaning of the image of the world. "If the image of the world really is a reflection of the future, that is, it is a system of forecasts and extrapolation, then the selectivity of such forecasting is quite obvious. It is, first of all, built in relation to events that are important and significant for a person that are associated with the activity of the subject and his needs. "(130, p. 154).
5. The secondary nature of the image of the world in relation to the external world. "In the genetic aspect, the primary is the direct practical contact of the subject with the environment and other people. The image of the world, of course, is secondary in relation to the objective external world, the subjective reflection of which it is (130, p. 155).
S. D. Smirnov continued to consider the category "image of the world" in his works, noting the possibility of extending this concept to the field of rational knowledge - thinking. First of all, he made an attempt to analyze the application of this concept in other psychological schools. In particular, he notes that the concept of "image of the world" is widely used by psychologists of cognitive orientation, who often use expressions such as a picture of the world, an idea of \u200b\u200boneself and the universe, a model of the universe. But at the same time, the image, the picture of the world is understood as a certain set of images of individual objects and phenomena that act as primary in relation to it. The proponents of this approach have not succeeded in overcoming the stimulus-reactive model of a person; they follow the path of increasing complexity of this model, placing more and more complex intermediate variables between S (stimulus) and R (reaction). It is precisely as such a middle link in s-O-R scheme all variants of cognitive formations are considered, including the image, the picture of the world.
Along with the category "image of the world" is the concept of "view of the world", however, according to a number of authors, they are not identical. These concepts are divorced, for example, in the works of V.V. Petukhov, in which the first is associated with the problems of perception, the second - with various mental representations. An analysis of a number of works by psychologists shows that the authors agree that the image of the world is functionally and genetically primary relative to any specific image or sensory experience, i.e. any image that arises in a person depends on what image of the world is formed in him. The essence of this phenomenon should be sought in the processes of the work of consciousness, which serves as a source for the formation of images. The reason for the generation and transformation of a certain image of the world lies in the mechanism of functioning of human consciousness, which draws our attention to the consideration of this phenomenon.
In psychology, consciousness is presented as the highest level of mental reflection and self-regulation of a person. Usually, two levels are distinguished - public and individual consciousness. Public consciousness includes various social conventions, norms and rules that are projected into the individual. K. Abulkhanova-Slavskaya, exploring human consciousness, notes that it perceives not what is in the world as a whole, but first of all what is relevant for the individual, i.e. what appears to be significant in the image of the world, and this determines the direction of the work of consciousness. A.V. Libin believes that the differences in a person's inner world lie in the differences in preference systems. In his opinion, consciousness is determined by the values \u200b\u200band meanings of many polar scales that set the coordinates of individuality in the stream of various events that are imprinted in the psyche. V.E. He examines a piece of the formation of consciousness, deriving the source of human development from the constant contradiction between the way of life and the way of the world. V.E. Klochko notes that the image of the world does not arise in consciousness from birth, but is formed gradually, becoming more complex as it acquires new coordinates. The multidimensional world of man is explained as a special layer of psychological reality that mediates the relationship between subject and object.
Thus, analyzing the above data, it can be argued that the category "image of the world" is a multilevel system, it is multidimensional, selective, and includes everything that is significant for a person. We assume that the "family image" is an element of the "world image" and directly depends on how the "world image" is formed.
1.2 The problem of the "family image" in modern psychology
The family problem has always been of massive and sustained interest. There are many definitions of a family that distinguish various aspects of family life as a family-forming relationship, ranging from the simplest (for example, a family is a group of people who love each other, or a group of people who have common ancestors or live together) and ending with extensive lists of family characteristics. Among the definitions of the family, taking into account the criteria of socio-psychological integrity, attracts the definition of the family as an open social system, which has a number of the following features:
1) the system as a whole is greater than the sum of its parts,
2) something that affects the system as a whole affects every single element within it,
3) a breakdown or change in one part of the unity is reflected in the change in other parts and the system as a whole (Jackson D., 1965).
That is, the family, as a living organism, constantly exchanges information and energy with the environment and is an open system, the elements of which interact with each other and with external institutions (educational institutions, production, church, etc.). Forces from outside and from within exert on it has both positive and negative effects. In turn, the family acts in a similar way on other systems (Minuchin S., Fishman H. S., 1981).
Thus, the family system works under the influence of the laws of homeostasis and development, has its own structure (the structure of family roles, family subsystems, external and internal boundaries between them) and parameters (family rules, interaction stereotypes, family myths, family stories, family stabilizers).
Family members' perceptions of their family are saturated with prominent truths - family postulates. Family postulates E.G. Eidemiller defines as judgments of family members about their family (that is, about themselves and about other family members, about certain scenes in the life of the family and about the family as a whole), which seem obvious to them and which they are guided (conscious or unconscious) in their behavior.
Also, the internal image of the family includes the individual's idea of \u200b\u200bhimself, his needs, opportunities, other family members with whom the individual is associated with seed relationships, and the nature of these relationships.
The general development of the family's internal image of itself occurs throughout the life cycle of many family generations: when a person learns to be aware of what is happening in the family, to understand the relationship of various aspects of her life, relationships, feelings of all its members. This happens due to: a) socialization (the child learns this from his parents in the course of everyday communication and transfers the acquired skills to the family he creates himself); b) thanks to culture and the media; c) thanks to interpersonal communication, "interpersonal network", which includes the family system (Bowen M., 1966, 1971).
Thus, the idea of \u200b\u200ban individual about the life of his family is an independent, complex mechanism that is necessary for the successful functioning of the family. T.M. In 1983 Mishina introduced the concept of “family image, or“ we ”image as a phenomenon of family self-awareness, by which I meant holistic, integrated education.” One of the most important functions of family self-awareness is the holistic regulation of family behavior, coordination of the positions of its individual members. An adequate image of "we" determines the family's lifestyle, in particular marital relations, the nature and rules of individual and group behavior. An inadequate image of "we" is a consistent selective view of the nature of relationships in dysfunctional families, creating an observable public image for each member of the family and the family as a whole - a family myth. The purpose of such a myth is to camouflage those unmet needs, conflicts that family members have, and to reconcile some idealized ideas about each other. Harmonious families are characterized by a consistent image of "we", for dysfunctional ones - a family myth. "
The synonyms of the family image are the concepts of "family myth", "beliefs", "convictions", "family credo", "role expectations", "coordinated defense", "image of us", "naive family psychology", etc. (Eidemiller E. G., Yustitsky V.V., 1999).
By the family myth, many authors understand a certain unconscious mutual agreement between family members, the function of which is to prevent the realization of rejected images (ideas) about the family as a whole and about each of its members (Mishina T.M., 1983; Eidemiller E.G. ., 1994).
Numerous studies of psychologists and sociologists have revealed that the ideas of young men and women about their future family life are formed spontaneously in the parental family - either as a desire for repetition, or as a desire to do everything differently, etc. Moreover, in many cases these ideas make up for what was lacking in the parental home, that is, they have a kind of compensatory character.
The mentality of Russians is characterized by the sacrifice of life goals in favor of the claims of their children: children should be better educated and live better than their parents. Inflated parental aspirations directly affect children, who also have inflated aspirations, and the real opportunities for their realization are sharply reduced.
As a result of a number of reasons, modern adolescents develop a deformed, distorted image of the family.
N.I. Shevandrin identifies the following factors contributing to the formation of inadequate marital and family attitudes in the younger generation (Shevandrin. Social psychology in education. -M .: VLADOS, 1995) .:
1. immoral behavior of parents (alcoholism, deviant behavior);
2. incomplete family composition;
3. insufficient level of knowledge and skills of parents in raising children;
4. the negativity of the relationship between parents;
5. conflicts in family relationships;
6. interference by relatives in the affairs of the family, raising children.
So, at the present time you can see many existing definitions and concepts of the image of the family, in which it is clearly possible to distinguish common features:
1. the image of the family is a socio-psychological phenomenon (holistic, integrated education), which is a family self-awareness, family identity.
2. one of the most important functions of the family image is the integral regulation of family behavior, coordination of the positions of its individual members.
3. the image of the family is determined through the main components of the family structure as a system.
4. the image of the family usually functions within the framework of the rules of the family system and mainly at the unconscious level.
1.3 The influence of the parental family on the system of relationships in marriage
In the family, a model of intra-family relations is laid, the skills of communication with different people are acquired - by age, interests, personal characteristics. Socio-adaptive skills and abilities of different levels and focus are being formed.
Most often in the literature, the influence of parents (more often of a mother) on the mental development of a child is considered. There are a number of theoretical approaches to understanding the role and content of child-parent relations, formulated by different psychological schools. These include: the psychoanalytic model (Z. Freud, E. Erickson, F. Dolto, D.V. Winnicot, K. Bütner, E. Bern), the behavioral model (J. Watson, B.F. Skinner, R. Sire , A. Bandura), the humanistic model (A. Adler, R. Dreykurs, D. Nelsen, L. Lott, K. Rogers, T. Gordon). In "psychoanalytic" and "behavioristic" models, the child is presented rather as an object of parental efforts, as a being that needs to be socialized, disciplined, and adapted to life in society. The "humanistic" model implies, first of all, the help of parents in the individual development of the child. Therefore, the desire of parents for emotional closeness, understanding, sensitivity in relations with children is encouraged. However, the questions of the influence of the parental family remain practically unexplored.
The period of childhood, which is associated with the parental family, occupies a special place in the process of forming positive marital and family attitudes. At this time, the idea of \u200b\u200bthe family is formed, the personality traits of the future family man are laid. The social orientation of children in social and historical experience begins with the comprehension of the image of the family (A.V. Zaporozhets, A.N. Leontyev, V.A.Petrovsky, N.N. Poddyakov).
The family is a multifaceted system in which there is not only interaction and relationship in the "parent-child" dyad, but also the interpenetration of the world of adults into the world of children, which can objectively contribute to the formation of a "family image" in children.
The family atmosphere contributes to the development of a rich emotional life in the child (empathy, sympathy, compassion and sorrow), which is important for the formation of a positive family image.
I.V. Grebennikov notes that in the process of life itself, young people adopt from the older generation "a lot of knowledge about the relationship to a person of the opposite sex, about marriage, about the family, assimilate norms of behavior in family life. (Grebennikov. Fundamentals of family life. - M .: Education, 1991 ).
N. Pezeshkian, the founder of positive psychotherapy, is convinced of the importance of the psychological "heritage" of a person and the concern for origin as a factor of identity. He uses the concept of "family concepts", which determine the rules of relations to people and things: from one generation to the next, not so much material benefits are transmitted, but rather strategies for processing conflicts and forming symptoms, the structure of the worldview and the structure of attitudes that are passed from parents to children. Concepts originate in the critical experiences of one of the family members, in religious and philosophical ideas, are rooted, learned by children and again passed on to the next generation of children. Examples of family concepts: "What will people say", or "Neatness is half of life", "Nothing comes easy", "Loyalty to death", "Achievement, honesty, frugality", etc. They are partly realized and formulated by the carrier in a concise form in the form of favorite sayings, instructions to children, comments on situations: "Be faithful and honest, but show what you are capable of" or "We should have everything like in the best houses." For the most part, they remain unconscious, they do not explicitly affect.
For example, F. Le Plais believes that if a child continues to live with his parents after his marriage, then a vertical connection is formed in an extended home group. An authoritarian model of family relations is formed. If, on the contrary, he leaves the parental home upon leaving adolescence, starts his own household for his own marriage, then the liberal model comes into play, asserting the independence of the individual. For the liberal model, the continuity of the family group, its continuation, is not a value.
Swiss psychologist A. Zondi (psychology of fate. - Yekaterinburg, 1994), the design speaks of the "generic unconscious" as a form of mental heredity. A person in his life shows a tendency to realize the claims of his ancestors - parents, grandfathers, great-grandfathers. This influence is especially pronounced, according to the author, in important points lives that have a fateful character: when a person makes his professional choice or is looking for a job, a life partner. Thus, a person, deciding the most important questions of self-determination, is not completely "free", he is not " clear sheet", since in his person he represents the clan, his ancestors, who delegated" assignments "to him. However, this does not mean that the fate of a person is rigidly programmed and that all that remains is to follow certain instinctive urges. A person can overcome the imposed tendencies, rely on his own internal reserves and build his destiny consciously.
In Russian psychology E.G. Eidemiller and V.V. Yustitskis consider pathologizing family inheritance characteristic of dysfunctional families as the formation, fixation and transmission of emotional and behavioral responses from grandparents to parents, from parents to children, grandchildren, etc. rigid, irrational, rigidly interconnected beliefs, borrowed from the older generation, form a personality incapable of adaptation, suffering from borderline neuropsychiatric disorders.
It can be noted with regret that so far the most attention of specialists is attracted precisely by the phenomena of the distorting influence of unconscious determinants on the behavior of a young person, the phenomenon of "negative" psychological inheritance. Thus, E. Artamonova connects this with the fact that the field of interest of psychologists and psychotherapists is primarily people who have not resolved their internal conflicts, who are in a state of crisis.
In the psychology of family relations, modern psychologists distinguish the concept of duplication of parental properties, which assumes that a person learns to fulfill male and female roles to a large extent from his parents and unconsciously uses the model of parental relations in his family (V.S. Torokhtiy, 1996).
The preparation for family life unfolds early in life. Marital and parental socialization, as D.N. Isaev, V.E. Kagan, begins in the 2nd year of life, when a child in family communication perceives the first examples of masculinity and femininity. The spousal and parental behavior of the mother and father remains in the shadows, is not realized by the child, but it is they who find themselves in the role of conductors of sex roles. At 2-3 years old, when a child knows his gender and begins to correlate "his" I "with ideas about people of his own and the opposite sex, in role-playing games he implements masculine and feminine behavior as, first of all, conjugal and parental (sociosexual games in" dad-mom "," daughters-mothers ", etc.). These games reflect the formation of the first, simplest level of family attitudes, which correspond to the general stereotypes of the family. Already in these games, boys perform roles associated with leaving the family and returning to her (hunting, war, work, etc.), and girls - house-related roles; boys in their play style are more eccentric and instrumental in these games, and girls are more concentric and emotional. These play transformations are one of the strongest ways of formation of matrimonial and parental roles.The main mechanism of this formation is identification and imitation.The child identifies himself with the parent of his gender and imitates his behavior in cases where the parent is cold n, rude, unfair, cruel.
Many adults in their family reproduce the "handwriting" of the parental family. These deep unconscious or psychologically conflict-conscious identification attitudes, according to D.N. Isaeva and V.E. Kagan, for all the difficulty of their correction, should still be controlled by adults so as not to be reproduced again in children. To a certain extent, the attitudes acquired at this age also depend on the structure of the child's character.
At the same age - 3-5 years old - children ask their parents for a brother or sister, they are touchingly affectionate and caring with the younger ones. The appearance of another child in the family is usually not accompanied by childish jealousy. Not every family has a second child at this time. But the parents' reaction to children's requests - condemning, repulsive, forbidding, or mildly explaining - becomes essential. Sometimes parents try to take a roundabout, substitute way of introducing pets. This is the age of the intensive laying of the foundations of child-love.
The younger student is already trying to understand the family situation, understand and evaluate the positions of the parents, and develop their own. In conflicts with the parent, a conscious desire to "be different" may already appear. During the period of sexual homogenization, it can sometimes be observed that, while one child becomes closer to a parent of the same gender, the other seeks intimacy with an adult of the same sex outside the family. This is a serious signal for parents, indicating their small educational potential in the future. The less the child is emotionally satisfied with the situation in the parental family, the more he seems to perceive extrafamilial patterns - and then much depends on what these patterns are.
Adolescence poses increasingly complex challenges for educators. Emancipatory tendencies, high criticality of the teenager make him a strict judge of relations in the parental family. Reality is often perceived through the prism of one's own, prone to naive idealization, romantic love. Many call it trifles, although, in fact, these are the most important problems that create difficulties for both teenagers and adults.
For a teenager - because he is not yet ready for this: falling in love and his own family are as close for him as they are far from each other. The concept of “having a child” is associated by adolescents mainly with pregnancy and, at best, with a baby in a stroller, but not with many years of caring for him. Death is associated with a hospital and a funeral, but not with a sense of loss. The well-known difficulty is that adolescent feelings are immature, perceptions are naive and contrasting, and openness to the world is enormous.
For adults - because they see in the adolescent relationship that which they inwardly fear. Parents often tend to equate teenage love with love that leads to marriage. As a result, a contradictory system of relations develops, requiring the parents to exert efforts, often considerable, in order to accept tension-reducing positions.
General standards of family life and individual attitudes are not easy to reconcile as an adult. It is very important that the teenager can behave and express his opinion without fear of judgmental reactions of the educators. D.N. Isaev and V.E. Kagan point out that the task is to form such skills of individual refraction of universal and enduring values, which would not contradict either these values, or individual needs and characteristics. The family has great opportunities to educate young men in male honor, respect for a girl, and in girls, pride, modesty, and self-esteem; the formation of self-control, self-discipline, endurance and a sense of responsibility in youth.
The world of childhood that is opening up in front of adults in a new time, the overvalue of the only child, the connection of plans for the future not with the skills of practical life, but with the search for ways to develop real or imaginary giftedness - all this leads to the fact that many children live outside the family life, are not familiar with him. When yesterday's "child" finds himself in his own family, it amazes with its helplessness in elementary situations.
Young spouses often expect each other to take on the role of a parent, but neither one nor the other can do this. It may seem that the colors are exaggerating, but they only literally reproduce the prerequisites for the breakup of many families.
Preparation for family life also poses the task of forming the motivation for marriage and expectations for it. The stereotypes offered to the younger generation, the leitmotif of which is limited to two words - "love" and "happiness", are superficial even in comparison with the real attitudes of young people.
A special section of the preparation of a family man is the education of love for children. In the works of V.V. Boyko showed that it is an indicator of the strategy of reproductive behavior and is determined in many ways by unconscious attitudes, which, if they disagree with the declared opinions, can lead to a discrepancy between the desired and real number children. Of particular importance is the upbringing of adequate maternity attitudes in girls.
So, according to the works devoted to this issue, we can safely say that ideas about the family affect the family itself in the future. The formation of value and moral orientations towards their future family occurs mainly on the image of the parental family, but is characterized by a more pronounced focus on their own well-being and comfort. However, not all parents are prepared to teach their children. Usually, parental family, does not set itself the purposeful task of bringing up ideas, functional-role expectations and skills of creating a full-fledged family in their children. But it is in adolescence that the moment of analysis of the received
social experience and the formation on its basis of their own images of the future family. Thus, in order to prevent psychological difficulties in a family union, it is necessary to turn not to the identified problems, but to prevention, which will help prevent them. For this, it is necessary to know the mechanisms of the formation of family ideas. Knowledge of the mechanisms and psychological programs designed for prevention can provide answers to many of the needs of society related to dysfunctional families.
1.3 The concept of marriage and its main types
Marriage is a social mechanism designed to regulate and control the many human relationships that arise from the physical fact of heterosexuality. As such an institution, marriage functions in two directions:
1. Regulation of personal sexual relations.
2. Regulation of the transfer and receipt of inheritance, succession and public order, which is its more ancient and original function.
The law does not contain a definition of the concept of marriage. An analysis of the norms of the RF IC regulating the conditions and procedure for entering into a marriage, as well as its legal consequences, allows us to identify the main signs of marriage, on the basis of which marriage can be defined as a voluntary and equal union between a man and a woman, concluded with the aim of creating a family, subject to the conditions and order established by law, and giving rise to mutual rights and obligations of spouses. [Fenenko Yu.V.]
The form of marriage is understood as the method of contraction established by law. The legal form of marriage in Russia is the conclusion of marriage through its state registration with the registry office.
State registration of the conclusion of marriage has legal significance: from this moment on, mutual rights and obligations of spouses arise. State registration of marriage also has evidentiary value: on the basis of the act of registration of marriage, spouses are issued a marriage certificate and a corresponding mark is made in their passports, certifying the fact of the state of these persons in legal marriage. [Reshetnikov F. M.].
However, there is also a so-called civil marriage. Sometimes it is called actual, colloquially called cohabitation. Psychologists have their own term - the intermediate family, emphasizing that at any moment it can take some kind of final form: it will fall apart or be documented. It is difficult to make long-term plans in such a family. A man and a woman, living under the same roof for years, remain at the same time "he" and "she", while the marital "we" has a completely different quality of feeling of themselves and life in general [Kulikova T.A.].
A de facto marriage is a relationship between the persons in it that meet all the requirements and conditions for marriage, but are not registered in the manner prescribed by law. An actual marriage cannot give rise to those legal consequences that arise from a registered marriage. No legislative prohibition can exclude from ordinary life long-term extramarital affairs, which the parties themselves, willingly or not, recognize as a de facto marriage. The legislation of many European countries and the United States does not make strict distinctions between registered and actual marriage in terms of the consequences they generate. For example, in Scotland, civil and religious wedding ceremonies are recognized as equivalent, and a marriage arising from actual cohabitation is also recognized as valid.
Unregistered couples are a fairly common phenomenon in the modern industrial and urbanized world. In the 1980s, about 3% of the US population were such couples, and about 30% of Americans had experience of cohabitation for at least 6 months. In Denmark and Sweden already in the mid 70s. approximately 30% of unmarried women between the ages of 20 and 24 lived with men. Therefore, in an unmarried union in this age group is more common than formal marriage. In most other European countries during the same period, only 10-12% in this age group were in cohabitation, but later the number of unmarried living together also increased. As D. Craig notes in the Russian Federation, the situation is similar, in any case the trend is the same.
R. Zieder believes that unregistered cohabitation is only a preliminary stage for subsequent marriage ("trial marriage") and that it is to some extent an alternative to traditional marriage. The fact is that relationships in unregistered cohabitation can be both formal, short-term, and deep, long-term. In the first case, life together in a "trial marriage" does not last long, the marriage is either contracted, or the relationship is interrupted. At the same time, the number of cases of cohabitation is increasing, which differs from marriage only in the absence of legal registration; the birth of children in long-term relationships is often encouraged.
D. Craig and R. Sieder analyzed the pros, which are usually given by the supporters of unregistered cohabitation and cited the most common:
this form of relationship is a "training" of a certain type;
in cases of unregistered cohabitation, strength and compatibility are tested;
in such variants of cohabitation, relations are more free, there is no compulsion;
unregistered cohabitation provides more spirituality and satisfaction in the relationship, the so-called "unmarried family life";
It should be added that in addition to psychological, there are also socio-economic reasons that are peculiar to Russia that give rise to the variant of unregistered cohabitation: housing problems; a question related to registration; the possibility of receiving child benefits for a single mother; as well as an earlier onset of puberty and, as a result, sexual activity; an increase in the material well-being of young people and, as a consequence, a decrease in their dependence on their parents and the emergence of an opportunity to live separately from them; long term of education and career growth for the full provision of the family.
IN modern science the features of people prone to unregistered cohabitation are described. The generalized psychological portrait of a representative of this population is characterized by more liberal attitudes, less religiosity, a high degree of androgyny, low school success in childhood and adolescence, less social success, however, as a rule, these people come from very successful families.
Experimental forms of life require a higher level of reflection and communication, as well as, not least, the strength to resist the pressures of social norms. For this reason, their distribution cannot but depend on social affiliation and educational level.
However, in addition to the positive aspects of "de facto marriage", there are also negative aspects. For example, studies show that unmarried couples are less happy and prosperous than married ones. The annual rates of depression among cohabiting couples are more than 3 times higher than among married couples.
The most important characteristic of cohabiting couples, as noted by research, is generally lower income. Cohabiting couples are economically more like single parents than married couples. In 1996, the poverty rate for children living with married parents was about 6%, while for children living with cohabiting parents the figure was 32%. It has been found that marriage is a wealth-enhancing institution. According to the study, householders with children only have about two-thirds of the income of married couples with children, mainly due to the fact that the average income of male partners is only about half of that of married men. The selection effect acts here when less wealthy men and their partners choose cohabitation as opposed to marriage. It is also true that when men marry, especially those who intend to have children, tend to become more responsible and more productive. They make more money than their unmarried counterparts.
Also, according to studies, three quarters of children born to cohabiting parents will see their parents divorce before they turn 16, while only about one third of children living with married parents will face this problem. It was further found that children living with mothers and their partners have significantly more behavior problems (deviant behavior) and lower academic performance than children from two parent families.
It is shown that the experience of living together at the average statistical level does not affect the success of the subsequent marriage, i.e. you can both "train" and "combine", but there is no guarantee for the future. Therefore, if you are looking for a form of "training" for marriage, you should turn to the parental family. It is in the family where the person grew up that the person is prepared for marriage.
1.4 The Phenomenon of Marriage Satisfaction
The study of the phenomenon of satisfaction with marriage in domestic and foreign psychology has been carried out for about three decades in the framework of a general approach to studying the quality of marriage. During this time, many factors have been identified that confirm the versatility of this concept. But due to the fact that the institution of the family undergoes major changes over time, the study of satisfaction with marriage will always be relevant.
In Russian psychology, one of the first to highlight the problem of the quality of marriage was V.A. Sysenko and S.I. Hunger. According to V.A. Sysenko, satisfaction with family life is a very broad concept and includes the degree of satisfaction of all individual needs. For each of the spouses in marriage, a minimum necessary level of satisfaction of needs must be achieved, beyond which discomfort already arises, negative feelings and emotions are formed and consolidated.
IN research work Shavlova A.V. gives a definition of such a concept as "satisfaction with marriage": "marital satisfaction with marriage is nothing more than the subjective perception by spouses through the prism of socio-cultural norms of the effectiveness of the functioning of the family in terms of satisfying their individual needs."
Frequently used synonyms for the term "marriage satisfaction" are "marriage success", "marriage stability", "family cohesion", "spousal compatibility", etc.
Marital stability and marital satisfaction are fairly related characteristics, as noted in a number of empirical studies. In addition, E.F. Achildieva proposes to consider these phenomena as different levels of relations between spouses. The first, the most general, is the level of stability of marriage, that is, the legal safety of marriage (no divorce). The second level is the level of "adaptability in marriage", "adaptability of spouses"; here there is not only the absence of a divorce or a pre-divorce situation, but also the commonality of the married couple in such characteristics as the division of domestic labor, raising children, etc. The third level is the deepest. This is the level of "success" or "success" of a marriage, which is characterized by the coincidence of the value orientations of the spouses.
Interesting in this regard are the works of T.A. Gurko. They highlight the following factors of instability of a young urban family: the short duration of the premarital acquaintance of future spouses, the early age of marriage (up to 21 years), the failure of the parents' marriage, premarital pregnancy, negative attitude towards the spouse, the divergence of spouses in relations to such important problems of their future life , as the importance of professional activity for women, the distribution of power in the family, the nature of spending free time, the distribution of family responsibilities and the idea of \u200b\u200bthe desired number of children. Interestingly, the study has shown that factors of economic well-being influence marriage success depending on where spouses have in the hierarchy of values, and depending on how similar their expectations are in this regard.
The data on the negative impact of early age at marriage on marriage satisfaction is confirmed by a number of studies conducted on different populations of respondents (Yurkevich).
A number of researchers (L. Ya. Gozman, Yu. E. Aleshina) believe that the term "satisfaction with marriage" has a psychological meaning and cannot be substituted for the term "stability of marriage", the psychological content of which is problematic; that the sustainability of a safe and dysfunctional families are different and are determined by various factors.
Quite a large number of works are devoted to the study of personal and intra-spousal factors of satisfaction with marriage. Perhaps the most popular among them is the problem of similarities and differences between spouses in terms of personal characteristics, as well as role and value orientations. The overwhelming majority of the results clearly demonstrate the importance of the principle of similarity for the success of a marriage in terms of global personal characteristics or, as most authors put it, in terms of personality types. Such data were obtained in the work of A.I. Auchustinavichiute, who studied married couples on the basis of Jung's typology, in a survey of married couples conducted by T.V. Galkina and D.V. Olshansky. Using Eysenck's test and a number of other techniques, they showed that in happy families, opposite personality characteristics of spouses are smoothed out.
A large block of works is devoted to the problem of the relationship between the similarities of attitudes, and especially attitudes of spouses in the field of family roles, and satisfaction with marriage. A significant contribution to the development of this problem was made by I.N. Obozov and A.N. Obozova (Volkova). The data obtained on the basis of the methods developed and adapted by them indicate that the discrepancy between the opinions of spouses about the functions of the family, the nature of the distribution and the fulfillment of the main family roles leads to disorganization of the family, and subsequently to its disintegration. They also showed that not only the real coincidence of the spouses' opinions on these issues affects their compatibility, but also the perceived similarity of their own opinions with the opinion of another has a positive effect on the success of the marriage. Similar results were obtained in a number of other works. So, in the study of V.V. Matina and N.F. Fedotova found that marital satisfaction is closely correlated with such indicators as:
1) the similarity of the role expectations of the husband and wife;
2) role correspondence between husband and wife;
3) the level of understanding of the role expectations of the other by each of the spouses.
A number of studies have demonstrated the influence of the characteristics of family communication on marriage satisfaction. So, in the works of Novikova E.V., Sikorova V.I., Oshchepkova L.P. it is shown that successful communication in the family ensures a good climate in it, promotes the development of strong emotional ties within the family, and has a positive effect on the process of raising children. Communication disorders lead to serious conflicts in the relationship of spouses, contribute to the formation of such negative social phenomena as alcoholism and adolescent illegal behavior.
Marriage satisfaction is also closely related to how spouses behave in various life situations. For example, the study of L.S. Shilova demonstrates a close relationship between the nature of the spouses' leisure time and satisfaction with the marriage. Satisfied spouses spend much more time together during their vacation than dissatisfied spouses. An important indicator good family relations are also the presence of mutual friends, dissatisfied spouses most often have each of their own social circle.
Other scholars have looked at marital satisfaction in terms of needs. V.P. Levkovich and O.E. Zus'kova note that satisfaction with marital relationships is determined by the satisfaction in marriage of a number of basic needs (communication, cognition, protection of the self-concept, mutual understanding, etc.). These needs are not identical in spouses, but rather contradictory. V.A. Sysenko notes that the emotional and psychological stability of marriage depends on the degree of satisfaction of the needs for mutual understanding, psychological support, mutual assistance, respect for self-esteem, in a sense of self-importance and significance. Marriage is stable if the relationship is positively charged. In the relationship of spouses, a situation may arise when one of them becomes an obstacle to meeting any needs of the other. Another more difficult side of satisfaction with marriage life, according to V.A. Sysenko, is a person's dissatisfaction with himself.
A number of authors use the principle of similarity, agreement in the interpersonal relations of spouses for various parameters to determine satisfaction with marriage. So, G.I. Lucky calculated satisfaction with marital relationships based on the level of satisfaction with intimate life, the quality of fulfillment of family roles and responsibilities, and also on the basis of the degree of agreement on major family problems. M. Argyll found three ways to measure the degree of satisfaction with marriage: material (tangible) help, emotional support and community of interests.
Important and interesting is the fact, mentioned by some researchers, that satisfaction with marriage itself is primarily a phenomenon of interpersonal perception. Using the scheme of studying social perception proposed by G.M. Andreeva, it can be said that satisfaction with marriage is a characteristic of the perception by members of the group of the effectiveness of the functioning of their group.
T.V. Zaitseva summarizing a number of works, identifies four groups of factors that influence the satisfaction of spouses with their relationships.
Social factors acting at the level of society: urbanization, migration, industrialization, emancipation of women, instability of social systems, a decrease in the level of material and economic living conditions, a decline in the social prestige of the family, aggravation of interethnic relations.
Socio-economic, demographic factors acting at the family level: education, social status, labor stability, having their own home, material well-being, marital experience, having children, religiosity, comfortable living conditions, parents living together or living separately.
Socio-psychological factors acting at the family level: the influence of the spouses' perception of their parental families, common views, values, interests of partners, role-playing adequacy of spouses, coincidence of reproductive attitudes, harmony of sexual relations, adequate distribution of family responsibilities, coincidence of attitudes in raising children; relationships with parents and relatives, joint leisure activities, assessment of the spouse's friends, attitude to marital fidelity, respect for the personality of the spouse, psychological support, the ability to take into account each other's interests.
Factors associated with the personality traits of partners: social experience, good breeding, independence, tolerance, personal responsibility for the fate of the family, empathy, attentiveness, constructive communication skills, the level of ethnic self-awareness, social activity, moral maturity, preparedness for marriage, alcohol consumption.
Lewis and Gr. Spanier, after analyzing about three hundred works, created a similar model containing factors that influence the quality of marriage. They formulated 40 statements, which were categorized into 14 subgroups, which, in turn, were combined into three main groups, called:
1) "Premarital factors" affecting the quality of marriage;
2) "Social and economic factors" affecting the quality of marriage;
3) "Personal and intra-spousal factors" affecting the quality of marriage. It seemed important for our work that the subgroup "Features of the parent model" was selected by them. It included such characteristics that are positively related to the quality of marriage, such as well-being in the parental family, an assessment of one's own childhood as happy, a good relationship with parents.
However, R. A. Lewis and Gr. Spanier, who are currently the most respected experts in this field abroad, note that one of the most important tasks of the future is to create more perfect theoretical models of marriage quality. They associate the solution to this main problem with intensive work in the following areas:
A clearer definition of the concepts of marital satisfaction, spousal compatibility, marriage success, etc.
Taking into account in studies the fact that as this variable we have not a real indicator, but an indicator of the spouses' perception of their own marriage.
More intensive examination of families where spouses are not satisfied with their marriage, but at the same time remain together.
Significant changes in social and socio-economic life, characteristic of our century, have led to the fact that family problems, judging by the numerous works and speeches, have become extremely important for sociologists, demographers, representatives of various spheres of social life and science. The manifestations of the so-called "family crisis" in all developed countries of the world have become noticeable in a wide variety of areas - a decrease in fertility, an increase in the number of divorces, an increase in child crime, an increase in the number of mental illnesses and much more. Naturally, the emancipation of women, an increase in the number of working women, an increase in the welfare and level of education of the population, caused serious changes in the field of family and marriage relations, which were mainly expressed in the fact that the main knot that holds the family together was not laws, customs or economic necessity, but the nature of the relationship between the spouses themselves, their satisfaction with each other and their marriage. In other words: "... marriage and family life began to acquire a more personal character. The role of external factors in ensuring the stability of marriage has decreased and, accordingly, the importance of its" internal content "has increased.
All this means that an important means of family stabilization today is the improvement of relations between spouses, increasing their satisfaction with their own marriage.
Chapter 2. Results of empirical research.
2.1 Characteristics of the research base
The total sample in the empirical study consisted of 30 married couples, aged 18-34, residents of Tomsk. Among them are representatives of various fields of activity, from housewives, students to entrepreneurs. All married couples are married from one to three years. The sample was conventionally divided into three groups. The first group includes couples living in a "civil marriage", the second group - men and women who are officially married, and the third group, respectively, are couples who are officially married and have children.
See table 1
Table 1 Study sample
| Pair # | Brac form. Relationship |
Name | Age | Family life | Main genus d-ty | ||||
| 1 | Civil | Anastasia | 21 | 2,8 | student | ||||
| Marriage | Nikolay | 28 | bank clerk | ||||||
| 2 | Civil | Catherine | 21 | 2,9 | student | ||||
| Marriage | Kirill | 23 | student, freight forwarder | ||||||
| 3 | Civil | Alyona | 21 | 2,5 | student | ||||
| Marriage | Ilya | 24 | design engineer | ||||||
| 4 | Civil | Daria | 24 | 1,5 | office manager | ||||
| Marriage | Dmitriy | 26 | manager | ||||||
| 5 | Civil | Catherine | 21 | 1 | student, laboratory assistant | ||||
| Marriage | Sergei | 23 | driver | ||||||
| 6 | Civil | Maria | 21 | 3 | student | ||||
| Marriage | Alexander | 24 | civil engineer | ||||||
| 7 | Civil | Catherine | 25 | 1,5 | Nanny | ||||
| Marriage | Michael | 29 | designer | ||||||
| 8 | Civil | Lily | 22 | 2,2 | secretary | ||||
| Marriage | Stanislav | 24 | bartender | ||||||
| 9 | Civil | Irina | 26 | 1 | Cashier | ||||
| Marriage | Dmitriy | 27 | bank clerk | ||||||
| 10 | Civil | Olga | 23 | 1,2 | student | ||||
| Marriage | Alexei | 30 | builder | ||||||
| 11 | Official | Diana | 19 | 1,5 | student | ||||
| Marriage | Vladimir | 25 | defectoscopist | ||||||
| 12 | Official | Yulia | 27 | 3 | designer | ||||
| Marriage | Egor | 28 | head of department | ||||||
| 13 | Official | Hope | 22 | 1,8 | student | ||||
| Marriage | Novel | 25 | state clerk | ||||||
| 14 | Official | Nina | 26 | 1,5 | municipal. clerk | ||||
| Marriage | Alexei | 32 | furniture designer | ||||||
| 15 | Official | Olga | 27 | 2,6 | programmer | ||||
| Marriage | Dmitriy | 29 | programmer | ||||||
| 16 | Official | Svetlana | 22 | 1 | student | ||||
| Marriage | Vyacheslav | 34 | entrepreneur | ||||||
| 17 | Official | Maria | 22 | 1,3 | student | ||||
| Marriage | Stepan | 27 | engineer | ||||||
| 18 | Official | Maria | 18 | 1 | student | ||||
| Marriage | Alexei | 25 | entrepreneur | ||||||
| 19 | Official | Mayan | 20 | 1,5 | student | ||||
| Marriage | Sergei | 29 | builder | ||||||
| 20 | Official | Elena | 22 | 1 | a housewife | ||||
| Marriage, 1 child | Vladislav | 26 | geological engineer | ||||||
| 21 | Official | Svetlana | 27 | 1,6 | seller | ||||
| Marriage, 2 children | Yuri | 28 | manager | ||||||
| 22 | Official | Valentine | 24 | 1 | a housewife | ||||
| Marriage, 1 child | Igor | 26 | gas engineer | ||||||
| 23 | Official | Elena | 21 | 2,5 | a housewife | ||||
| Marriage, 1 child | Alexander | 24 | bargain. representative | ||||||
| Pair # | Brac form. Relationship | Name | Age | Family life | Main genus d-ty |
| 24 | Official | Karina | 27 | 3 | choreographer |
| Marriage, 2 children | Maxim | 27 | hydrologist | ||
| 25 | Official | Ksenia | 23 | 2,4 | credit. Specialist |
| Marriage, 1 child | Vasiliy | 26 | policeman | ||
| 26 | Official | Evgeniya | 22 | 1 | a housewife |
| Marriage, 1 child | Vasiliy | 26 | programmer | ||
| 27 | Official | Larissa | 24 | 2,5 | a housewife |
| Marriage, 1 child | Peter | 26 | entrepreneur | ||
| 28 | Official | Anastasia | 22 | 1,9 | a housewife |
| Marriage, 1 child | Michael | 23 | Geologist | ||
| 29 | Official | Elena | 24 | 3 | seller |
| Marriage, 1 child | Sergei | 25 | bank clerk | ||
| 30 | Official | Evgeniya | 27 | 2,4 | a housewife |
| Marriage, 1 child | Konstantin | 28 | Artist |
2.2 Characteristics of the procedure and research methods
To study the image of the parent and family, satisfaction with marriage, a block of diagnostic techniques was used:
1. Methodology Scale Family Environment (SHSO), adapted by S.Yu. Kupriyanov (1985). It is based on the original FamilyEnvironmentScale methodology ( FES ), proposed by K.N. Moose (1974). The family environment scale is designed to assess the social climate in families of all types. The SSS focuses on measuring and describing: A) relations between family members (indicators of relationships), B) areas of personal growth that are emphasized in the family (indicators of personal growth), C) the main organizational structure of the family (indicators that govern the family system) ... SSO includes ten scales, each of which is represented by nine items related to the characteristics of the family environment. With the help of this methodology, the ideas of men and women about their image of the parent and their family were studied.
2. Methodology "Value orientations" M. Rokich (1978). The methodology is aimed at studying the value-motivational sphere of a person and is based on direct ranking of the list of values. M. Rokich distinguishes two classes of values:
Terminal - the belief that the ultimate goal of individual existence is worth striving for. The stimulus material is presented in a set of 18 values.
Instrumental - beliefs that a certain course of action or personality trait is preferable in any situation. The incentive material is also represented by a set of 18 values.
This division corresponds to the traditional division into values \u200b\u200b- goals and values \u200b\u200b- means. With the help of this technique, the ideas of men and women about the value-motivational sphere of the parental and their family were studied.
3. Test - Marriage Satisfaction Questionnaire (MAR), developed by V.V. Stolin, T.L. Romanova, G.P. Butenko. The test is designed to diagnose the degree of satisfaction-dissatisfaction with the marriage of both spouses. The questionnaire is a one-dimensional scale consisting of 24 statements related to various areas: perception of oneself and a partner, opinions, assessments, attitudes, etc.
The processing of the results was carried out using mathematical and statistical methods: comparative analysis according to the Mann-Whitney U-test, correlation analysis according to Spearman and analysis of variance. Research data processing was carried out using the "STATISTICA" package.
The reliability of the results and conclusions of the study was ensured by the use of a complex of psychodiagnostic techniques validated and tested in Russian psychology, a meaningful analysis of the data obtained, revealed in a fairly representative sample of subjects, and the use of adequate methods of mathematical statistics for data processing.
2.3 Presentation and analysis of research results
2.3.1 Research
Comparative analysis of indicators of methods "Scale of the Family Environment" S.Yu. Kupriyanov and "Value orientations" by M. Rokich made it possible to reveal the following significant differences between the first and second groups.
So, the first group is characterized by a significant predominance of such an indicator as organization (P\u003e 0.05) in the image of the parental family. This means that order and organization were more important in their parental family in terms of structuring family activities, financial planning, clarity and certainty of family rules and responsibilities, rather than for the second group. Also, in comparison with the second group, in their image of the parental family, such values \u200b\u200bas love (spiritual and physical closeness with a loved one) (P\u003e 0.04), cheerfulness (sense of humor) (P\u003e 0.00), self-control (restraint , self-discipline) (P\u003e 0.02). And in the image of their family, men and women pay special attention to such values \u200b\u200bas responsibility (a sense of duty, the ability to keep their word) (P\u003e 0.01). There is also continuity in relation to the indicator as "strong will" (P\u003e 0.00), i.e. both in the parental family and in the family, importance is attached to the ability to insist on one's own, not to give up in the face of difficulties.
Whereas the second group is characterized by a significant predominance in the image of the parental family of such values \u200b\u200bas diligence (discipline) (P\u003e 0.02), efficiency in business (diligence, productivity at work) (P\u003e 0.04). There is also continuity in relation to the indicator as "conflict" (P\u003e 0.02), i.e. both in the parental family and in the family, importance is attached to the open expression of anger, aggression and conflict relationships. Continuing to consider the image of their family in the second group, we can say that they attach more importance to such values \u200b\u200bas education (breadth of knowledge, high general culture) (P\u003e 0.02) than the first group.
For the second group, it is characteristic that in their image of the parental family, such indicators as independence (P\u003e 0.00) and organization (P\u003e 0.00) prevail. The importance of such an indicator as organization means that order and organization were important for their parental family in terms of structuring family activities, financial planning, clarity and certainty of family rules and responsibilities. High scores on the independence indicator indicate that in the parental family of the second group, independence in thinking about problems and solutions is encouraged. According to the results obtained using the method of M. Rokeach, in the image of the parental family for the second group, such value as the beauty of nature and art (the experience of beauty in nature and in art) (P\u003e 0.00) is more significant than for the third group. And in the ideas about their family, the second group is characterized by the predominance of such indicators as interesting job (P\u003e 0.00), productive life (the fullest use of one's capabilities, strengths and abilities) (P\u003e 0.01); creativity (the possibility of creative activity) (P\u003e 0.01). There is also continuity in relation to the indicators "strong will" (P\u003e 0.00), "active active life" (P\u003e 0.00), i.e. both in the parental family and in their own family, the second group attaches importance to the ability to insist on one's own, not to give up in the face of difficulties; a sense of fullness and emotional richness of life.
Comparative analysis showed that the third group is characterized by a significant predominance in the image of the parental family of such values \u200b\u200bas self-confidence (inner harmony, freedom from internal contradictions, doubts) (P\u003e 0.05) than for the second group. And in the image of their family, men and women, the third group, pay special attention to such values \u200b\u200bas having good and loyal friends (P\u003e 0.00); public recognition (respect of others, team, workmates) (P\u003e 0.00); good manners (good manners) (P\u003e 0.00). There is also continuity in relation to such indicators as: health (physical and mental) (P\u003e 0.00), accuracy (cleanliness) (P\u003e 0.00), tolerance (to the views and opinions of others, the ability to forgive others for their mistakes and delusions ) (P\u003e 0.01), i.e. both in the parental family and in their own family, the third group attaches importance to these values.
Let's move on to the results of the study regarding significant differences between the first and third groups of respondents.
Thus, the first group is characterized by a significant predominance in the image of their parental family of such indicators as "conflict" (P\u003e 0.03) and "independence" (P\u003e 0.00). The significance of such an indicator as conflict means that they more openly express anger, aggression and conflict relationships. High scores for independence indicate that the family is encouraged to be independent in thinking about problems and solutions. With the help of the method of M. Rokich, significant differences were obtained, which indicate that in the image of the parental family for the first group, values \u200b\u200bsuch as independence (the ability to act independently, decisively) (P\u003e 0.00) are more significant; irreconcilability to shortcomings in oneself and others (P\u003e 0.01); honesty (truthfulness, sincerity) (P\u003e 0.04) than for the third group. Continuing to compare the first and third groups, we found out that in the ideas about one's family, the first, in turn, is characterized by the predominance of such indicators as interesting work (P\u003e 0.01), productive life (the fullest possible use of one's capabilities, strengths and abilities) (P\u003e 0.00); creativity (the possibility of creative activity) (P\u003e 0.00); high demands (high demands on life and high aspirations) (P\u003e 0.04). There is also continuity in relation to the indicator active active life (fullness and emotional saturation of life) (P\u003e 0.00), i.e. both in the parental family and in their own family, the first group attaches importance to the fullness and emotional richness of life.
Whereas people of the third group in the image of their family are dominated by such values \u200b\u200bas: public vocation (respect for others, team, workmates) (P\u003e 0.00); the happiness of others (well-being, development and improvement of other people, the entire nation, humanity as a whole) (P\u003e 0.04); good manners (good manners) (P\u003e 0.00). There is also continuity in terms of indicators: health (physical and mental) (P\u003e 0.00), love (spiritual and physical intimacy with a loved one) (P\u003e 0.05), i.e. both in the parental family and in their own family, the third group attaches importance to these values.
In general, summarizing the results obtained, the following conclusions can be drawn. Comparing the sample, we got the following results, the first group is characterized by the prevalence of such an indicator as "strong will", the ability to insist on one's own, not to retreat in front of difficulties. Probably, this result may be due to the fact that in our time many still do not approve of this form of relationship, and in order to cope with such attacks, men and women in actual marriage must have a "strong will." However, for the respondents of the second group, more significant is "active active life", a feeling of fullness and emotional richness of life; interesting job. This is probably due to the fact that they have just got married, they do not yet have children, and they direct their efforts to the realization of their abilities. So, for the respondents of the third group, in comparison with the first and second groups, health (physical and mental) is most significant. We assume that this may be due to the appearance of a child in the family, which requires close attention to the health of both your own and your child. It seemed interesting to us that there is a continuity in relation to these indicators between the parental and the real family. This is a kind of broadcast, the transfer of the current family situation to your ideas.
2.3.2 Investigation of the peculiarities of representations of the family image and values \u200b\u200bin the parental and their families of men and women with different forms of marriage
As a result of the correlation analysis, the influence of the form of marriage on the ideas of men and women about the image of the family and the value-motivational sphere was determined.
Let's move on to the analysis and interpretation of the results obtained using the methodology "Family Environment Scale" S.Yu. Kupriyanov. So, with respect to the first group of respondents, it was found that there is continuity in the parental and their family in terms of indicators - expressiveness (r \u003d 0.55) and moral and ethical aspects (r \u003d 0.57), i.e. spouses, transferred from the parental family to their degree of openness to express their feelings in the family and respect for ethical and moral values \u200b\u200band positions.
However, there is no continuity in the second group. Next, we will try to analyze the reasons for this result.
Further, it was found that in the parental and their family of the third group there is continuity in terms of indicators - expressiveness (open expression of their feelings in the family) (r \u003d 0.71), conflict (open expression of anger, aggression and conflict relationships) (r \u003d 0, 50), achievement orientation (characterized by encouraging the character of achievement and competition different types activity) (r \u003d 0.76), intellectual and cultural orientation (activity of family members in social, intellectual, cultural and political spheres of activity) (r \u003d 0.53), orientation to active rest (active participation in various types of recreation and sports ) (r \u003d 0.53), organization (order and organization in terms of structuring family activities, financial planning, clarity and certainty of family rules and responsibilities) (r \u003d 0.50).
So, with respect to the first group, it was found that there is continuity in the parental and their family in terms of indicators - love (spiritual and physical intimacy with a loved one) (r \u003d 0.68); freedom (independence, independence in judging actions) (r \u003d 0.45); happy family life (r \u003d 0.45); creativity (the possibility of creative activity) (r \u003d 0.54); accuracy (cleanliness, ability to keep things in order, order in affairs) (r \u003d 0.64); irreconcilability to shortcomings in oneself and others (r \u003d 0.49); education (breadth of knowledge, high general culture) (r \u003d 0.44); rationalism (the ability to think sensibly and logically, to make deliberate, rational decisions) (r \u003d 0.46); breadth of views (the ability to understand someone else's point of view, respect other tastes, customs, habits) (r \u003d 0.50); honesty (truthfulness, sincerity) (r \u003d 0.59); sensitivity (caring) (r \u003d 0.78).
Considering the second group, it was also found that there is continuity in terms of indicators in the parental and their family - active active life (fullness and emotional richness of life) (r \u003d 0.48); health (physical and mental) (r \u003d 0.50); happy family life (r \u003d 0.51); irreconcilability to shortcomings in oneself and others (r \u003d 0.55); breadth of views (the ability to understand someone else's point of view, respect other tastes, customs, habits) (r \u003d 0.51).
Further, it was found that in the parental and their family of the third group there is continuity in terms of indicators - life wisdom (maturity of judgments and common sense achieved by life experience) (r \u003d 0.44), health (physical and mental) (r \u003d 0.52 ), interesting work (r \u003d 0.71), social vocation (respect of others, team, workmates) (r \u003d 0.51), cognition (the possibility of expanding one's education, horizons, general culture, intellectual development) (r \u003d 0.45), development (work on oneself, constant physical and spiritual improvement) (r \u003d 0.44), happiness of others (well-being, development and improvement of other people, the entire nation, humanity as a whole) (r \u003d 0.59) , creativity (the possibility of creative activity) (r \u003d 0.82) and self-confidence (inner harmony, freedom from internal contradictions, doubts) (r \u003d 0.55); accuracy (cleanliness, ability to keep things in order, order in affairs) (r \u003d 0.60); good manners (good manners); (r \u003d 0.75); cheerfulness (sense of humor) (r \u003d 0.62); independence (the ability to act independently, decisively) (r \u003d 0.72); responsibility (sense of duty, ability to keep one's word) (r \u003d 0.92); tolerance (to the views and opinions of others, the ability to forgive others for their mistakes and delusions) (r \u003d 0.46); efficiency in business (hard work, productivity at work) (r \u003d 0.47); sensitivity (caring) (r \u003d 0.80).
Thus, it turns out that the spouses transfer their past experience, their perception of the past, from the parental family to the real family. This percentage of past experiences carried over differs in different types of families. So for men and women in actual marriage, it is 28%, for spouses who are officially married, it is 10%, married couples with one or two children 50%. Consequently, for these people, and as a result of our research, these are men and women of the first and third experimental groups, it is also characteristic to build relationships in the image of the parental family. Let's try to analyze the results. Unfortunately, due to the impossibility of conducting a longitudinal study, we can only speculate why this happens in this way. Probably, it is the new situation that brings such changes. So for the first group, the new situation is actual marriage, i.e. they have no experience of family life, while in the second group this experience already prevails in almost everyone. For the third group, the appearance of a child appears as a new experience. Respondents faced with a new situation are more guided by the experience of the parental family, which, in turn, has already been tested, thereby gaining a kind of support. While for the respondents of the second group, formalizing relations is not a problematic situation, they no longer rely on the experience gained in the parental family, but bring something of their own. We believe that the formation of representations can be based on two mechanisms - translation and compensation. Broadcast means the transfer of the current family situation to one's own ideas, and compensation means the introduction of missing aspects of family life in order to build a more successful family.
Thus, it was found that men and women of the first group transfer the values \u200b\u200b"love" (r \u003d 0.68) and "happy family life" (r \u003d 0.45) from the parental family to the real one. In addition, such a value as a happy family life becomes significant for spouses, if the parental family did not attach importance to interesting work (r \u003d - 0.61).
Further, it was found that in the second group the value of "love" is influenced by the following: if the presence of good and faithful friends was important in the parental family (r \u003d 0.51), then in their family the spouses attached importance to love. The happy family life of the spouses, as well as in the first group, is transferred from the parental family to the real one. However, in her family it is valuable when in the parental family the importance of love was attached (r \u003d 0.69); self-confidence (inner harmony, freedom from internal contradictions, doubts) (r \u003d 0.49) and did not attach importance to the beauty of nature and art (the experience of beauty in nature and art) (r \u003d - 0.47) and productive life ( r \u003d - 0.53).
And in the third group, the value of "love" is influenced by the following: if a materially secure life (absence of material difficulties) (r \u003d 0.68), development (work on oneself, constant physical and spiritual improvement) (r \u003d 0.87), freedom (independence, independence in judgments and actions) (r \u003d 0.62) and no importance was attached to active active life (fullness and emotional richness of life) (r \u003d 0, -47), then in their family spouses attached importance to love. The happy family life of the spouses, as well as in the other two groups, is transferred from the parental family to their own. However, it is valuable when the parental family attached importance to health (physical and mental) (r \u003d 0.65), productive life (the fullest use of one's capabilities, strengths and abilities) (r \u003d 0.63) and did not attach importance to the beauty of nature and art (experience of beauty in nature and art) (r \u003d 0, -53).
2.2.3 Investigation of the perceptions of the image of their family among men and women with different forms of marriage
In order to determine the level of significance of certain values \u200b\u200bfor each spouse, as well as to determine the degree of consistency / inconsistency in the image of their family between spouses, depending on the type of family relationship, we used an analysis of variance. Which, in turn, determined the influence of gender factors and the form of marriage on the idea of \u200b\u200bthe image of his family. So, let us turn to the results obtained using the methodology "Family Environment Scale" S.Yu. Kupriyanov.
Considering the features of family images in the first group, the average value was calculated and it was found that for the "strong half", great importance is manifested in the care of family members for each other, helping each other, the expression of a sense of belonging to the family (6.6 versus 5.5) , as well as in the activity of social, intellectual, cultural and political spheres of activity (5.5 versus 3.7). For the rest of the indicators, there is a similarity in the views of men and women.
It seemed interesting that in the second and third groups according to the indicators of the methodology "Scale of family environment" there is a consistent image of their family between spouses.
Considering the features of family images in the first group, the average value was calculated and it was found that for women such terminal values \u200b\u200bas are more important: love (spiritual and physical closeness with a loved one) (5.0 versus 3.1); entertainment (pleasant, not burdensome pastime, lack of responsibilities) (11.9 versus 9.0); happy family life (4.4 versus 2.7) than for men. For men, the following values \u200b\u200bare more significant: life wisdom (maturity of judgment and common sense achieved by life experience) (12.8 versus 9.6); freedom (independence, independence in judgments and actions) (14.2 versus 11.7). In other values, there is a similarity in the representations of men and women.
Let's move on to the results for the second group. So it was found that women attach importance to such values \u200b\u200bas love (spiritual and physical closeness with a loved one) (3.7 versus 1.6); materially secure life (no material difficulties) (9.2 versus 4.1); cognition (the possibility of expanding one's education, horizons, general culture, intellectual development) (13.9 versus 10.4); happy family life (5.5 versus 2.5); self-confidence (inner harmony, freedom from internal contradictions, doubts) (13.1 versus 8.9) than men. Whereas for men the following values \u200b\u200bare more significant: active active life (fullness and emotional richness of life) (7.2 versus 5.2); interesting work (7.3 versus 4.7); beauty of nature and art (experience of beauty in nature and in art); (16.9 versus 13.2) having good and faithful friends (10.0 versus 8.0); development (work on oneself, constant physical and spiritual improvement) (12.8 versus 10.5); the happiness of others (the well-being, development and improvement of other people, the entire nation, humanity in general) (16.4 versus 11.4).
Considering the peculiarities of family images in the third group, the average value was calculated and it was found that for the "strong half" great significance is manifested in the following values: materially secured life (no material difficulties) (6.0 versus 3.7); development (work on oneself, constant physical and spiritual improvement) (14.0 versus 12.1); freedom (independence, independence in judgments and actions) (12.4 versus 9.6) than for women. And in turn, the "weak half" attaches importance to the happiness of others (the well-being, development and improvement of other people, the entire nation, humanity as a whole) (15.9 versus 13.6).
Next, let's move on to the next stage of the study; let us turn to the results typical for the first group. So for women, such instrumental values \u200b\u200bare more significant: open-mindedness (the ability to understand someone else's point of view, respect other tastes, customs, habits) (13.0 versus 9.8); sensitivity (caring) (9.4 versus 5.0). Whereas for men the following values \u200b\u200bare more important: good manners (9.9 versus 6.5); rationalism (the ability to think soundly and logically, make deliberate, rational decisions) (10.1 versus 6.3).
For women of the second group, the following instrumental values \u200b\u200bare more significant: good breeding (good manners) (9.8 versus 7.7); education (breadth of knowledge, high general culture) (11.2 versus 9.1); rationalism (the ability to think sensibly and logically, to make deliberate, rational decisions) (9.7 versus 6.8); honesty (truthfulness, sincerity) (7.8 versus 4.8). Whereas for men the following values \u200b\u200bare more important: independence (the ability to act independently, decisively) (13.0 versus 7.3); intransigence to shortcomings in oneself and others (17.4 versus 11.3); self-control (restraint, self-discipline) (11.6 versus 8.8).
Considering the peculiarities of family images in the third group, the average value was calculated and it was found that for the "strong half" great importance is manifested in the following values: self-control (restraint, self-discipline) (12.5 versus 8.3); tolerance (to the views and opinions of others, the ability to forgive others for their mistakes and delusions) (8.7 versus 6.4). And, in turn, the "weak half" gives importance to cheerfulness (sense of humor) (6.6 versus 3.7); breadth of views (the ability to understand someone else's point of view, respect other tastes, customs, habits) (12.8 versus 9.3).
2.2.4 Research of changes in satisfaction with marriage in married couples
It is impossible to consider spousal relations in dynamics without taking into account the changes that occur with the qualitative characteristics of these relations. For this purpose, as well as to test one of our hypotheses, we analyzed changes in satisfaction with marriage in couples with different experiences of family life.
Thus, the next stage of processing the results in our study was to compare the level of satisfaction with marriage in married couples. The value of satisfaction with marriage of each of the 60 respondents we interviewed was obtained on the basis of a special test designed to measure this characteristic. In each of the three surveyed groups of spouses, the average value of satisfaction with marriage was calculated separately for men and for women.
Thus, it was found that in married couples of the first and second groups, satisfaction with marriage is higher than in the third group. Namely, satisfaction with marriage for women in the first group was 39.8, and for men - 40.5. In the second group, respectively, for women, satisfaction with their marriage is 40.8, and for men - 40.4. While women of the third group are satisfied with marriage only by 37.2, and men by 37.6. Thus, according to the questionnaire, the following is obtained: men and women of the first and second groups are absolutely satisfied with their marriage, while the spouses of the third group are only significantly satisfied with their marriage. The data obtained provide sufficient grounds for asserting that changes in marital satisfaction do exist. Namely, at the birth of a child, satisfaction with the marriage falls somewhat. This fact has also been noted in some studies. Let us try to analyze the reasons for the decrease in satisfaction in the third group. The appearance of a child in a family dramatically changes the way of life. So among the many factors that complicate this process, one can name: mental or somatic illness of parents; motivational, cognitive, behavioral unwillingness of the mother to fulfill the parental role; violations of intrafamily communication; the priority of others, for example, careeristic, sexual, values \u200b\u200bover parental ones; reduction of free time spent with spouses.
In order to better understand the reasons for the ongoing changes in relationships, we carried out a correlation analysis that allows us to establish the structure of the relationship between the value-semantic sphere and satisfaction with marriage by spouses with different experiences of family life.
Thus, we found that the following indicators influence satisfaction with marriage among people of the first group. Family members are satisfied with marriage when they attach importance to order and organization in terms of structuring family activities, financial planning, clarity and certainty of family rules and responsibilities (r \u003d 0.57); they have high demands and aspirations for life (r \u003d 0.53); they are disciplined (r \u003d 0.47) and irreconcilable to shortcomings in themselves and others (r \u003d 0.52). The inverse nature of the relationship indicates that if the respondents value such values \u200b\u200bas responsibility (r \u003d - 0.55), honesty (truthfulness, sincerity) (r \u003d - 0.74), having good and faithful friends (r \u003d - 0 46), then they are less satisfied in marriage.
Further, it was found that if the respondents of the second group are satisfied with their marriage, then they attach importance to moral and ethical aspects (r \u003d 0.58), creativity (opportunities for creative activity) (r \u003d 0.44) and rationalism (r \u003d 0.63 ). The inverse nature of the relationship indicates that if the respondents value such values \u200b\u200bas interesting work (r \u003d - 0.49), good manners (r \u003d - 0.52), tolerance (to the views and opinions of others, the ability to forgive to others their mistakes and delusions) (r \u003d - 0.45), open-mindedness (r \u003d - 0.49), then they are less satisfied in marriage.
Considering the third group, we can draw the following conclusion: if the respondents attach importance to such a value as efficiency in business (r \u003d -0.44), then they turn out to be less satisfied in marriage. However, different results in the study of satisfaction with marriage were provided by T.V. Andreeva and Shmotchenko Yu.A. They found that the higher the value of efficiency in business, the higher the satisfaction. Yet this can be explained by the difference in the sample. So, T.V. Andreeva and Shmotchenko Yu.A. studied men, and in our work we diagnosed married couples.
Conclusions from Chapter 2
The following conclusions can be drawn from the conducted empirical research:
The image of the parental family and the image of a real family are largely characterized by the same family structure. So from the parental family to the real one, the spouses transfer their past experience, their perception of the past into a real family. This percentage of past experiences carried over differs in different types of families. So for men and women in actual marriage, it is 28%, for spouses who are officially married, it is 10%, married couples with one or two children 50%. Consequently, for these people, and as a result of our research, these are men and women of the first and third experimental groups, it is also characteristic to build relationships in the image of the parental family.
There is a broadcast, the transfer of the current family situation from the parental family to their own image of a real family, by spouses with different experiences of family life. So for men and women in actual marriage, this actual indicator is "strong will", the ability to insist on one's own, not to give up in the face of difficulties. For spouses in an official marriage - "active active life", a feeling of fullness and emotional richness of life; interesting job. But married couples with one or two children attach great importance to "health" (physical and mental).
Spouses have both similar and different images of their family, in relation to some indicators. Thus, the agreement on certain indicators for men and women in actual marriage is 76%; not far from them have left married couples with one or two children - 65%, but for spouses who are officially married, it is 50%. A similar actual "family image" is a necessary condition for harmonious interaction in a couple.
The data obtained provide sufficient grounds to assert that there are still changes in satisfaction with marriage depending on the experience of family life. Thus, spouses in a de facto and official marriage are absolutely satisfied with their relationship. Whereas married couples with one or two children are already less satisfied with their marriage. Thus, it turns out that it is at the birth of a child that the satisfaction with marriage falls somewhat. It has also been found that marital satisfaction in families with different family experiences is influenced by different indicators.
A generalized analysis of the results of our entire study made it possible to conclude that the "family image" influences the parental position and behavior in the family already in the future of an adult.
List of used literature
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S. V. Kovalev emphasizes the importance of the formation of adequate marriage and family ideas of boys and girls.At present, young people's ideas about marriage have a number of negative characteristics: for example, at the age of 13-15 years there is a progressive separation and counterintroducing the concepts of love and marriage.Among student youth (according to the questionnaire survey “Your Ideal”), the importance of love in choosing a life partner was in fourth place after the qualities of “respect”, “trust”, “mutual understanding”. There is a clear "crowding out" of love in marriage against the background of its previous omnipotence. That is, young men and women can perceive the family as a hindrance to their feelings and only later, by painful trial and error, come to comprehend the moral and psychological value of marriage. The challenge is to develop an understanding of the value of the family among high school students and try to create a correct understanding of the relationship between love and marriage and the role of love as the basis of a long-term union.
The next thing that characterizes the marriage and family ideas of young people is their obvious consumer unrealism.So, according to V.I. Zatsepin, in the study of students, it turned out that the average desired spouse in its positive qualities surpassed the "average" real young man from the immediate environment of female students, similarly to young male students, the ideal spouse was presented as a woman who was not only better than real girls, but also surpassed them in intelligence, honesty, fun and hard work.
It is typical for young people divergence of qualities of the desired companionlife and prospective partner in everyday communication,out of the circle; which this satellite, in general, should be selected. Polls of sociologists have shown that personality traits that are considered significant for the ideal spouse are not decisive in real communication between boys and girls.
Our research (in 1998-2001) on the premarital preferences of university students and female students showed a largely similar picture.
BELARUSIAN STATE UNIVERSITY
FACULTY OF PHILOSOPHY AND SOCIAL SCIENCES
CHAIR OF PSYCHOLOGY
THE PRESENTATION OF MARRIAGE DURING YOUTH
COURSE WORK
2nd year students of the Department of Psychology
Mikhalevich Yanina Valerievna
Supervisor -
candidate of psychological sciences,
Associate Professor O. G. Ksenda
Minsk, 2013
TABLE OF CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION 3
CHAPTER 1. THE PRESENTATION OF MARRIAGE DURING YOUTH
1.1. Marriage concept 5
1.2. Young people's perception of marriage 10
1.2.1. Sources of Youth Ideas about Marriage 10
1.2.2. Youth perception of the external and psychological-personal side of marriage 14
1.2.3. Young people's perceptions of the age at which it is possible to marry, the relationship between the ages of boys and girls, and sexual relations before
marriage 20
1.2.4. Young people's perceptions of motives for marriage 21
CONCLUSION 24
LIST OF USED SOURCES 27
INTRODUCTION
This topic is very relevant and not only now, but also in the future. Marriage or family has always constituted and will form the basis of society. Because marriage itself is a micro society in which completely two different people learn to interact with each other, and at the closest level, they learn to organize their life, learn to love each other and discover this world in a new way. It is the family that is able to fully and naturally perform the basic functions of the physical and spiritual reproduction of society, that is, reproductive and educational functions.
The institution of marriage is very unique, because, on the one hand, it is individual, and on the other hand, it is social. You cannot create a marriage and at the same time be isolated from society. Indeed, it is in marriage that a person receives such necessary psychological and material resources as support, love, acceptance, respect, stability, prosperity for normal functioning in society. Whether a person feels loved, happy, and meaningful in marriage will determine their behavior and performance in society. It follows from this that there is a direct relationship between well-being in society and well-being in marriage. That is why it is so important to pay attention to what ideas young people have in order to be able to correct them, to help create a good and happy family. Because recently there have been negative tendencies in marriage and family relations among young people. The fact that it is the institution of marriage that is undergoing a rather strong decline as a value, and in particular among young people, is of interest to many researchers in various cities and countries.
Indeed, why does something that is so essential for a person suddenly lose its significance and value? Why is there such a strong trend towards divorce and single parenting? The answers to these and many other questions are found in the ideas of young people about marriage. They begin to form from childhood, and we will also touch on the sources of these ideas. The way young people see their own family in the future, themselves in the role of a spouse, largely determines the success or failure of building it.
The problem of marriage affects not only the socio-psychological aspect of the individual, but also the demographic situation of the country. From the analysis of various sources, three of the most basic problematic trends that affect the demographic crisis in countries, in particular Russia, can be identified. The first is when children are born and later live in an incomplete family, if the parents get divorced, and this tendency has become very frequent. The second is when an abortion is done, especially among young girls with unwanted pregnancies, which is also very common. The third, when the couple does not want to have a child at all, or only one or, in extreme cases, two. All three of these most striking trends are reflected in the demographic situation of the country and the health of the nation.
Passing from the institution of marriage directly to young people, I would like to note that “adolescence is a period of life and professional self-determination of a person. This period of a person's life is characterized by the active formation of personality, the emergence and development of significant psychological neoplasms involved in all manifestations of the cognitive and emotional attitude to the world - in assessing reality and the people around them, in predicting their individual and social activity, in planning the future and self-realization, in the formation of their own ideas about the world and about himself. " It follows from this that the way young people assess themselves, other people, their future and shape their worldview, affects the development of their relationship in marriage with another person.
The development of marital and family ideas of boys and girls includes the formation of adequate ideas about the relationship between love and marriage, overcoming consumer trends in relation to family and life partner, fostering realism and integrity in the perception of oneself and others.
When addressing young people, I want to find out what their ideas about marriage are, what prompts them to marry, what or who shapes their ideas about this union, as well as the differences in ideas between boys and girls. All this is reflected in the object, subject, goals and objectives set in this work.
Object: the concept of marriage
Subject: youth perception of marriage
Purpose: to characterize the concept of marriage during youth
Tasks:
- Define the concept of marriage
Describe the sources on the basis of which ideas about marriage during youth are formed
Highlight gender characteristics of perceptions of different sides marriage
Identify the motives of marriage among boys and girls
Chapter 1
the idea of \u200b\u200bmarriage during youth
1.1 Concept of marriage
The family is based on marital relations, in which both the natural and social nature of a person is manifested, both the material (social being) and spiritual (social consciousness) spheres of social life. Society is interested in the sustainability of marital relations, therefore, it exercises external social control over the optimal functioning of marriage with the help of the system of public opinion, means of social influence on the individual, and the process of education.
A. G. Kharchev defines marriage as “a historically changing social form of relations between husband and wife, through which society regulates and sanctions their sexual life and sees their marital and parental rights and responsibilities”, and the family “as an institutionalized community formed on the basis of marriage and the legal and moral responsibility of spouses generated by it for the health of children and their upbringing ”.
In the definition of A.G. Kharchev, the key points for the concept of the essence of marriage are the ideas about the variability of the forms of marriage, its social representation, and the role of society in its ordering and authorization, and legal regulation.
The institution of marriage has gone through many stages in historical, social and psychological contexts. Since marriage is a form of legalizing sexual relations and taking on obligations to a spouse and society, the roles and obligations between spouses were distributed ambiguously, depending on how society established them. At the moment, there is a kind of struggle in society between the patriarchal form of the family, where the man dominates, and the egalitarian form, where man and woman are equal in obligations, social roles, in the organization of life and work capacity.
The egalitarian form of relations is typical for Western society, patriarchal for Russian, but at the moment, due to the active influence of foreign values, opinions and ideas, in particular among young people, are changing from patriarchal to egalitarian. Today's young people are a new generation that faces a choice: to create marital relationships on the model of parents, where the father often dominated, or on a partnership, where male and female roles and responsibilities are shared by the spouses themselves.
The separation of marriage as a structural unit took place in the historical aspect relatively recently as a result of serious socio-economic transformations of modern society, which formed the conditions for equal (social, legal, moral) men and women. Marriage is a personal interaction between husband and wife, governed by moral principles and supported by inherent values.
This definition emphasizes: the non-institutional nature of the relationship inherent in marriage, equality and symmetry of the moral duties and privileges of both spouses.
With regard to marital relations, A. G. Kharchev wrote: “The psychological aspect of marriage is a consequence of the fact that a person has the ability to understand, evaluate and emotionally experience both the phenomena of the world around him and his own needs. It includes both the thoughts and feelings of the spouses in relation to each other, and the objective expression of these thoughts and feelings in actions and actions. " Psychological relationships in marriage are objective in their form of manifestation, but subjective in their essence. Thus, the dialectical relationship between the objective and the subjective is fully manifested in the family sphere.
The psychological essence of marriage is the confirmation of the relationship in a couple, their inclusion and coordination with other relationships that the future spouses already support. This alignment is not always easy. Sometimes the future spouses are not ready for it, sometimes their inner circle may not approve or resist the marriage. Therefore, even in those cases when the task of choosing a marriage partner is solved, the couple may have serious difficulties.
It should be emphasized that the forms of marriage are diverse. In order to gain a deeper understanding of this problem, it is necessary to dwell on the profiles of marriage, types of marital relationships and their determinants.
The theory of dynamic matrimonial therapy mentions seven profiles of marriage, based on the reactions and behavior of the spouses in marriage.
Seiger proposed the following classification of behavior in marriage.
- Equal partner: expects equal rights and responsibilities.
Romantic partner: expects peace of mind, strong love, sentimental.
“Parental” partner: takes care of the other with pleasure, brings up him.
"Child" partner: brings spontaneity, spontaneity and joy to the marriage, but at the same time gains power over the other through the manifestation of weakness and helplessness.
Rational partner: monitors the manifestation of emotions, accurately observes rights and obligations. Responsible, sober in assessments.
Friendly partner: wants to be a companion and is looking for the same companion. Does not pretend to romantic love and accepts the usual hardships of family life as inevitable.
Independent partner: Keeps a certain distance in marriage in relation to her partner.
In order to better understand the determinants and types of marital relations, the concept of “emotional dependence of partners on marriage” has been introduced into practice. Depending on the magnitude of the differences between partners, the marriage can be assessed as asymmetric or symmetrical, and when the degree of dependence is taken into account, it can be assessed as favorable, doomed to failure or disastrous. Dependency for each partner is determined by the consequences that divorce will entail. One of the essential elements of this dependence is the attractiveness of the partner. For women, this is beauty, charm, typically feminine behavior, languor, tenderness, for a man - intelligence, charm, wit, sociability, masculinity, public recognition and only partially beauty. If the dependence is moderate, adequate, then the marriage profile is assessed as favorable; if one partner is overly dependent, then the marriage is classified as “doomed to failure”, and in case of bilateral dependence, it is classified as “disastrous”.
To date, various forms of marriage and family relations have developed, the most common of which are as follows:
- Marriage and family relations based on an honest contractual system.
- Marriage and family relations based on a dishonest contract.
- Marriage and family relations under duress.
- Marriage and family relations as a ritual fulfillment of social and normative attitudes.
- Marriage and family relations, consecrated love.
In the history of mankind, many forms of organization of marriage relations between the sexes have changed, as a rule, corresponding to a certain level of socio-economic development of society. At the same time, not only are the forms of marriage themselves variable, but the view of marriage and family in modern society is undergoing dramatic changes.
In this aspect, it is still worth highlighting such forms of marriage as civil and legally registered. At the present stage, there is a strong tendency for young people to switch from a registered form of marriage to a civil one, where young people cohabit and do not formalize their relationship.
Statistics show that today many young people in our country prefer either not to formalize their family relations at all, or to live for some time without registering a marriage. It is believed that the most common reason for concluding a civil marriage is an attempt to rehearse family relations, where everyday compatibility is checked, which mutual love and sexual attraction do not yet guarantee. It is likely that everyday habits will be so different that it will be easier to part than to condemn yourself to family life. And in general, a civil marriage is desirable as a preparatory stage for an official marriage. The knowledge that you have the right to choose and at any time you can change your life gives a certain psychological independence and a sense of inner freedom. From research, it turned out that this point of view is held by a large number of young people. Moreover, it was not possible to identify any dependence on gender and area of \u200b\u200bresidence. Some students are allowed to enter into a civil marriage if there is no way to formalize their relationship legally. A small number of young people believe that this can be forced by ordinary material difficulties (for example: a common budget, it is easier to rent an apartment together, etc.).
However, unlike the opinion of the majority of students who are in a free marriage, that premarital cohabitation is the best form of recognizing a person in everyday life, adapting to each other, it has been scientifically proven that extrafamilial experience can make it difficult to move from focusing on one's own affairs to taking into account the needs and desires of other members. families, especially children. Cohabitation is not a system that successfully prepares future spouses for marriage, as lack of commitment in a non-family household can lead to their absence in marriage. At the same time, a number of studies prove that cohabitation is at a lower level of happiness than formalized unions.
Also, neither the man nor the woman is sure how long this marriage will last. And this is understandable: civil marriages are based on quick and passionate emotions, and therefore are short-lived. There are many difficulties in marriage, the husband and wife usually strive to overcome them: to live together for a long time, and the roommates have a chance to avoid difficulties - to leave.
The negative side of a civil marriage is the lack of roots. People cannot ritually celebrate his anniversary, but the official spouses do. It helps to remember and relive pleasant moments, a kind of psychotherapy. This provides the basis for further living together.
Another significant difference between civil and registered marriage is the presence or absence of responsibility. In a registered marriage, young people officially take responsibility for another person in front of society and their future spouse. In a civil marriage, responsibility can be easily avoided.
It is also interesting to note the fact that the lack of responsibility in a civil marriage can play a decisive role in the incompatibility of young people, as young people often like to say. That is, they see the result and find the reason in the incompatibility of characters, when in fact it may turn out that the reason is precisely in non-dedication to each other and in the initial presence of a compensation option.
Various polls and studies do not agree on an unambiguous opinion about what type of marriage young people prefer at the present stage. So research by T.N. Gureeva says that a larger percentage of young people choose the civil form of marriage, and L.A. Uvykina says that, despite a completely loyal attitude towards civil marriage, only a small percentage of young people are ready to enter into such a marriage. Basically, a compromise is chosen, first to live in a civil marriage, and then formalize the relationship legally.
1.2 Young people's perception of marriage
1.2.1. Sources of Youth Ideas about Marriage
Since each person is brought up in a family and is a part of society, the sources of young people's ideas about marriage can be divided into two large camps. The first is the parental family, the second is public information and values. Ideally, for optimal family functioning, they should be similar, but as practice shows, this is not always the case.
Parent family
As V.T. Lisovsky, the parental family has a special influence on the process of forming the moral and psychological readiness of young people for future family life. She forms in children, future spouses and parents, certain moral and cultural norms, stereotypes of communication and behavior, ideas about the family structure. The study of the marriage and family attitudes of young people and the influence on these attitudes of the real model of family interaction in the parental family shows that the ideas of young men and women about their future family life are formed on the example of the real model of family relations of parents. The role-playing attitudes of the mother contribute to the formation of the daughter's readiness to perform the functions of the wife-mother, the role attitudes of the father are the basis for the formation of the model of role behavior in the son's future family life.
According to the research results of T.N. Gureeva, for modern youth, the main example that determines the concept of a family is the family of parents. Also, young people take an example from the families of friends. Young people can evaluate both positively and negatively the parental model of marriage. With a positive assessment, young people strive to reproduce this model, with a negative one, on the contrary, they never want to repeat. However, as numerous studies and practice show, even with a negative assessment of the parental model of marriage, young people repeat it with even greater negative consequences. Only a small percentage of young people manage to overcome the difficulties that cause a negative assessment in parental marriage.
The ideas of adolescents and young men about their future family in many cases make up for what they think they lack in the parental home, that is, these ideas are often compensatory in nature. Therefore, such ideas can contribute to the creation in young people of such a model of an "ideal" family that would satisfy only their own needs and reveal a certain consumer tendency of adolescents and young men in relation to other people, lack of concern for others, even emotionally significant for them, possibly future spouses. These young people see their future family life as a necessary, but not very tempting element of adulthood.
When asked if you would like your marriage to be similar to that of your parents, a relatively small percentage of young people give an affirmative answer. However, when asked how you see your future spouse, a very large percentage of young people point either to their mother or to their father, mainly depending on the gender of the respondents.
This is quite an interesting fact, because individually young people have a positive view of their parent or parents, but their joint relationship and the model of marriage is often criticized.
Ideas about marriage, love, relationships between people, young people are formed from childhood. It is in the family that the foundations of a person's character, his attitude to work, moral and cultural values \u200b\u200bare formed. The family was and remains the most important social environment for the formation of the personality and the basis for psychological support and education. Therefore, it is also worth touching on the fact that the absence of one parent in the family can be the reason for the inadequate, unsuccessful upbringing of children, and therefore the idea of \u200b\u200ba future marriage. In incomplete maternal families, boys do not see an example of male behavior in the family, which contributes to the formation of an inadequate idea of \u200b\u200bthe role functions of a man, husband, father in the process of their socialization. The same is observed in girls.
Children raised in single-parent families are deprived of an example of the relationship between a man and a woman in the family, which negatively affects their socialization in general and their preparedness for future family life in particular. Pedagogy evaluates the indicator of children's identification with their parents as one of the main criteria for the effectiveness of family education. At the same time, the child expresses acceptance of the moral and ideological norms of his parents. The implementation of this component of the educational process in an incomplete family is deformed due to the absence of one parent.
In incomplete paternal families, the above problems are supplemented by the absence of maternal affection, without which the upbringing of children cannot be complete either.
Children without parental care also have an inadequate understanding of marriage and family relations. These are children who either have never been brought up in a family at all and have no idea how it works and functions, how its members interact. They did not see affection and tenderness from their parents, when they needed it, they were left alone with the world around them. Alienation, emotional coldness, inability to communicate emotionally, lack of communication skills - this is not a complete list of developmental disabilities.
An important aspect in the formation of young people's ideas about marriage in the parental family is also the interaction between parents and children. If parents establish trusting, strong, respectful relationships with children, adolescents, and in the future potential spouses, then it is the parents, and not anyone else, who can form competent and positive ideas about marriage. Gradually, at each stage of personality development, dosing information about the relationship between a man and a woman, openly and honestly answering questions of interest to children and adolescents, parents can help young men and women to have reliable, not distorted knowledge about marriage. Firstly, they will not have fear of this union, which is largely surrounded by an aura of mystery, and secondly, they will be ready for difficulties in this union.
And the fact that parents do not prepare their children for future marriage, are ashamed to raise serious and frank topics with them, believing that they are still small, laugh it off and do not give complete and reliable information, leads to the fact that they look for this information anywhere and often incorrect, which forms a distorted view of marriage among young people.
Public awareness and values
The institution of family and marriage in many countries has faced a lot of problems. These include a significant decrease in the popularity of legal marriage and a significant increase in the number of divorces, distortion of the image of the family, love relationships. Often, young people and girls, entering into marriage, do not realize all the responsibility they take upon themselves, do not measure their desires and capabilities. One of the reasons for such processes in society is the pressure exerted by the information space on modern youth.
The process of globalization and urbanization has provided an opportunity to use various types of media and the Internet, which are the main source of information for modern young people and girls, including about the "ideal" of modern relationships between men and women.
On the pages of magazines, newspapers, TV screens, an example of love is cultivated, which is more passion than love. The purpose of this love is to get pleasure. The way of family life is presented as a sexual relationship between partners, where each should feel attraction to the other. "Love" is transformed from a feeling into a means. A means of obtaining pleasure, status, social protection. All this forms attitudes that contribute to an unclear understanding by young men and women of the values \u200b\u200bof the institution of family, marriage, and love.
There is also an opinion that in those countries where there was a struggle with religion and the church, the value of marriage also weakened, since the church nurtured and maintained the importance of family relations. Throughout human history, religion and the church have served as a powerful source of information, and not only on family attitudes. At the present stage, young people do not really listen to this source, considering it old-fashioned and a relic of the past.
Very often, friends, peers, classmates, and classmates are the source of young people's ideas about marriage. This often happens due to the fact that there is no trusting relationship with parents, and friends are second in importance to people. Accordingly, if it is impossible to obtain information from parents, adolescents turn to friends for this information. They are also united by a common interest, common questions and are especially attracted by the fact that much is considered forbidden from what interests them. Perhaps, both parents and society impose too much taboo and prohibition on many questions, instead of communicating the information they need to adolescents in an accessible and truthful way.
In schools, the institute, adolescents spend most of their time, so even if they do not seek to obtain any information about relationships, they will still be persuaded to do so by other students. However, if a girl or a young man is prepared for this in advance, then this will not have a strong impact, since they will already have the correct view.
Fiction, classical, tabloid literature, films also undoubtedly play a large role in shaping the ideas of marriage among young people. Because it is interesting for young people, and they tend to believe what they look at, read, hear.
1.2.2. Youth perception of the external and psychological-personal side of marriage
Youth perception of the outside of marriage.
The external side of marriage means the material base on which the marriage is built, the availability of housing, the organization of everyday life, the distribution of roles and responsibilities between the spouses. This also includes the idea of \u200b\u200bthe education of young people entering into marriage, religious affiliation, nationality, the role of parents, acceptance of material assistance from them, and the presence of children in the future. Consider all these parameters depending on gender.
The material base of young people, their material status, material assistance from their parents and the availability of housing
etc.................
S. V. Kovalev emphasizes the importance of forming adequate marital and family ideas of boys and girls.At present, young people's ideas about marriage have a number of negative characteristics: for example, at the age of 13-15 years there is a progressive separation and opposition of the concepts of love and marriage.Among student youth (according to the questionnaire survey “Your Ideal”), the importance of love in choosing a life partner was in fourth place after the qualities of “respect”, “trust”, “mutual understanding”. There is a clear "crowding out" of love in marriage against the background of its previous omnipotence. That is, young men and women can perceive the family as a hindrance to their feelings and only later, through painful trial and error, come to comprehend
the moral and psychological value of marriage. The challenge is to develop an understanding of the value of the family among high school students and try to create a correct understanding of the relationship between love and marriage and the role of love as the basis of a long-term union.
The next thing that characterizes the marriage and family ideas of young people is their obvious consumer unrealism.So, according to V.I. Zatsepin, in the study of students it turned out that the average desired spouse in its positive qualities exceeded the "average" real young man from the immediate environment of female students, similarly to young male students, the ideal spouse was presented in the form of a woman who was not only better than real girls, but also surpassed them in intelligence, honesty, fun and hard work.
It is typical for young people discrepancy between the qualities of the desired life partner and the prospective partner in everyday communication,out of the circle; which this satellite, in general, should be selected. Polls of sociologists have shown that personality traits that are considered significant for an ideal spouse are not decisive in real communication between boys and girls.
Our research (in 1998-2001) on the premarital preferences of university students and female students showed a largely similar picture.
The open form of the survey (the wording was suggested by the re-; participants themselves) revealed that in the image of the preferred partner in | communication, students should have such qualities as (in descending order): external data, positive character traits (different for each of the respondents - kindness, loyalty, modesty, decency, good breeding, hard work, etc.), intelligence, communicative data, a sense of humor, gaiety, femininity, sexuality, patient attitude towards the respondent himself, general development (spiritual, outlook, professionalism), hard work, poise, calmness, health, material security.
The image of the future spouse includes: moral qualities (as a total index of various character traits: honesty, ability to keep a word, decency, loyalty, kindness, etc.), intelligence, appearance, cultural development, attitude towards the interviewee himself (loving, patient , inferior), properties of temperament (equally divided answers - poise and impulsiveness), sense of humor, generosity, hospitality, communicative qualities, femininity. Some of the students found it difficult to name the qualities of their future wife. "
Table 2. Characteristics of the image of a girl with whom I would like to communicate, and the qualities that I would like to see in the future wife of University students (Faculty of Philosophy)
There are concepts like marriage and family. How do they relate to each other and what is their difference? The "Small Soviet Encyclopedia" says about marriage as follows:
According to the Big Medical Encyclopedia, the following is said about marriage:
"MARRIAGE is a union of a man and a woman, which creates certain rights and obligations for them (raising children, owning property, etc.) and receiving public and state sanction."
How differently the concept of marriage is interpreted by the Christian religion. According to Her concept, the establishment of marriage refers to the original creation of man. Seeing that it was not good for a man to be alone, God created a helper for him, corresponding to him. Marriage is a sacrament in which, with a free promise before the priest and the Church of the bride and groom of mutual marital fidelity, their marital union is blessed in the image of the spiritual union of Christ with the Church and the grace of pure unanimity is requested for the blessed birth and Christian upbringing of children.
This is what St. ap. Paul in Ephesians on marriage.
“Therefore, imitate God as beloved children, and live in love, just as Christ also loved us and gave Himself for us as an offering and sacrifice to God, for a pleasant scent. And fornication and all uncleanness and covetousness should not even be named among you, as is fitting for the saints. Likewise, foul language and idle talk and ridicule are not fitting for you, but, on the contrary, thanksgiving; for know that no fornicator, or unclean person, or covetous person, who is an idolater, has inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for for this comes the wrath of God against the sons of disobedience; therefore, do not be accomplices with them. You were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord: act like children of light, because the fruit of the Spirit consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth. Try what is pleasing to God, and do not participate in the fruitless works of darkness, but also expose.
For what they do secretly is a shame to speak. All that is revealed is made manifest from the light, for everything that is made manifest is light. Therefore, it is said: "Rise, sleeping, and rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you."
So, behold, proceed with caution, not as fools, but as wise, valuing the time, for the days are evil. So, do not be foolish, but learn what the will of God is. And do not get drunk with wine, from which there is debauchery; but be filled with the Spirit, edifying yourselves with psalms and hymns and spiritual hymns, singing and singing in your hearts to the Lord, always giving thanks for everything to God and the Father, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, obeying one another in the fear of God.
Wives, obey your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the Church, and He is the Savior of the body. But as the Church obeys Christ, so also wives to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her in order to sanctify her, cleansing her with a bath of water through the word; to present her to Himself as a glorious Church, having no spot, or wrinkle, or anything like that, but so that she might be holy and blameless. So husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies: he who loves his wife loves himself.
For no one has ever had hatred for his flesh, but he nourishes and warms it, like the Lord Church, because we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. Therefore a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two will be one flesh. This mystery is great; I speak in relation to Christ and to the Church. So each of you love his wife as himself; and let the wife fear her husband. "
The term "family" means the following concept:
A FAMILY is a society or group of parents and children. In the family, the reproduction of the person himself takes place - the continuation of the human race. At the same time, under the reproduction of a person, one must understand not only the very procreation, but also the whole process of growing and educating new generations.
From the above, it becomes clear to us that if a man and a woman want to live together, have sex, have and raise children, own property, then they must marry, which is registered by the relevant state bodies and is further protected by the state.
Any state is ultimately based on a family that "supplies" or "reproduces" the people who make up this state. If families do not do this, people will not marry, then with the death of people from old age, the state will also cease to exist. It is for this reason that any state is interested in its constant reproduction, and therefore in the correct relationship between a man and a woman within the family. For this reason, there were corresponding laws regulating marriage and family life.
The married man and woman already form a family. Such a family is called LITTLE FAMILY. Only when children appear, this family is considered "normal", because the potential for a man and a woman to have children, to continue the race was realized. A family in which there are many children (the concept of "many children" is relative, so Russians now count more than three children as "many children," although in pre-revolutionary Russia the concept of "many children" meant 6-10 or more children) is called "Large".
A man and a woman can live together without getting married and even have children. In other words, live a full family life. However, if disagreements arise between a man and a woman in such a family, then they are not regulated by the Code of Laws on Marriage, Family and Guardianship. In this case, the rights of one of the parties may be infringed and there will be no support from the state.
From the above, it becomes clear that the state, through the introduction of the "institution of marriage and family", wants to control and regulate, first of all, sexual relations between a man and a woman, direct them in the direction necessary for state purposes, and then take care of the family. Naturally, “curbing” and “regulating” intimate relationships is an incredibly difficult thing, and along with an official marriage, there is an intimate life outside of marriage. This just indicates that the laws created by the human mind "encroached" on something that does not lend itself to artificial restrictions, but has its own life, requests, etc.
To understand the phenomenon of marriage and family, it is advisable to look into history and look around.
According to historians, in the early stages of human society, marriage and family were absent: men and women did not live in permanent pairs; more or less long-term marital relations were an exception. A more stable form of relationship was group marriage and general family management. These relations later went through two stages in their development: a consanguineous family, where marriage relations were limited to representatives of one generation and sexual intercourse between different generations was not allowed (parents and children, grandfathers and grandchildren); and the Punalua marriage, in which several men married several women. At the same time, a pair marriage was born. In other words, men and women entered into a marriage relationship randomly, depending on the mutual desire. But among them there were couples who preferred to live only together.
Some historians argue that group marriage was supplanted by pair marriage due to the accumulation of material wealth. The owner of material wealth wanted to be sure that the inheritance goes exactly to his children. Naturally, in a group marriage, this was impossible to establish. Thus, it is believed that the material part (inheritance, common household management) has prevailed over the initial desire of people for intimacy.
In general, if you look back, polygamy is flourishing in the Arab world. One man has several wives, who "make" him heirs and thus make up the population of the Arab world; in some European countries, same-sex marriage is allowed; there are places on the globe where there are very few women; here one woman has several husbands. Thus, marriage and family are nothing more than a way of life for men and women. This way of life is very different depending on the conditions.
Having found out what marriage and family are, let's move on. We will not be scattered about finding out which marriage is better - Arab or European, what the state should do for the family, etc., but let us dwell on what we have - on a pair marriage (men and women) and consider how it to educate, independently strengthen and make healthy.
If we delve a little into the problem of marriage and family, then the stages of the formation of marriage and family, which have their own characteristics, are striking. If you know these features and do not let them take their course, then family life will be much better in all respects. Therefore, the book will be structured around these stages of family life. And this is not surprising - any phenomenon has its beginning, formation and completion. The same is observed in family life.
We break family life into the following stages:
- Before the wedding.
- The first small family (from wedding to the birth of the first child).
- Family (from the birth of the first child to the departure of children from the family).
- The second small family (from the departure of children from the family to the death of one of the spouses).
- After the family.
The article was prepared based on the materials of the book by G.P. Malakhova
