The husband doesn't want to live. My husband doesn't want to live

From childhood, a woman imagines the image of her future man, family and family nest. He dreams all night long about his bright future, and when he meets the one and only, he repeats the cherished phrase in his head many times: “Let’s live together?” It is natural for a woman to dream of a family; she is the keeper of the family hearth. The most important thing is to learn "".

Psychology describes a woman more emotionally; she tends to indulge in dreams, especially about how she will organize shopping trips, choose the interior for a shared apartment, select color scheme for her, and share about it with your friends. When a woman does not get what she wants, which she has already come up with, she is left alone with her emotional experiences, nightly sobs, unjustified hopes, trampled feelings and low self-esteem. Why doesn't a man offer to live together? Why doesn't he want to live with me? What should I do? Women often ask themselves, but cannot always find answers to their questions. If you don’t know what to do and you have a lot of questions, you should read our article, in which a qualified psychologist will answer all your questions and help you find a way out of this situation.

Psychology identifies several reasons why a man does not want to live together:

1. If a man has a traumatic experience since childhood, he will in every possible way avoid living together. This includes the unfavorable atmosphere in the family in which he lived his life. Tyranny from parents, both father and mother. It is often customary to talk about men as tyrants, but very often it happens the other way around, when a woman in the family plays the role of a tyrant. Let’s say a man is psychologically weaker than a woman, or they are different in temperament, or maybe he earns less than her, various nuances may arise due to which such women psychologically suppress their men. Boys in such families take everything personally, since they are formed like their father. Since childhood, he has developed a negative attitude towards living together with a woman; he is afraid of ending up in exactly the same situation. But when a man does the same thing towards his wife, the boy sees this too and of course he feels sorry for his mother. He is afraid that he will be the same as his father and therefore does not want to live together and start a family.

This is the first reason why men avoid living together, a very strong childhood psychological trauma.

2. The second reason also relates to trauma received from childhood, this is the boy’s overprotection or, on the contrary, connivance. When they pay very little attention to the child, due to the fact that there is no relationship between the parents and the child, for example, they are very busy with material well-being or simply with their destiny. There are many situations in life when children are born by chance or, when born, do not live up to the expectations placed on them. In adulthood, a man understands that he was not needed, so he does not enter into close relationships with women, does not agree to live in the same territory, all because of the fear of feeling useless. In the case of overprotection, everything is decided for the child; he does not develop any responsibility for himself. Having matured, a man understands that in a relationship he needs to be responsible not only for himself, but also for his woman, but he simply does not know how to do this. Such men are called “mama’s boys,” so in order not to turn out to be a loser, he avoids life together With a woman.

3. Another reason is when mom and dad treat their child normally and give enough amount of attention, they are “sort of” engaged in his upbringing, but at the same time he regularly hears words addressed to him about his insolvency, weakness, failure, sluggishness, and so on. Here, a man faces the fear in a relationship of feeling offended, humiliated, when a woman and a man are at a distance, do not live together, many problems arise.

This list also included the reason of fear of losing one's freedom. From childhood, boys are brought up with the attitude that he owes a lot of things, and when he “should” do this at a distance, he still has personal space. In any case, a man needs personal space, to some extent his own autonomy, but very often it happens that as soon as a man gets along with a woman, everything becomes common, emotions, experiences, fears.

The negative experience received is also one of the reasons. If a man was once in a relationship, lived with a woman, and it ended unsuccessfully, he will constantly remember this, and will absolutely not strive to get back into it. This also includes the negative experiences of his friends, especially close, significant people, for example, his older brother was unsuccessful in his relationships.

For a man to decide on Cohabitation, a very serious, conscious step, and the opinions of others cannot influence it in any way. If a man avoids living together with a woman, does not want to live with her, this is most likely not the influence of society, but his inner experiences.

The last reason is fear of losing your material well-being. The fear of losing your material well-being is precisely based on social experience. Any man is a breadwinner, and everything he gets he brings to his family, expecting gratitude and equal distribution.

What's a girl to do?

If a girl is very interested in a man and loves him, then sooner or later he will offer her to live together, he will understand that he is comfortable with her, and he has nothing to lose. It is useless to put pressure on a man - the more you press, the stronger the resistance. Wise woman can win over a man without being intrusive, after which he himself will be ready to offer to live together.

Editorial advice: The psychology of a man and the psychology of a woman are unique, the reasons why a man does not want to live together are also unique. Therefore, try to look not at the surface of the problem, but look through the invented image that people very often create. If a man doesn’t want to live together, try not to make a tragedy about it, try to talk, discuss all the pressing issues and hear the voice of your man among different voices.

I'm so confused in my life that I don't know what to do next. I don’t want to live. We met through a dating site, a chance meeting.

I was just texting there out of boredom, he accidentally saw a photo from a friend, wrote from his page, then created his own.

I never set myself the goal of meeting men from the site, but something tugged at me. I left my phone number, he called, we met a day later and off we go.

I have been married for 13 years, he is married, and in my city on a business trip for 3 months. In the first conversation we realized that we were family, that we had a lot in common, that we had problems with our spouses, and that they both had a first-grader son.

A little later, sex happened. Both were very worried afterwards. He disappeared for 2 days, then he said, he thought, because everything had gone too far, and I reproached myself, why do I need all this, cheated on my husband and in general.

Our magical 3 months of adventures, filled with tenderness and love, flew by and the time has come for him to go home, and this is 1800 km from me. I cried throughout our last meeting, he calmed me down.

There were a couple of days left until the New Year. The holiday was not a holiday at all. On January 21, he rushed to me for a day. Crazy. I arrived from home by car. So we started keeping in touch on Skype and talked every day. His business trips are around the country, to the north, and I am his support and support.

In the summer, we decided to meet at the seaside and organize some sort of acquaintance, so we met as families, became friends, and at sea I found out that his wife was pregnant, 5 months old, with a daughter. Silently I heard his excuses, that he himself did not know how it happened, and that she reported after 12 weeks, when it was too late to have an abortion.

He said that he wants our child together. I forgave, but the resentment remained, and I carry it with me to this day. What’s more interesting is that my husband and I are selling a car and we’re going to visit them in November, and there’s already a car waiting for us there.

His wife went to maternity leave. Naturally, at home with us, guests, my husband is here, our children and a one-room apartment. But can this really scare us?

Stealing kisses until they see him, his hands on my legs under the table, crazy sex in the kitchen early in the morning while everyone is sleeping. The fairy tale is over. We returned home a week later. Work, home, family, but his thoughts are with him and he goes crazy there.

They began to communicate closely with his wife; of course, she was the first to find out what was going on with them. She found out that they had not slept together for several months, there was no sex, and more and more often she began to say that he probably had someone, but she didn’t care.

Naturally, she couldn’t know that it was me. After 2 months we were invited to celebrate the New Year with them. And we are on the train again, going to buy a car there along the way. A fabulous New Year, it is nearby, we are together, everything is fine. By the way, he began trying to make a child at sea.

But neither then in August, nor in November, nor on the New Year, nothing happened. To the old one New Year, On January 13th we are leaving home, and his wife is going to the maternity hospital. They had a daughter. She later sent me a photo from the discharge, and he was happy.

And I, with my jealousy and love, sit with my husband at home. My husband has become disgusted, sex with him is torture. He asked for a child, but I did everything so that nothing would work out, I wanted a child from my beloved.

In March, my lover came for a week specifically to work on this, but again nothing worked out. I have regular debriefings with my husband, I don’t want sex, I don’t want a child. In June, my beloved returned from another business trip. Everything was calculated and it worked!

I presented everything to my husband that it was from him, although we haven’t slept with him for 2 months, once there was something there, so I blamed it on that. Meanwhile, my beloved went to the village for a week to visit his wife’s parents and disappeared.

The phone is turned off, she tells me that she had a fight with him and went with the children to her mother by train, and he and his mistress are hanging out at home, but I know that he took them. I can’t even tell you that I’m pregnant and everything worked out for us. I called his older brother and said that they were in the village, the car had broken down, he was waiting for spare parts to order. The wait was unbearable.

Nerves, toxicosis and silence on his part for three weeks. My husband took us to the seaside; I could no longer sit at home, but he got in touch as if nothing had happened, saying that the phone was broken, the car had broken down and there was no way to contact us.

It was a scandal, she said I would have an abortion, he said no need, it was just the way things turned out. In October he had a business trip to Volgograd and came to me from there for a week. Stormy sex, love and him devouring me with his eyes. Pregnancy 5 months. I am being sent to the hospital for conservation. He needs to go home. We decide to pretend I’m in the hospital and go with him to a hotel for the night. The husband expressed a desire to come and bring things. It's 9 pm.

We sat in the car, waited, and got out when my husband called. He walked to the door of the department. I took my things, went in, and waited a little. My husband called. I asked if everything was okay. She said yes.

There was no point in going home. The scandal was unfolding before our eyes. Parents, his wife, my husband, everyone is in touch and everything that I say, my dad tells her, she writes it to me, where I am going with her husband after divorcing mine. A lot of nasty things addressed to me from all sides. In general, a year has already passed since then.

I live with my husband, I don’t live, but I exist. I gave birth to a son in March. My husband did a DNA test. He knows that the child is from his lover. He cried a lot and said that it should have been his child. I accepted him as my own. He lived under the maternity hospital while I was there. He already guessed everything then. Several times I tried to leave him. ispovedi.com But I feel sorry for him, I see that he loves him.

At first, when I was still pregnant and everything became clear, he threatened to hang himself, went into the basement several times with a rope, and ran after me. I understand that I feel nothing but pity for my husband, sometimes I even hate him with his nagging. All year every day he reminds me of what I did, we swear, curse me, at one time he even rushed to strangle me, then he abruptly begins to ask for forgiveness, saying that he loves me and will not give me to anyone and this son is his, he is raising him and will put his feet up.

And then he shouts again: “pack your things and go to your loved one.” And my beloved came here 2 months after the incident, but we never met, spent the night in the car and left. I've been living under lock and key for a year.

My husband caught our correspondence with him. His wife also caught him. My husband tells her what and how, she tells my husband. Both know that we maintain a relationship. But the beloved does not change anything. They don’t have sex with their wife, they live like us, like neighbors. ispovedi.com He told his mother that there is me, there is a son.

My brothers know that I gave birth. But nothing changes in life. He's got a black streak. Things aren’t going well with work, there’s no money, the car is broken, and there’s nothing to do about it. Stays at home with the children while his wife is at work. I have never seen my son.

Sent me some money for my birthday. I cry every day, I am jealous of him for his wife, and he of me for my husband, they began to quarrel with him almost every day. She dreams of moving to Crimea together, buying a house and living by the sea.

But he doesn’t even try to pick me up. He says no where and no reason. So I’m completely confused. My friends and my mother say that if I wanted to, I would have crawled already, that they don’t abandon loved ones.

But it turns out that he’s sitting there calmly with his family, running away like a coward and that’s it. And I torment myself with hopes. Sometimes I think, well, do I need this? The husband loves his son like his own, but that’s not all, that’s not it. I love, miss, jealous and wait.

Is it worth talking about this topic with a man?

How can you understand what exactly worries your man and why he doesn’t want to live with you? Of course, the most obvious solution to the problem seems to be .

On the one hand, the girl doesn’t want and, which in theory he should decide on himself. It wasn’t enough for him to propose marriage later! On the other hand, it is simply impossible to continue living in different corners for several years.

First, I must advise you to soberly assess the situation. How long have you been dating your loved one? If the period lasts no more than a year, then you can and should be patient until the young man himself is ready to make an important decision. Take your mind off this problem and learn to enjoy each other. This will give more benefits than any worries and thoughts about housing.

If the process has taken too long, try starting from afar. Don't think that men are stupid. Many girls think that they do not understand hints, although in fact they are simply pretending not to notice obvious things. Try to casually ask about how he feels about living together before marriage. You can come up with some ridiculous story that happened to a friend in which he could recognize himself.

He will definitely understand what you are getting at, but he can pretend that he doesn’t understand. It's even to your advantage. The conversation will pass, but thoughts on this topic will remain, your desires will become clear to your partner. Don’t be afraid to be obvious, express your opinion regarding “some other situation with your friend.” Don't worry about being accused of making too superficial hints.

You convey a thought that excites you. It is necessary to talk with your soulmate so that it does not turn into something global, leading to separation. This is sometimes difficult for both partners. Excessive can lead to scandal, mutual reproaches or other types of disagreements. Don't get personal.

If you observe all the signs that a man does not want to talk about this topic, it openly annoys him - talk about something else, step away. There is no need to convince, talk about your own and say how others are doing the right thing. You have planted the seed and that is enough for now. You’ll return to this conversation a little later, but you’ll be able to be more frank. It won't necessarily be a hint.

Well, so that the agonizing wait does not go in vain, for now I advise you to read the book of a famous psychologist Natalia Tolstoy " Men's secrets things you need to know before living happily ever after.".

That's all for me. See you soon and good luck. Don't forget to subscribe to the newsletter. Bye everyone.

Question for a psychologist:

It all started when my husband and I decided to get married. They wanted to rent an apartment after the wedding, but his parents said - we built a house in vain, live with us. As a result, the first year of my life was very difficult for me; I constantly argued with my husband because I always left home, i.e. When my husband was at work, I did not sit with his parents. As a result, they began to poke me with this, that I was not at home, that I did not communicate with them, they constantly complained to my husband and my husband was furious about this and expressed everything to me. In general, the first quarrel with his mother was after 10 months of living, she expressed complaints that I didn’t wash the dishes properly, that I left the house often, that I walked around without noticing them. In general, my husband was present during all this and there was no support on my side. Only when I told him and he supposedly started defending me. Well, then everything settled down; my mother-in-law, in principle, had no normal relationship with anyone. She communicated with her mother through clenched teeth, did not communicate with her sister at all, did not even say hello, had no friends, only her husband and son. Time passed, I became pregnant, gave birth, and the moralizing began, I endured everything. And when the child was one year old, we went to the river to swim, and then my mother-in-law told me not to go to the river, she’s still small. I say, oh well, on the contrary, at least he basks in the sun, plays in the sand, well, off we go. My mother-in-law started raising her voice, getting mad that I wasn’t listening to her, that I had no brains. When I said why are you talking to me like that, she said I’m talking to you the way you deserve. Then it turned out that I was not grateful, and when I said why I am not grateful, I help you around the house, cook, clean, and in response she told me - why did you want to live here for free. In general, after this swearing, even my husband did not talk to her, and she walked with a proud look, I went first to reconcile, my mother-in-law pretended that everything was as it should be. After this quarrel, they now don’t say anything to me, everything is through Zhenya, all the indignation is to him. My mother-in-law started getting sick with blood pressure from time to time, everyone is fussing over her, but I don’t feel sorry for her at all. My husband is offended that I don’t communicate closely with her and they tell him that I am with them only because. I don’t know how to playfully blow people’s socks off and be a hypocrite. My husband says that he will not be on my side until I communicate with his mother normally. I realized a long time ago that he will always be on their side, they are used to him always being pathetic to them, listening and doing everything as they say, and is always afraid that they will think badly of him, because he is their ideal son who doesn’t drink , does not smoke (although in fact he drinks and smokes). My husband doesn’t understand why the phrase “you live in our house” offends me, well, that’s supposedly how it is. I don’t want to live in this house, his parents stress me out, you can’t make noise after 10, you can’t wash, you can’t go downstairs, I don’t feel comfortable, although with the advent of my daughter it became a little easier, that I’m not alone, because they only consider themselves a family three: fathers-in-law and their son. That even for the funeral of my mother-in-law they bought a wreath and signed it from their daughter, son-in-law, and grandson. This hurt me, and when I told my husband why did you only write about yourself, but what about me? Well, he said damn it, they didn’t even think about it. Well, that’s all, the three of them communicate, and I’m a bad mother, I drag my child everywhere, if she’s sick I don’t treat her properly, it’s my fault that she’s sick. In general, I tell my husband that as long as we live with our parents, we won’t have better relationship, it is necessary separately that I don’t want to live here and that I need to think about how to move (we’ve been building a house not far away for 4 years), to move we need money, I work at home, I sew to order, my husband works. And he is afraid to take out a loan and doesn’t want to, and says in order to live separately, he doesn’t want to strain himself and then live with a bare ass. And I’m already tired, fed up, I want to be separated, I don’t want to see them every day. My husband is surprised why I am still offended by his mother, I say that at least she asked for forgiveness for insulting me, but he could only tell me why I didn’t apologize to her when I came home drunk (when there was no child , had a big fight with my husband and I went to my friends and got drunk out of anger and came home and went to bed, but they didn’t drag me and I didn’t cry in front of them). And why should I apologize to them when this is our relationship with him and I apologized to my husband. It annoys me that he is pathetic to them and listens to them in everything, that they are always right. I'm not a sugar either, but my mother-in-law is still a bitch. I don’t know anymore, let the thoughts of leaving here without a husband live on their own." happy family"The three of us...

Psychologist Marina Georgievna Ladatko answers the question.

Good day, Ksenia.

The situation you described is as old as time, when two generations live in a house. Yes, it’s better for young people to live separately: no matter what happens between them, everything will remain in their family.

In your case, if you live “in their house,” then you accept their rules.

The question of your relationship is a question of your trust in the world. And you, apparently, don’t trust anyone.

Ksenia, each of you in your family - a large and divided family - lives your own experience. What is he like? What does he teach you personally?

Perhaps respect, reconciliation, humility, perhaps standing up for someone.

Yes, my husband listens to his parents in everything - he respects them. They raised him. And yes, they deserve respect. It is perhaps the responsibility of the young to listen to the opinions of their elders.

“I don’t feel sorry for her” - You, too, are the mother of an adult in the future... how will life turn out? What are you teaching your child now? What attitude towards elders? And peer pressure, by the way, is your participation.

But I won’t educate you. This personal experience each one to go through.

To cultivate a woman in yourself, watch video lectures by Satye Das.

If you want to live separately from your mothers-in-law, then of course, live. With or without a husband - this is your desire. It’s not a thing, you can’t transport it like a closet or put it in a corner. Leave him the right to choose in life.

You, Ksenia, take responsibility for your desire. For your choice. Everyone finds themselves in the situation they wanted (consciously or not). And believe me, if you decide to move, everything will work out exactly the way you want: there will be a place and funds. Just think how you want. Imagine the film "How I live separately from my mothers-in-law: where, with whom, how?" - let it be perfect. As soon as you imagine this, look at yourself from the outside and think about what you need to do, what steps to take for everything to turn out exactly like this. Outline the goal, steps (execution plan) and act, taking responsibility for each action solely on yourself.

Ksenia, you have a child and you need to be strong enough to build confidence in the child. There is no need to hide behind it: “Now that a child is born, things have become easier”...

And regarding what you described, I will say as a psychologist:

1. Respecting elders is the level of a person’s education.

2. A woman is the keeper of the hearth; if she runs away from home, builds a career by competing with men, or scolds her husband, she destroys herself from the inside and everything around her also deteriorates.

3. It’s hard for small children when they are carried around and taken everywhere. They need a calm, constant environment and creative games in the house (they need to draw, glue, sculpt, read, talk to them, and many others). When parents are taking care of a child, there is absolutely no time for friends.

Ksenia, change yourself and the world around you will also change. All in your hands.

Your psychologist is Ladatko Marina Georgievna.

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It happens that even after many years of marriage, a woman understands that she no longer wants to live with her husband. At such a moment, she has to make a difficult decision about what to do next - leave him and file for divorce, or continue to exist next to the unloved person.

My wife is wondering how to explain to her husband that I don’t want to live with him. Good psychologist In this case, he will give advice to first weigh all the pros and cons of further life together, and only after that make a final decision.

How to leave your husband if you don’t want to live with him anymore

“I don’t want to live with my husband anymore” - if you have made such a decision, you will have to think about how to implement it. How to explain this to your spouse? Exists some tips:

Be sure to tell your husband about this calmly, don’t throw hysterics.
Rent a place for yourself, because you will have to start a new life.
If you decide to get a divorce, do not put this process off for too long.
You need to leave without scandals; you shouldn’t remain enemies with the person you once married.

How to tell your husband that I don’t want to live with him anymore tips

Breaking up a relationship is a difficult test for any couple; this moment will be especially dramatic for the spouse who is not the initiator of the upcoming divorce.

When a family collapses, you need to think not only about yourself and your feelings, because both partners will suffer in one way or another. If there joint child, or several children, it will be even more difficult to separate painlessly.

So, how do you tell your husband that you don’t want to live with him anymore? — It’s best to talk to your spouse about the decision you’ve made in a crowded, neutral place – for example, in a cafe. There, you both will be forced to maintain the limits of decency and behave in a civilized manner.

Try to be delicate, spare the feelings of the person with whom you have lived together for some period of time. If you have already started dating someone else, do not immediately inform your spouse about this - there will be time for this.

How to explain to your husband that I don’t want to live with his child

What to do if your spouse already has a child from a previous marriage and wants to live with him as one family against your will? This is an extremely sensitive topic that can greatly affect your relationship.

Perhaps you already have children together, or will appear in the near future, so your desire to devote your attention only to them is understandable. You should carefully talk to your spouse about this topic and give him your reasons. Perhaps he will completely agree with them, if not, he will have to look for a compromise that will suit everyone.

I don’t want to live with my husband and have nowhere to go

If you have definitely decided to leave your husband, but you have nowhere to go, you need to think about all possible options.

If you have a job, you can rent a house - at least you can pay for it. If there is no means of subsistence, you will have to ask your parents for help - most likely, they will not refuse to shelter their own daughter.

Alternatively, you can ask close friends to help, but rely on them for a long time It’s not worth it - start looking for a job as quickly as possible to become completely independent.

I don’t want to live with my husband but I have children

It often happens that people have long ceased to love each other, but live together because they have children. Tolerate unloved man spending your whole life for the sake of your children is not the best option.

If the marriage has long turned into a fiction, perhaps you shouldn’t pretend that everything is fine with you. Take courage and make a final decision about how you should live next.

Perhaps you will still be able to arrange your destiny with a person for whom you will have mutual feelings.

How to leave your husband and start a new life

The biggest fear for women who decide to leave their spouse is loneliness. They are afraid to be left with nothing, without a husband, family and prospects for a happy family life.

Some ladies are too dependent on the opinions of strangers, and this prevents them from moving forward. If you decide to change your destiny, do not listen to anyone and be guided solely by your own ideas about how you should live further.

A step into the unknown is always scary, but it must be taken to find your chance at happiness.

My husband doesn’t want to live with me, what should I do?

What to do if your husband says he loves you but doesn’t want to live together? Talk to him calmly and find out the reason for such a strange decision. If your spouse voices specific complaints against you, most likely the situation can be corrected if you agree to fulfill some of his conditions.

If your spouse said that he does not want to live with you, do not rush to blame him and do not throw hysterics, because normal dialogue, the desire to listen to your partner and the ability to compromise will help correct any, even the most hopeless, situation.

How to get my husband back if he doesn't want to live with me

Try not to bother your spouse at first, let him be alone with his thoughts, let him really feel that you are not around. Don't annoy him with calls and don't constantly look for meetings, don't pursue him and don't beg him to come back.

If there were scandals at home that caused you to leave, then another one of your hysterics will definitely not help bring your husband back. Reconsider your attitude towards your partner, find mistakes and think about what you did wrong. As soon as the passions have subsided, talk with your spouse and decide together what to do next.

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