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The psychology of men is a rather primitive thing, in the opinion of many representatives of the beautiful half of humanity. But in thinking so, they are making a huge mistake. Men are not ordinary, but specific. They don't like to complicate things and create problems from scratch. And in general, the strong half behaves in a completely different way in comparison with women. Therefore, understanding all the intricacies of the structure of the psychology of men will allow the weaker sex to build more effective models of relationships with husbands, friends, bosses, sons and just a random environment. In most cases, the sons of Adam, regardless of belonging to a particular age group or social, even in adulthood, remain children, only their hobbies become more ambitious and can afford much more, while remaining in their hearts as vulnerable as childhood ...
The psychology of men is such that only outwardly they are overly self-confident, persistent and unshakable. However, this is a mask. Many women are lost in the assumptions why they do not have a relationship with the male sex, not realizing that when communicating, they take a mask for reality, as a result of which they make many mistakes that the male gender does not forgive. It has long been customary to call men the stronger sex. They deserve such a title only solely because of the physical advantage over the feminines, and mentally they are less strong than the fair half. Often the female sex does not understand that the gentlemen accompanying them through life can also be vulnerable and vulnerable, need tenderness and care.
Secrets of the psychology of men
Often, each of the representatives of the human race sins by trying to interpret another individual through the prism of himself. In other words, human nature is such that each subject ascribes to another character traits that he himself has, or a model of behavior in certain situations inherent in him. And when the other begins to behave in a different way, it seems to the individual that he is not held dear. But in reality, the other individual only in a different way expresses sympathy, agreement or disagreement.
People often lack the opportunity to look at situations from an alternative position or "someone else's eyes". Women in difficult situations do not put themselves in the shoes of their husbands, but only suggest how they need to act. At the same time, they completely forget about personal individuality and many other related factors. Naturally, the average husband, who does not possess the gift of reading women's thoughts, acts in a completely different way. This is how female grievances arise against the representatives of the stronger sex, who absolutely do not understand them. This approach, of course, negatively affects the relationship between the sexes and their mutual understanding in general.
To understand the psychology of men, the entire male brotherhood should be divided into certain types. Any "normal" representative of the stronger sex strives to achieve some known goal. It is important for some to provide evidence of their own importance to those around them, others strive to become the center of any collective, absolutely everyone likes it, still others crave power, the fourth see their goal in helping others, and the fifth, on the contrary, are used to just taking, giving nothing in return.
Psychology of men or how to understand a man?
Perhaps this is strange, but even when the children of Adam and Eve speak the same language, they still do not understand each other. And it's not about the declensions, endings, suffixes, pronouns and prefixes used, but about the different expressions of their own opinions and experiences. An example of this is the retelling of an ordinary children's fairy tale, heard from the lips of a boy and uttered by a girl. The big difference between their stories will be immediately apparent.
If the basics of male communication and female language were taught in school lessons, many conflicts between the sexes could be avoided.
For men, the main thing is action, while for the female part - the inner world and emotions. While the strong half is thinking about the accomplishment of a world coup, the weak part of the population is thinking about a new culinary masterpiece, supposed for dinner. When the solution to a complex production problem is spinning in his brain, her head is full of all sorts of options for speedy weight loss. Women tend to think more concretely and narrowly than men. The strong half, often, does not notice scattered socks, dirty dishes and cobwebs in the corners everywhere; From this it follows that since women cannot understand the representatives of the stronger sex with their minds, then one should not then project their own perception of the world onto them.
It is necessary to accept the fact that there is a psychological dissimilarity between men and women. It is necessary to come to terms with this postulate and not to dispute it in vain. Often, most ladies take dissimilarity for unwillingness to build a fruitful relationship. Men are predominantly straightforward. For the most part, they themselves do not know how to hint and do not understand hints.
If you set a goal, then male behavior becomes very understandable. The stronger sex calls the brown eyes - brown, and the blue dress - blue, while the weaker half believes that she has golden-brown eyes, and the dress is the color of the depths of the sea. Men don't mix concrete concepts with emotions. They are economists by nature - they are used to saving time and internal reserves.
Representatives of the stronger sex do not have telepathic abilities, so you should not be offended by the chosen ones who did not give a bouquet of flowers, which the charming woman so dreamed of. Another fact from male psychology is their inability to read minds. Males are simply not trained in telepathy, as a result of which they cannot guess about female dreams and requests. Therefore, if the ladies want to achieve something from their gentlemen or ordinary colleagues, they should talk about this to the representatives of the strong half, and preferably more than ten times, so that they certainly learn. You need to demand what you want from men and not be shy. The main condition is a calm and confident tone so that the man can realize that the subject of the conversation is very important to the woman, as a result of which he will satisfy the “request” with pleasure.
How to understand a man? The psychology of men reports that male individuals simply cannot stand being commanded. The sons of Adam should not be told what and when and how they need to do something. It will be enough just to define your own point of view.
In addition, men are greatly pressured by the boundaries into which society has driven them. The male part of the population should always correspond to three myths:
The strong half never cries, because tears are the lot of weak girls;
The strong half should always remain serious;
In any case, the strong half must remain strong.
A man is, first of all, a living being, not a robot. He cannot react in accordance with the rules invented by someone who knows who. Therefore, men cry too. And there is nothing unnatural or shameful in their tears. Also, men don't have to be serious all the time. Representatives of the strong half should be accepted as real, that is, as they really are, and not be adjusted to the framework contrived by society. In addition, the excessive seriousness of a partner, work colleagues, relatives, quickly tires, as a result of which they try to avoid such people whenever possible. Also, men are simply physically unable to be always strong spiritually. They also have bad days. And at a difficult moment, they expect support, and not the phrase: "Be a man!" Do not forget that the sons of Adam are also endowed with heart and soul. They also have the right to experience and express emotions.
Psychology of men in relationships
Any man is characterized by the presence of certain requirements for a partner. And if their "wishes" are brought together in accordance with male psychology, then we get a very monotonous set of requirements.
The psychology of men in relations with women is manifested in a certain set of ideas about the companion, about her behavioral manifestations and appearance. If a woman spends a little of her own time to deal with the uncomplicated mental organization of men, then by doing so she will acquire a golden key that unlocks the coveted door, hidden happy relationships.
First, the mental activity of male individuals is quite straightforward and absolutely concrete. Due to this feature, it is difficult for men to keep up with the high-speed flow of women's thoughts. Representatives of the strong half are more interested in the essence of things. Each phrase spoken should have a practical meaning. Water in conversations can piss men off.
Many ladies try to find hidden meaning in any male action and are systematically engaged in self-digging, which leads to confusion in relationships. It will be more effective not to analyze all male actions, but to understand the needs of the chosen one and help him implement them in life.
In principle, male and female needs are similar to each other, but there are a number of differences that lead to confrontation in relationships. For the emotional health of representatives of the strong half of the population, a sense of their own importance is vital. And in this, their professional fulfillment and financial security play an important role. Money instills confidence in men. It is important for the male sex to feel like a breadwinner. In addition, men gain self-confidence through a variety of hobbies and hobbies. Therefore, it is recommended that women do their best to encourage men's hobbies. Male interests should not be prohibited, they can only be slightly directed in the right direction. For example, from computer games to fishing. Interests help the stronger sex to restore their own mental strength or find opportunities for expressing their own emotions. You need to understand that personal interests are personal territory, entry into which is prohibited without knocking.
Men are very susceptible to flattery and are slightly vain. These are their weaknesses, but everyone has weaknesses. Therefore, women should learn to turn to their advantage. To do this, you need to occasionally emphasize his competence, ingenuity, sense of humor and intelligence. And, besides, it is recommended not to spare the words of gratitude on men.
Representatives of the stronger sex need confidence in their own ability to find ways out of any situations. This gives them a sense of the importance of their person. Significance for the stronger sex often plays a key role in achieving global goals. Therefore, it is recommended that the weaker half learn to give importance to their spouses, so that they feel like they are behind a stone wall. A man rewarded with his second half of importance will delight the chosen one again and again with new achievements and gifts!
The psychology of a man in love lies in his need for support from a partner and love. And especially they need physical love, thanks to which they feel fulfilled. Often, emotional male depression indicates a violation of any means of receiving love. Therefore, it is required to find out what ways a man needs to show love in order to pay special attention to them.
Men, although they are reputed to be the strong half of the population, they also need a sense of security and want to feel their own belonging. Due to belonging to a social group, representatives of the stronger sex feel safer and can climb the career ladder, earn respect and admiration. For psychological health to be normal, it is important for men to successfully cooperate with the environment. And the respect of society provides the male sex with proof of their worthy life.
It is important for Eve's daughters to learn to thank their own partners for their successes, achievements and admire strategic steps.
The male sex respects honesty in the weak half. They need their loved ones to answer all their interrogative statements honestly and confidently, to voice their own desires and needs truthfully, without wagging and hinting.
Sons of Adam are a fan of self-confident ladies and self-sufficient individuals. Men like a magnet are attracted by active young ladies and independent ladies who have personal interests and their own circle of friends. Men dream that their spouse would combine confidence along with tenderness, care and independence, intelligence and humor. They are fond of versatile women who can change externally and spiritually, demonstrate various facets of their own character and personality.
Representatives of the stronger sex hate manipulation in relationships. They are simply too lazy to try to guess the "signals" of their companion. They dream of a calm and simple relationship, a relationship in which the soul rests.
The male gender believes that ladies should want to develop personally and take responsibility for their own worries and emotions. The strong half admires the young ladies who know how to laugh at themselves and allow themselves mistakes.
Although there is an opinion that there are no faithful representatives of the stronger sex, men themselves demand fidelity in a relationship. They want to communicate and live with a woman, while not worrying that she has a crowd of fans with whom she flirts and makes eyes at them. Men need a sincere relationship.
Thus, the ideal companion in the harsh male life is the universal woman. However, it should not be universal for the entire male population, but for one particular man.
The psychology of a loving man
The stronger sex does not show its own feelings openly. The male part of the population gives preference to business. It is easier for them to fulfill all the whims of their beloved, if only they do not express their love. It is difficult for men to honestly talk about feelings.
The psychology of a man in love.
A man in love in the presence of an object of love becomes shy, even being a leader by nature. The main signal demonstrating the presence of feelings in a representative of a strong field is a long look directed towards the object of feelings. If a man feels exclusively passion for a lady, then his behavior will be different. With the surging lust, the representative of the male part of the population becomes more arrogant and assertive in dealing with the object of passion. In poses and gestures, slight aggressiveness dominates him. All his actions are aimed at invading the young lady's personal space. A man who is inflamed with passion constantly tries to hug a woman.
A man should feel like a conqueror, so they don't like clingy young ladies. Excessive assertiveness will only frighten and repulse them.
The psychology of men in love is such that such behavior will only cause resistance to rapprochement with such a “warrior”. Therefore, girls are advised to keep their distance, to remain a secret that they want to open. A man is a hunter, as a result of which prey "on a silver platter" interests him exclusively as a one-time meal.
The psychology of men in relations with women is characterized by a rapid cooling of the former to the latter. The stronger half is simply unable to keep their own interest in one object for a long time. Therefore, women need to learn to intrigue the chosen ones, without revealing themselves completely to them. An inaccessible girl is always attractive to the stronger sex. After all, it is not for nothing that the gentlemen of the past were capable of reckless acts for the sake of one glance of the chosen one. Thanks to chastity, the beauties of the Middle Ages forced men to commit serious deeds. It is not recommended for a woman, even after marriage, to reveal her own thoughts and innermost secrets to her spouse. Representatives of the fairer sex need to conceal a mystery in themselves, no matter what. Indeed, thanks to her, the routine of everyday life and the dullness of life will never enter married life.
The psychology of men in love goes through three phases of love. The first phase begins at a time when the relationship itself does not yet exist, and is a state of falling in love.
Male psychology at this phase provokes the representatives of the stronger sex to try to interest and surprise the chosen one. Men in a state of love are accompanied by a constant change of mood - either they seem to fly with happiness, or they are tormented by insecurity. Most attempts to make the right impression on the fair sex end in failure, which creates emotional problems and barriers. A man, until he wins the final victory, will be unsure of his own strength.
The second phase begins when the relationship becomes "official". Confidence grows by leaps and bounds. In this phase, the foundation is laid for the further behavior of men in relationships. He unconsciously assesses the boundaries of what is permitted, and establishes the territory of his own freedom and power.
The third phase is the state of a loving individual. Often this phase comes into family relationships. The experiences of men are similar to those in the first phase, but they are hidden deep in the subconscious.
Although the psychology of a man in love differs from that of a woman, it is quite easy to understand.
The psychology of a married man
The male half of the population, especially the one that excites women's hearts, is, as luck would have it, bound by the knot. Therefore, women and periodically strike up relationships with "married".
Psychologists say that a representative of the stronger sex who loves his own spouse will not commit adultery. He will not risk the happiness built by years of coexistence for a moment's pleasure. A married man has a predominant desire to protect his family, to preserve his usual way of life and relationships. Contrary to popular stereotypes, most married men are conservatives. A loving man needs only one wife. The prospect of entering into a new relationship, rebuilding relationships, getting used to the "jumps" of a new girlfriend, changing the established order of life that they love does not inspire, often even frightens off.
The psychology of a married man is such that the majority of unfree representatives will hide the presence of a wife until they fall for lies or the woman sees through his lies. When a married man is pinned down, he reluctantly admits that he is bound by the knot, but will present his marriage as something insignificant. Basically, representatives of the stronger sex hide the fact of their lack of freedom solely for selfish reasons. After all, the young lady they like may not agree to spend time in the company of married men. If the representative of the strong half does not hide the fact of having a wife or accidentally let slip about his marriage, then later he will mention his wife in such a tone as if she is a distant relative or generally an inanimate creature, an annoying obstacle that interferes with having a good time.
This behavior is understandable. After all, men appreciate a calm and measured life, free from scandals. This "silence" saves him from hassle and is convenient for everyone. However, do not flatter yourself. No matter how a man speaks about his wife, she does not stop being her. A wife can be boring and unloved, but in the life of every married man she occupies a rightful essential place.
Why is a married man looking for an intimate relationship on the side? Psychologists have identified a number of the most common reasons:
Men often believe that his wife has ceased to understand him, and therefore seek understanding on the side. Often it is more important for men to understand their subtle mental organization, and not to intimacy;
The man is tired of the constant scandals and showdowns, arranged by his wife, he wants to take a break from her persistent discontent and "sour" facial expression;
A man dreams of diversity in his own intimate life;
If there is a baby in the family, then the man is simply tired of the constant lack of sleep and crying, of the spouse's inattention;
If a man entered into a marriage on a "flight" or because it is necessary, and he himself is not yet ripe for marriage, then he will be attracted by freedom and communication with young ladies. After all, there are so many beautiful ladies around, but he cannot, he is married. This "injustice" causes resentment to life and provokes a strong half into extramarital affairs.
In addition, the man is completely satisfied with the relationship on the side, from whatever side you look at them. He successfully plays the social role of husband and head of the family. And the presence of a young mistress only adds to his status in the eyes of friends. After all, this is an indirect argument proving his male and material viability.
Also, marital relations carry not only delicious borscht and a warm bed, but also certain obligations shared with the spouse. Therefore, often, having come home from work after a hard day at work, men want to relax, and not plunge into a heap of family problems that require immediate solutions. Naturally, this does not evoke a romantic mood. As a result, the strong half is not so strong. Instead of trying to find a way out of the vicious circle, because the spouse is also hard, men find an easier option - a connection on the side.
Psychology of a man after parting
Most ladies are interested in the question: why do men return after parting? Psychology says that they have many reasons to return to their previous relationship. After all, even if a representative of the stronger sex in public and demonstrates indifference, this does not mean that he has peace in his soul. It is generally accepted that the stronger sex is thick-skinned, therefore, the gap is much easier to tolerate than the ladies. This opinion is completely untrue. Men can also have a hard time breaking up a relationship with their beloved, they just do not show their own emotions or drown them at the bottom of the glasses.
The primary and main task of men after the breakdown of a relationship is to hide their true state. They are trying by all means to prove to the environment their indifference about what happened. Therefore, they often outwardly become even more cheerful and cheerful. He manifests his sadness in striving:
Get drunk;
Visit noisy companies more often;
Have fun;
Get extreme hobby like motocross;
Seduce as many naive female “fools” as possible;
Establish a one-night-long relationship.
Why do men come back after breaking up? Psychology claims that there can be several reasons for this.
In the first turn, the strong half becomes uncomfortable without an ex-girlfriend, because it turns out that the role of the chosen one in his life is quite large. Secondly, truth, as you know, is born in comparison. A man usually, after parting with his girlfriend, immediately plunges into a new relationship. And it often happens that the former lady of the heart turns out to be smarter, more balanced, cheerful, honest than the current one. Thirdly, male representatives often need a certain amount of time to realize the depth of their own feelings for their former girlfriend.
Also, the reason for the return may be banal jealousy of new men in the life of a former passion. Often, the representatives of the stronger sex refer to ex-girlfriends as an object that, over time, remains their property. Therefore, when a new young man appears in a girl's life, the former chosen one is ready to conquer her again.
In addition, men can return "home" when they walk up. Of course, it's great when free, but I want the same care, warmth, affection and comfort.
Speaker of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMed"
Each age has its own characteristics. The relationship between a woman and a man is no exception. Love psychology at the age of thirty is completely different and the advice that is relevant at the age of 20 is completely inappropriate. At the age of 30, a girl is looking for just a partner to spend joint leisure time, now she needs a serious-minded man who will settle with her for a long time. The requirements for a partner are becoming higher and more rational than those previously set.
There are some tips for finding the right man for a woman in her 30s. First of all, it is very important to find a man who will be somewhat similar to a woman. It is desirable that the couple have similarities in morals, interests and values. It is this age that is most suitable in order to find the right person with whom a woman is ready to stay for all her life.
At the age of 30, a woman should already understand that she only needs to fight for essential things, in other cases she can be allowed to lose. This is one of the principles of love. If the relationship is a constant struggle, then perhaps there is no point in continuing them.
At the age of thirty, women should not return to relationships that will lead to a dead end anyway. That is, it is imperative to say goodbye to "dead" relationships forever. A serious, matured girl is unlikely to be interested in a relationship with a guy who still lives with her mother and does not work anywhere, or with someone who still prefers noisy parties with friends.
A very careful 30-year-old girl needs to be with younger guys. It is only natural that lonely and disliked women can easily succumb to their charms. Although the likelihood of meeting a failed personality is not excluded among older men.
A woman after 30 is strong and self-confident, so it is very important for her to learn to be dependent on her man. It is quite difficult, but in some matters it is simply necessary. Besides, it can be pleasant sometimes.
You must be able to be calm, wise and thorough. Tantrums have long been out of fashion. And hysteria is a clear sign that the relationship is not ideal and it is better to end them.
It is very important to decide by the age of 30 what exactly you want from your man, what he should be and what the relationship with him should be. The main thing is to remain confident in yourself and never be afraid to be alone. It is not for nothing that popular wisdom says that it is better to be alone than with just anyone.
The female psychology of parting
It is quite difficult for any woman to experience parting with her beloved man. Very often the experiences are very deep and very painful. The most difficult is the first month after the break. During this period, a woman, as a rule, is in a state of apathy towards the whole world around her, sees everything in gray colors, blames herself for what happened and feels herself the most unhappy.
Sports are one of the most effective ways to forget and restore mental health. A woman can go jogging, swimming, dancing, fitness, etc. As a last resort, you can do a thorough cleaning of the apartment. It is very important to physically strain yourself and not lie on the bed facing the wall. Physical activity is very helpful in fighting negative emotions. With a tired body and soul, it becomes easier.
You can also start a long-planned renovation, which will also become a symbol of the beginning of a new life. You need to fill your life with events as much as possible and realize that you can live without a loved one.
After some time, the woman needs to make a decision that she lets the man go and does not hold any grudge against him. And every day a woman should make herself a little joy, not a single day should pass empty, without positive. Don't get depressed, listen to sad music and watch soap operas.
In the end, a woman can go and just change her hairstyle, change her image. For any woman, this is one of the most effective medicines. It is very important to love yourself and not close in front of joyful moments and events. If possible, it is better to go to the sea or on a trip. Literally a month after the breakup, the woman will feel that the pain is subsiding. Although a month is not enough for a final recovery.
Any relationship and love suffering after their breakup is a spiritual experience. Falling in love with a man, it is better to initially be prepared for heart pain.
A difficult breakup can even feel like physical pain, because emotional and physical pain activate the same part of the brain. And when you add overdose of stress hormones like cortisol and epinephrine to the equation, breaking up can really be very difficult. In addition, subconsciously, we ourselves can interfere with our happiness if we incorrectly transfer this inevitable period of our life.
But psychology teaches us how not to get too deep into this rabbit hole, how to help ourselves. The main secret is to acknowledge your emotions and give them an outlet.
1. Respect your emotions.
Acknowledge what you are feeling, allow yourself to feel it, there is nothing to be ashamed of. Unexpressed emotions do not go anywhere, they settle somewhere inside, accumulate and then explode, which will not lead to anything good. Such a protective mechanism will not do good, but will affect more serious psychological problems.
So cry if you need to, sad, suffer.
2. Set yourself a time frame.
Give yourself time, but limit it. Don't prolong your suffering. Once the wound begins to heal, do not tear it open again. Often, what we do when we are hurt or sad only aggravates our wounds, and for this ...
3. Avoid triggers.
Stop looking at your old photos. Stop re-reading your messages. Stop going to places that remind you of your past love. Our brain is used to love, this person has become our habit, therefore it will be difficult to wean him.
4. Be objective.
Was your breakup a complete surprise or, deep down, did you know that something was wrong, but refused to admit it? Do you really believe that you can never love again? What does the statistics say? Relationships begin and end every day. Love always comes unexpectedly, like the one that left you.
5. Think about why nothing worked out for you.
And look not only at your negative qualities, but also at the disadvantages of your partner, as well as your relationship in general. This will help your mind to make sense of what happened. Help him to accept this information and process it, help yourself understand why the relationship ended.
6. It's not just you.
Again, we tend to blame ourselves for the breakup. But this is not always the case. Yes, you may have made mistakes, but it is also important that your partner, apparently, has a different perception of what kind of person he / she wants for himself.
7. Talk about it.
When we say our experiences out loud, it helps us to comprehend what happened and see the essence, because it is difficult to express emotions in words, and we only voice the facts.
8. Surround yourself with people.
People with higher self-esteem deal with breakups more easily. And your social circle, relatives and strangers with whom you will spend time will help you with this.
9. Be productive.
Instead of bullying yourself and lowering your self-esteem, do something that will prove to you and others that you are really worth something. Be useful.
10. Set new goals.
When we part, we lose part of the future that we already hoped for. Therefore, it is important to create new goals that you will wait for and towards which you will strive. And it is better that it be something that depends only on you.
Many women have not been able to avoid that very unpleasant moment when a beloved man waves his hand to you and goes into the sunset, for a new life. And neither the stamp in the passport, nor the presence of five common children, not jointly "acquired" mortgage on the apartment can stop a man if he decided to put an end to the relationship. And nevertheless, almost every woman tries to "hold on to the outgoing happiness" and makes the very mistakes that distance her even further from a happy reunion with her beloved. Typical female breakup mistakes, read on.1. Get out!
A rare woman does not collect bags for her husband with the words "Go wherever you want!" in a fit of righteous anger. As a rule, this is preceded by a long debriefing, scandals, tears, worries, etc. And at some point, the woman says: "I've had enough!" and points the man to the door. Or, quickly leaving the first underwear in his bags, he goes to his mother to lick his emotional wounds. At such a moment, a woman is adamant, a sleeping pride awakens in her for years, she is firm in her decision to permanently end a relationship with a man who was her beloved man before! They shout to him on the road: “I will never call you again! It's all over between us! How could I love such a person! " Quite stupid ladies begin to call names, insult a man, or remind him of all the mistakes over the years they lived together.Bottom line: a proud and independent woman drives away (or leaves herself) into a bright future without "this bastard."
2. Come back, I will forgive everything
It takes from three days to a week, and if the now "former" does not crawl to her on his knees, biting all his elbows, the woman falls into panic. As it is customary to say, "she begins to yearn", thinks that she was too impulsive, ready to "keep the family" and madly. Therefore, a proud and independent woman begins to take the first and timid steps towards the "former bastard" and still trying to keep the remnants of "pride" calls or writes to the man with an invented pretext. If there are common children, then the pretext is always associated with them, although in fact the lady is simply trying to test the waters for the return of the “former” to its usual place. It was like "I taught him a lesson so that he would understand how to live without me and without a family."When a man does not show any interest in his ex-wife or it turns out that he already has (was all the time) another woman, panic begins. The woman calls "to talk and find out everything," writes endlessly long letters, begins to accuse herself of insensitivity and vows never to make past mistakes again. If for some reason tears and persuasions do not work, mistake number three is used.
3. Humiliation as it is
Having tried more affordable ways of returning a man, such as calls, letters, tears, a woman uses heavy artillery, which is usually always the same - this is "unexpectedly being pregnant" or "getting an incurable disease." Almost always, a woman desperate to return a man resorts to these two most popular methods. Threats, such as “I’m going to eat without you,” are considered a sign of a very bad taste and are practiced much less often. If a man does not pity and does not return to his wife, then there is blackmail with the help of children or parents, calls from the mother-in-law "reason with him", intimidation and muddying the "homewoman" (if there is one), and sometimes all at once and in a bunch. And illness, and pregnancy, and blackmail, and threats, but he still does not return.4. Arouse jealousy
The next stage of "typical female mistakes" when parting with a man is "" and "I have someone appeared." Of course, the first thing to do is use social media to its fullest. Women post their photos with bouquets of flowers (which they bought for themselves) and sign the picture with a thoughtful and intriguing “thank you for being”, “love and be loved”. Some ladies even create fake pages, upload photos of "random" men from the Internet there, so that later they write to themselves "how delightfully beautiful you are."5. And yet we had a family (relationship, love)
It took quite a long time to understand that all previous convulsive attempts to return the man were unsuccessful. Casual men, photos with roses, blackmail, pregnancy, threats, quarrels, screams, insults, all for nothing. The man did not return and is already successfully building a relationship with another woman.The last mistake, which committed and finally destroys not only all the remaining relationships in this former couple, but also respect for the abandoned woman, is her consent to the role or secret wife. I was surprised when I found out how many wives who themselves put their man out with things, then agreed to the humiliating role of the second or tenth woman in his life, explaining their behavior “we had a family / love / serious relationship”.
What do psychologists say on this issue? Never kick a man out of the house or leave him yourself, unless you are firmly convinced that you will never come back. Well, if a man himself made the decision to end the relationship, then there is only one thing to do: always remember that love leaves, and self-respect should always remain.
Yesterday you were a couple and could not imagine life without each other, but today each of you meets the dawn in an empty room with one single question: "How to live now?" Measuring the ceiling with an empty gaze, shedding tears for what was lost and fleeing from ourselves can be infinitely long, but time heals.
True, healing occurs only if the process of parting with a loved one went right and in stages. Today on the site Koshechka.ru we'll talk about what stages of separation women and men are going through.
What's in the article:
What is separation?
From the point of view of psychology, parting is the loss of a relationship when they can no longer develop further for one reason or another. The breakup can be unexpected or deliberate, when the relationship is at an impasse and it just doesn't make sense to continue. One way or another, parting with a loved one borders on the concept of "life was cut short", and this is due to the absence at this stage of any positive thoughts in your head.
Breaking up is a systematic process that has its own stages. Only after passing them all can you return to normal life. If you freeze at any stage partingor live it wrong, you can suffer for a very long time, because until the stage is passed, it is impossibleatstep on to the next.
Let's list on the website the 6 main stages of separation that men and women go through:
- The stage of denial of what is happening.
- The stage of expression or oppression of feelings.
- The stage of bargaining or trying to "glue" the relationship.
- The stage of apathy to everything that happens.
- The stage of accepting the situation and resigning.
- The stage of the second wind or a new page in life.
Depending on the complexity of the situation and the intensity of emotions, each of us experiences this difficult moment in life with its own speed and characteristics. The main thing is not to let yourself get stuck at any particular stage and look for all the ways out of this situation.
Stage 1 - Denying what is happening
The first phrase that spins in my head after the words: "I don't love you anymore!" or "We need to part," "This is not happening to me." Consciousness refuses to accept the prevailing circumstances and includes a defensive reaction, which is expressed in denial of what is happening. It was as if the person had been doused with a bucket of icy water or struck with something heavy on the head. The soul screams "Nooo!", And stress makes a person curl up. Joint plans for life, common interests, memories and dreams - it all collapsed! The bouquet of feelings after parting has not yet managed to open up and the only thing that lives in the heart at this stage is the intolerance of the very notion that this person will no longer be there. Fear, misunderstanding and intense anxiety are the main experiences of men and women after parting.
If everything was already heading for a break, and you managed to get used to the idea that sooner or later you will have to break up, then the effect of devaluation of the significance of the loss occurs. In this case, there is no strong shock and worries, but feelings seem to freeze: the heart should scream with pain and grief, but it is simply indifferent to it.
At this stage, it is important not to go completely into yourself, but to ask for help and support from relatives, otherwise you can get out of this stage of separation, especially from women, from several months to several years.
Stage 2 - Expression or oppression of feelings
As soon as the awareness of what is happening comes, a wave of real feelings will rush. Everything can mix here: pain, anger, hatred, guilt, jealousy. We are angry at our loved ones for making us go through the breakup, for leaving no chance of rectifying the situation. In a state of panic, we begin to look for the culprit: and we often find him in our face. The woman is tormented with the question: "Why didn't I keep him?"
Now it is important not to go too far: get angry, but in moderation and without the use of physical force. Not only your partner can suffer from your emotions, but also the people around you. Usually women in such a situation break dishes or tear paper, throw out the things of their beloved defiantly out the window. A man may throw a phone or something heavier against the wall in anger.
Stage 3 - Bargaining or Attempting to Glue Relationships
The first two stages of separation in women and men simultaneously contain this stage - constant attempts to bring everything back.
After the ardent passions have subsided, a certain calm ensues and a more or less conscious analysis of the situation takes place. As soon as the reason for the breakup is found out, the stage of bidding and swing begins, tearful telephone conversations and SMS battles with pleas for forgiveness. We are looking for loopholes and any approaches to the heart of our beloved, in order to somehow reduce the size of the wound in the heart. Hope at this stage is the only thing that allows us to continue to live on. After all, all the brightest and most wonderful remained behind, and in front - so far only darkness and hopelessness from the situation.
Sometimes attempts to get together really end in success, but this relationship is already new. If you do not approach your beloved, you need to let go of the situation and start a new life without him. 
Stage 4 - Apathy to everything that happens
This stage allows us to understand what it means to be a vegetable: insensitive and floating with the flow of life. The brain and heart were tired of fighting and, finally, the realization came that the past could not be returned, but life still goes on. It is useless to look for the guilty if this still does not return the loved one.
Emptiness settles in the heart. Someone lies all day, buried in the ceiling, someone sits for hours at the TV, and someone tearfully looks through joint photographs. Sometimes apathy reaches a point when there is no longer any strength for anything, and only a psychologist can help to cope with experiences. Usually, by this time, the person is already so exhausted that a gradual normalization of the psyche takes place: the offense passes, the pain dulls, consciousness returns.
At this stage of parting, it is important to cry and remember all the good things - this is necessary for the transition to the next state.
Stage 5 - Acceptance of the situation and humility
The time of "shaking and clouding" has passed, life begins to slowly return to its former course. Memories are still alive in memory, but this no longer prevents us from going about our daily activities. What happened makes us draw conclusions, and fear of a new relationship lingers in the heart for a long time.
Having gathered all the will in a fist, women begin to take care of themselves: again in the hands of a cosmetic bag, a schedule for two weeks in advance, a cup of coffee for breakfast, fitness on weekends, meetings with girlfriends in a cafe. Men silently try to find balance and also take up not a glass of cognac or vodka, but driving their favorite car and go to solve their daily male problems.
Stage 6 - Second wind or a new page in life
Life is gradually being filled with new events and acquaintances, the sun again looks into the empty room, and the food regains its taste. We understand that life has taught us a cruel lesson, but we are grateful to her for this shake-up.
A person after parting, as if after receiving an electric shock, learns to live anew. Strength and self-confidence are gradually returning, new plans and prospects appear ahead. The last stage is characterized by complete acceptance of what happened: if we broke up, then we did not fit together.
How do women experience parting?
The stages of separation in the female half of humanity are accompanied by pronounced emotionality and duration. A feature of female psychology is the duration of the depressive state in this situation. Sometimes a woman can be in a state of apathy for several years.
Having lost confidence in themselves and their beauty, women often try to survive the breakup under the guise of a successful and independent "woman". From the point of view of psychology, this is the most successful move - so women can get used to the presented image and it is easier to go through all the stages of the experience of parting.
How do men experience parting?
Oddly enough, but men perceive the separation process much closer to their hearts than women. Outwardly, they will not show weakness, with their heads held high and their eyes dry, they will accumulate rage and anger within themselves until all this pours out in the form of:
- Drinking alcoholic beverages in order to drown out mental pain.
- Sports activities until exhaustion.
- Chaotic changes of partners in bed.
According to psychology, men are less resistant to this kind of negativity, and this is due to a higher susceptibility to what is happening.
