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A psychotherapist is a doctor whom people tend to treat with slight distrust, considering him a rather abstract doctor, and therefore turning to him only in especially extreme cases. In fact, his work is not much different from the work of an ordinary doctor: they come to him with a problem, he eradicates it, significantly improving the patient’s life. But how do you know when it’s time for you to “heal your soul”?
“Everything seems to be fine with me, but for some reason I wake up in the morning and want to hang myself”
Sometimes you feel as if some sad event has been erased from your memory, and your feelings have been forgotten. As a result, you were left with good memories, but in complete despondency, with a state of irritability, constant apathy and incomprehensible depression. But feelings never lie: if for quite a long time it seems to you that you feel very bad, then it doesn’t seem to you. The main questions: why and where did this painful feeling come from?
The psychotherapist will certainly find out what the problem is. The reasons can be different - from unnoticed depression to symptoms of serious illnesses. Or it is possible that in your case, irritability is a completely healthy reaction, but you yourself are not fully aware of the real situation around you.
“It seems like I'm doing the wrong thing. And in general, I’m not living my own life.”
Your soulmate is not your soulmate; you studied in the wrong specialty, and your potential is probably completely different; and this gray, oppressive city is absolutely not for you! It all feels more like a failed alternative version of your real life.
All this is also not without reason. The most likely reason is your upbringing and the hopes your parents placed on you. But the doctor will explain more precisely.
“It seems to me that I walk in circles and always step on the same rake”
You periodically get bored with all your friends, you can’t work in the same place for a long time, you always have the same problems with your boss, you have similar conflicts with your colleagues every now and then, romantic relationships follow the same tragic scenario every time... Boredom. Yearning. What is this, fate?
No. One of the reasons may be the self-defense of your psyche, which displaces the most traumatic experiences from your consciousness. You are not aware of them and each time you encounter them as if for the first time. You won't be able to handle this on your own. But a specialist will help you.
“I constantly have a headache/stomach ache, but not a single doctor can find the cause of the problem.”
No wonder they say that all diseases are caused by nerves. Year after year, numerous studies confirm that stress can manifest itself in the form of wide range physical ailments - from chronic indigestion to headaches, frequent colds or even decreased sexual desire. So if your hospital saga never yields a concrete diagnosis, perhaps you should look inside your head.
"I can't fight procrastination"
It is important to understand: procrastination is not a problem, but a symptom.(unless, of course, we are talking about banal laziness). Time management, willpower and all kinds of training will not help. Procrastination can have really serious reasons, ranging from a lack of faith in the success of your own activities (which you may not even suspect) to the mistakes of your parents.
"I hate my appearance"
Self-criticism and the desire to change for the better are not bad. But if you are rated quite highly (according to external data) by those around you, and at the same time you are constantly dissatisfied with yourself, and if it seems to you that if they changed you a little, you would live completely differently, then this is a problem psychological nature. This means that someone else is clearly to blame for your judgment. But who? Where? And when did this happen?
“I always feel guilty”
You are soft, like plasticine, and you can easily be convinced that you are wrong. You constantly apologize. You feel like you're doing something wrong. You may not realize that you regularly experience similar feelings. This is not the norm. This is definitely where you need to consult a specialist.
“I constantly get involved in painful relationships.”
The same type of men/women, each time the same conflict situation with a partner, loss of interest, boredom, unjustified hopes - and all this hell in personal life is repeated many times. Most likely, the problem is with your parents. But which one exactly? There may be a million options, and it is important to find yours specifically.
“I get very nervous about interacting with people”
You are going to an important meeting, and your hands are shaking with excitement. They continue to shake before a date, before meeting friends, bosses, etc. This is not just a sign of a sensitive or shy person, it is a clear attitude ingrained in your brain. And it will help you realize it - bingo! - psychotherapist.
"Friends complain about me"
You lose friends, move away from loved ones, some acquaintances suddenly abruptly interrupt communication with you, stop responding to phone calls and messages no longer invite you to meetings and joint trips somewhere. This may be a sign that you have exceeded the limit of their patient, friendly support for a problem that you yourself are completely unaware of. And if those around you quite often hint at you about it, then this is a sign that it’s time to talk to someone who will understand your behavior.
And for those who speak English and still doubt whether to go to a psychotherapist or not, we advise good test from Psychcentral. Be healthy and smile more often!
19 Mar 2019
Unique Mikhail
Hello, my name is Mikhail, I am 20 years old, Family status: I'm in a relationship. My problem is that I feel uncomfortable on the street, especially in crowded places where people are walking in a stream, for example during rush hour. It seems to me that passers-by are looking at me and somehow judging me, perhaps laughing. Because of all this, my heartbeat quickens, I start to sweat and walk quickly, I try not to look at those around me so as not to make eye contact. The situation changes, when I walk with someone I even barely know, I feel more confident. What should I do about it? Can I solve this problem myself?
Mar 20 2019
Unique Mikhail
Condemnation itself is already unpleasant, it undermines self-esteem. Maybe the fear is more because of what this could lead to, some kind of personal hostility.
Sometimes I don't understand where this anxiety comes from because I realize that people don't pay as much attention to me as I imagine.
Mar 20 2019
Unique Mikhail
Insults, some aggressive gestures, something negative in general
Mar 20 2019
Unique Mikhail
Well, yes, there were many similar situations during my school years, but I can’t single out a specific case
Mar 20 2019
Unique Mikhail
For some reason I remembered an incident when I had tense relationships with friends, they walked behind me and somehow insulted me and laughed. This happened more than once
Mar 20 2019
Unique Mikhail
Fear, confusion
Feeling vulnerable
21 Mar 2019
Unique Mikhail
I have fear that this could happen again, all this aggression and contempt. I feel some kind of stiffness in my body, uncertainty in my movements. Confusion because I don’t know what to do with this, what to do with myself so as not to experience these feelings. Vulnerability for me is the same as insecurity, I feel that I can experience those unpleasant sensations again and will not be ready for it
21 Mar 2019
These feelings cause you pain. You are trying to avoid them. Tell me, could you go back in time now as an adult and protect your little self from the aggression that happened? What would you say or do to your bullies?
21 Mar 2019
Unique Mikhail
I think I could defend myself, since they were just teenagers, and now I’m already an adult and I could also somehow aggressively respond to them, as I would do now if there was a similar situation
21 Mar 2019
Mikhail, that is, from an adult position you can protect yourself! Protect yourself in the past, move to a situation where you are offended. Say in your mind everything you wanted to say, but didn’t say out of fear. Live your feelings, feel your own protection and support. Then write to me what has changed in your feelings, in your body, etc.?
Mikhail, did you manage to do the practice?
Mar 22 2019
Unique Mikhail
I don’t understand, I’m trying to relive those situations from the past, from the position of an adult, but nothing changes, I just scroll through it in my head and I don’t have any feelings
I don't agree with the person who answered above. You don’t think that everyone is made up - it seems to you that everyone is fake, doesn’t think, etc. I would suggest that this is either weak empathy - you cannot fully empathize with others. Maybe it's something autistic. The first and most important problem that people with autism pay attention to is their lack of understanding of other people's emotions. But in general, we can’t get into someone else’s head. It is normal that we do not understand whether people think and what - we only see actions and hear words. We cannot feel for others. Philosophers debate such topics and set up a thought experiment where zombies, having no real experience, behave like ordinary people- as it should be. The experiment is called “The Philosophical Zombie” and is used to criticize the idea that reactions are a response to external stimuli - stimuli.
It can also be assumed that you have something like derealization.
Here's how the wiki describes derealization:
Derealization (allopsychic depersonalization) is a disturbance of perception in which the world is perceived as unreal or distant, devoid of its colors and in which memory impairment may occur. Sometimes accompanied by states of “already seen” or “never seen.” Quite often it occurs together with depersonalization, as a result of which it is referred to as “Depersonalization-Derealization Syndrome,” that is, the term “derealization” is often understood as a group of similar symptoms responsible for changes in the perception of the surrounding space. Derealization is not a psychotic disorder (it belongs to the category of neurotic disorders or the so-called “minor psychiatry” - a person in the vast majority of cases completely retains control over himself, adequacy and sanity, this only worsens the quality of life).
Derealization is often associated with depression and is the main component symptom of anxiety neurosis or other mental disorders, also often together with depression or neurasthenia.
Here is what one of the participants in one forum writes about derealization:
Artur: How I understand you, to be honest, I myself encountered this disease at the age of 18 after a strong six-month period of stress... I thought I was going crazy. The symptoms were: 1- a feeling of unreality. 2- thoughts appear about the universe, who are we? , why are we here? What will happen when we die? 3- as if you are in another civilization, people seem inanimate, as if they are robots (roughly speaking, everything has become so alienated, unusual, not alive) and sometimes these thoughts are so frightening that you want to run away somewhere.... How it's called a rule panic attacks... I live in Kyiv, I saw a good psychiatrist on Frunze, a doctor with extensive experience, he even teaches at the university, after I told him about my thoughts, he did not stuff me with pills to relieve these symptoms, he said that everything would be fine, these thoughts were all from himself, he said that we are young people, delving into the Internet, looking for illnesses, and then boldly attributing them to ourselves (schizophrenia, going crazy, etc.). I came out of this state for about half a year or even a month. 7-8, strangely enough, everything went away on its own, and the world became brighter, and I was no longer frightened by the thoughts that worried me during derealization, that is, my common sense returned.... Now I am already 23 years old, I lived a full life for 5 years , but in the background sports nutrition which I used in the gym, I experienced a malfunction in my body that affected nervous system, I’ve been living with a panic disorder for 2 months now, I have panic attacks, a temperature of 37-37.5, and derealization which is accompanied by panic disorders... Again, I saw the same psychiatrist on Frunze, he still told me the words he said 5 years ago, - until you learn to live with it or cope with it, it will bother you..... I went to another psychiatrist, he said that it’s okay, your body has a problem due to sports supplements and it’s all being treated in within a month - antidepressants.... As a result, there is no schizophrenia, etc.. If you did not have schizos in your family, or with panic disorders, then I can say that you are a 100% healthy person, then what do you have If you have some disorders, then it’s okay, don’t delay your visit to a psychiatrist and he himself will personally convince you of this... I hope my life story will help you!
So watch yourself: if there is any panic, stress, neurosis, depression or malfunction in the body.
I faced the same thing, there was a feeling of derealization, I read the symptoms of schizophrenia, I thought I was going crazy, as if I was the incarnation of Christ, I even had thoughts of suicide. Unable to bear this feeling, I fell into depression, and over time it passed, I got the impression that it seemed to me somehow, I began to delve into what I ate, drank, and took. About a year later, something similar happened again, but more vividly, I was fantasized with ideas, emotions, information appeared in my head on its own in response to the questions asked, on a social level I felt that there were no barriers for me and the world belonged to me. Again, at a certain moment, I thought about the nature of what was happening and got to the bottom of the Orthodox “seduction”, I got scared, prayed, cleansed myself energetically and informationally, went to a healer - and it passed. In the end, what do you think? Six months later it happened again. Well, this time, without unnecessary fear, I plunged into this feeling to the fullest and went to the end, so to speak. It’s pointless to say what I got to in the end, I can only advise you to remember that everyone has many “educators” and “friends” up there, and that they won’t easily offend us, trust them and (most importantly) yourself .
P.S.: For some reason I remembered Vysotsky’s song “Rut”, although I heard it out of the blue once in childhood last time, but, as always, you need to trust this figurative channel, most likely the song is on topic.
Answer
I accept that everyone around me may not be real. Everything is possible. And at the same time I don’t feel somehow bad or detached. On the contrary, I'm afraid that it will go away with age. I'm afraid that I will become normal, standard, perceiving the world without any theories. I'm afraid that I'll wake up one day and stop thinking. I'll just get out of bed and not ask myself some philosophical question like this. It is thinking that makes me human, and without it I will become an animal, caring only about making me feel good. If a psychologist advises you to just enjoy life, then this is a bad psychologist. The main task of humanity is to strive for greatness, and thinking even about what seems crazy (like I am the rebirth of Jesus) can very well help on this path. It stretches the brain and can bring up new, more serious questions.
We often ask ourselves the question: why are we not successful with the opposite sex? The answers vary widely, but rarely do they suggest that the problem is not us, but our behavior.
Building relationships is a challenging but exciting process. However, many perceive it as hard work, or even as a duty. For example, my friend has set herself the goal of marrying a foreigner at all costs; for the past 8 months she has been on dating sites every day, goes on dates, and sometimes even tracks down a potential spouse when leaving work (she has even compiled a map of the places where she works greatest number foreigners from developed foreign countries). At the same time, she does all this with a clear understanding that it is NECESSARY - rain, snow, temperature, holidays - it is necessary and that’s it. She is not shy and does not hide it, honestly admitting that I have a goal and I will achieve it. Moreover, she chose blitzkrieg as her tactics - she meets a man and after a couple of dates asks when he will marry her. The man, of course, immediately disappears, and she is perplexed - after all, it was for these purposes that they met, why doesn’t he want to clearly answer the question.
Maybe you, too, are one of those people who see a relationship not as a process, but as a goal?
You are too negative.
Is the glass half empty? Do you like Eeyore and Hedgehog in the Fog? Are we all going to die anyway? Then this is the diagnosis.
You are too pessimistic about life. You know, there are high-toned people, and there are low-toned people. Well, there is someone between them too. So, high-tone people are physically attractive, active optimists. They have a good appetite, they don’t dream, they never get offended and don’t even remember what they can be offended by. One of my friends is exactly like this. When I try to be offended by him, he spreads his arms, smiles broadly and says: “Oh my God... what are you doing?” It's impossible to resist. Low-toned people, in turn, are grumpy, sad pessimists. They look for motivation for every action they take, and often don’t find it, so they don’t take any actions if they don’t make sense (for example, they don’t go on picnics, don’t have animals, and don’t celebrate birthdays). They are suspicious and have low self-esteem. There are people like that among my friends too. Or rather, they were. It is extremely difficult to communicate with these people; they manage to make us feel guilty all the time. It seems to me that the main difference between these categories of people is that the process is important to the first, and the result to the second. This applies to everything – life itself, after all. You don’t need to look for meaning in everything, you don’t need to come up with goals for yourself and justify your every action. My high-toned friend never reflected on the topic of why he higher education, a bulldog and a reserved seat ticket to Kazantip, but all this brings him happiness, of which he has so much that he is ready to share with others.
You always need help.
Another common problem of people who find it difficult to live with joy in their souls is that they cannot live without problems. By the way, I am one of those people. Some time ago, I caught myself thinking that there was no period in my life when I lived without problems - study, work, family, personal life and even health! It seemed to me that there really were problems in my life, but when I discovered osteoporosis at age 22, it became clear to me that I simply needed difficulties. It was always like this, and one of my men told me about it from time to time, but I didn’t believe it. I took sedatives, cried, became depressed because the university assigned me a retake. It seemed to me that I would be expelled, and my life would end under the fence in a refrigerator box. Some problems simply drove me crazy - I was afraid for the lives of my parents or that I would get cancer. In the end, I decided that if I couldn’t live without problems, then I needed to control them somehow. I came up with three topics to worry about, and when I get tired of one, I move on to another. These topics are already so old that they do not plunge me into a state of panic, but completely satisfy my need to suffer.
Don't become paranoid. If there is an entrance to a situation, then there is a way out of it. There are no unsolvable problems.
You think you know everything better than others.
There is a category of people who stick their nose into everything. It would seem that a person studied at a technical university, but he gives advice on how to write poetry. Or worse, he rules them without your knowledge. He also knows where to spend your vacation; knows which job is suitable for you and which is not; that the heel should not be higher than 6.5 cm, and the skirt should be shorter than the knee; knows with whom to communicate, what to say, what to think... If you give birth to him, he will train you to do this too. Although it is unlikely that you will decide to start a family with a “big boss”, what irritates you is not so much the fact that they constantly teach you, but the fact that they do it incompetently.
You are too passive.
Men often admit that what irritates them most about women is laziness. “He lies on the couch all day and watches TV series” is one of the most common complaints from men. Women are more tolerant, but believe me, they don’t like it either. No one should diminish the beauty of your inner world, but sometimes it’s worth remembering that relationships are fun. It's fun to visit friends together, skydive, go to the cinema, walk the dog. It's fun to come home from Korean class and share funny stories with your family. Your loved ones want to answer the question “What does your/yours do?” answer in a long and detailed manner, and not mutter: “Yes, nothing special.” Don't be lazy.
You are too arrogant.
Many people feel shocked when they discover that others see them as arrogant. Do you tend to take long pauses in conversations and think while looking into the distance? Have you ever measured a person with your eyes when you first met, rather than looking at their face? Do you know how to raise one eyebrow in disgust? There are many more gestures and symbols with which we tell others: “Who are you anyway?” Moreover, once is enough for a person to form an opinion about you. You shouldn’t consider yourself superior to others, you shouldn’t compare yourself with anyone at all. Others do it for you, and often BLOG TEAMO.RU
When I walk down the street and see people laughing, it seems to me that they are laughing at me. Always! How to deal with this?
* * *
Why do I feel like people are laughing at me? I’m walking down the street alone, not touching anyone, suddenly I catch someone’s evil gaze and immediately try to determine what’s wrong with me, why did I make him smile?What if they weren’t laughing at me, but at something or someone else? For some reason it's very unpleasant to think about this. Someone else's laughter is always unpleasant. Evil, malicious laughter, laughter with mockery. “Where do people get so much aggression? I would... you can’t treat people like that!”
And yet, even if they weren’t laughing at me, why do I think they were laughing at me? Why am I worried that something is wrong with me? Why am I even worried about myself and so sensitive to other people’s assessments?
Any person is pleased when those around him accept him, and it is unpleasant to be an outcast in the team. If one person does not react to negative attacks in his direction, then the other laughs it off, and the third fights back with a retaliatory attack. Also, in any team there are people who do not know how to protect themselves or simply avoid noisy conversations. Different people- different behavior in certain situations.
Visual vector
As Yuri Burlan’s Systemic Vector Psychology shows, people with a visual vector are least able to protect themselves from moral pressure. Situations with unexpected conflicts cause fears in them. They are easily influenced by others and are hypnotizable. In my naivety visual person may become a victim of a prank or provocation. Finding himself ridiculed, he experiences even greater fears and begins to avoid people, even to the point of social phobia. Feeling afraid of being laughed at stranger, the viewer may be under the delusion that any chuckle heard is addressed to him.There are those who don’t even have time to understand what happened before everyone is already laughing at him. Speakers of the sound vector do not like noise or empty talk in company. They prefer solitude and reflection on abstract topics of life and death, for example. For them, the need to extrovert in a team is stressful. And they extrovert their minds differently.
They don’t have to be in the crowd in order to adapt to society. Through focusing on others, on their work in the relevant profession: science, programming, music, they determine their belonging to society. Sound engineers really don't like noisy companies.
Sometimes a sound artist who gets stuck in his thoughts is a real “absent-minded person”, he easily becomes an object of ridicule because of his eccentricity and experiences very painfully when people laugh at him. After all, his Self is the innermost secret that the greatest sound minds of the past sought to reveal: scientists, philosophers, religious figures, psychiatrists.
The sound artist tends to think to himself: “I am the reason for everything.” Got an unexpected question? “Oh, this is for me,” the sound engineer sincerely thinks. “No, it didn’t turn out to be for me,” the sound artist’s egocentrism gives the false feeling that “there is no one but me.” For the same reason of egocentrism, sound specialists have the false belief that every laugh heard is directed in their direction.
The third category of people who have a hard time experiencing laughter at themselves are carriers of the anal vector, the most decent and serious people. These are professionals and scholars; noticing the slightest errors and inaccuracies in a subject is their talent. Only they are able to bring their work to perfection in detail; perfectionism is their trait. But they are not friends with humor. They focus on the joke, dissecting it in detail, passing it through their knowledge, but from the outside it looks like a slow reaction. They do not perceive humor - in a sense, these are the people who do not laugh. They feel bad when people laugh at them. It’s a shame to look awkward in public, to embarrass yourself. That's why they avoid jokes. “It’s better to read a book” on history, for example.
People with such a mental structure record their first experiences for the rest of their lives. First teacher, first school team, first relationship. They remember all the good and all the bad, and then, every time they encounter a similar situation, they again unconsciously expect a repetition of the first experience. Unfortunately, the impression of communicating with the first team, for example, in childhood, may not be very good. When the experience is bad, then wrong decisions may be made in the future. The new situation could turn out to be the most good experience, and they refuse it in advance, avoid living their lives.
Why are they laughing?
Thus, it becomes clear that the fear of laughter and ridicule is associated with high expectations from the team, a lack of understanding of how to respond to ridicule, and the fear of entering into a verbal conflict. The obsessive expectation of ridicule directed at oneself may be groundless. The reason for these discomfort located in ourselves - these are fears, traumas, bad experiences. In a word - bad internal states.“Why are they laughing? Again, probably above me,” and bad thoughts came into my head again. And come up and ask what made the person laugh? - such thoughts do not occur to us. And even if so, then I know what to answer, how to protect myself.
What we think about other people may not be true. Training in system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan allows you to get to know yourself and other people, the reasons for their desire to laugh at others, possible reactions to these ridicule and how to avoid them.
When we feel good, we have good internal states, then we tend to perceive the world with an open soul and with all our hearts. And there is no point in expecting anything bad from a random passerby. When our internal state is bad, we project it onto the people around us.
Hundreds of people who have completed training in system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan reported that they got rid of fears, obsessive thoughts, and grievances.
“Now, after almost two years, I don’t feel that former horror of people, I can calmly go out into the street and use public transport talk on the phone and do many other things without wasting too much time and effort on thinking and overcoming your fear.”
