Alexandra and Anna have been friends since school. Sasha has a successful business, and Anya works in an office and holds a very modest position. When a friend needed money for repairs, Alexandra gladly helped her out by lending her the rather large amount she needed. The repair was made six months ago, but Anna does not pay any attention to timid hints that it is time to return the money or part of it.
After another two years, things are not going well for Alexandra herself, and she demands to repay the debt in a tougher form. There is no limit to the indignation of a friend: such grievances emerge that Sasha did not even know about. She learns a lot about herself: and about how she once took the boy away from Anya at school, about how everything “has been easy” for her all her life. And what kind of repairs Anya could do for this miserable amount.
When giving something to acquaintances or friends for a while, be prepared to part with it forever.
Frustrated Sasha writes toxic posts on social networks. The money cannot be returned, and many years of friendship is coming to an end ... This happens to many of us, and we ask ourselves: why do friends not justify our trust?
Here are five reasons that explain this behavior.
1. A FRIEND RECEIVED YOUR MONEY AS A GIFT
Perhaps he was not initially going to return the loan to you, deciding that it was a gift. Etiquette specialist Emily Post advises against borrowing things or amounts of money that you really care about. In other words, when you give something to acquaintances or friends for a while, be prepared to part with it forever. First of all, it concerns books.
2. HE FORGOT ABOUT DEBT
Perhaps he even denies the very possibility that he could borrow something from you. What is it: forgetfulness or pretense? So advice for the future: take a receipt indicating the amount and the date of its return. An email will suffice to refresh your memory.
3. You have different value systems
Perhaps you are frugal, scrupulously keep house books and carefully plan all expenses, and your girlfriend lives one day and does not know what will happen at the end of the month. It has a different attitude to money: today it is, tomorrow it is not - such is life. And she has no motivation to return them if she is broke again.
4. A FRIEND THINKS YOU WON'T CLAIM A DEBT
Perhaps you are perceived as a well-mannered person who will not make a fuss over a certain amount. Thomas Farley considers it right not to stutter about his rights. Wanting to return the money lent to friends, you risk the reputation of a generous and wealthy person. Especially if you paid for a friend in a restaurant or helped him with shopping by paying extra for the item you liked.
5. A FRIEND THINKS THAT HE IS MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU MONEY
... And enjoys it. This is an occasion to reconsider your relationship with people in general. Perhaps by borrowing large sums, you are trying to earn the favor of others. Money in exchange for friendship is not the safest investment.
Let's talk about it
Is there any way to appeal to conscience and return the debt without scandal? Unfortunately, there is no tactic that gives a 100% guarantee, but, for example, a one-on-one conversation in a cafe can help. The main thing is that you are alone and no one interferes with you. Avoid harsh language, do not act like a bailiff. Your monologue might look like this: “I was happy to lend you this amount a couple of months ago, but I was hoping that you would return the money before I had to pay the rent. Now I really need them. When will it be convenient for you to pay me back?”
If the friend is silent or vague, hint that you are not ready to wait indefinitely: “I hope that we will sort things out within the next month. Perhaps you can give me part of the amount today?
Financial relations can actually be a marker of your life position, the ability to defend your own interests.
A quarrel between two girlfriends usually upsets both parties to the conflict. Often, misunderstandings lead to a cooling in relationships and even to the termination of friendship. How to behave after a quarrel so as not to lose a girlfriend?
How to get a girlfriend and old friendship back
If I'm offended
In this case, wait for the girlfriend to initiate the contact. Although it is important to understand that this is only appropriate if your grievances are completely justified. Otherwise, it is possible that a friend is also offended, and, like you, is waiting for an initiative from the “offender”.
If my girlfriend is offended
If your girlfriend is offended by you, then it is important to react correctly. Some people need time to "cool down", and trying to make up right away is unlikely to help. Other people, even more "wind up" themselves if the conflict is not resolved in a timely manner. Therefore, it would be better if you try to immediately bring your girlfriend to a conversation for reconciliation. If the attempt is not successful, then it makes sense to wait a while.
If I am to blame for our quarrel
There can be only one option - to apologize to a friend. If you have realized your guilt, then there is no point in being silent, thinking that over time everything will be forgotten. Some girls are so afraid to admit their mistakes that they would rather be without a girlfriend, but will not apologize. Perhaps you, too, hope that everything will be resolved by itself, and by doing so, you are pushing your girlfriend away from you even more. Put yourself in her place, and think - would you like this behavior!?
If the culprit of the quarrel is a friend
In this case, wait until she realizes her guilt and gets in touch with you. However, as already mentioned, it is very difficult for some girls to admit their own mistakes. Perhaps your girlfriend regrets her deed, but at the same time it is morally difficult for her to call you - she is afraid of your reaction. If you value your friendship, then try to take the first step. Call her and calmly ask if she thinks you need to talk. By her reaction, you will understand whether she understood her mistakes, and whether she needs this friendship just like you do.
If the guy was the reason
There are nuances here. If we are talking about a guy who is not in a relationship with either of you, then invite your friend to forget about this situation. Of course, if one of you is truly in love with him, then the second should retreat. Both in love? Agree that let the guy decide for himself which of you is more interesting to him. Although, this is a very sensitive topic. Girls who get into a fight with a guy are hardly ever real friends.
If you publicly disgraced or slandered her (she)
It is possible that in this situation the friendship will come to an end. However, it is worth clarifying an important point: did you do this or your friend intends or did it happen randomly. Whatever it was, you should explain yourself to each other.
If a friend does not return a debt or money you owe
If a friend does not return the money to you, then assess the situation from the outside or ask her personally why she is doing this. If she really does not have any opportunity to do this, and at the same time she feels guilty, promising to return everything at the first opportunity, be more condescending to her. If you understand that she simply does not want to return the money, then it is better to forget about such a friend. Do you owe money? Then find a way to repay the debt! You understand that otherwise you can earn an unimportant reputation, and you simply act dishonestly towards the person who once helped you. Are you unable to return the entire amount at once? Invite a friend to return at least in small parts.
If the reason was inattention or jealousy of other friends
In this case, a sense of ownership jumped in you. Realize that your girlfriend does not belong to you, and she may well communicate with other girls. If she is really dear to you, just keep your friendship, and in time everything will fall into place. Jealousy was not shown by you, but by your girlfriend? Treat this with understanding - she is most likely just afraid of losing you. If this person is dear to you, try to give him more attention and time, and the situation will improve.
What to write to a friend to make up with her
In a personal letter
Not every girl, after a conflict situation with a friend, decides to have a frank conversation with her - especially if a lot of time has passed since then. If your friendship was really strong, and you have a lot of pleasant shared memories, then your friend probably misses this relationship too. It doesn't matter who was to blame for your quarrel - if you want to fix everything, then you have the opportunity to do so. Write a letter to a friend, but do not focus on the negative points in it. Note that you are very sorry that the situation turned out this way. If you are to blame for the conflict, then by all means apologize! After that, write to a friend that you miss her, and sometimes you miss your conversations and meetings. Express the hope that your friendship can still be returned, and taken to a new level, taking into account past mistakes.
In a short SMS or social networks (VK, Facebook, etc.)
A brief message may be appropriate if you are not at fault for the quarrel. Otherwise, the friend is likely to expect more detailed explanations and apologies from you. If a friend is to blame for what happened, and you suspect that she herself wants to make peace, but does not dare to take the first step, then you yourself can take the initiative. For example, you can write: “Do you want to meet and talk?”. After that, you just have to wait for a response.
In unobtrusive correspondence
It also happens that friendship comes to naught not after loud quarrels and serious disappointments, but on its own. One of the girls can immerse herself in a new romance or work, meeting with her friend less and less, and often the meetings stop altogether. Over time, many girls regret that everything happened this way, starting to realize the true price of friendship. If this is similar to your situation, then you can also try to quietly restore the friendship, as it ended. You can start with congratulations on any holiday, while at the same time taking an interest in the affairs of a friend. In response to her message, tell a little about yourself, and ask her about anything else. If you see that the correspondence is going easily, then invite her to "somehow cross in the city and drink coffee." Was your friend enthusiastic about this proposal? Now all that's left is to set a meeting date.
How to get your best friend back when she doesn't forgive you and doesn't want to talk
Depends on how difficult the situation was that parted your ways. If we are talking about a serious betrayal on your part, then be prepared for the fact that a friend still cannot forgive you. Even if relations are restored, then most likely it will be possible to forget about the former trust. However, of course, it all depends on the degree of your guilt and on how much time has come since the conflict. After a long time, people often reconsider their attitude to a particular situation, and begin to respond more easily to what previously seemed to them a real drama.
It is also important to note that you have a fairly high chance of reconciliation if a friend understands that you are sincerely sorry for what you did. In addition, it is important that the problem that divorced you is resolved. For example, if you stole a boyfriend from a friend and hope to restore relations with her, but now you are dating him, then probably nothing will come of it. If you and this young man have already parted themselves, then you and your girlfriend have nothing more to share. In any case, try to explain as frankly as possible what prompted you to do a bad deed, and, of course, ask your friend for an apology.
How can you apologize to your girlfriend?
Admit your wrongs and mistakes
Realizing your guilt for the conflict, you, of course, should convey this fact to your girlfriend. Do not expect the first step from her if you understand that it was you who were wrong in this situation. If we are talking about true friendship, then your girlfriend, of course, is waiting for your initiative and hopes that the relationship will still be restored. Choose the best time for a frank conversation. You can call her and invite her to a meeting at a convenient time for her. You can also start with a frank letter in which you admit all your mistakes, tell her what prompted you to make them, and only after that offer to discuss the current situation in person. Realizing that you admit you were wrong, a friend is unlikely to refuse further communication.
Tell your friend that you love her
Apologies alone may not be enough, more precisely, sincere apologies will probably still help you make peace, but it will be much better if you confess to a friend, then she is a truly dear person to you. Thus, you can smooth out all the misunderstandings between you, because the usual apologies are more likely to just return everything as it was before, and such confessions will make you even closer.
Remember all the good moments of friendship
Send a friend your general photos, which recorded the pleasant moments of your life. Write to her that having stumbled upon these pictures, you realized how much you do not want to lose your friendship with her and how you value the memories of spending time together. Most likely, such a message will help you connect with your friend.
Arrange an unexpected surprise
Do you understand that the relationship with your girlfriend is rather strained and want to fix it? Try to arrange an unexpected surprise for her, which, for sure, will be pleasant to her. You can order a bouquet of her favorite flowers by sending it by courier. Put a note in the bouquet: “Let's forget about all the disagreements! You are very dear to me! ”, At the end of the message, do not forget to add your name. Of course, the text of the note may be different - the one you consider most appropriate.
You can organize a surprise of another kind. If money allows you and soon there will be a musical group in your city that your girlfriend likes, then buy tickets and invite her to a concert. Drown what you want to improve your relationship, and offer to start a new page of your friendship with a grand event.
Surely, you are well aware of the tastes and preferences of your girlfriend, so if you have a great desire, it will not be difficult for you to pleasantly surprise and impress her.
What to do to reconcile two girlfriends
Pay attention to the fact that such help can be not only not appreciated, but also perceived with hostility. Not all people like it when someone tries to get into their relationship with someone, and it doesn’t matter if we are talking about existing relationships or already destroyed ones. If you know for sure that your help will be appreciated, and the quarreling girls need it, or if one of the parties asked you about it, then you can take some steps in this direction.
Transmit a letter
Invite one of the parties to write a letter to a friend and seal it. Your mission will be to convey this letter to the addressee, and make sure that he really reads its text. The fact is that one of the girls may not decide to take this step, fearing that the message will not reach or will be ignored. You make sure that the letter is still read.
sudden meeting
You can organize some kind of event or holiday where you can invite both girls. If the breakup of their relationship was painful, then you probably shouldn't warn them about an imminent meeting. If you know that each of them regrets the quarrel and wants to make peace, then you can certainly warn them that they will see each other soon - in a similar situation, the girls themselves will most likely try to take advantage of the opportunity provided. At the event itself, give your friends the opportunity to talk in private - you can ask the two of them to go to the store for some “necessary” purchase, or leave them alone in the kitchen, having previously asked for help with cutting the salad. There may be many options - your task is to give them a chance to talk without witnesses.
If friendship is important to you, drop your pride
After a quarrel with friends, many of us eventually realize that, in general, the conflict could have been avoided. Also, many are afraid to restore friendship after a long time, fearing that this is no longer possible. And yet, if your girlfriend is dear to you, and you miss communicating with her, use your chance to again find a close and understanding person in your life. It rarely happens that only one person is to blame for the conflict - think about what you could have done in your time in order to prevent such a development of the situation. After that, find a way to invite a friend to a heart-to-heart talk during which you share your thoughts.
Open your heart and tell me what worries and worries you
During a meeting with a friend, tell her about how you felt at the time of the quarrel, and how you felt after it all happened. It will also be useful to confess to her the reasons that prompted you to do one way or another. Surely, after that you have thought about the events that happened more than once, and understood how you could have avoided them. Share this vision with a friend. In addition, it is worth telling your friend that you want to leave this unpleasant situation in the gap and start your friendship from scratch, as she is a really close person for you.
Forgive, let go of resentment and ask for forgiveness
Whoever is most at fault for your fight, if you want to make things right, you need to open up to each other and admit your mistakes. Sincere forgiveness is also very important - if this does not happen, then little will change in your relationship, and, most likely, they will be broken again after the slightest misunderstanding. It is also important to understand that not every friendship can be saved. If you feel that a trusting and warm relationship with a friend is a thing of the past, then do not try to "play friendship." In this case, your only task is to remain at least in a neutral relationship with your girlfriend, so that later you still have a chance for reconciliation. To do this, let go of all your grievances, realize that all people make mistakes from time to time, and if no one forgave anyone, then we would all stop communicating with each other long ago. If you feel guilty towards a friend, sincerely apologize to her and admit that you were wrong.
My friend told a story that happened to her and her ex-girlfriend, and I realized that the problem of repaying debts is now worrying a lot of people.
Well, who among us did not heed the request of a crying girlfriend or did not lend money to close relatives. And at the same time, everyone knows very well that “you give money with your hands, and then you run after it with your feet” ... And how many disappointments in people, termination of relationships, partings were due to these debts! But what to do? We need to get out of this situation somehow...
So here is the story of my friend Olga, which I wrote about at the beginning of this article.
“I had a best friend Lena, with whom I was friends almost from kindergarten. We studied together, talked, then became friends with families ... She knew that I had saved some money for the training courses of my youngest son, and asked for this money as a loan. At the same time, she swore and swore that she would return everything on time - right in time for the start of training sessions. But by this time she had not given back the money, and I had to borrow from relatives myself in order to send my son to the necessary courses. Lena returned the debt only after the scandal, but at the same time she was somehow able to convince me to borrow half of this amount again for her. She is in no hurry to return it again. I myself am surprised at my spinelessness, but even more so at the shamelessness of my ex-girlfriend. Of course, now we practically do not communicate, and any conversations turn into scandals and accusations ... So I was punished for my impulse to help. They say correctly - if you want to lose a friend, borrow money from him.
Indeed, it is a shame when the spiritual desire to help results in such a situation. Moreover, after all, Elena, when she borrowed money, was sure that she would definitely repay the debt and did not think about deceiving her friend. But then, when the money is already in your pocket, and the time comes for a return, the moods of the "occupiers" for some reason change - even psychologists note this. It’s just not for nothing that they say: “you borrow someone else’s, but you give away your own.” And very often people borrow in such a way that they don’t even think from what income they will repay debts. After all, it’s scary not to return it to the bank, the interest there is accruing every day (although now the percentage of unreturned funds to banks just rolls over), and a friend can pull, she will wait ...
But such thoughts often concern non-obligatory people. And this is fraught: a person has deceived once, but after all, he has a certain reputation, and then, when he really needs money for something serious (including an operation for a loved one or buying a home), no one will lend him money - bad glory runs ahead of him. In addition, people like Elena do not just take money, they also destroy faith in a person, in true friendship, the belief that loved ones need help, and kindness returns a hundredfold.
Therefore, in this situation, you need to decide for yourself whether to seek repayment of debt by any means or not (naturally, in such cases, friendship collapses and is never restored). But if you save your nerves and regret the lost relationship (and the amount is not so huge), then just try to forget about the money. Just imagine that you are a philanthropist and just donated your money to a person in need. In this situation, the main thing is not to regret anything. Usually such people who "allow" themselves to forget about debt are lucky in money matters: they get funds from other sources. Apparently, the "law of conservation of energy" is playing - in one place it has gone, and in another it has arrived.
In general, psychologists advise not to lend large sums, but to borrow exactly as much as it would not be a pity to lose or give. Only then will you maintain a relationship with your friend, will not gnaw at yourself and his unreturned money, and will not lose faith in people at all. If suddenly he returns them, then it will be just a pleasant surprise, and together you will go to a cafe to celebrate a successfully completed deal.
Just understand that long years of friendship is not at all a guarantee that a person will always and everywhere behave decently and with dignity. After all, a person's behavior in everyday life can be very different from how he behaves in an extreme situation or in a conflict over financial issues. Character is well tested in such cases.
Before you promise to lend money to a friend, think it over carefully: you may well be giving away your last savings. What if you need them yourself? Will your girlfriend be able to quickly reimburse you for this amount? Imagine that she cannot return your money on time, what will you do? Will you decide to ruin your relationship with her, will you communicate with lawyers, or will you just forgive her debt?
If suddenly a friend does not return the money on time, you don’t need to wait until she finally “ripes” before that, don’t be silent, don’t pout, start a conversation yourself, offer options for repaying the debt ... most importantly, don’t torture yourself and do something.
Trusting relationships are the basis of a happy and fruitful life. It is important for a person to meet a like-minded person, an understanding soul, with whom he will discuss secret desires, sudden ideas, develop and learn together. The loss of contact with loved ones is traumatic, and naturally there is a need to restore harmony in relationships. Women are especially sensitive to conflict circumstances, because they experience strong feelings, take communication with others to heart. We will tell you how to get your girlfriend back and renew the old relationship with her.
"Don't come near me, I'm offended", or what leads to quarrels
Psychology provides answers to tricky questions about the complexity of human interactions. When there is misunderstanding and argument, the blame for the events that led to the conflict lies with everyone. First of all, analyze what happened why it happened, what each of the participants thinks and perceives the quarrel, and then decide how to deal with this knowledge.
Looking through women's forums and counseling sites, you'll see that two of the most common causes of disagreement with your best friend are appearance of another person, boy or girl, and rage at each other's actions. Often girlfriends gossip, are jealous of the guys they like, envy fashionable dresses or a glamorous eyeshadow palette. And there is a conflict.
Situations when a third superfluous appears in the communication of girlfriends are as follows: a young man has appeared, to whom more attention is directed than to friendship, or another acquaintance with whom hobbies coincide. The main rule is not to interfere in someone else's life. Good intentions do not justify such behavior, and the belief that you are acting from good intentions will be lost.
An emotional explosion often occurs between people due to misunderstanding and understatement. In other words, the girl is offended by the words of the other, but does not talk about it, because she is ashamed to admit it or believes that the reasons for the offense are obvious. She could hear gossip from mutual acquaintances that touched her to the quick, and believed. The way out in such cases is communicate, clarify positions and see the picture from the other side.
Ignores, defiantly turns away, looks angrily - why does a friend do this?
A natural reaction to a situation where a loved one behaves unusually, ignores or gets angry is indignation. “How can she do this to me when we are so close?” - the girls think when they see a friend with a new friend or hear harsh words addressed to them. Important hold back the first wave of emotions because acts of anger will only aggravate the quarrel.
Try to accept the idea that your girlfriend doesn't belong to you. She may have new preferences and change priorities just like you. In the process of growing up, views on life shift, this is a natural way of development. Respect for personal space, acceptance of changes will help restore friendship.
At the heart of a trusting relationship between people is closeness in spirit and confidence. During a quarrel, she is tested, and often insults show that faith in words and deeds has been lost. Perhaps a friend feels betrayed, abandoned, or deceived, so she is looking for her man.
Cockroaches in the head, or why do we want to return friends?
Before you make persistent attempts to connect, think about why friends are important to you. The passionate desire to return the situation to normal is dictated by fear of loneliness , the habit of a certain way of life or wounded pride.
In this case, it is better to let go and not try to restore contact. Relationships in which there is no respect and value for the personality of a person will not bring joy and benefit to any of the participants.
A friendly relationship built on the acceptance of the characteristics of character traits, emotions, addictions and shortcomings of a loved one is able to withstand the most difficult tests. In this case, all participants will make every effort to rectify the situation.
You will definitely find a way to heal the wounds inflicted on the relationship, and the girlfriend will take steps towards.
Friendship 101
Summing up the analysis of the reasons for the gap, we list the following what can i do to get my girlfriend back:
- Understand the reasons for your behavior in the current situation;
- Talk heart to heart with a friend, hear her position;
- Write a letter if a face-to-face conversation is not possible;
- Let go of the friendship that your girlfriend and you do not need;
- Respect a friend with whom warm memories and positive emotions were associated.
Impulsive actions during strife make it harder to resolve. Below is a list of what not worth doing:
- interfere with the communication of other people;
- Impose your communication and desires;
- Treat your girlfriend as your property.
Sometimes, in order to cure a friendship, you need to behave in such a way that an emotional outburst knocks a friend out of a negative mood. Surprise her by inviting her to a game of board games at the time cafe or to a drawing class with her eyes closed. In atypical conditions, it is easier to find common ground and create a memory that is unrelated to past negative experiences.
If your confidante is so offended that she ignores attempts to get in touch, create a small tradition, for example, leaving "cute" messages for her on a social network wall. Share news about the release of the continuation of your favorite series or a pattern for weaving baubles that her younger sister will love.
It is important to show that rebuilding friendships matters For you. An unobtrusive but persistent display of participation in interests will soften a friend, but it will take time.
Girls often put family at the forefront. If a friend is lucky enough to meet a loved one, try to make friends with them as a couple. Offer a team sports competition, take part in a quest, or go to a concert of your favorite band together. Having screamed enough, you will not only throw off the negative, but also feel how the connection is growing stronger.
The main thing for maintaining a lasting friendship is sincere desire to feel each other, to receive pleasure and benefit from communication, as well as sensitivity in the personal zone. If these conditions are met, friendship will live a lifetime and will be support in any situation.
In this video, psychologist Svetlana Babenkina will tell you about 10 steps that will help you get your old relationship back. Tips on how to make her stop being offended:
The situation was common at that time, a close friend, tearfully asked for a loan of money, to close her loan, provided that the money would be returned in 2 weeks. The husband withdrew from the credit card and lent it to her. And now it's been 3 months, and she does not return the money.
Hello Alena.
There are several rituals to return the debt, but, unfortunately, they do not always give a guaranteed result.
Ritual with an old chair
First rite. To do this, you need an old chair. You will need to tear off the leg from it. In this case, you can not use different tools. A broken chair is put outside the threshold of the apartment, and a few pieces of wood are broken off from the piece of wood that remains.
They read the following plot:
“Whoever asks me for money, the devils bring me.
I gave money, and the man took.
If the money is not returned, the devils will lead him, and the money will be brought.
Key. Lock. Language. Amen".
Rite with an icon
Second rite. You will need an icon with the name of the person who borrowed money from you. It can be purchased at any church or temple. The ritual should be done only during the day, when no one is at home. The table is covered with a thick black cloth. It is better if it hangs a little from the edges. Then an ordinary mirror is placed on the table, it should look down. An icon is placed on top of the mirror.
Hands should be placed over the name icon and say the following words:
“Let the servant of God (name) give me back what he took, and if he doesn’t return,
So that he loses everything in his life, so that his health leaves him,
So that he and his family would not see peace, he became a beggar for centuries.
Key. Lock. Language. Amen".
Ritual with candles
The third way. You should buy a wax candle. At the time of purchase, you can not bargain or take change. It is best to purchase it in the church.
You need to light a candle at sunset and hold it in your left hand, saying:
“The servant of God (ill-wisher) is melting before our eyes, but the debt does not turn,
If it does not return on time, it will completely melt.
I sealed all the words with fire,
Dark evening, not warm day.
Amen. Amen. Amen."
This plot must be pronounced 3, 9 or 27 times.
You can also punish the deceiver and cut off the flow of money to him. It is worth doing this if a person completely refuses to pay the debt.
I hope my advice will help you, Alena, to repay the debt.
