Your union broke up, and now he is doing everything so that you were together again. Should you give him a second chance?
Give him a second chance if...
You have no more reasons to break up
When you break up, any particular situation is affected by the fact that you decide to go your separate ways. Sometimes, however, life runs in such a way that the reasons for your breakups cease to exist. The reason for this can be anything - financial problems, differences in priorities, distance, quarrels over trifles, etc. You both have matured, you can give yourself a second chance. Sometimes you really need to say goodbye to see if you want to live apart. Give him a chance if you can forgive what happened before.
They are both trying
He has changed. He works on himself and his weaknesses. You are able to compromise, both of you take into account your opinions, you understand, this is a different person. You are also willing to work on what you have in common. If this is your case, then you can be together again.
Giving a second chance only makes sense when both are working on what was wrong in the past. However, if your heart does not belong to him, don't you think that you could go further, posing this question clearly and moving in your direction.
He is a good guy
Ask yourself if your ex is really a good person. Remind yourself of his biggest strengths, weaknesses, whether you think his presence brings anything good to the relationship, and how you feel with him. If playing with a guy is worth the candle, can you let him go? After all, nice guys don't wait on every street corner - so if you find one, try to reconnect. If you have had enriched valuable experiences, as your first relationship was, then you have a chance to create a compatible relationship again. If you feel like you're really a match for each other, then it's worth taking the risk and starting all over again.
You have serious reasons for the breakup
Not everyone deserves a second chance. And, of course, this is not the guy who betrayed you, deceived, mocked, exploited, physically or psychologically raped you, and so on. In this case, don't even think about it to re-create a relationship with someone like that. It's hard to expect that he has changed in such a short period of time - and probably don't want to check it out for yourself? Even if you feel alone, you must be firm and take care of yourself first.
You were not happy in this relationship
Relationships should be the source of happiness. End of story - there are no exceptions to this rule. Because why do we need something that is connected with a person who does not give us happiness, security, joy? Take a self-analysis - how did you feel in this relationship? Were you happy there? How long? What do you miss in these relationships? Is relationship dissatisfaction the reason why you weren't together? Affirmative answers should give you food for thought - it makes sense to reunite your union.
You broke up and now he's doing everything to get you back together. Should you give him a second chance?
You are doing this because you feel alone.
Now be honest - why are we even considering giving him a second chance? Could it be that you are only doing this because you feel alone? Getting used to being in a relationship? Don't want to be a lonely girl? Be careful - this is not a good excuse to enter the same river another time. Especially if it didn't work the first time. Loneliness and longing for intimacy with another person cannot decide whether you want to create a relationship with the same person a second time. Remember this!
What else do you need to know?
Before you decide whether you will be a couple for the second time, you must answer the question, what are your feelings towards this person. Well, fine if you still love it. Even worse, if you feel pain. Also, think about whether (and how) you really see your future together.
Don't forget that a second breakup with the same person can be even more painful - and again you'll have to rebuild your life if something goes wrong. Are you sure you're ready to go through with it?
Before you decide to return to life together, you need to talk honestly with each other. There are unresolved issues between you that are remnants of a previous relationship. You have the right to say what you want. At least at the initial stage, do not put hypotheses, and do not twist long-term plans. Wait. You will need time to see if it was right to return to each other. Your final decision should be based on concrete facts, not on hopes and dreams.
Women often turn to me with a request to understand their relationship. For example, they want to part with a man, realizing that they will not have anything good with him. But it's very hard to break up. Realizing all the pros and cons, it is difficult for a woman to make a decision about a break.
Loneliness, affection and the belief that there are simply no normal men make her change her mind many times. Today she is deeply convinced of the need for parting and can easily admit thoughts about it. And tomorrow already experiencing the exact opposite feelings.
How to proceed? Let's look at the internal processes of what is happening.
Part 1
If a woman constantly swings on the waves of her mood, then her relationship is not characterized by stability.
On the waves of impermanence
Very often, having decided to leave, after a while a woman remembers all the good things that she had with her partner, and begins to yearn for him. In moments of doubt, she calls the man in the hope of getting him back. If he responds to these impulses, then the relationship is resumed - until the next desire to part from the partner.
Why can't a woman be consistent in her desires? Why is she tossed from side to side? Either she is imbued with tenderness and love for a man, or she dreams of a free life and sees only flaws in her partner ... Are all women like that?
In fact, not every one of us has such a pronounced inconstancy. As a rule, if a woman then her relationship is not characterized by stability. And usually she experiences certain difficulties in love.
Mood swings bring disharmony not only into relationships, but also into the inner world of a woman. Transmitting her state to a man, she deprives him of confidence in the future and in his love. A man next to such a partner does not feel stability. But for men, the most important thing is a reliable rear. They need to feel the constancy of a woman. And if from time to time your partner encounters moments of rejection, then he becomes like a tree that is constantly transplanted from place to place, not allowing it to take root. Yes, and a woman is experiencing internal uncertainty.
When did she develop such a program in her psyche?
Throwing origins
Of course, in childhood. Her relationship with her mother was not constant and even. Mom then loved the child, attracted to herself, then repelled. She either desired closeness with people, or dreamed of loneliness and silence. And the girl got used to this behavior, and her psyche began to work in a similar mode.
Having already become an adult, but not knowing how to build relationships, not having an awareness of her own boundaries, a woman simply overloads herself with intimacy, after which a natural and natural desire to remain alone arises. She too quickly approaches a man, dissolves in him, changing her life and forgetting about her usual affairs. Only a man remains in her life.
With love,
Irina Gavrilova Dempsey
In modern society, people are connected by various relationships in which it is impossible to do without joys, or without sorrows and disappointments. Resentment is one of the most common types of negative experience in communication; it occurs when a person has failed, failed to live up to hopes, trusts, and expectations. And then the question arises: what to do if you were really let down and Is it worth giving people a second chance?? Many believe that this is not worth doing, since after the second chance, a third, fourth, and so on will be required. Let's try to figure out if this is really the case.
Second chances in friendship - is it wise?
Most likely, betrayal in friendship is the result of a more serious process in personal growth. When one person works on himself and seeks to develop further, and the second calmly stands in one place, they become uninteresting with each other, there is a feeling of alienation, and then neglect of a friend and betrayal. Or maybe the person has matured, internally changed, he had a change of priorities. Or maybe he just doesn't care at all.
If a friend tells others your secrets - this is not normal, over time you will simply stop trusting her. If quarrels often arise over trifles, then life turns into a nightmare that occurs according to a certain pattern.
If you are no longer interested in your friend, is there any point in continuing to communicate and trying to establish a lost contact?
A broken flower cannot be brought back to life. A leaf plucked from a branch will no longer take root back. And it seems to many that what is broken can no longer be restored. On the one hand, this thought is true, but on the other hand: life is already too bitter, joy is highly valued in it. Is it really worth depriving yourself of the joy of communicating with a person with whom it has always been good, or is it still worth giving a chance? Here you need to proceed from the gravity of the situation, and personal feelings and thoughts.
A second chance at love - does it make sense?
One of the most important qualities of love is the unquestioning acceptance of a person as he is. No one has the right to change a person, even the closest person has no right to do this. But you can influence a loved one, namely by your actions, behavior, conversations. If there is no acceptance on the part of partners, they are constantly in conflict with each other, reconciliation is difficult for them, they do not want to give in - this is question number two.
When a life partner changes, the person who has always been heaven for you is very painful. Resentment simply breaks the soul and heart into pieces, the desire to live disappears. But life does not end there, you need to make an important decision: cut off relations or compromise? If there is no desire in your soul to forgive and give a second chance, in the future the relationship can hardly be built again. But if a loved one takes an oath that this will not happen again - sit down and judge. If you cannot live without him, give him an attempt to improve, but never forgive the third, and even more so the fourth time.
Business relations: are there any chances?
Not only a close person can let you down, but also a business partner or employee. If a person is systematically late for meetings or violates obligations, shows irresponsibility or has caused a bigger trouble, it is not good to leave this unattended.
The inconsistency of a partner or employee invariably harms the external face of the company, therefore, in the business sphere, deliveries and unjustified expectations must be prevented.
Talking directly is one of the most effective ways to deal with violations of discipline and business ethics. Start the conversation by explaining your positions, principles, generally accepted requirements. Severely reprimand, issue a fine, deduct a percentage of income, cut back on professional duties, or simply threaten to terminate a partnership or employment contract - the specific decision is up to you. In the business sphere, a person can and even should be given a chance: he will certainly improve in the future. But if the situation repeats itself, there is no third chance.
Second chance: arguments for and against
According to psychologists and sociologists, it is possible to give a second chance to a person in any relationship if:
- Along with this, radically change the strategy of relationships in order to avoid repeating mistakes and problems. To do this, just take a look at the current situation from the outside and make your verdicts.
- Reflect and find the reason, the obstacle in the formation of strong relationships and try to fix everything in order to avoid trouble in the future.
- A person is too dear to you, he is not just a habit and a successful filling of free minutes of life. You cannot imagine life without him and are ready to forgive. Note that similar feelings should arise from both sides.
If an unpleasant situation is a repetition of a previous experience, this is a clear argument against the possibility of a second chance. Also, do not scatter your trust to the wind if you do not see a future with a particular person.
Is it worth giving people a second chance and why?
Forgiving people is always necessary, but forgiveness does not imply a complete restoration of relationships. The second chance is a purely personal matter, and a person must make a decision on his own, based on his life experience. However, you should not be too strict with others: after all, people tend to make mistakes, and every person has the right to make a mistake. That is why a second chance must be given. Maybe a person is deeply aware of what happened and will never repeat the mistake in his life. And you will receive in his person a reliable support, a devoted friend.
Another thing is that this bug-fix should not be the system. When making an important decision, take into account the individual characteristics of the personality of a particular person. Maybe even 18 chances will not be enough for him: here you should think about yourself. Is it necessary to poison your life with endless problems, or is it still worth breaking with it?
In any case, you can give the opportunity to improve in any situation, but with the agreement that it is only one, the next time everything will turn out to be much more difficult. Say it to your opponent's face directly, without hesitation. After all, you are not some kind of vegetable to be constantly, unconditionally subjected to humiliation, insult, disappointment - you are a person. And remember that there is something that cannot be forgiven to anyone - this is violence, both physical and moral. There is no need to even waste time thinking about whether to give people a second chance: the risk of repeating sadistic methods is great. Restore relationships with those whom you truly love, without whom you cannot live, and in whom you really have confidence. Know the value of yourself, your well-being and pure relationships between people!
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It all started so beautifully: flowers, gifts, going to the cinema and theaters ... And what happened then, it was as if your man had been replaced, some problems began that were not there before, perhaps he began to pay less time and attention to you, began to spend more time with friends or stay late at work. Maybe he began to complain too often about his health or fatigue: they say, "the head hurts, I'm sorry, we won't meet today." Or you lived together, and he began to come home too late - unforeseen circumstances were to blame. Or maybe he just screwed up badly once or several times and you decided to part with this person. Or he left you, and now he wants to be together again. In any case, this article is for those women who are now being sought after by their ex-men. Not sure if it makes sense to give your ex another chance? Then let's consider for a start, those situations when giving this chance is not necessary in any case. And if none of these situations is similar to yours, we will figure it out together and decide what you should do.
The first mistake of a man that should not be forgiven is treason. In the event that you have been dating for more than 3 months and you have had regular sex. If, however, he cheated on you at the beginning of the relationship, when you had not yet had sex or this happened very rarely, then in most cases this still cannot be called a betrayal (since a man physically needs regular sex, moreover, your relationship may weren't serious at the time.) A separate case is when a man regularly had sex and went on dates with other girls, albeit at first. It just means that he doesn't need another relationship, and you are just entertainment for him.
The second mistake is regular ignoring. If he constantly did not answer your calls and did not call you back. Did not respond to SMS, forgot about meetings. If you are so unimportant to him that he does not even care about the fact that you can just worry about him. If he does not consider it necessary, remember the date of your birth and congratulate you even on international holidays. If he can't seem to remember that you're allergic to strawberries. If your feelings do not touch him at all, then such an attitude towards yourself simply cannot be tolerated. Minute passion will not replace elementary daily respect for you.
The fourth mistake is blackmail. Blackmail is also not the best companion of love. If you have always lived by the principle “if you don’t do this, then I ...” this suggests that both of you had to threaten to beat out attention, respect and love to yourself. Do you need feelings "out of the blue"? Don't indulge in manipulation, don't let threats use you. You cannot forgive a man for his frivolity, namely the fact that he does not keep his word and does not fulfill his promises. You cannot rely on such a man, which means that you are on your own and you have no one to rely on. Are you ready for this?
Fifth mistake: when a man uses you, lives at your expense in your own apartment, eats food bought with your money, does not help you in everyday life either financially or physically, etc. Any adult normal man should understand that he has his duties and fulfill them. And it is unnecessary to invent excuses for him that the times are now such that he does not have the opportunity - a normal man will never allow himself to live at the expense of a woman.
The sixth terrible mistake is rudeness. If a man often raised his voice at you, called you terrible names, or even beat you. Even if he only hit you once, even if he then begged for forgiveness from you for an hour on his knees, this cannot be forgiven. Don't expect him to change - it's not possible. Do not think that you yourself are to blame, not a single sane man will raise his hand against a woman, no matter what she does there - a real man knows how to control his emotions.
This is the end of the list of unforgivable male mistakes, if your man has made at least one of them - do not dare to return to him. Understand that this will not end well. If you don't care about yourself - imagine what will happen when you have children. Do they need such a father? Better than none. But if your man has never made the above mistakes, if you still love him and want to be with him, then read on and make a decision. Perhaps something has changed during the breakup. Maybe the breakup did you good, and when youget together - your relationship, on the contrary, will become stronger.
During the breakup, the two of you had the opportunity to draw conclusions and realize your mistakes.
How much time did you spend together? Three months? Year? Five years? During this time, you managed to learn something about each other. Perhaps you are disappointed in some way. But is it really that bad? Disappointment leads to the kind of love we all want - when we are accepted for who we are. Understand that if you start a new relationship now, then you will again have to go through the stage of disappointment, because it is inevitable on the way to a serious relationship. Do you really want it?
If he tries hard.
If he offended you, then, of course, you have every right to be angry and indignant. But how long are you going to do this? Sooner or later, all the same, resentment will let you go. And then you may remember him, with whom everything is already over. If you had a great relationship before, if he is trying with all his might to get you back - think, maybe he realized his guilt and this will not happen again. Everyone makes mistakes, and if you considered him an exception and he did not live up to your expectations, then he is not to blame for being an ordinary person. And think, if he puts so much effort in order to win you back, how he will appreciate the relationship, obtained with such difficulty.
If you are in doubt.
There are a lot of guys who don't belong around you, for example: narcissistic jerks, mommy boys, alcoholics, gamers, playboys... But if your ex is not one of them. A good guy with a good heart. With him it was easy for you, he made you laugh, he took care of you. Isn't that what we're all looking for? Perhaps you made a mistake by rushing to break off relations with him?
Are you ready for change.
Are you ready to make sacrifices and seek compromises? If yes, then this signals that your second attempt may be successful. It remains only to discuss what did not suit you, and understand how it can be fixed.
If you can't let it go
You've tried starting new relationships with other men, but it's not the same. And after friendly contacts with the former, you feel that something is missing. Or do you periodically find yourself in bed with each other, continue to sort things out ... Be honest with yourself: do you love him? Do you want to be with him? If yes, what else to think about? If you take the risk, you will have a chance to stay happy for life.
I hope this article helped you and you made the right choice. I wish you happiness in love from the bottom of my heart. Write me comments, ask questions, suggest topics for articles and remember - I'm trying for you. I will also be glad to see you
There are many reasons why a person missed his first chance. Someone will be disappointed by one-time minor misconduct, which has accumulated so much that patience simply burst. Someone will come into shock from the lies of a loved one, from undeserved resentment. In the worst case, betrayal could also occur. But if a person asks to give him another chance, and, moreover, his words are very sincere, then you need to think deeply.
The cause of discord can be the accumulated misunderstanding, based on a number of accidents and minor skirmishes. There was a crisis, but you understand that if you treat each other more carefully, this can be avoided. Relationships are also work on yourself. If this understanding has come to both partners, then such a couple definitely deserves a second chance.
Some people can act selfish until a shock occurs. For example, your partner was frivolous, allowed himself to stay up late without warning you, could ignore your requests. But when you confronted him with the fact that they didn’t intend to tolerate such neglect anymore, he suddenly realized how wrong he was. Such insights do happen. In this case, the person deserves a second chance.
Why You Shouldn't Give a Second Chance
It happens that a person’s misconduct was in your favor: you were tired of these relationships for a long time and thought about how to break them as gently as possible. Of course, the situation could turn out to be far from mild, but if you are sure that you do not want to maintain your previous relationship, then do not agree to give out a second chance. A person's arguments can be very different, ranging from the fact that it all happened by accident to listing what binds you (long relationship, children, joint business, housing, etc.), but stand your ground. Even if he emphasizes that your common child needs both parents, this is not a reason to stay in a relationship just for this reason.
You should not give a second chance to someone who has serious psychological problems and does not intend to solve them. For example, if your partner is a chronic alcoholic or drug addict, if he raised his hand against you or your child several times, constantly tried to humiliate you, or he already had several cheating, then he does not deserve the next chance. The very fact that the problem is chronic suggests that you already gave him a second chance, and he failed. The sooner you stop it, the better for both you and him.
It happens that a person really made a mistake. You are very hurt by what is happening, but he, too, most likely is not better. He is tormented by guilt. If you understand that repentance is genuine, and the partner is not going to allow anything like this ever again, then giving a second chance may be worth it. But be aware of your feelings. Think about it, you can. It happens that feelings remain the same, but forgiveness is already more and more difficult. On the one hand, the ability to forgive is a great blessing, but on the other hand, some events are indeed unforgivable.
What is the result
Probably, a second chance, more likely than not, deserves any person for whom you have genuine feelings. But any person, rather, does not deserve a third, despite your feelings.
