V Orthodox tradition the attitude towards any contact between a guy and his girlfriend before their marriage is quite clearly defined. What's going on now? Do young believers really maintain spiritual and physical purity until they get married? talked to young people about how to love and show love before marriage, so as not to incur anger?
How to Maintain Love and a Clean Attitude Today, Tell Young Believers
Oksana, 21 years old, Moscow:
“Now it is very difficult for young people in love who believe in God to be together. The time is like this: TV, the Internet, advertising - everything promotes complete emancipation and freedom of morals. In this abundance of naked bodies and publicity, it is very difficult to remain true to what you need to do. It is difficult not to express love in a visible way.
But there is also what is permissible. Walk holding hands with your loved one. And when parting, exchange kisses, touches to the cheeks.
My chosen one and I are to get married in August, now we are already starting to prepare for the wedding. I really look forward to this day to live with him as a wife, build a family, give birth and raise children. "
Mikhail, 23, also agrees with her.
“They say that you can't show your sensuality and attitude in public before the wedding, it's shameful. But a kiss is a kiss of strife. I think that a gentle kiss on the forehead or cheek is permissible in the life of a modern young man and his chosen one.
In truth, controlling your feelings is sometimes very difficult. Therefore, my fiancee and I try not to be alone where there are no other people: we don’t sleep together in the same apartment, if there are no elders or just other people in it, we don’t go on vacation together. As the priest told us: do not put hay where the fire is burning. "
If the priest permits, then you can, I'm sure Elena from Moscow, 26 years old.
“It all depends on the degree of church-going of the young man and the girl. It is important how long they have known, how serious the guy's intentions are in relation to his chosen one. In such cases, it is better to talk to the priest. If they are already the bride and groom, then it is possible, but if they have not decided yet, then it is still not possible. "
But there are also completely opposite opinions. For example, in Anna, which refused to discuss this topic with us, noting only:
“Kissing is accompanied by the rebellion of the flesh and the fornication of inner aspirations. Even if purity is preserved and the last border is not crossed, there is a sin of prodigal passion. Therefore, you need to go to confession and repent. "
As you can see, modern young Orthodox Christians have radically different opinions. Everyone makes their choice after reading, communicating with the priest, based on the experience of his family. Now there are a large number of groups and discussions on Vkontakte, where Orthodox young people fiercely argue and discuss this topic.
What do priests say about relationships before marriage?
Here is what they write in the newspaper "Pravoslavny Vestnik" on this topic:
"A boy can kiss a girl when he can not kiss her." Those. when he feels in his heart the desire to love her soul more than her body. In general, before the wedding, you can both hug and kiss (hand), but only when the boy and the girl are in awe of each other.
The Holy Scripture says: "The wisdom of this world is folly before God" (1 Cor. 3:19). From a worldly point of view, Christian relationships seem crazy, but this is the most basic wisdom, so should we, Christians, be afraid and ashamed to live in God's way!
What do you think? Let us know in the comments to this article!
And here we have prepared even more interesting materials for you!
The universe is hierarchical; the relationship between the intelligent creatures of God is also hierarchical. An adult is placed over a child, a priest is over a layman, a Bishop is over a priest, a husband is over a wife, angels are over people, Christ is over everyone.
This thesis can cause both warm approval and no less hot indignation - and both are often associated with a lack of understanding of what is at stake.
We, like all residents of any developed country, live in a world that insists on equality - that is, some hierarchies, of course, are inevitable, and in any corporation there are different levels of leadership, but they (theoretically) are situational - work well , and you will take the place of the boss. This is a game you can theoretically win.
The idea of an organic, innate hierarchy built into the very nature of things evokes indignation - and there are serious reasons for this.
In a fallen world, hierarchy is a hierarchy of exploitation and suppression.
The superiors tend to treat the lower ones extremely badly. The landowner could be kind and a fair person who showed sincere concern for the peasants. But this was usually not the case - inequality led to the most heinous abuses.
The strong tend to suppress and exploit the powerless, the rich tend to the poor, and dominant ethnic and social groups tend to be less fortunate. At the same time, the oppressors willingly refer to the order established by God (in the secular version - by nature), as if suppression, exploitation, and disregard for the human dignity of others are something of the highest origin and justification.
A common place in Marxist and attacks on religion is that religion is used to justify exploitation and injustice. The appeal of these attacks to many people is due to the fact that they are partly true - religion can be used that way. There are people who use it this way. There are people who use science in this way, and in general anything - such is the manifestation of original sin, a person uses everything he can reach in order to oppress his neighbor.
It is easy to dismiss the endless bitterness and anger that constitutes the main emotional background of feminism - they say, a poor woman has not met a decent man, she has such personal problems - but this does not remove a completely real problem.
The conversion of men - husbands, above all - to women is marked by a grave sin. A sin that in the Orthodox environment seeks an excuse for itself in the fact that the Bible undoubtedly sees the family as a hierarchy - “the husband is the head of the wife” ().
And from a secular point of view, the thesis "I am placed hierarchically as the head" is perceived as "I have a God-given right to suppress and exploit you."
A person gladly grasps any opportunity to seek authoritative justification for his sins.
Norwegian counselor Edin Lovas, in his excellent book People of Power: Love for Power and the Church, examines this phenomenon with examples from the Protestant milieu he is familiar with:
“The issue of the relationship between spouses, as well as the issue of the position of women in the family and in the church, also continues to be controversial in many churches and gives rise to a lot of debate.
A man of power can easily navigate this kind of discussion. After reading the Bible and praying for clarity on an urgent issue, he usually is in no hurry to talk about his own position.
However, he immediately takes the side of those who demand an extreme, maximally conceivable form of submission. This is what he does when deciding the relationship between children and parents, husband and wife, as well as when discussing the rules of relationships in a church, in a Christian group or society. At the same time, it is quite easy for him to find the appropriate Bible texts he needs. Then it remains only to use the right moment in this situation to establish their leadership. After all, the presentation and interpretation of the selected texts is not difficult: those interpretations are used that require the most extreme obedience.
In his own family, a man of power opens the Bible - preferably a massive, large format - and reads from it those passages that tell of the absolute obedience of his wife and children in everything. The word of God is quoted literally, sternly and mercilessly. The man of power leads the same line in the church. "
In our midst, the same problem was given the ironic name of "young age", the hierarchy even turned to the flock with a special one, see Determination of the Holy Synod of December 28, 1998, ".
The Bible is really hierarchical - like the universe is hierarchical - but in a completely different sense. somewhere he draws attention to the fact that the evangelical hierarchy is an inverted hierarchy.
As the Gospel says, “Jesus, calling them, said to them: you know that those who are considered princes of the nations rule over them, and their nobles rule over them. But let it not be so between you: but whoever wants to be great among you, let us be your servant; and whoever wants to be the first between you, let him be a slave to all. For the Son of Man also came not to be served, but to serve and to give His soul for the ransom of many ”().
Christ washes the feet of his disciples:
“You call Me Teacher and Lord, and you speak correctly, for I am exactly that. So, if I, the Lord and Teacher, washed your feet, then you should also wash each other's feet. For I gave you an example, so that you also do what I have done to you ”().
The authority of the husband in the family, the home Church, like any authority in the Church, is similar to the authority of Christ. As the apostle says:
“Wives, obey your husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the Church, and He is the Savior of the body. But as the Church obeys Christ, so also wives to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her ”().
Male dominance in the family is manifested in the fact that the husband imitates the One who alone is Dominus, the Lord. And it consists in washing the wife's feet and serving her up to the position of life, and at the same time meekly and patiently endure her shortcomings. This is also true with respect to other types of hierarchy - the relationship of the priest to the flock, for example.
It is difficult - and without the grace of God it is impossible. But “to be the head” in the biblical sense means just that.
The current trend towards alignment is wrong - but it is a reaction to the sin of oppression, oppression, and exploitation, which often manifests itself even in the family.
You cannot object to feminism, trying to approve the domostroy - because feminism is wrong all around, but what it is right about is in its reaction to the domostroy.
To a situation where an absolutely non-gospel - and simply shameless - attitude towards a woman is declared to be something sacred.
Scripture, on the other hand, demands honor to wives — and warns that refusing to do so constitutes an obstacle to a relationship with God.
“Likewise, you husbands, treat your wives wisely, as with a weaker vessel, showing them honor, as joint heirs of a blessed life, so that you will not be hindered in your prayers” ().
How can I be loved?
Saint Theophan the Recluse on the theme of love and relationships: "For love to others, God forgives the sins of a lover."
Georgy Zadonsky: “Do we really have such a commandment to be loved? We have a commandment to love. "
One ancient prayer contains such wonderful words: "Lord, honor me to understand and not to seek understanding, to comfort me and not to seek consolation, to love and not to seek love." Monk Simeon of Athos: "To love is the highest feat, and to hate is the greatest crime."
Monk Simeon Athonite: "Not the one who judges everyone, but the one who loves everyone."
Priest Alexy (Young) on the topic of love and relationships:
“Men often complain to priests that their wives do not like them. And then the priest learns that the man does nothing to be loved, just waiting for love, like some idol waiting for sacrifice and worship. Such husbands should understand that the only way to earn the love of a spouse is to love ourselves, because in life we usually receive in return what we give ourselves: hate for hate, love for love. "
Archpriest Nikolai Mogilny on the theme of love and relationships:
“We sometimes forget that a woman, for all her harmfulness, is a very fragile creature. And the only way to a woman's heart is tenderness. When a woman feels that she is loved, she is capable of anything. Only love, only caress can reach her heart. When she feels that she is loved, her ears are open, her heart is open, she will gladly do what she refused to do five minutes ago. What is the main female complaint? Not a loose nail, not scattered socks. "You do not love me!" - this is the main problem. She should feel that she is loved - that is what should be kept, created, and the rest will simply follow. "
What is the difference between love and passion?
To love with passion means to kill and defile (vulgarize) Love itself. God attracts the soul to Himself with meekness and love, and the devil attracts the soul to Himself with sharp hooks of voluptuous thoughts that corrupt, weaken and mortify it.
The myth that a woman in the Church is a "humiliated and insulted" creature, alas, turned many of Eve's daughters away from the church threshold. Our conversation with Father Andrey Tkachev is about the high vocation of a woman, about the Creator's plan for her, about her spiritual gifts ...
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From the point of view of a modern man, a woman in Orthodoxy plays a secondary role in comparison with a man. The liberal consciousness is offended by the indispensable covering of the head, the law on critical days, the words of the New Testament like "let the wife be silent in the Church" and so on. But it must be said that the freedom brought to a woman by the Gospel did not make a woman a man ...
The myth that a woman in the Church is a "humiliated and insulted" creature, alas, turned many of Eve's daughters away from the church threshold. Our conversation with Father Andrei Tkachev is about the high vocation of a woman, about the Creator's plan for her, about her spiritual gifts. Father Andrey's words will undoubtedly bring new colors to our understanding of women's ministry.
Let's start from the beginning, i.e. since the creation of man. Don't you find the story of the creation of a woman from a male rib humiliating?
This story is very beautiful. If the Lord created Adam from an unformed material - the earth, then the creation of a woman is the creation of the best of good. For Eve, Adam was both husband and father. In part, this is the irresistible attraction of a woman to marriage, the desire to achieve the fullness of being. I am reminded of one Jewish Haggadah, i.e. parable about the creation of a woman. It says that the Lord did not create a wife from the mouth of her husband, so that she would not be talkative, from the eyes - so that she would not be envious, from the ears - so that she would not be curious. He created it from the rib as from a part of the body close to the husband's heart and closed flesh, i.e. not visible to anyone. I like this interpretation more than the common joke about the rib as the only bone without a brain. Although, the Haggadah continues, the woman has not escaped talkativeness, envy, or curiosity. But God's plan was for the wife to be invisible to others and as close to her husband as possible. There is nothing humiliating here. On the contrary, there is much that is commendable for a woman, and the very fact of such a creation determines the role of Eve in life.
- Apparently, after Eve became the primary cause of the Fall, much in her destiny has changed ...
The purpose of a woman was and remains the same - to give and to preserve life. Interestingly, the Fall happened to an unnamed woman. Only the man had a name - Adam. The woman acquired a name after the first birth. Having given birth to Adam's first child, the wife was named Eve by her husband - from the Hebrew "life", for she became the mother of all living. Saint Filaret (Drozdov) asks the question: "Isn't it strange that the name 'life' is given to the one that caused death?" And he replies that "Adam, calling his wife Eve, prophesies about the Mother of God, who will become the mother of true Life and correct Eve's mistake ..."
Wait, father, many readers, perhaps, do not understand the meaning of the concept of "the fall." What happened in Eden and what are the consequences of that tragedy?
There was a violation of the commandment of God. The commandments were (and are) imperative and prohibitive. For example: honor the father and mother is a command, do not kill - a prohibition. There was something similar in Paradise. There was a command to cultivate and keep the Garden of Eden - and it was forbidden to eat from one of the trees. The primordial people disregarded the prohibition of God.
Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Lucas Cranach (1526)
The woman was the first to break the ban. She frivolously entered into conversation with the serpent, and this was already the beginning of sin. Probably, since then, a woman "loves with her ears" and most of all succumbs to flattery and verbal seduction. In the Bible, God, punishing Adam, tells him that the punishment came because "you obeyed the voice of your wife." If you remember, in the gospel account of marriage in Cana of Galilee there is a dialogue between Christ and His Mother. The Mother of God says to the Son: "They have no wine." And Christ answers: "What is to me and you, wife? My hour has not yet come." So, Saint Ignatius Brianchaninov sees in this dialogue Christ's correction of Adam's mistake. To Eve's offer, Adam had to refuse: "What do you and me, wife? We still can't eat from this tree." Adam obeyed his wife, and the threat of God "you will die by death" did not hesitate to manifest itself in the sinned forefathers. They died bodily after a huge period of time, but spiritual death struck them instantly. They lost the glory of God and saw themselves naked. Conscience gave birth to a fear of God, which they did not know before, and the poor married couple “hid”, madly, from the All-Seeing Eye in the greenery of Paradise. Then, instead of repentance, self-justification began, Adam blamed on Eve, Eve on the serpent, and after that - the just judgment of God. People who had been deprived of their inner bliss were deprived of the outer bliss. Sin entered the heart, and sin drove them out of Paradise. This story vitally touches every person, and each of us can feel in our hearts the inner righteousness of this story and the grandeur of the tragedy that has taken place. Contrary to popular belief, there is nothing to do with sexual relations between husband and wife and the fall. Human sex life began after the expulsion from Paradise.
- Man was created in the image and likeness of God. And a woman, you see, is also a man. How is this to be understood?
Many misunderstandings arise in the carnal understanding of the creation of man in the image of God. Creation in image does not mean that God is humanlike. This means that a person is God-like, and this God-likeness is manifested in the rationality, language of a person (a person, like God, has a word). Man was made king over all creation, and royal dignity is also a manifestation of godlikeness. So you should not imagine the Lord as an old man sitting on the clouds, although this illusion is fueled by non-canonical icon-painting images. It should be thought that both man and woman in their spiritual nature are equally endowed with the image of God: they are equally accessible to the sacraments of the Church, prayer, and spiritual gifts.
- Why, then, shouldn't a woman be a priest?
The Lord Himself, having become incarnate, was a man, and the priest is the image of the incarnated Lord. A woman has a different obedience. Due to physical and mental differences from a man, the cross of the priesthood is unbearable for a woman, just as the cross of motherhood is unbearable and impossible for a man. Repeating one of the philosophers of the past century, we can say that a woman is religiously brilliant and in religion she is a stronger sex, but this strength and genius reach a certain limit and cannot go further. For a man, God opened up a great perspective of spiritual aspirations and opportunities. Like the apostles, priests have always been and will be only male in the Church. It's like an unspoken commandment.
- What does the unspoken commandment mean?
Look. The Lord created one man and one woman. Not two men or one woman or three women and one man. Thus, making it clear that monogamy is the only normal state of a person in marriage. The words were not spoken, but the very fact of creation speaks volumes about God's plan. It is the same with the priesthood: by electing only male people as the closest disciples and fellow soldiers, granting them the power to “knit and decide,” to teach and baptize, the Lord established the law of church life: a man is a priest.
- Nevertheless, in the ancient Church there was an institution of deacones ...
The word "deaconess" in this case must be understood literally, i.e. "attendant". This is not a feminine version of today's deacon ministry. Deaconesses of antiquity helped priests during the baptism of women, could carry out obediences related to caring for the sick and the elderly, disposing of church property - nothing more. The deaconesses did nothing to do with liturgy and preaching. If we are to look for precedents in history in order to exalt a woman, then it is much more useful to look at those Christian women whom the Church has called equal to the apostles, for example, St. Olga or St. Nina. Their labors for the good of the Church were so immense that the fruits of these labors were the communion of many thousands of souls to Christ. But even in this case, they acted by the power of words, by the assistance of state and public institutions, by the power of power, but not by sacred actions. They needed priests to consolidate and continue their work. Olga had them from Byzantium, Nina from Antioch. Without shepherds and helpers, the work of these wives would have remained unfinished.
You have quoted the ancient Hebrew Haggadah. But if the ancient Jews so subtly understood God's plan for man, why was their attitude towards a woman so disdainful?
Sin has corrupted everything. Moreover, life shows us that the sins of religious people are sometimes worse and more sophisticated than the sins of people who do not know God. The Jews who knew God in their iniquities surpassed the Gentiles in many ways. On one of the Jewish websites on the Internet, I read the opinions of various rabbinic schools about divorce. So, to this day, some rabbis allow a husband and wife to divorce if the wife ate on the street or yawned in front of strangers! The religious consciousness of the Jews was perverted to such an extent a long time ago. And the opposite examples are rather an exception. But I emphasize that this applies to religious, not secular Jews, that is, those who are guided in life by the Talmud and the teachings of their sages.
In my life there was a period of teaching at the school of Christian ethics. I worked as a teacher, received a salary, and regularly attended classes. The topics of classes in grades 9 ... 11 often came into contact with the topic of gender and marriage. This topic has always found a lively response from the children, and the classes were interesting and exciting. Once we read the biblical account of the salvation of Lot from Sodom. If you remember, the Bible tells us that the inhabitants of Sodom, seeing the angels who came to Lot, wanted to know them (the angels looked like ordinary people and were interesting to the libertines as strangers). So, Lot, wishing to keep the guests inviolable, offered the Sodomites two of his daughters, who did not know her husband, saying: "Do with them what you want." This Scripture literally shocked the listeners. I explained to them that for the Old Testament consciousness the guest is dearer than the daughter. Not a son, no; Lot would not give up his son. But the Old Testament righteous man does not hesitate to give his daughter instead of a guest ...
- Thank God that everything is different today!
The fact that in our minds a woman is equal to a man is just as precious and inviolable - this is the merit of Christianity. Even people who do not believe in Christ should be grateful to Christ for that revolution in consciousness and that change in life values that we use today. There are many similar passages in Scripture. Indeed, a woman was humiliated in the eyes of the Old Testament humanity, and, they say, in the East they cried when a girl was born. You can recall the story from the Book of Judges, where a Levite gave up his concubine to the depraved inhabitants of the city to be mocked, after which the woman died. This was done so coolly, as if it were an animal and not a man. And this is the whole history of women before Christ. Such is it even today, where Christ is not known and the Most Pure Mother of God who gave birth to Him is not worshiped. So we have no right to talk about the humiliation of women by Christianity. Only thanks to Christ has a woman become equal in rights with a man in everything. And this gradually became part of the legislation and ethics of Christian nations. A pious Jew to this day thanks God every day in his prayers that He did not create him as an animal, a pagan and ... a woman. There are no such prayers in Orthodoxy and cannot be.
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Read also on the topic:
- Man and woman were not created by God initially equal(Answer to the question) - Maxim Stepanenko
- About the features of female nature- Priest Vadim Korzhevsky
- Women of the Old Testament- Grigory Pruttskov
- Church widows- Archpriest Vladislav Tsypin, Alexander Ponamarev
- Women's ministry in the early Christian church(I-VI centuries) - Andrey Posternak
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Your story is amazing. But, apparently, the average woman is not used to thanking Christianity for the freedom presented to her. Rather, the opposite is true: it is believed that Orthodox Church a woman is extremely oppressed and humiliated.
Of course, from the point of view of a modern man, a woman in Orthodoxy plays a secondary role in comparison with a man. The liberal consciousness is offended by the indispensable head covering, the law on critical days, the words of the New Testament like "let the wife be silent in the Church," etc. But it must be said that the freedom brought to a woman by the Gospel did not make a woman a man. Sex difference, manifested in special life roles, in psychology, physiology, remains. This difference determines the difference in the roles of men and women in church life. We can say with full responsibility that the place of a woman is the family. This is her altar, her shrine, the point of application of all her creative efforts. On the one hand, this is a routine, imperceptible work that everyone uses and no one appreciates, on the other hand, it is a kind of axis of the world around which everything revolves. A woman-mother, a woman-hostess, a woman-loving spouse is a creature holding the whole world in her palms. I really like the English proverb: "The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world." After all, think: all Newtons, Shakespeare, Napoleons are born by a woman, nurtured by a woman, brought up by a woman. If she is silent in the Church, then she is not at all silent at home, in the family, which is a small Church. Who Teaches Children to Pray? Who reads and explains the children's Bible to them? Of course, Mom, and of course this ministry is sacred. By the way, even in the Church, a woman is not silent, since she sings in the kliros, often fulfills the duties of a reader, psalm reader. A woman can lead a Sunday school, catechism courses, which means that there is no complete silence in relation to women in the Church.
In patristic literature, a woman is often referred to as a source of temptation, a repository of sin, etc. It seems that such an attitude towards the weaker sex is unfairly rooted in the parish consciousness ...
A man can also be a source of temptation, a repository of sin. We need to remember that Orthodoxy is a monastic faith. We owe monasteries education, protection of our fatherland. Since ancient times, monks have embodied all the best that was in the people. They were also the teachers of this people. Therefore, edifying literature is also saturated with an ascetic attitude towards life. It may so happen that what is alive and useful for one who lives alone may not be useful or possible for one who lives in the world. Therefore, spiritual literature must be approached selectively. As the fathers said: "Choose your reading." It should fit the way of life. Failure to observe this important rule in church life can lead to a bias towards misogyny or hypocrisy.
Anyone who happened to be in church at a wedding could not help but pay attention to the words of the Apostle "Let the wife fear her husband." They conclude the apostolic reading. They are the easiest to remember and least understood. What does the apostle mean?
The gospel came to us from Greek culture. The language of philosophy and high poetry became the language of Divine Revelation. Where we have one word, the Greeks may have two, three or more. We, for example, have one word "people", and they may, depending on the context, have "laos", and "okhlos", and "demos". The same story with the words love, death, life. These words are ambiguous among the Greeks. The same applies to the word "fear". There are many meanings in the biblical concept of "fear". Here is reverence, and obedience, and simply animal horror, and the memory of whom you are afraid of, and many, many other things. When we repeat the words of the apostle about the wife's fear of her husband, we do not mean the fear of a weak creature before a drunken bruiser, but obedience loving wife to her husband as master.
- It sounds somehow too Asian ... For the European consciousness, perhaps even offensive.
When we do not understand certain words of Scripture, this suggests that in our experience there is no such thing from which these words were born.
If we are talking about the Christian meaning of the relationship in marriage, then we should not flirt with modern liberalism. Touch the sinner - he screams that the skin is being torn. The European consciousness is offended by almost all healthy and natural people. And the husband is the image of Christ, and the wife is the image of the Church, obedient to her Lord. The relationship between husband and wife, just like the relationship between Christ and the Church, presupposes obedience, hierarchy, but they also presuppose tenderness, care, sacrifice, which are in this image. Remember when we talked about the rib that is close to your heart? A woman needs to feel herself in marriage, as it were, settled in its rightful place, closer to the heart of her husband and hiding from everyone. If she survives this experience, it will not be an insult to her to consider her husband as master and master. She will happily call him even a padishah, because she will feel like an integral part of him. Since relationships in modern marriages are often built on selfishness, such warm feelings are not born in such a cold family environment. People live their whole lives without ever feeling like a real wife or a real husband.
- But it happens quite often that "lord and master", to put it mildly, "does not attract" the image of Christ ... What then?
I'm afraid you won't put a plaster on this ulcer. We are living in an era of ever greater crumbling of man. Such characteristically masculine traits as honesty, courage, endurance, are washed out of life with every generation. In order to be loved as a master, a husband himself must love his wife as Christ loves the Church, i.e. sacrificially, it is true, to the end. Moreover, I think that he should be the first to love his wife like that, and then the woman, created by God for love, will certainly answer him with loyalty, gratitude, and obedience. You need to start with a man.
Probably, nothing has been written as much as about the relationship between. And in the Orthodox context too. And maybe - especially in the Orthodox context.
It seems to me that there are some nuances in the Orthodox relationship between men and women that are not quite correctly understood by both sides. Therefore, some people often blame others (some out loud, some mentally). I constantly come across publications by Orthodox authors who somewhat aggressively assert the male dominance. Let's put it this way: this is only partly true. Let's trace God's plan for man and woman through the Scriptures.
So, for the first time we meet with the will of God about man and woman in (see: 1: 26-29), where God commands the human family to be fruitful and multiply and have dominion over the beasts. There is not even a question of any hierarchy yet. Because it talks about creation first human as a phenomenon, and then about the division of this phenomenon. As he writes: “In God idea a person, one might say - a person as a citizen of the Kingdom of Heaven, - there is no difference between husband and wife, but God, knowing in advance that a person will fall, made this difference. "
Eve is the same helper to Adam as Adam is to Eve. Helper - in the knowledge of God through a neighbor
In the 2nd chapter of the book of Genesis, we learn more about the creation of man: Adam was created first, Eve the second - from the rib of Adam, as a "helper like" Adam (cf. Gen. 2:20). Some tend to see the hierarchy in the fact that Eve is Adam's helper: since she is the helper, then Adam is in charge. However, in order to understand this passage more correctly, you need to ask the question: in what way did you need to help Adam? Of course, in Genesis there are words that Adam was supposed to cultivate Eden and keep it (see: Gen. 2:15), but it is naive to believe that Adam and Eve, according to God's plan, were to plow the earth. “What was missing in paradise? - St. John Chrysostom notes in his interpretation of this fragment. - But even if a doer was needed, then where did the plow come from? Where do the other farming implements come from? The work of God was to do and keep the commandment of God, to remain faithful to the commandment ... that if it touches (the forbidden tree), it will die, and if it doesn’t touch it, it will live. ” In this light, it becomes clearer what “helper” means. As theologians say, Adam did not see one person in paradise. And in order to improve, he lacked, among other things, to peer into another image of God, log off out of myself to look at the same creation of God. From this point of view, Eve is as much a helper to Adam as Adam is to Eve. The helper is in the knowledge of God through a neighbor.
When the Lord brought Eve to Adam, he said: “Behold, this is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she will be called wife, for she was taken from her husband. Therefore a man will leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife; and there will be [the two] one flesh ”(Genesis 2: 23-24). The creation of Eve from the rib of Adam also indicates not the subordinate state of Eve (this will be seen more clearly later), but the identity of their nature. So that Adam and Eve were truly an ode to flesh - for this, the Lord uses for the creation of Eve not the earth, as was the case with all animals and Adam, but a part of Adam's body.
For the third time, we become witnesses of God's relationship with the human family after the Fall. After both Adam and Eve blame another for their transgression, the Lord pronounces his righteous judgment. Here we need to carefully listen to the biblical text: The Lord “said to his wife: multiplying I will multiply your sorrow in your pregnancy; in illness you will bear children; and your desire is for your husband, and he will rule over you. And he said to Adam: because you listened to the voice of your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, saying: Do not eat of it, cursed is the land for you; with sorrow you will eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles she will grow for you; and you will eat the grass of the field; in the sweat of your face you will eat bread, until you return to the ground from which you were taken, for dust you are, and to dust you will return ”(Genesis 3: 16-19).
Notice: God announces His judgment. Everything that is written in these verses is God's punishment. That is, for a woman, the punishment - both the sorrow of pregnancy and the pain of childbirth - then logic does not allow us to stop, - and the attraction to her husband, and the domination of the husband over her. This new reading allows us to go back a little and understand that if the domination of the husband over the wife is the punishment for the fall, therefore, before the fall, the husband did not rule over the wife, but they were fully entitled. As he says: “As if justifying himself before his wife, the man-loving God says: at first I created you equal to (the husband) and wanted you, being of one (with him) dignity, to have communion with him in everything, and both to the husband and to you. entrusted power over all creatures; but since you did not take advantage of the equality as d O falsely, for this I subordinate you to my husband: your attraction to your husband is also yours, and he will possess you ...
Since you did not know how to boss, then learn to be a good subordinate. It is better for you to be under his command and be under his control than, using freedom and power, to rush along the rapids. "
In fact, in the New Testament, the Apostle exhorts women to submit to their husbands: “And you, wives, obey your husbands” (1 Pet. 3: 1). But there is already another note, completely unthinkable for the Old Testament relationship: “Likewise, you husbands, treat your wives wisely, as with a weaker vessel, showing them honor, as joint heirs of a blessed life” (1 Pet. 3: 7). Already a woman is perceived not quite as before, and the love of spouses is perceived more spiritually: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her” (Eph. 5:25).
However, we see from the Gospel that this exalted relationship is not the limit that we must reach, not God's "plan" for man. We know perfection from the words of Christ, and it refers to the mystery of the age to come: "For when they rise from the dead, then they will neither marry nor be given in marriage, but they will be like angels in heaven" (Mark 12:25). And the apostle says: “There is no longer either Jew or Gentile; there is no slave, no free; there is no male or female: for you are all one in Christ Jesus ”(Gal. 3:28).
Inequality between man and woman is God's punishment, penance, and any penance is temporary.
So, we see that the equality of man and woman is violated by the Fall, but inequality is part of the relationship of this fallen world, and there is no true love in it. This is God's punishment, penance, and any penance is temporary and ends with permission from sin. In the Kingdom of God, where all sins are forgiven and forsaken, everyone is like Angels, differing from each other only by grace and glory, which the saints received for their exploits, and not at all by gender, title or anything other than earthly.
An analogy from ascetic creations also comes to mind. Probably everyone remembers how the Monk Abba Dorotheos discusses the fear of God. He says that every Christian should have it, but the novice and the perfect have it in a different capacity. The fear of the novice is the fear of the slave who is afraid of punishment. The fear of the average is the fear of a mercenary who is afraid of losing his wages. The fear of the perfect is the fear of the son who is afraid to sadden the parent. In a sense, the woman in the Old Testament obeys as a slave. In the New, it is already more like a free one, who has to receive a reward for it in eternity. And in the century to come, he enters into the dignity of a daughter, as a man is a son, and renders true obedience only to the Father.
What follows from all this reasoning? First of all, a warning to men. A lot of me, as a priest, happened to see men who believe that obedience is a feature of feminine nature, so they try to impose obedience on their other half with words, and sometimes with deeds. I saw "Orthodox" bearded men who, for their self-will, could kick their fair half in the teeth. It is clear that such people cannot be brought to their senses - they just need to be excommunicated from Communion until their brains fall into place. My word is to sane people. No need to squeeze women! It's not easy for them anyway. Who will be higher in Heaven - only God knows.
For disobedience, the grace of God departs from a woman. But men should also treat a woman like a crystal vessel.
Yes, women must show obedience, and, as Elder Paisiy Svyatogorets says, for disobedience the grace of God departs from a woman. But in the same way, men should treat a woman as a crystal ("weakest", as the apostle says) vessel. If a man can say that he always that is how he treats his wife - well, such a husband has the right to seek obedience. But I think that any man, in all honesty, will not find in himself unshakable condescension and patience, constant affection and responsiveness, which means that there is nothing to demand holiness from others. As they say, learn to observe acrivia in relation to yourself - and you will learn how to create oikonomia in relation to others.
Still very important point obedience (without regard to anyone else): obedience is then true when it is carried out from the first word. So he says. If you have to repeat it a second or third time, this has nothing to do with the virtue of obedience. This is a demand, an urgent request, "sawing" - but not obedience. And this is so - among both monastics and laity, in relation to both children and adults. (This, of course, is not about if the person did not hear or did not understand.) Therefore, dear ones, if they do not listen to you the first time, then you need to think not about how to make the person obey, but about whether it is worth repeating the second times (now I'm only talking about adults).
Third. As we noted at the beginning of the article, the punishment of a man is “eating bread in the sweat of his brow,” that is, earning money. In our difficult earthly conditions, it sometimes happens that a woman has to work alongside a man. (Let's leave aside the idle talk about how work ennobles.) It turns out that not only does a woman bear a purely female punishment - the severity of pregnancy, childbirth and obedience to her husband, so she also has to “wind time” for a man - work hard in sweat faces. It is clear that under the weight of double punishment, any person can break. I'm not even talking about the fact that severe male punishment is not at all on women's shoulders. It is clear that a woman has her own work - and so it has been from time immemorial. This is not really about that now. The point is that in a normal everyday situation a woman should not work hard from eight in the morning until five in the evening. And from time immemorial, a woman was not included all the time, say, in field work. When a woman was needed - to help with the harvest or in some other special cases - of course, she got up in line with the men, but outside of this emergency time she had her own specific field of activity. This sphere is the creation and maintenance of a family hearth, which in a sense is invested in the notorious "your attraction to your husband." It is this attraction that prompts a woman to make such a cozy nest out of the house, having come to which the husband is especially keenly aware of his family happiness.
Therefore, if there is no other way out in the family (I mean the woman’s earnings), then the man should treat with the maximum understanding these conditions of existence that are nonspecific for women. And if the yoke of making money is thrown on both, then also on both, and not only on the wife, the strap of household duties should be thrown.
Childbearing by itself does not save. And he saves when he leads a woman (and the whole family) to "faith and love in holiness"
And a few more words about the third factor in the family - children. Now there are a lot of speculative statements about the meaning of having many children in life, based on the words of the epistle of the Apostle Paul to Timothy that a woman “will be saved through childbearing” (1 Tim. 2:15). However, it is somehow forgotten that the main conditions of salvation pass through the entire New Testament: the presence in a person of the spirit of love, humility, meekness, etc. They forget what is said, separated by commas after these words: “will be saved through childbearing, if he abides in faith and love and in holiness with chastity"(Emphasis mine. - O. S. B.). That is, fertility by itself does not save! This is not a ticket to the Kingdom of God. And it saves in the case when it naturally leads a woman (and the whole family) to "faith and love in holiness." Due to a misunderstanding of these words, some mothers with many children consider themselves almost half-saved and despise at the same time those with few children and childless! It's amazing how the Holy Scriptures teach us nothing! It is enough to recall the Old Testament examples of the righteous Abraham and Sarah, the 20-year childlessness of Isaac and Rebekah, Anna - the mother of the prophet Samuel, as well as the New Testament righteous Joachim and Anna, Zechariah and Elizabeth, in order to understand from which channel this Pharisaic condemnation stems. From church history we see that the Lord equally blesses those with few children, and those with many children, and completely childless. John Chrysostom was the only child in the family. Basil the Great is one of 9 children. And in the family of John of Kronstadt there were no children at all, because he and his wife made a vow of chastity. And his feat is higher or involuntary childlessness, because to live side by side with a woman, with his wife, and at the same time to observe virginity and chastity - this is truly a stay in the oven of Babylon! I think the monastics will understand me.
Therefore, let us beware of judgment, brothers. Let us beware of cruelty and disgrace. Let us beware of everything that is contrary to the spirit of Christ's love, and the Giver of this love Himself will remain with us forever.
