Good afternoon, our dear visitors!

After all, they say that the Sacrament of the Wedding seals marriage forever. So why do married families break up?

Because people approach the Sacrament of Holy Wedding as an ancient ancient rite, without seriousness and responsibility. Oaths of allegiance are pronounced like ordinary words, thoughtlessly and meaningless. And further family life passes in empty dreams and worries, in pursuit of the ghostly and useless.

Experienced priests are advised to first check their feelings for seriousness, before such a responsible step as marriage. For example, there should be no close intimate relationships before marriage, and if the groom or the bride does not insist on intimacy, but patiently and deliberately awaits the wedding, then this is a good and true indicator that young people are serious about each other and respect their decision. the chosen one.

Also, if your chosen one is a drinker even before marriage, then a woman should be ready for the fact that she will have to bear the cross, enduring and loving her drinking husband. In general, the holy fathers claim that if a husband is initially loved and respected by his wife, then he will not seek solace and an outlet in wine, because he has a loving, caring and understanding wife - a friend who is always there, who will never betray.

When people, entering into marriage, are ready to live with their chosen one all their lives, no matter what, then such a marriage, sanctified by the Sacrament of the Wedding, will never fall apart, since it is based not on sand, but on a stone, and at the forefront of him - the Lord our God, Jesus Christ.

For what is the use of getting married if people do not want, do not want to live a church life? Why utter terrible vows of allegiance in vain? Is it not in order to subsequently break them, and thus incur the wrath of God?

It is very difficult and difficult to live in marriage without the help of God. For the Lord is Love, and people deprive themselves of Love, living without God.

It's never too late to go back to God like prodigal sonand start your life anew, with blank slate, just as we start our life anew, after the Sacrament of Confession, which cleanses us from sins and all defilement.

Likewise, those families who, for whatever reason, did not consecrate their marriage with the Sacrament of the Wedding, should, without delay, start for themselves new life, life for God and for each other.

The Lord will never leave those who pray to Him and ask for His help. You just have to live by the truth of God.

It is not worth waiting for the Lord to call us to Him with sorrows and illnesses, we must go to Him ourselves, strive to live according to the Commandments of the Lord. Then we, sinners, will have the hope that with God's help, we will overcome any difficulties, and we will have everything Glory to God!

The main thing is to remember that in order for us to always have everything Glory to God - we ourselves must, first of all, daily praise God!

God bless you!

Discussion: 5 comments

Is it possible to get a debunking if the wife does not want sex for months because of her mental illness and she blames me for all sins and I cannot live without sex there are already 2 options either a mistress or a divorce, she does not want to listen to anything, I try to save the marriage, but she knows everything that I am needs and wants nothing. There is no strength to endure. Simply no. Pulls and all at least climb the wall.

Reply

1. Hello Konstantin!
   Marriage is sacred, and the thought of treason should not be allowed. Adultery is the end of family life, which we will then tell God at the Last Judgment. If a wife is a believer, she should understand that in a family “the wife has no power over her body, but the husband; likewise, the husband has no power over his own body, but the wife. " (1 Cor. 7: 4.). Pray that the Lord will give you strength, and that He will enlighten her and you so that you can find the right wordsand she would go to meet you.
   With God!

   Reply

Hello! I have been married for 35 years. My husband married me because he made a promise to his mother before her death. We have 2 children. As he said, if not for the promise, then there would be no wedding. He drank, walked to the left. And my mother and I decided to insist on the wedding (my MOM said - "Maybe he will come to his senses"), He came to his senses - he gave up drinking. but he never stopped going to the side. And now he is already 60 years old, and he fell in love with a woman 5 years younger than him. So much so that she raves day and night. I myself, of course, understand that it is my fault that he walked all his life. I am very nervous, jealous, I can drive him to "madness" reproaching all his adventures in his youth and any of his mistakes. I can just throw a scandal out of the blue. Then I go and I'm sorry. And now I see that he began to hate me. Is it possible to discredit the marriage, then what I feel, we will not have a way with him, but with that woman it may come out that good they have. thank

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1. Hello Oksana!
   There is no rank of debunking. When a husband and wife disperse, create new families, then, as an accomplished act, they write to the ruling bishop of their diocese for a blessing to marry his wife, who signed him at the registry office. Vladyka has the power to testify that the family has broken up and give a blessing for the wedding new family... There is no other way.

   Reply

Risk! He is always there, in everything. Even in confession - if only because here it is possible to make a great mistake, taking the wrong measure of daring. And in the choice of the one whom you really do not know, and life will still put everyone in completely undeveloped conditions under observation ... But how can you talk about reliability here! Only love, the will to the family, patience, work, self-discipline, the ability to influence ... But even here, going beyond the limits of strength is possible. Then, alas, tragedy, frustration of hopes and new loneliness and painful quests. Only for very superficial people is this easier than continuing the hardships of marriage. Our ancestors knew this well, so for women in the popular consciousness the principle was maintained - not to get divorced, and that's it. -Because it will get worse later.
By the way, a woman at all times, and now - the mistress of love, incl. and love relationships across the spectrum. And she can (and should) use the female arsenal given to her. It is not for nothing that he was given to her from Above. It is inappropriate here, but there are a number of very apt, biting proverbs on this topic. Get to know them women. You will be able to preserve and strengthen your family. And how! Maybe you say it's not Christian? No, quite, for all this is the use of your gifts.

Reply

A wedding is an important event. But there are times that it is repeated. All the secrets of this action will be discussed in the article.

Now it is customary to undergo the sacrament of a wedding after several years of marriage. Perhaps this is a completely correct, logically balanced decision, because only after living with a person, you can finally understand for yourself whether there is a common future and the same person with whom “into fire and into water”.

In addition, psychologists have proven that such shake-ups in everyday family life revive extinguished feelings, awaken past passion and set up a new stage, because in fact, a wedding is another wedding, after which, according to all canons, it must be honeymoon... Today we will talk about whether it is possible to get married a second time, how to do it correctly and discuss the attitude of the church to such a procedure.

Is it possible to remarry in church a second time, several times with another person after a divorce, a widow?

Since ancient times, the Orthodox have celebrated the wedding of the young just after the sacrament of the wedding. It was believed that in this way, marriage was concluded not only on earth, but also in heaven. Then, as now, the marriage had to be registered with the authorized bodies, but it was considered legal only after the sacrament of betrothal and wedding. This law was adopted back in 1723 by the devout Christian Peter I.

In our time, legal unions, first of all, are in the registry offices and only some are duplicated in churches. This is explained by the understanding of the very sacrament of "wedding". After all, tradition says that it is impossible to break off a heaven-sealed marriage.

Wedding is a very ancient rite, therefore many traditions, customs, prohibitions, superstitions, proverbs and sayings are associated with it. The Church has given a clear list of reasons why marriage in the Temple of the Lord is considered unacceptable:

• The presence of 3 or more previously terminated marriages
• The presence of close (up to the 3rd generation) family ties between the spouses
• No previous baptism by any of the spouses
• The presence of a non-terminated civil or church union
• Belonging of partners or one of them, to some other faith (Islam, Buddhism, Judaism).

The Orthodox faith opposes divorce. Divorce is condemned, but it is recognized, because a person is essentially weak and sometimes has the right to make a mistake. It is worth noting the fact that earlier the union was considered terminated only in the event of the death of one of the spouses. Breaking the sacred bond of the church is not as easy as signing a divorce declaration, but it is still possible.

The Church has a certain list of reasons why a wedding union can be terminated by a diocesan bishop. There are several reasons for this:

• Adultery or betrayal of one of the spouses
• Legal entry of one of the spouses into an alliance with another person
• Refusal by one of the couple from Orthodoxy
• One of the spouses has immoral vices (masturbation, lesbianism, homosexuality, bestiality, transvestism, pedophilia, necrophilia)
• Pimping (that is, assisting in the satisfaction of sexual desire through extramarital affairs) and daughter-in-law (that is, sexual intercourse of the head of the family with younger women, in particular with the son's wife)
• Appearance after marriage of sexually transmitted diseases (syphilis, AIDS, gonorrhea, HIV, hepatitis, etc.)
• Long absence of one of the spouses. Means when a person is missing
• Self-harm to such an extent that it becomes impossible to fulfill marital duty
• An attempt on the life or health of a spouse or children by a second partner
• Taking advantage of a partner's sins or ailments
• The presence of incurable mental abnormalities in one of the partners
• One of the spouses has such diseases as alcoholism, drug addiction, substance abuse
• Commitment by one of the spouses of one or more deadly sins, as well as life imprisonment of a half
• Abortion made without the knowledge and consent of the husband

As you can see, even a sacred marriage can be dissolved. The question arises, is it possible to enter into a church marriage again? The Gospel says that only one of the former spouses who was not sinful and not through whose fault the first breakup has occurred, has the right to a second marriage. But if the culprit sincerely repented of what was done, with dignity endured the penance - the punishment chosen by the clergyman (pilgrimage, fasting, etc.), then he also has the opportunity to conclude an alliance with the new chosen one again. Widows or widowers also have every right to a second church marriage.

Second re-wedding in the Orthodox Church: rules

Wedding - important step, which must be deliberate and balanced. Taking it, you should not chase fashion, indulge the desires of a loved one / beloved, or pursue some other goals. It should only be yours, a reasonable and fully conscious decision. Ideally, the wedding takes place only once in a person's life. But the realities are such that it is difficult to find the ideal, therefore, divorces occur, after which life does not end. Most divorced couples still do not give up, find their soul mate and want to experience the sacrament of the wedding again.

• Before the wedding, the couple must necessarily receive communion. To do this, fasting should be observed for at least 3-4 days before the procedure itself.
• Twelve hours before the sacrament itself, it is advisable not to consume any food or water at all. If the couple already had an intimate relationship before marriage, it would be good to abstain for at least a few days before communion.
• Immediately before the sacrament itself, the young say some prayers, namely: to the Lord Jesus Christ, Mother of God and the Guardian Angel and Follow-up to Holy Communion
• Traditionally, the wedding ceremony is not held without wedding rings, 2 icons (one with the image of Jesus Christ, the second - the Mother of God), 2 wedding candles and an embroidered towel (towel)
• All this must be prepared in advance. On the eve of the sacrament, the rings are given to the priest for blessing. By the way, it was believed that a silver ring is best for a young, and a gold ring for a young one.
• In a married couple, the husband is identified with Christ, and the wife with the Church. It is gold that is a symbol of the Divine Glory of Christ and Heavenly Jerusalem, and silver symbolizes spiritual light, purity and grace. Now even the church does not pay special attention to this fact, but if there is a desire, then you can take into account this nuance.

The church wedding ceremony is conventionally divided into 2 rites - betrothal and wedding.

• The Lord's betrothal is a kind of recognition of the young before the church, God and the guests present at the ceremony.
• Young people, on the other hand, express their readiness to create a family and take responsibility for it.
• The sacrament of engagement involves the mutual exchange of rings. The young man puts on his ring to the bride, symbolizing by this love and full readiness to sacrifice everything to his wife.
• In turn, the young woman puts her ring on the groom, symbolizing this reciprocal love and devotion. According to church rules, the exchange of rings is carried out three times in order to exalt the honor and glory of the Most Holy Trinity.
• Next, the wedding ceremony takes place - the mysterious consecration of the marriage by Divine grace. The main attribute of a wedding is a crown - a symbol of vow, chosenness and sacred marriage. He holds over the heads of the spouses as a sign of martyrdom, since real family life is not only joyful and pleasant, but sometimes sad moments. The crown is a symbol of not only royal dignity, but also the Kingdom of Heaven. A person who lives in peace and harmony grows spiritually together with his or her spouse, thereby preparing for the Kingdom of Heaven.
• Those who live their lives with dignity will also be worthy of salvation. When crowning a young family, the clergyman once again reminds people of this.
• If the wedding for both young people is the second in a row, the crowns are held over the shoulders of the young.
• If the third - crowns are not used at all.
• If one of the spouses is getting married for the first time, and the second has already been married, the sacrament is carried out according to the classical scheme.
• After exchanging crowns, the young are offered red wine, which they drink alternately, as a sign of their readiness to share both sadness and joy between two. After that, the hands of the young are fastened with a towel, which acts as a symbol of loyalty to this vow and life together in perfect harmony.

It is important to remember that not every day is suitable for the sacrament of engagement and wedding. No ceremony held:

• On the days that fall on fasting
• On the eve and on the days of great holidays (Birth of the Virgin, Yablochny Spas, Christmas, Easter, etc.)
• Before the temple holidays
• On the days of strict one-day fasting (September 11, September 27)
• Before and during Christmas time

How to get permission for a wedding in a second marriage?

A wedding is understood as a physical as well as spiritual unity, which cannot be dissolved. The Church disapproves of the second wedding, but still allows it, realizing human weakness.

But in order to once again experience the sacrament of the wedding, you first need to go through the "debunking" procedure. This is a conventional term that is used in everyday life and is not recognized by priests, because, as has already been said many times, what is sealed by heaven cannot be separated.

• "Debunking" is performed only by the highest priest - the diocesan bishop. He has the right to make a decision, based on the situation, to give a chance for a second marriage, or not. A negative answer is quite possible, because Orthodox people believe that if the vows of devotion and fidelity to another person before God are violated, this incurably wounds the soul and leads to its further torment.

• In order to obtain permission for a second wedding, you need to contact a clergyman and write to the bishop a petition for permission to re-enter into a church marriage, to which you must attach a divorce certificate and a new marriage certificate. Then go through the ceremony of repentance, for the mistakes made, not only in the past marriage, but in life in general. It is best to repent to God in confession. Many are afraid of confession because they think they may be misunderstood by the priest. But confession is the repentance of the soul, which sincerely strives for forgiveness, and it can only be earned by being cleansed. And the priest will definitely help everyone who wants to.

We remind you again that marriages are allowed only up to 3 times. And even if the spouse wants to get married for the first time, but this is already his 4th legally registered marriage, according to canonical laws, the wedding will not take place.

A wedding is a conscious, meaningful step in the life of every person, telling people and God about the deliberate choice of their partner as an eternal companion. But if, nevertheless, something went wrong, the family broke up and nothing can be returned, there is an opportunity to "debunk".

Naturally, divorce is condemned and is not considered the norm, but based on human weakness, the church is allowed. In addition, it is allowed to get married for the 2nd and 3rd time, but no more. Love and be loved! And remember that a successful marriage is every minute, painstaking work of each of the spouses!

Video: The priest's words about the re-wedding

Christian marriage is an opportunity for the spiritual unity of spouses, continued in eternity, for "love never ceases, although the prophecies will cease, and tongues will be silent, and knowledge will be abolished." Why do believers get married? Answers to the most common questions about the sacrament of the wedding are in the article by the priest Dionisy Svechnikov.

Are there any obstacles to the performance of the Sacrament of the Wedding?

Obstacles, of course, exist. The question, I must say right away, is quite extensive and at the same time very interesting. True, it is usually asked in a slightly different way: "Who can (cannot) be admitted to the wedding?" ... Even more often they describe a specific situation and ask if there is an opportunity for marriage. However, the essence remains the same. Therefore, I will tell you about everything in order. Here I will have to quote church law as closely as possible so that the reader does not have discrepancies.

According to ecclesiastical marriage law, there are absolute and conditional obstacles to marriage. Those obstacles to marriage that are at the same time dissolving it are considered absolute. Conditional barriers to marriage are barriers that prohibit marriage between certain persons because of their family or spiritual ties. So, the following should be considered as absolute obstacles to the conclusion of a church marriage:

1. A married person cannot enter into a new, for a Christian marriage is definitely monogamous, i.e. monogamous. This rule applies not only to married marriages, but also to those registered by the state. It would be appropriate here to voice the position of the Church in relation to civil marriage. The Church respects civil marriage, i.e. prisoner in the registry office, not considering it illegal. I will quote from the Fundamentals of the Social Concept of the Russian Orthodox Church: “While sanctifying conjugal unions with prayer and blessing, the Church nevertheless recognized the validity of a civil marriage in cases where a church marriage was impossible and did not subject the spouses to canonical bans. The same practice is currently adhered to by the Russian Orthodox Church ...

The Holy Synod of the Russian Orthodox Church on December 28, 1998 noted with regret that “some confessors declare civil marriage illegal or demand the dissolution of marriage between spouses who have lived together for many years, but for some reason or other did not marry in the church ... do not allow persons living in an “unmarried” marriage to participate in the sacrament, identifying such marriage with fornication ”. The definition adopted by the Synod states: "While insisting on the need for church marriage, remind pastors that the Orthodox Church respects civil marriage."

However, one should not understand such an attitude of the Church to civil marriage as a blessing for Orthodox spouses not to enter into church marriage, content only with civil registration. The Church insists on the need to consecrate the marriage of Christian spouses in the Sacrament of Wedding. Only in the Sacrament of marriage can the spiritual unity of the spouses in faith, continued in eternity, be achieved. Only in the Sacrament of marriage does the union of man and woman become the image of the Church. It is only in the Sacrament of marriage that spouses are taught God's grace to solve a specific problem - to become a Christian family, an island of peace and love, where the Lord Jesus Christ reigns. Civil marriage in this respect is flawed.

It is worth voicing the position of the Church towards the so-called "civil marriage", which cannot be called a marriage at all. From the point of view of the Church, "civil marriage", not registered by the state, is a prodigal cohabitation. Moreover, from the standpoint of civil laws, this cohabitation is also not called marriage. Such relationships are not marital, not Christian, therefore the Church cannot sanctify them. The sacrament of the wedding cannot be performed over people living in a "civil marriage".

2. The Church forbids clergy to marry, i.e. ordained(The 6th rule of the Council of Trull). Marriage is possible only before ordination, i.e. before being ordained to the priesthood. A priest can only have one spouse if he is a married priest. Well, a monk cannot have a wife at all because of the vows he made. Therefore, this rule threatens to be deprived of the priesthood.

3. According to the 16th canon of the Council of Chalcedon, the 44th canon of the Trulla Council, the 5th canon of the Twice Council of Constantinople, the 18th and 19th canons of Saint Basil the Great, monks and nuns are not allowed to marry after they have taken vows.

4. In accordance with church law, widowhood after the third marriage is considered an absolute obstacle to a new marriage. Otherwise, this rule can be formulated as follows: “ Entering into the fourth church marriage again". The Church also cannot approve and bless marital unions, which are concluded, although in accordance with the current civil law, but in violation of canonical prescriptions.

Those. the Sacrament of wedding cannot be performed over those who want to enter, even if the first church, but already the fourth civil marriage. However, it should not be understood that the Church looks favorably on second marriage or triple marriage. The Church does not approve of either one or the other, but insists on lifelong fidelity to each other, based on the words of the Savior: “What God has combined, let a man not part him ... Whoever divorces his wife not for adultery and marries another commits adultery; and he who marries a divorced woman commits adultery ”(Matthew 19. 6, 9).

The Church sees in the second marriage a reprehensible concession to sensuality, however, allows it, for, according to the words of the Apostle Paul, “the wife is bound by the law as long as her husband lives; if her husband dies, she is free to marry whomever she wants, only in the Lord. But she is happier if she stays that way, on my advice; but I think I also have the Spirit of God ”(1 Cor. 7: 39-40). And he regards the third marriage as an accepted indulgence, a better thing than open fornication, based on the 50th rule of St. Basil the Great: “There is no law for trinity; therefore, the third marriage is not legal. We regard such deeds as uncleanness in the Church, but we do not subject them to nationwide condemnation as better than dissolute fornication. "

5. An obstacle to marriage is the culpability of the dissolution of the previous marriage. The person guilty of adultery, due to which the first marriage is dissolved, cannot remarry. This position follows from the gospel moral teaching and practice of the Ancient Church. This norm reflected in ecclesiastical legislation ("Nomokanon" 11, 1, 13, 5; "Helmsman", ch. 48; "Prochiron", ch. 49. The same rule is repeated in the 253rd article of the charter of the Spiritual Consistories). However, it is not only adultery that can cause a marriage to break up.

In this case, according to the "Fundamentals of the Social Concept of the Russian Orthodox Church", persons whose first marriage broke up and was dissolved through their fault, entering into a second marriage is allowed only on condition of repentance and performance of the penance imposed in accordance with the canonical rules.

6. Physical and spiritual inability to marry is also an obstacle. (idiocy, mental illness, depriving a person of the opportunity to freely express their will). However, the physical inability to coexist with marriage should not be confused with the inability to bear children, which is not an obstacle to marriage and cannot be a reason for divorce. The current church rules do not even prohibit the wedding of the deaf and the blind. Church laws also do not prohibit marrying persons if they are sick and themselves wish to marry. But the wedding of such should be performed in the temple.

7. There are certain age limits for marriage.... By a decree of the Holy Synod of July 19, 1830, it was forbidden to marry if the groom is not 18 years old, and the bride is 16. At the moment, the lower age limit for the sacrament of the wedding should be considered the onset of civil majority, when marriage in the registry office is possible. In church marriage law, there is also a maximum limit for marriage. Saint Basil the Great indicates such a limit for women - 60 years, for men - 70 years (rules 24 and 88).

8. An obstacle to marriage is the lack of consent on the part of the parents of the groom or the bride.... This type of obstacle should be considered only if the parents of the future spouses are Orthodox Christians. Children of Orthodox parents cannot enter into marriage arbitrarily, without parental consent. This provides for a serious and prudent attitude towards marriage, for parents, having great life experience and the gift of responsibility for their children received from God, stand guard over their well-being. Marriages should not be committed only by the arbitrariness of the spouses, by the frivolity of youth and unreasonable hobby, due to which human and moral disturbances often enter their family and social life.

However, in modern society many people stand far from God and, even being baptized in childhood, lead an obvious God-fighting lifestyle, as it was, for example, in the USSR. In this regard, in many cases it is absolutely impossible for sincerely believing children of these people to enlist the blessing of their parents for the consecration of marriage in the Church. Moreover, parents not only oppose the desire of their children to get married, but in every possible way prevent their children from going to church. This sometimes leads to a wedding in secret from the parents.

It seems that in such cases, when it is impossible to receive the blessing of the parents for the reasons indicated by me, it is worth asking the bishop's blessing for the conclusion of a church marriage without the permission of the parents. The atheism of parents should not interfere with the sincere desire of believing children to sanctify their marriage in the Church. The bishop has the right to bless the marriage not only if the parents of the spouses are unbelievers and oppose the church marriage of children.

If the parents do not agree to the marriage of their children for illegal reasons, then after an inquiry and vain attempts to exhort the parents, the bishop has the right to give a blessing for the sacrament of the wedding. Since ancient times, Russian laws have protected children from the arbitrariness of their parents in matters of marriage. According to the Charter of Yaroslav the Wise, parents guilty of forcing their children into marriage or forcibly keeping them from marriage were subjected to trial.

Parental blessing is based on their respect for free consent to marriage by the bride and groom. And even civil law prohibits parents and guardians from forcing children in their care to marry against their will. Therefore, the Book on the Office of Parish Presbyters (§123) says that a priest, seeing tears or something else indicating an involuntary marriage, must stop the marriage and find out the situation. There is a provision in the body of laws according to which a marriage contracted with the use of violence against one of the spouses should be considered illegal and subject to dissolution.

All of the above applies to those who are just about to get married. However, sometimes you have to marry spouses who have already lived in a registered marriage for some time, sometimes tens of years. Obviously, these people no longer need to ask for a blessing for marriage. For it has long been received, even at the conclusion of a civil marriage.

This list is limited to absolute barriers to marriage. Now it makes sense to talk about conditional obstacles.

1. The absence of close consanguinity between the bride and groom is a prerequisite for marriage.This rule applies not only to lawful, but to illegitimate children. The closeness of consanguinity is measured in degrees, and the degrees are established by the number of births: between father and son, between mother and son - one degree of consanguinity, between grandfather and grandson - two degrees, between uncle and nephew - three. A series of degrees, following one after another, form a related line. Related lines are straight and lateral. A straight line is considered ascending when it goes from a given person to his ancestors, and descending when it goes from ancestors to descendants.

Two straight lines originating from the same ancestor are connected by side lines (e.g. nephew and uncle; cousins \u200b\u200band second cousins). To determine the degree of consanguinity, the number of births connecting two persons should be established: second cousins \u200b\u200bare linked by kinship in the 6th degree, and a second cousin with niece is in the 7th degree. The Law of Moses forbade marriages up to the 3rd degree of blood relationship (Lev. 18, 7-17, 20). In the Christian Church, direct marriages were strictly forbidden. The 19th Apostolic Canon says: "He who had two sisters or a niece in marriage cannot be in the clergy."

This means that marriage between persons who are in the 3rd degree of lateral relationship was considered in the Ancient Church as unacceptable. The Fathers of the Council of Trull decided to dissolve the marriages between cousins \u200b\u200band cousins \u200b\u200b(r. 54). The "Eclogue" of the emperors Leo the Isaurian and Constantine Copronymus also prohibits marriages between a second cousin and a sister, i.e. being in the 6th degree of lateral relationship. The Council of Constantinople in 1168, held under Patriarch Luke Chrysoverga, ordered the unconditional dissolution of marriages between persons who were in the 7th degree of lateral consanguinity. IN

In Russia, these later Greek norms, although recognized as legal, were not literally observed. On January 19, 1810, the Holy Synod issues a decree according to which marriages concluded between persons of the 4th degree of lateral consanguinity were unconditionally prohibited and subject to dissolution. Marriages between relatives in the 5th and 7th degrees were not only not dissolved, but could even be concluded with the permission of the diocesan bishop.

2. In addition to consanguineous relationships, property relationships are an obstacle to marriage. They arise from the convergence of two genera through the marriage of their members. Property is equated with blood relationship, for husband and wife are one flesh. In-law are: father-in-law and son-in-law, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, stepfather and stepdaughter, brother-in-law and son-in-law. To determine the degree of a property, both kinship lines are added, and there is no degree between the husband and wife connecting them. Thus, mother-in-law and son-in-law are in the 1st degree of property, daughter-in-law and brother-in-law are in the 2nd degree, the husband's nephew and wife's niece are in the sixth degree of property; cousin wives and husband's aunt - in the 7th degree. This property is called two-kindred.

But ecclesiastical law also knows a three-kindred property, i.e. when through two marriages three clans are united. For example, between a particular male person and the wife of his brother-in-law, the second degree is three-kin; between this person and the second wife of his father-in-law (not the mother of his wife) - the 1st degree of the three-kin property. The Trulli Council prohibited marriages not only between persons of the 4th degree of kinship, but also of the 4th degree of the lateral nature (right. 54). In accordance with this rule, by the Decree of the Most Holy Synod of the Russian Orthodox Church of January 19, 1810, the unconditional prohibition of marriages between two relatives in law extended only to the 4th degree. In addition, the decrees of the Holy Synod of April 21, 1841 and March 28, 1859 strictly prohibited marriages between persons who are in the first degree of three-kinship property, and with respect to subsequent degrees (up to the fourth) it is stipulated that diocesan bishops may authorize such marriages are “for valid reasons.

3. Spiritual kinship is also an obstacle to marriage. Spiritual kinship arises from the perception of the newly baptized from the font of Baptism. The degrees of spiritual kinship are calculated in such a way that between the recipient and the perceived the first degree of spiritual kinship, and between the recipient and the parents of the perceived - the second degree. Rule 53 of the Council of Trull prohibits marriage between recipients (godparents) and parents of those who are accepted (baptized). By a decree of January 19, 1810, the Holy Synod of the Russian Orthodox Church, in accordance with this rule, limited marriages of spiritual kinship to only two degrees, that is, forbade marriages between recipients and their parents.

Quite often the question is asked about the possibility of marriage between recipients, i.e. between godfather and godmother. This question is quite complicated and it is impossible to answer it unequivocally. I will try to express my opinion on this issue. There are no strictly canonical rules governing this issue. The above rule of the 6th Ecumenical Council does not answer the question posed, for it speaks only of one recipient.

After all, two receivers are a later tradition. It is a tradition, not a canonical prescription. Therefore, in the sources of the ancient Church, we do not find the answer to this question. In the ancient Church, as a rule, it was practiced to have a recipient of the same sex as the person being baptized. However, this rule was not unconditional. It is enough to pay attention to the decree of the Emperor Justinian prohibiting the marriage of the recipient with the perceived one: “nothing can so much arouse paternal love and establish such a legitimate obstacle to marriage as this union through which, with God's mediation, they are united (i.e. recipient and perceived) soul. "

It can be seen that the recipient may be of a different sex than the baptized one. One recipient is also indicated in the Book of Baptism, which contains the order of baptism. In fact, the second recipient becomes, albeit traditional, but not mandatory. The instruction of the Trebnik about one recipient formed the basis of the decree of the Holy Synod of 1810: “But the recipient and the recipient (godfather and godfather) bear in kinship; before the baptism of the saint, one person is necessary and really necessary: \u200b\u200bthe masculine for the baptized men of the sex, and the feminine for the baptized women. " Moreover, in its decree, the Synod already strictly concretizes the sex of the baptized person and the godfather, ordering the man to be the recipient of the man (boy), and the woman to the woman (girl).

Later, apparently due to incessant disputes about this issue, the Holy Synod repeats its decree, but adds that such marriages are permissible only with the blessing of the diocesan bishop (bishop): “Receiver and receiver (godfather and mother of the same child ) can marry ... only you need to first request permission from the diocesan authorities (bishop). " It is known that Saint Philaret of Moscow, a preeminent member of the Holy Synod, and a contemporary of the above decrees, now glorified by our Church, in his practice prohibited the marriage of the recipients of one child among themselves. Moreover, he referred to the practice of the Russian Church, which had long been established, as well as to the opinion of the patristic canons.

Moreover, Metropolitan Philaret did not reject two recipients at baptism, referring to Rule 53 of the Trull Cathedral: "Why are two recipients at baptism" contrary to the church rules "? With a baby or an older female person being baptized, there must be a recipient. But look at Canon 53 of the Sixth Ecumenical Council: in it you will see a female child and a recipient in it. Therefore, the rule allows two, although one is sufficient.

The Greeks use one recipient to avoid spiritual kinship, which afterwards can hinder marriage: let ours do the same; no one hinders them, and it would be contrary to Canon 53 of the Sixth Ecumenical Council to prohibit another recipient. " Why, then, the note of the Trebnik, as we see, the Synod puts above tradition and patristic canons? Prof. Pavlov explains the situation as follows: “In the later civil legislation, the number of obstacles to marriage adopted by the Church was significantly reduced, especially those that were derived in the different types kinship. The same legislation already in the 18th century began to establish new norms on divorce law, reducing the number of reasons for divorce ”.

In this case, given the controversy of the decrees of the Holy Synod, and assuming that that period of Russian church life was, in a sense, a turning point and abundant in innovations, it makes sense to turn to later sources of the already established tradition. We can say that the official opinion of the Russian Orthodox Church is expressed in the "Handbook of a clergyman", which says that "In general, spouses cannot be the recipients of the baptism of one infant, but at the same time the husband and wife are allowed to be the recipients of different children of the same parents, but at different times "(" Handbook of a clergyman ", M., 1983, vol. 4, pp. 234-235).

For comparison, we can also suggest the fact that in the Romanian Orthodox Church, marriages between recipients are prohibited. There is also the decision of the Second Pre-Council Pan-Orthodox Meeting of 1983, which also reflects the essence of this difficult issue: “In our time in the Russian Orthodox Church, rarely anyone knows that, according to the ancient church tradition, there should not be a second recipient or recipient during baptism. However, for many centuries we have had the custom of having two recipients at Baptism: a male and a female, that is, a godfather and a godmother. A godchild's marriage to an optional godmother, as well as a goddaughter's marriage to an optional godfather, can be confusing for believers. For this reason, the above-mentioned marriages are undesirable in the Russian Orthodox Church ”(On the decisions of the Second Pre-Council Pan-Orthodox Meeting. ZhMP, 1983, No. 10). It seems that on the basis of all of the above, it would be quite logical to listen to the later church opinion and not tempt the people by marriages between recipients, especially since even the last decree of the Holy Synod prescribes only the bishop to resolve this issue.

4. An obstacle to marriage also arises from the relationship of the so-called civil kinship - adoption. It is quite obvious that, as noted by prof. Pavlov "already a simple moral sense prohibits an adoptive parent from marrying an adopted daughter or an adopted son with the mother and daughter of the adoptive parent."

5. The mutual consent of those entering into marriage is a sine qua non for the legality and validity of the marriage. This is reflected in the rite of the wedding, which includes questions about whether the bride and groom enter into marriage freely and naturally. For this reason, forced marriages are invalidated. Moreover, an obstacle to marriage is considered not only physical, but also moral coercion, for example, threats, blackmail, etc.

6. An important condition for the recognition of the validity of church marriage is the unity of religion. The community of faith of spouses who are members of the body of Christ is the most important condition for a truly Christian and ecclesiastical marriage. Only a family united in faith can become a “home Church” (Rom. 16: 5; Flm. 1, 2), in which husband and wife, together with their children, grow in spiritual perfection and knowledge of God. Lack of like-mindedness poses a serious threat to the integrity of the marital union. That is why the Church considers it her duty to call upon believers to marry “only in the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:39), that is, with those who share their Christian beliefs.

However, sometimes we have to see civil marriages concluded between Orthodox Christians and non-Christians. Moreover, the coming to the conscious faith of an Orthodox Christian (baptized, for example, in childhood) often occurs after marriage. So these people are asking whether their marriage is legal from the point of view of the Church. The answer to their question was voiced by Ap. Paul: “… if any brother has an unbelieving wife and she agrees to live with him, then he should not leave her; and a wife who has an unbelieving husband and he agrees to live with her must not leave him; for the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife (believer), and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband (believer) ... ”(1 Cor. 7, 12-14).

This text of Holy Scripture was also referred to by the Fathers of the Council of Trull, who recognized as valid an alliance between persons who, "being still in disbelief and not being numbered among the Orthodox herd, were united by legal marriage" if later one of the spouses converted to faith (rule 72 ). On the same words, ap. Paul is also referred to by the Holy Synod of the Russian Orthodox Church, expressing the respectful attitude of the Church towards civil marriage.

The Bishops' Council of the Russian Orthodox Church in the "Fundamentals of the Social Concept" approved this rule: "In accordance with the ancient canonical prescriptions, the Church today does not bless marriages concluded between Orthodox and non-Christians by wedding, while recognizing them as legitimate and not counting those who are in them. in prodigal cohabitation. " These words clearly outline the position of the Church towards marriages between Orthodox and non-Christians. Summing up the issue of marriage between Orthodox and non-Christians, it is worth recalling once again that such a marriage cannot be sanctified in the Church and therefore is deprived of the grace-filled power received in the Sacrament of Wedding. The sacrament of a wedding can only be performed on Christians who are members of the Church.

Equally, all of the above can be attributed to those marriages in which an Orthodox spouse has to live in a legal civil marriage with an atheist (even if baptized in childhood). And in this case, marriage cannot be sanctified in the Church. And even if a godless spouse, baptized in childhood, making a concession to a believing spouse or parents (in this case, both spouses may be unbelievers), agrees to “just stand at the wedding”, then the marriage cannot be completed.

Proceeding from considerations of pastoral economy, the Russian Orthodox Church, both in the past and today, finds it possible to marry Orthodox Christians with Catholics, members of the Ancient Eastern Churches and Protestants professing faith in the Triune God, subject to the blessing of marriage in the Orthodox Church and raising children in Orthodox faith.

The same practice has been followed over the past centuries in most Orthodox Churches. An example of mixed marriages was many dynastic marriages, during which the transition of the non-Orthodox side to Orthodoxy was not mandatory (with the exception of the marriage of the heir to the Russian throne). Thus, the Monk Martyr Grand Duchess Elizabeth entered into marriage with the Grand Duke Sergius Alexandrovich, remaining a member of the Evangelical Lutheran Church, and only later, by her own will, she converted to Orthodoxy.

Thus, a blessing in the Church of the marriage of Orthodox Christians with heterodox Christians is possible. But the blessing for the conclusion of such a marriage can only be given by a diocesan bishop (bishop). To obtain such permission, you need to contact him with the appropriate request. Any competent parish priest can tell you how to do this.

This ends the list of obstacles to the performance of the Sacrament of the Wedding. In addition, the sacrament of the wedding can not be performed on all days of the year.

A beautiful tradition. "Supplement" to the wedding. The guarantee of the strength of family ties. These are the most common ideas about The sacrament of the wedding... Meanwhile, there are both young and mature married couples who live a church life, but sometimes postpone the performance of this Sacrament for many years. What is really behind the wedding? How acceptable is it for a believer to live in an unmarried marriage? How to prepare if you decide to take this step? We are talking about this with the editor-in-chief of the Bogoslov.ru portal, candidate of theology, rector of the Pyatnitsky metochion of the Trinity-Sergius Lavra, Archpriest Pavel Velikanov.

How did the wedding come about?

- Father Pavel, it is logical to start with the main question: what is the Sacrament of Wedding, what is its essence?

The question is not as simple as it might seem. Because historically, this Sacrament appeared quite late - in the form in which we know it. The early Christians did not have any special rite to bless marriage: the Church recognized as legal the marriage that was performed within the framework of the tradition that existed at that time. In the first Christian communities, the blessing of newlyweds was accomplished by the very fact of the presence of a priest or bishop, the head of a church community, at a wedding feast.

- Wasn't there a blessing with the laying on of hands, as, for example, now in Protestant communities?

Indeed, there is evidence that marriage was consecrated by the laying on of the bishop's hands - this is an apocryphal monument to the "Acts of Thomas", which was written in Asia Minor at the beginning of the 3rd century. However, until the IV century, there was no special order. Only after the Edict of Milan by Constantine the Great (Document of 313, which proclaimed religious tolerance on the territory of the Roman Empire and put an end to the persecution of Christians. - Ed.), When the process of active entry into the Church of people who were far from the Christian way of life and did not really strive to become real began Christians, it became necessary to comprehend from the point of view of Christianity marriage as a union of a man and a woman, blessed by God. It became vital to make a clear distinction between the Christian understanding of the family and those that existed in the pagan world.

- And what ideas did the pagans have? What is the difference?

The difference is that Christian marriage is not limited to an earthly perspective. This is not only a blessed communication between a man and a woman and the continuation of the human race, but above all a certain spiritual deed. Spouses, having gone through the stages usual for any marriage, reach a special height of spiritual and emotional unity. And this unity remains after their death. We know a large number of holy spouses - these are Saints Peter and Fevronia of Murom (their memory is celebrated on July 8 - Ed.), Cyril and Maria (parents of St. Sergius of Radonezh - Ed.), Joachim and Anna, Adrian and Natalia ...

In paganism, of course, there was no such understanding. It could arise only on the basis of the Christian idea of \u200b\u200bthe neighbor as the main tuning fork of the relationship to God, from the understanding of the need for sacrificial feat as the foundation and fundamental principle of all being in general, and not just the relationship between spouses.

This is how, against the background of the understanding of marriage, the rite of the church blessing of marriage is gradually taking shape. Only by the 17th century was it formalized in the form that we now have in our Orthodox churches. In general, a wedding is the only Sacrament in which we find a huge variety of forms! A certain core - the prayer "Holy God" - is present already in the 4th century, and the rest could vary.

A wedding ... a condemnation?

- Is an unmarried marriage considered wrong, sinful?

Not. It is deeply wrong and dangerous to think that unmarried marriage is synonymous with fornication. Legal marriage - that is, not secret, announced to society and legally registered in a certain way - is fully recognized by the Church. And this is clearly spelled out in the Social Concept of the Russian Orthodox Church.

The fact is that, without a church blessing, Christians will find it difficult to build their marital relations so that they would be a ladder for them to the Kingdom of Heaven. More precisely, in order to build the Kingdom of Heaven in marriage right now. And for this, the Sacrament exists.

- What is the sacrament? What's mysterious going on?

The sacrament is that Divine grace is invoked to transform the natural relationship between a man and a woman into a spiritual relationship. This striving transforms the natural attraction of the sexes to each other into a stepping stone to Christ - that's what happens. Figuratively, this is perfectly shown in the gospel story about the miracle that Christ performs in Cana of Galilee: the transformation of water into wine at a wedding. Any marriage is destined for such a transformation: the "water" of natural human relations by the power and action of the grace of the Holy Spirit must become "wine", acquire a completely different quality!

- And what is the blessing?

A wedding is also a blessing for married life within the Christian community itself. Sexual cohabitation for Christian spouses is conceivable only within the framework of a church blessing by the head of the community - a bishop or a priest.

- Can we say that this is an attempt to enlist God's help on this difficult path?

Partly yes. In a legal marriage, both halves enter into a new, previously unknown, unknown reality for them. And this requires special help from God.

But this should not be approached as a deal: we give you a wedding, and you give us a guarantee of "a full cup at home." The wedding is strengthening and blessing existing relationships, but not building them from scratch, and even more so - not legalizing formal relations between "not digesting" people.

I will express my opinion, which, perhaps, will not agree with the opinion of a sufficiently large number of clergy. But I am resolutely opposed to people who are not sufficiently churched to approach the Sacrament of Wedding.

Today, everyone is often crowned. Such an attitude towards marriage neutralizes the Sacrament, turns it into a "magic crutch" for those people who, in general, cannot walk yet. But experience shows that there are no “magic crutches”. If people do not love each other, if they treat each other as a consumer, if they are married and are not going to change anything in their lives, to become real Christians, then this Sacrament will not be for their salvation, but for even greater condemnation. And their marriage is likely to fall apart, not strengthen.

- Why?

Because any approach of God is a crisis: it aggravates, brings the existing situation to a certain extreme tension. Divine objects are not a joke: they require proper treatment. And if a person is ready to sacrifice himself, his interests, to break out to Christ, the crisis turns out to be salutary and useful for him. If he is not ready, does not want to change, then this exposure, the exacerbation of his true state only accelerates the possible disintegration of the family.

God cannot be scorned. And the Church is His territory, the place of His special, exclusive presence. Therefore, getting married “just in case”, “what if it works” is not worth it. And the huge number of petitions for the so-called "church divorce", which is available in all dioceses, is the best evidence of this ...

Therefore, if we are talking about people who look into the Church, who are not, in fact, Christians, for them the form of legal marriage is quite enough.

Ready - not ready

If this is such a serious step, is it worth going for it right away? Some couples postpone the wedding, not feeling ready enough for it ...

It happens. You see, this process of maturation before the wedding takes place in parallel with churching.

I know spouses who are believers and church people who have been married for about 50 years, but who at the same time are not yet ripe to come to church and get married. Between them there is no such spiritual relationship, unity, to perform this Sacrament - the process is not yet complete. There are many such examples.

- Is it more good than bad?

This is bad. But if they got married and after that nothing would change in their life, it would be even worse.

Rather, I am sympathetic to the position of those non-church young people who, having played a wedding, do not rush to get married immediately. There is a healthy grain of it: it is a sign of responsibility. Such spouses must live in a legal marriage, bear children, love each other, slowly change themselves, become a church member and, when they grow up to church marriage, get married.

However, if people have been living a full-fledged church life for a sufficient time, if each of them has come to know Christ and lives by Him in his own measure, then for such people to marry without going through a wedding is abnormal and more than strange. When believers, church-going spouses for some reason do not get married, this should suggest that something is wrong here.

- Why? If this is "ripening", then it occurs in different couples at different times ...

Because for a Christian, marriage and family are not just a "cell of society", and even less an "institution for the lawful use of each other." This is a living example of how completely independent and separate individuals can coexist in complete unity. The family is a unity: everyone lives according to the law of love, and at the same time, no one suppresses, absorbs, displaces anyone. An analogy can be drawn with the Holy Trinity: God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit live in full of love, full agreement and unceasing self-giving to each other, and in this they acquire the absolute fullness of being and the very bliss to which we are all called upon. And therefore, for the Church, marriage is one of the fundamental concepts.

The relationship between Christ and the Church by the Lord himself is identified with the marriage relationship: the Church is called the Bride of Christ. The Apostle Paul, all the holy fathers, to one degree or another, have this marriage allegory. And this only says that there is no higher relationship in a person's life, more conducive to salvation than marriage. We can safely say that marriage is a kind of "springboard" to salvation. But as there are various risks associated with a springboard, the same is with marriage: without embarking on this path, you will not reach certain heights and will never know what flying in free fall is, but, having entered, you must understand that you are not expected only shining peaks, but also the danger of breaking your back.

Can spouses go to the wedding as a conscious step towards unity? Asking God for support in this?

Yes, this is the most correct approach.

If a husband and wife have a desire to arrange their lives in a Christian way, of course, it is better for them to enter into marriage through the Sacrament of the Wedding. But this is possible only when each of them understands the full measure of responsibility that he takes on. The responsibility is not only that they have no right to divorce, no matter what happens there, but also spiritual responsibility. For the way of life, which each of them, according to his own strength, tries to carry out according to the Gospel commandments.

It turns out that this Sacrament is both the beginning of something qualitatively new and the pinnacle of some internal process?

In this case, the wedding is a really and important beginning, and the pinnacle, a kind of evidence that the spouses have really achieved some kind of spiritual unity, in their aspirations to God, their trajectories ceased to be parallel and began to strive for unity. In this case, the desire to receive a church blessing and the sanctification of marriage becomes a completely natural and legitimate desire.

Debunking "debunking"

- Many talk about "debunking". Does such an order exist in reality?

- "Debunking" is a completely mythical thing. There is no rite of removing a church blessing for marriage. There is evidence of the Church, when she, out of her condescension to a person who could not bear the feat of marriage, gives him a blessing for a second marriage.

- How far does the condescension of the Church go? Is it permissible to get married in a second, third, etc. marriage?

Indeed, there is a rite for the wedding of second-weds, which is rather a rite of repentance.

- Is he independent, separate?

Yes, this is an independent rank for those who are entering into a second marriage. But, of course, the rank for triples no longer exists. In some extreme cases, in special situations, a blessing may be given for a third marriage - but without a wedding. And there really must be some completely exceptional cases and sufficient grounds for such a decision! And, of course, no priest will take upon himself such a responsibility: this is wholly and completely the domain of bishop's authority. Naturally, such a situation cannot be the norm. Here we see a manifestation of oikonomia, an extreme concession to the Church, in order to give a person the opportunity to receive communion, to continue living the church life.

- This is, in fact, a blessing for a marriage without a wedding?

In fact, this is just a blessing for the communion of a person who, due to his weakness, is in the third marriage, and a request to God for the forgiveness of his sins.

Difficult questions: infidelity, second marriage, different faith

If one of the spouses is an unbeliever, but out of love for his “second half” reads books about Christianity, somehow prepares for the wedding - is it permissible to perform the Sacrament over such a couple?

I think yes. And the Apostle Paul says about this: an unbelieving wife is sanctified by a believing husband, and vice versa. One of the spouses who is closer to Christ may well become a source of light for another. And there are a huge number of such examples - when love for one's "other half" becomes for a person the most important step in his life to Christ. We know a large number of such couples abroad: when the Gentiles marry Russian girls, for example, and, realizing how much Christianity means, the Orthodox Church for the beloved is gradually drawn into the element of liturgical life. For me, this is a living example, since I just returned from England and saw many such couples where one of the spouses discovered the beauty of Christianity for the other.

- Does the Orthodox Church allow the wedding of Orthodox Christians with Christians of other confessions?

Paradoxically, yes. As stated in the Fundamentals of the Social Concept of the Russian Orthodox Church, a wedding can be performed between Orthodox and Catholics, members of the Ancient Eastern Churches and Protestants who profess faith in the Triune God. A necessary condition for such a wedding is the celebration of the Sacrament in the Orthodox Church and the upbringing of children in Orthodoxy. Saint Philaret of Moscow has repeatedly admitted this.

This is an amazing fact! And one more evidence that marriage is a phenomenon that goes far beyond the limits of only human relations. At one time, the religious philosopher Vasily Vasilyevich Rozanov wrote: "The connection of sex with God is greater than the connection of the mind with God, even than the connection of conscience with God" ...

Indeed, what is an integral part of marriage primarily affects some deep, spiritual aspects of a person. And I think that the Church is not without reason so harshly opposed to any form of close relationships between people, except for legal marriage. The Church, like a child-loving Mother, endlessly values \u200b\u200band anxiously guards what happens in marriage, and just as resolutely and uncompromisingly treats what happens outside of it.

- Do you mean fornication, treason, cohabitation?

Yes. This greatly emasculates and spoils an important part of human nature, where the meeting of a person with God takes place. Why is monasticism, for example, unthinkable without the feat of chastity, the feat of absolute abstinence from sexual activity? Why was it originally associated with virginity? Monks and nuns who had no experience of sex life at all were always distinguished especially - and it was such monasticism that was considered a real, genuine devotion to God. This is a very subtle, mystical moment of the betrothal of the whole person to Christ. You can even say that a kind of spiritual "marriage" with the Creator, which requires the same completeness of bestowal as an ordinary marriage requires from spouses.

In monasticism, a person completely entrusts himself to God - he lives by him, he feeds on him, he rejoices, he is inspired by him. And there can be no "bigamy" or split. In the same way as in marriage: there can be nothing in addition to or in spite of your other half in a healthy and happy marriage.

It is very regrettable that “going to the side” in secular society has long been tolerated. And this must be shouted out loudly: any cohabitation, any adultery is a huge tragedy for all its participants and for the whole family, where this unfortunate victim of the passion of fornication lives. Moreover, as long as there is treason, fornication, there can be no talk of any reconciliation with God in principle. Not because the church canons are so cruel, illiberal, “inhuman”. But because fornication is a deep breakdown not only of the soul, but even at the physiological level. People who take this path burn out with the passion of fornication that area of \u200b\u200btheir souls that is infinitely significant for God - after all, in it they could find reconciliation with Him! Until this wound heals, absolutely nothing can be done about it.

- It’s not only about treason as such, but also about a slight hobby on the side, about thoughts?

In patristic asceticism there is a very clear gradation of thoughts - when exactly a passionate, prodigal thought that has come to a person can already be considered a sin. The Savior Himself said: Everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart (Matt 5:28). Fornication materializes the falling away from fidelity to his spouse that has already taken place in a person's soul. But it all starts with a thought.

In general, we do not understand a lot of what happens in marriage. And no matter how extensive the research in the field of intimate relations between a man and a woman is, we cannot fully understand the nature of these relations. Here we go beyond the limits of science as such and pass into a spiritual dimension rather than a physiological one.

- So we can say that marriage itself is a Sacrament?

I would probably agree. And it is interesting that St. John Chrysostom also wrote in his time: “The crowns rely on the heads of those who are married as a sign of victory, in order to show that they, invincible by passion before marriage, also approach the marriage bed as such, that is, in a state overcomers of carnal lust. " This understanding of the wedding is directly opposite to how it is sometimes perceived today, like a forced church blessing for sexual cohabitation of two people overwhelmed by lust, "legalized fornication" - so that they do not leave the Church at all. And St. John Chrysostom says: we marry them because they have conquered their lust, that they are already driven by love, which turns out to be much higher and stronger than lust. And then they, as Christians, must first of all be moved by love, not lust. After all, passionate movements will go away anyway - but love itself will only be strengthened and purified. And here, virginity, complete physical purity of both spouses acts as a guarantee of just such a development of relations.

Preparation: practical points

It is believed that a wedding is such a personal matter that takes place between two people and God that only the wedding couple and the priest should be present at it ...

I believe that there is nothing wrong with the absence of witnesses at the wedding. In England or Greece, this Sacrament is also one of the forms of legalizing marriage - there, religious confessions are given the right to issue state certificates of marriage. We do not have this in our country: the sacrament takes place within the church community and does not require witnesses to what people have promised each other - this is their business before God.

But it is precisely with this that a strict requirement is connected: we marry people only after they have entered into a legal marriage and official registration. Except in extreme cases when this issue is difficult for some objective reasons, and not because people do not want to sign, but want to live for their own pleasure and at the same time have some spiritual preferences.

If relatives are indifferent or negative about the Church, what is the best way to proceed: to call them in order to join the Sacrament, or not?

This is one of those questions that can be answered both ways. There are pluses in both versions. Indeed, people often want this Sacrament to be performed on them without witnesses - this is a personal, intimate contract between them and God. The spouses themselves must decide what to do, based on how it will be more convenient for them and how it seems more expedient for them.

- What is the role of parents in the wedding?

And in Roman, and in Greek, and in Jewish traditions essential element the wedding was the moment when the bride's father joins the hands of the spouses - and transfers her hand to the groom's hand. That is, parents transfer their child into the hands of his “other half”. This moment is in the ancient rites of the wedding, it was preserved in Catholicism, but in our country, unfortunately, it turned out to be lost. However, an echo of it remained: when the priest, before the beginning of the rite of betrothal, joins the hands of the spouses, covering them with the epitrachilia, and holding hands, leads the bride and groom from the vestibule to the temple, and also when, already during the Sacrament, they all go around the lectern three times in the center of the temple ... In other respects, parents during the Sacrament are only witnesses and companions to their children.

- How should the spouses themselves prepare for the wedding?

For church people, preparation for a wedding is no different from the usual preparation for participation in the sacraments. Except that they should think carefully whether they are ready to take on their spouse or their spouse with all his weaknesses, passions, problems. Understanding clearly that you should not expect that your “half” in marriage will become much better than you know her now. And this is a certain boldness that man dares before God Himself! A person must clearly understand what he is taking upon himself.

If he is ready to take on another, and in the worst case that he knows about, then one can hope that this marriage will take place. And if he expects that all the shortcomings of the spouse will disappear somewhere, and everything that inspires, pleases, will reveal even more ... then, most likely, everything will be exactly the opposite.

- Tough. So you have to be realistic? And timidly hoping that both of you will get better?

To hope timidly - yes, but you cannot count. Why, in the mind of a Christian, marriage and monasticism are practically identical things? And there, and there a person sacrifices himself to another. And there is no guarantee that this sacrifice will be accepted, understood, appreciated. All happy marriages went through a very difficult, difficult, painful path of "grinding" both spouses, grinding them to each other. And this is always associated with the maximum belittling of one's own interests, oneself, one's wishes, one's ideas about what should be in a marriage. This is the process of "growing" into each other.

Moreover, this is "ingrowth" of very different organisms at all levels. Gilbert Chesterton owns a saying that has become an aphorism: according to male standards any woman is crazy, by female standards any man is a monster; man and woman are psychologically incompatible. And this is great! Because in this way they become one for the other the object of Christian work, borrow from each other the qualities they lack and share the best that is in themselves. The Apostle Paul wrote: Now is your surplus to make up for their lack; and then there is an abundance of them to make up for your lack (2 Cor. 8:14). And in such a constant relationship and interpenetration, an integral organism is built christian family, which really has the right to continue, and after it disappears, it disappears, everything related to physiology becomes unnecessary. We know that in the Kingdom of Heaven there is no marriage as a union of the sexes, but unity remains ... Once behind the coffin without a body, the spouses still retain their unity! But you still have to grow up to that. How many are growing? This is the question.

- Is it obligatory to take communion before the wedding?

This is not strictly obligatory, but it is natural for a believer to confess and partake of Christ before the most important events in his life. And in the Ancient Church, communion was one of the important parts of the wedding. Some words preserved in the ancient rites of wedding (for example, the exclamation: "Presanctified Holy to the saints") testifies that in the early Church, after communion of all members of the church community, the Holy Gifts were left to commune the newlyweds with them during their wedding.

- What is a “wedding liturgy”?

This is the Liturgy, usually performed by a bishop, in the rite of which the rite of wedding is included. It takes place, for example, in the Balkan and Greek churches. Now wedding Liturgies appear in Russia as well. However, this is more of an innovation: there is no evidence that this had historical precedents before.

- If people have different confessors, how can they choose a priest who will marry them?

A council wedding is possible, when several priests perform the Sacrament at once. And this is a common practice. There is almost no other way among the clergy.

- How much does it cost to participate in the Sacrament?

No Sacrament can be evaluated, and there can be no price for a wedding. However, after the performance of the requirements (that is, services at the request of the laity), it is customary to donate to the temple, according to the strength and conscience of the person. It should be understood that a wedding is the most "resource-intensive" Sacrament: here, as a rule, you need at least a quartet of singers, or even a whole choir, for which, of course, you need to pay for their work. It is best to ask church officials how donations are made. In some parishes, you may be given their approximate size, but the payment of a certain amount in no case can be a necessary condition for the performance of the Sacrament.

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Sexual urge and lust compiled by Nick

Marriage without Church Wedding

Marriage without Church Wedding

When considering this issue, one essential fact should be taken into account: when the civil marriage was concluded, was the husband or wife already in faith, or was both of them in unbelief. In the event that, at the time of marriage, the spouses did not participate in the sacraments of the Church, then they could not get married. If one of the spouses was already in the faith, then he cannot marry an unbeliever. If one of the spouses has come to faith, and the other has not yet, then in relation to such a marriage is the commandment of the Apostle Paul: “If any brother has an unbelieving wife, and she agrees to live with him, then he should not leave her; and a wife who has an unbelieving husband and he agrees to live with her should not leave him ”(1 Cor. 7, 12-13).

Theophan the Recluse (Commentary on Epistle 1 Cor. 7, 12-13, 14):“It does not legalize the taking of an unbelieving wife, and does not command a believer's wife to marry with an unbelieving husband, but gives rules for those who were previously united to receive the sermon. For it happened that the husband believes, but the wife remains in unbelief, and vice versa: the wife accepts the preaching, and the husband is in the ailment of unbelief. And the Apostle commands the sane to endure the infirmities of those who are with him in marriage, taking care of his salvation ”(Theodoret). ... But he legalized this not unconditionally, but under the condition of the consent of the unbeliever. As soon as there is no such consent, that is, if the unfaithful husband does not want to live with his faithful wife, but invites her to either return to the previous wickedness, or leave him, then it is obvious that such a husband should be left: for about how to change faith and should not think, but to remain with a husband with faith, in spite of him, would mean deliberately introducing discord and quarrels into the family. So, he says: for the sake of peace, forsake such men and women; in this case, you are free from the yoke of marriage, not part-time for him. “The believing side,” says the Apostle, may not give cause for separation; and if the sick side wants to disperse, you are innocent and free from accusations ”(Theodorite). “… If the unbeliever daily insults and starts quarrels, then it is better to part:“ the Lord has called us to peace ”. The unfaithful one himself gives a reason for this "(Chrysostom)".

If both are believers and participate in the sacraments of the Church before marriage, or both came to faith, being already spouses, then they must be married.

Moral Theology (sins against the 7th commandment, sin - Civil marriagearranged without a church wedding, or only the approval of such a marriage): “And the very pagans in antiquity entered into a marriage union in no other way than turning to their deity for assistance. By this, they involuntarily expressed that marriage is a special, solemn event in a person's life, that it is higher than an ordinary contract, which would be approved by civil authorities and which could be changed or limited according to circumstances. And in Christianity, marriage is the same sacrament as baptism, communion and others, and besides, it is a "great" sacrament, as the Apostle Paul says. To replace it with a civil one, to compare it with an ordinary contract (a contract-contract is concluded with a notary: as a rule, something is sold or bought according to it), means mainly to deprive him of that indissolubility and the security that the Church, the distributor of God's grace, gives him. ... So, it is to pluck from him that beautiful wreath, which the Lord Jesus Christ crowned him with in the New Testament. It means again to bring a woman down to the humiliating state in which she was in the Old Testament, and especially among the pagans. In a civil marriage, a woman must constantly worry about her future fate, since the decline of her beauty or, earlier than that, some kind of trouble in the family gives her husband a reason to immediately replace her with another and a third: and if she is the mother of children, then she must restrain herself from strong attachment to children and family, that is, to restrain themselves in their most natural and innocent feelings; because he does not know correctly - who will get the children in case of divorce, even if the right to educate them should belong to the innocent side. What a disorder of life this is! (In England, for example, only divorce is easily allowed, and civil marriage has not yet been legalized. But how did a woman fall there, how cruelly she is treated!). Yes; a civil marriage is not at all serious and easily threatens with rupture (especially for the weaker side), if not tomorrow, then the day after tomorrow. In it, if the words are pronounced: "love always, or until the end of life, sympathies are eternal," then without the Gospel meaning. It is not necessary for a husband to love and endure his wife, and vice versa. Thus, for a frivolous, impatient and unbridled person in his passions, it becomes boring, painful to the end of life itself, to love, and often endure, the same person, to love and keep this face with him, willingly and unwillingly. Then, first of all, he easily admits adultery, and then decides to end the marriage, marries again. But look at Christian marriage. How provided he is! In it, the love of a husband for his wife, as well as of a wife for her husband, is each time revived again by such a reminder: “just as Christ also love the Church and gave Himself for her” (Eph. 5.25). In it, conjugal love and devotion are based or affirmed on the special grace of the sacrament. Not; civil marriage, or just approval and desire for it, is a novelty in the life of a Christian that is inconsistent with anything; - the most wild novelty, invented mainly by a man, so that he could satisfy carnal lust with unbridled freedom. … For you, an Orthodox Christian and a good son of the Church, let the name of “civil marriage” be disgusting! ”.

John Krestyankin (Experience of constructing a confession):“There are sins and obvious fornication: if any of those bringing repentance lives in a marriage that is not sanctified by the Mystery of the Church, repent with bitter tears of repentance, for you are living your life in fornication! Ask the Lord to sanctify your marriage union with the Sacrament of the Church, no matter what age you are. Lord, forgive us sinners! "

In the last call to repentance, we see that the ascetic calls an unmarried marriage a life of fornication. It seems to me that such a categorical opinion was expressed because of the strong sorrow about how modern Christians live, and this could lead to the desire of the repentant to sanctify their marriage. If someone speaks out categorically and with condemnation about unmarried marriage, then the Holy Synod says the following:

Fundamentals of the social concept of the Russian Orthodox Church:“The Holy Synod of the Russian Orthodox Church on December 28, 1998 noted with regret that“ some confessors declare unlawful civil marriage or demand the dissolution of marriage between spouses who have lived together for many years, but due to certain circumstances did not marry in the church ... confessors do not admit to communion persons living in "unmarried" marriage, identifying such marriage with fornication. " The definition adopted by the Synod states: "While insisting on the need for church marriage, remind pastors that the Orthodox Church respects civil marriage."

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