When asked what hysterical behavior is, mothers will answer without hesitation: aggressiveness, loud screams, tears, uncontrollable actions. Similar signs are common in children between 2 and 5 years of age.
In any case, a child of any age will not leave indifferent either his relatives or eyewitnesses of an attack. How should mom behave in a similar situation? Punish? Slap? Ignore? To regret? The main thing is to stay calm.
A hysterical attack in children (no matter at what age - at 2, 3 years old, at 7 or 8 years old) is characterized by emotional excitement, aggressiveness, which can be directed at others or at oneself.
The child begins to sob, scream, fall to the floor or the ground, bang his head against the wall or scratch his body. At the same time, he almost completely "disconnects" from reality: he does not perceive the words of other people and does not feel pain.
In especially severe cases, involuntary convulsive reactions occur, which are known in medicine as the "hysterical bridge". The baby's body arches in the form of an arc, and his muscles become tense.
A hysterical attack and a whim should be distinguished. The first is characterized by involuntary behavior. Capricious behavior, on the other hand, is a deliberate step based on the desire to possess something. Such techniques are often included in the "arsenal" of children prone to manipulative actions.
Hysterics in young children most often usually follows a similar scenario and includes several stages. Each of them is characterized by certain symptoms, which must be known, as this will help to quickly stop the attack.
The main stages of a hysterical attack in children:
- Harbingers. Before the “concert”, a 2 or 3 year old child begins to express displeasure. It can be whimpering, puffing, prolonged silence, or clenching of fists. At this point, hysterics can still be prevented.
- Voice. At this stage, the child begins to scream, and so loudly that it can frighten others. Demanding to stop is useless - he is cut off from reality and hears no one.
- Motor. The child's active actions begin - throwing things, stomping, rolling on the ground or floor. This phase is the greatest danger for the baby, since he can be injured, because he does not feel pain.
- Z final. Having received "relaxation", hysterical children seek support and consolation from their parents. The kids are tired physically and mentally, since such a strong emotional shock takes away a lot of their strength.
An exhausted child usually falls asleep quickly, and his sleep will be quite deep.
Who is most prone to hysteria?
Psychologists note that not all babies are equally prone to hysterical seizures. The frequency and strength of an emotional outburst is determined by the type of temperament and higher nervous activity:
- melancholic. These are children with a weak nervous system, characterized by increased anxiety, often mood swings. Such a baby often hysterics, however, due to the weakness of the central nervous system, it sooner returns to normal;
- sanguine people. Children with this type of nervous activity at any age (whether at 2 years old, at 7 or 8 years old) are usually in a good mood. Tantrums can happen if the cause is severe stress. However, this is rare;
- choleric. Such children are distinguished by an unbalanced character and bright emotional outbursts. Hysterical attacks occur in small choleric people suddenly, and are often accompanied by aggressive manifestations;
- phlegmatic. Such kids already at 4 years old (and even younger) are characterized by calm behavior and prudence. Their processes of inhibition prevail over arousal, so hysterics practically do not arise.
Based on the foregoing, we can conclude that mothers and fathers of little melancholic and choleric people, that is, children with unbalanced types of nervous activity, will complain more often about children's tantrums.
Before proceeding directly to the factors that provoke the occurrence, it is necessary to dwell in more detail on the features of the development of three-year-old children.
At about 3 years of age (plus or minus 7 or 8 months), babies begin a period known as the 3-year-old crisis. From this moment, the child realizes himself as a separate person from his parents, he has a desire for independence.
You can learn more about such a psychological phenomenon as in another article by a child psychologist. This material contains a lot of useful advice, including how to combat the child's hysterical behavior.
In all children, such a crisis period can manifest itself in its own way, but usually psychologists distinguish a kind of seven-star of signs:
It would seem that at 2 years old the baby was so obedient, but now he starts to do everything "out of spite": he takes off his clothes if he is asked to wrap himself up; throws the toy away if asked to pick it up.
Tantrums at this time are quite common, in especially difficult situations the baby is capricious 7 or 8 times a day (of course, classic hysterical fits are much less common).
When a child turns four, tantrums gradually fade away, as other, more perfect methods of expressing their own emotions and desires appear in the children's arsenal.
To know how to deal with persistent childish tantrums, you need to have an idea of \u200b\u200bwhat causes them. The solution to the problem will depend on what exactly triggered the hysterical reaction.
The most popular reason for hysteria in babies is the conflicts that inevitably arise in parent-child relationships. In addition, do not forget about the age characteristics of children at 3 years old.
In general, several main factors can cause a hysterical reaction in three-year-olds:
Thus, every hysteria has some background. It should be understood that a three-year-old child is not going to deliberately anger his mother, on the contrary, his own attack also scares him. This is why you need to respond appropriately to childish behavior.
If tantrums in a 3-year-old child become more frequent, the advice of a psychologist will come in handy. And the most important recommendation is to avoid a hysterical fit. That is, your goal is not to combat the reaction, but to prevent it and mitigate the severity of outbreaks:
- It's important to maintain. Both toddlers at 3 years old and children at 7 years old feel safe if they follow a clear daily routine. Therefore, you need to try to put the child in the day and in the evening at a certain time.
- You need to prepare your child for the upcoming changes. For example, it is necessary to warn about a future visit to kindergarten not when the baby crosses the threshold of a preschool institution for the first time, but several weeks before the event.
- You must firmly follow your decision. You don't need to change your firm decision in response to tantrums and whims. The older the child is, the more his bad behavior becomes a way of manipulation. By the age of 7 or 8, you simply cannot cope with a young manipulator.
- Prohibitions should be reviewed. On the other hand, you need to "revise" the restrictions and leave only the really vital ones. But it is better to refuse optional prohibitions. Who said that you can't make sandwiches if lunch is late?
- It is worth giving children a choice. For three-year-olds, independence and independence are important, which can be provided by the usual alternative. The child can decide for himself which blouse to wear for a walk - blue or yellow.
- Try to pay maximum attention. Children strive to receive parental attention by any means, even bad ones. Try to spend more time with your child and respond to his desire to be with you.
It is important to carefully monitor how the child reacts to the development of the situation. If you notice the harbingers of hysterical behavior (clenched fists, whimpering, threatening silence), it is better to immediately switch the baby's interest to something else.
How to stop a child's tantrum?
If the hysterical attack has not gone too far, the baby can be distracted by an unusual object or sudden act. This method rarely works, but you should know other techniques to reduce the intensity of passions:
Do not think that after the first application of one of the above recommendations, tantrums will disappear. Some mothers think that as soon as they leave the room, the baby will calm down. This is simply not possible because it takes time to form a new habit.
What to do after a tantrum?
You need to understand that work with a child begins precisely after the end of hysterical reactions. They should be dealt with consistently and progressively, unless, of course, you want them to be repeated over and over again.
First of all, it is necessary to teach the child socially acceptable methods of expressing their feelings and aspirations. It is best to do this through role-playing games or reading special literature - fairy tales and poems.
You should also convey to the children the idea that they may not always be able to get what they want. Moreover, the desired is not achieved with the help of such undesirable actions as screams, tears, jerking of the lower limbs.
Always explain to the little "bully" how much his act upset you. Be sure to demonstrate that your love for him is unconditional, but tantrums make you feel a lot of unpleasant emotions.
Children's tantrums are often fixed in the behavior of the child and turn into a habit. Therefore, this problem cannot be solved quickly. In addition, the length of retraining will depend on the type of temperament of the toddler. The most difficult thing will have to do with little choleric people.
Most often, after six or eight weeks of regular parenting, the child's tantrum stops. However, in rare cases, this behavior not only does not stop, but also becomes more frequent or severe.
Tantrums in a 4-year-old child are still more rare than commonplace. Therefore, if at this age hysterical attacks are repeated, one can assume the presence of diseases of the nervous system.
It is worth contacting a pediatric neurologist if:
If a medical examination does not reveal any abnormalities in health, then, most likely, the problem may be in the sphere of parent-child relationships or in the inadequate reaction of loved ones to the baby's behavior.
You should not give your child sedatives of their own accord. Inadequate medical therapy can harm the baby, therefore, treatment can only be carried out after examination by a neurologist and only with prescribed drugs.
As a conclusion
The answer to the question of how to deal with a child's tantrums worries many parents. This problem becomes especially urgent when the baby turns three years old.
Experts are convinced that whims and light hysterical attacks are not a deviation from the norm at the age of three. This period is characterized by crisis phenomena, which become the source of problematic behavior.
Usually, after the end of the crisis period, hysterical fits also disappear. If they recur after 4 - 5 years, it is better to turn to specialists who will confirm or dispel doubts.
In general, it is important to respond correctly to ambiguous children's actions. Parents should communicate more with the child, teach him how to manage his emotions, and demonstrate his unconditional love.
In this case, the child's tantrums will lose their sharpness and brightness, which means that soon the baby will stop using them as an instrument of pressure on parents. Consequently, very soon calm and peace will reign in the family.
Indeed, giving advice is easy. But the reality, alas, is much harsher than everything described above. Insisting on their own, some children literally bring themselves to hysterical seizures, and no matter how hard the parents try, nothing can be done about it. Here's a typical situation. Mom comes with the child to the store. We agreed in advance that they would buy only milk and yogurt, but the kid catches a "chupa-chups" - and a cry begins. Mom is at a loss. She understands: if you give in now and buy this ill-fated candy, she is guaranteed such scenes every time she goes to the store. What to do?
So, detailed instructions for dealing with child hysteria:
If your toddler cannot easily walk into the store, try shopping without him.
If you do go together, make sure that he is well fed and calm in advance. Give him an apple or banana in one hand and a toy in the other.
Case from practice... The parents of a three-year-old baby came to me almost in despair: “We are afraid to go with him to the shops. If he finds a toy department there, such a scandal begins that he has to give in to his demands. And he demands more and more. " The situation looked critical, something had to be done. And so we all went together to a large children's shopping center. The toys were visible and invisible there. I admit, it was a rather risky experiment, but we were well prepared for it. Before the visit to the store, the baby took a walk, slept, ate, was rested and in good spirits. In addition, we brought along juice, apples and his own toys. In one hand, the child was holding his beloved soldier, in the other a bag of juice. Armed in this way, we began to wander between the counters. The kid looked at everything with interest. Finally, he let go of the soldier to grab the toy he liked. "I want this car!" - “Wait, where is the soldier? You forgot him! " The kid was not going to part with his beloved soldier either. He hesitated, not knowing what to do. And then I suggested: “Did you like this machine? Well, you can buy it when you earn three suns. Remember what you liked here especially. And when you pick up the suns, you will come here again and buy. " And we went on. So we walked around the entire shopping complex without buying anything. At home, I asked: "Well, what did you like the most?" Of the dozen toys that the kid reviewed, he could hardly remember the only one, the one that he really wanted to buy. Then we discussed what he can do to earn three suns. And two days later we went to the store, but not on an excursion, but with a very specific goal - to buy that very machine. So they told the kid: "We are going for a typewriter." And he knew that we would not go to the departments and look at other toys. Nevertheless, we again gave him a beloved soldier in one hand, and a bag of juice in the other. Just in case. Operation was successfully completed.
Work on your reactions. Tantrums are most often designed for uncles and aunts who are nearby. If the mother is embarrassed, if she does not know where to go out of shame in front of strangers, the child understands: the mother is afraid, which means that the mother is ready to give in. Of course, he doesn't think that way. A two-year-old baby is not so cunning as to consciously calculate his actions. It's just that once his hysterics in public worked, and now he automatically continues to go the beaten path. Therefore, your task is to stop being afraid of public opinion and not get turned on.
Again, this is easy to say. But what to do if you feel that your childish screams make you really sick, your blood pressure rises, your heart pounds?
Try using the method we already talked about - joining. The child shouts: "Ah!" And you too: "Ah!" "Don't imitate me!" “I don’t mimic. I want to scream too! " Sometimes in this way you can calm down yourself and put your nerves in order.
Remember that the responsibility for tantrums lies not with the child, but with you. The child cannot yet take responsibility for himself, adults are responsible for him. If the kid is too capricious, it means that the adults have not foreseen something, have not thought about something. I’m not writing this to make you feel guilty about your little one’s bad behavior. Of course, it is impossible to calculate and foresee everything. But you must firmly understand that the child is not able to change the situation. Only you can do it. Realizing this, you will stop being afraid, shy, annoyed. You will mobilize and begin to act, instead of shyly looking around.
Don't reassure your baby. “You wanted to scream? We only shout in the park. Here we come to the park - shout. Did you want to cry? Here are your handkerchiefs - cry. " You can immediately turn on active listening: “You are offended that I did not buy you a toy. You are offended that I took you out of the sandbox. " Speak for the kid his resentment. And when he calms down a little, tell him that there are other, much more effective ways to get your way. "Next time, if you want something, you say, Mom, I want this." And I'll tell you: “Make money. Come on, help me clean after dinner, brush your teeth well, go to bed on time, "and you will have enough suns to buy what you want."
If the child is so hysterical that he becomes ill, try sprinkling water on him or simply washing his face. Water relieves stress.
At the age of one to two years, the child may again develop the habit of banging his head against the wall. So he wants to insist on his own. You just don't need to pay attention to these antics. If you are afraid that he will harm himself, look for a way to distract, switch, talk. Most importantly, don't give your child what he wants. By giving in once, you give him a reason to resort to this form of protest over and over again.
Sometimes the child gets so turned on that he starts throwing things around. Probably most of all at this moment I want to make him raise everything. But this will mean that you are “butting” with the baby, and it is not yet known who will overdo who. Choose another tactic: support the initiative. The daughter scatters everything that comes to hand - let her throw something else. And then something else. "You can quit this, and this, and this." The child gets tired, but you insist, “No, wait. You haven't left that yet. " Hypertrophy the situation. Avoid using crystal vases and porcelain cups, but plastic dishes and stuffed animals are fine to release energy. Firstly, it will distract the child, and secondly, he will understand that this trick does not work with you.
Some children need only one thing during a tantrum - to be hugged. Many mothers object to me: "I will hug him now, and he will think that hysteria is a way to deserve my affection." I sincerely hope that you do not caress your child only when he is hysterical, and he does not need to fall to the floor whenever he wants you to hug him. If so, then the purpose of the hysteria is different - to get something or, on the contrary, not to do something. "I don't want to go out, I won't dress!" or “Give me candy! I will not get up from the floor until you give it! " You can remain adamant, but at the same time show your love by hugging the baby and telling him: “I love you very much! I understand that you really want to play at home, but you have to go for a walk ... ". Hugging does not mean being led. It's just a way to extinguish negative emotions.
It happens that the opposite tactic works - deprivation of attention. The child demands a TV remote control: “Give! Give! Give!" - "Sunny, I love you very much, but in this way you will not get anything from me." And leave the room.
Denial of attention should not be confused with ignorance. Unfortunately, many parents prefer the latter: if the baby misbehaves, they, staying physically close, seem to stop noticing him. It is a terrible and very traumatic experience for a child. A baby under three years old is emotionally very dependent on his mother, he really needs her attention. If mom stops noticing him, the baby is seized with anxiety, he has a feeling of guilt, self-esteem falls, the number of fears grows. He begins to deserve mom's attention. And attention and love should not be earned. They are given for free.
When the hysteria is over, and the baby has calmed down, in no case return to what happened. It was an emotional reaction of the child, and to discuss it, to tell the child “you must not behave like this”, etc. useless. He could not behave differently at that moment.
Raising a baby is not only to rejoice at his first word, step or smile, but also to endure a very unpleasant manifestation of character - children's tantrums. Usually, the first time parents encounter such a phenomenon is when the child is one year old. Earlier, a child's cry could mean anything: he is uncomfortable, he is hungry, something hurts, and after a year there may be no objective reasons for hysteria. A toddler going through his first crisis may fall into an uncontrollable state only because he is not allowed to do something. Why does a one-year-old child throw tantrums and how to deal with it?
Some parents may confuse moods and tantrums. But these are slightly different concepts. In the first case, the child acts thoughtfully, whines, demands and stands firmly on his own. In the second case, the child loses control over his emotions as a result of parental refusal. A classic example is the requirement of a one-year-old child to take the parent's phone. The parent refused to satisfy the demand - and got a good hysterics with scream, tears, arching and stamping feet.
Most often, a one-year-old child throws tantrums precisely because they do not give him something or, on the contrary, are forced to do what he does not want. Sometimes parents fully understand what their actions can lead to the child throwing a tantrum, but sometimes this is a big surprise for them. In fact, tantrums are a manifestation of the child's mood. Most children love to go outside, but the desire of parents to take the baby out into the street at the moment when he is watching a cartoon can reasonably be met with hysteria, so parents need to watch a one-year-old child and even at this age reckon with his habits.
It is also very important to understand that a one-year-old child throws tantrums out of completely sincere urges. He does not play, does not arrange performances, but simply tries to achieve what he wants in the only way he knows. The parents' reaction in this case should be just as restrained. There are several options for behavior if a child throws a tantrum, and they can be categorically divided into "right" and "wrong".
If a one-year-old child throws tantrums, it is categorically forbidden to raise his voice to him and even more so to beat. The child will still not understand anything, and the hysteria will only get worse. In addition, a shaky child's psyche can remember this incident for a long time.
It's also bad to indulge tantrums. After all, even a one-year-old baby will very soon understand everything and make shouting, crying and stomping with his feet as an instrument of trouble-free influence on parents. And then, if today you give your child a phone, where is the guarantee that tomorrow he will not want to play with matches?
A relatively neutral way to calm down a child who has thrown a tantrum is conversation. But the line between talking and screaming is very thin. A child who has fallen into hysterics is unlikely to adequately respond to the explanations of the parents, which in turn is not very useful for the psyche of mom and dad. Believe me, any persuasion and explanation will most likely be in vain.
What parents are not familiar with child tantrums? Everyone who is a mom or dad sooner or later faces a child's hysteria, which manifests itself in different years of life: 1, 2, 3, 4 and even 5 years. What are the reasons for children to be hysterical? Everyone would like to know what can be done at the moment when.
When the baby begins to cry loudly, with a delay in breathing, blush, tears begin to flow from the eyes, then two groups of adults arise:
- Some feel sorry for him and begin to blame their parents.
- Others support their parents, realizing that tantrum should not be encouraged.
Which of the two camps is right? Everyone is right and wrong in his own way. The main thing is to understand the reasons why the child has a hysteria, as well as what he wants to tell his parents. The site of psychological help site will try to help parents to understand this difficult issue.
What is a child's tantrum?
A child's hysteria is a peak of nervous excitement, when the baby seems to go into a kind of prostration, from which it is difficult to pull him out. The main actions during a tantrum are:
- Shout.
- Cry.
- Rolling on the floor.
- Waving your arms and legs.
- Banging your head against a wall or biting yourself or others.
The child, in his own way, manifests hysteria, which is expressed precisely in such forms of behavior. Here, the parents don't know what to do. And their condition is understandable. At the moment of hysteria, the child usually hears nothing and does not see anyone. He seems to plunge into his own experiences, indignation, allowing himself to show all the necessary emotions.
The speech and arguments addressed to him do not help, which is also explained by the child's inability to hear anything during a tantrum. This is an extreme form of excitement that deprives the logical thinking of the one who is hysterical. Here, only one thing becomes the main thing - the achievement of the goal. The child does not just go into hysterics. Something indignates him, worries, outraged. He wants to get something. This is where hysteria arises.
This form of behavior can also be called a way to achieve a goal, which is used by children. We can say that its first attempts at manifestation arise almost from the first days of life. When a newborn wants to eat, he cries. It is impossible to calm him down with anything. Nothing can distract him. He cries until he eats - he reaches his goal.
Thus, a child's hysteria is a way to achieve a goal. He uses the only methods he possesses and has in his arsenal. He allows his emotions to burst out to the fullest, no matter what others think. It's important for parents that everything is quiet and calm, measured and orderly. The child does not care when he has a desire that wants to satisfy right here and right now.
Causes of hysteria in a child
Why is the child hysterical? Reasons can help parents understand why the child is behaving in an unpleasant way.
The most important reason is the desire to achieve what you want. Hysteria appears when the desires, interests and actions of parents and children diverge. Children show anger and irritation in a similar way. Occurs in situations when:
- It is impossible to express your dissatisfaction with words.
- Feeling of hunger, fatigue, lack of sleep.
- Excessive strictness and parental guardianship.
- Desire to attract attention.
- Wrong upbringing.
- Imitation of adults or peers.
- Striving to achieve what is important and valuable.
- Unbalanced and weak warehouse of the nervous system.
- Painful or post-painful condition.
- Lack of a clear attitude of parents to positive and negative actions.
- Break away from an exciting activity.
- Lack of a system of punishments and rewards.
Because tantrums are accompanied by a noise that makes parents feel ashamed, many of them want to end them as soon as possible. This is quite possible if you behave correctly. One should distinguish between hysteria and whims. In any case, both of these behaviors are not acceptable.
Whims are aimed at getting what you want. You want to get them here and now. Sometimes a child demands the impossible, which, in fact, doesn't bother him much. Hysteria is not far from whims when a child commits actions dangerous to his health, forcing his parents to fulfill his wishes.
In a moment of hysterics, the child throws out his emotions. Often they are irritation, anger, resentment, despair, aggression. It manifests itself as a result of unpleasant news for the child. At the moment of hysterics, the baby does not control his motor skills, therefore, he commits actions that are dangerous for himself. The pain threshold decreases, due to which he does not feel pain.
The tantrum intensifies in the presence of the attention of others and passes as soon as the child is no longer given it.
Parents want to end their childish tantrum as soon as possible. It usually begins to manifest itself in the first years of life and reaches its peak by the age of three (the so-called "three-year crisis"). Here, the once obedient child turns into a stubborn and.
Parents are encouraged to note which child's actions precede tantrums. It can be whimpering, sniffling, pursed lips. As soon as he begins to show these actions again, it is necessary to switch the child's attention to something else.
What should parents do if a child is hysterical?
All parents face hysterics of children. It remains only to understand what can be done to prevent it from arising:
- Avoid overwork.
- Give your child a good rest.
- Tell the baby how he feels so that he understands what is happening to him.
- Give the child the right to choose.
- Respect the child's leisure time, allow him to play for a sufficient amount of time.
- Do not redo everything for the kid.
- Tell your baby what you are going to do.
Tantrums in children 1.5-2 years old
Already at the age of two, the baby makes the first attempts to defend his opinion. He begins to operate with such concepts as "I do not want", "I will not", "no". If parents begin to indulge, persuade, feel sorry for the baby, then they provoke hysteria even more. If the parents ignore, but remain in sight, remain calm and make it clear that the child will not get his.
You can hug the child, talk about your love, show your understanding. But in no case should you indulge his whims, otherwise in the future he will again arrange a tantrum as soon as he wants to get something.
A baby's tantrum can last for years, or it can end one day, depending on the behavior of the parents. If they satisfy the child's desires, then they tell him about the correctness of his actions. If they persistently demonstrate their tough position, which cannot be shaken by tantrums, then tantrums stop.
Tantrums in a child 3 years old
At the age of 3, the child gradually begins to defend his independence. Often this happens due to the fact that he performs all actions contrary to his parents. If earlier he accepted everything that his parents gave him, now he wants to do only what he wants.
Fighting tantrums at this age is proposed by distraction to other activities. Invite your child to watch cartoons or do something fun. You can not forbid him to be capricious, because this will not help.
While the baby is hysterical, you should deprive him of the audience's attention. Ignore his attacks and go about your business. Only after the seizures are over, you can talk to the baby about what he was doing and what it led to. Direct instructions during a tantrum will not help here. The kid defends his independence, so the instructions will warm him up even more.
Tantrums in a child 4 years old
If the parents previously behaved correctly, then by the age of 4 the tantrums pass. However, a lot also depends on the mental characteristics of the child. In some cases, hysterics at a given age speak of various nervous disorders in the body. However, often the reason for hysterical seizures is that the child's relatives take an ambiguous position. For example, what the mother forbids is allowed by the grandmother.
A child psychologist should be consulted if tantrums continue at 4 years of age. The signals are:
- The frequency and intensity of tantrums increased.
- Tantrums begin at night and are accompanied by nightmares, mood swings,.
- The kid holds his breath and loses consciousness during a tantrum.
- The tantrum ends with vomiting, lethargy, fatigue, shortness of breath.
- The kid harms himself or others in bouts of tantrums.
Often, psychologists note an unfavorable situation in a family where a 4-year-old child is growing up. It is the wrong upbringing or the unfavorable atmosphere in the family that causes the child to become hysterical.
In some cases, psychological assistance and medication are required, which should only be prescribed by a doctor.
What to do if a child has a hysterics?
To prevent hysterics in a child, you need to know what causes it. Let's consider the most common:
- Physical discomfort. If the baby still cannot talk about what he is feeling, then he starts crying.
- Paying attention. If the child cannot draw attention to himself in any other way, then he begins to hysteria, which often acts.
- Manipulation. If the child sees that with the help of hysteria he can achieve what he wants, then he resorts to this method.
- Benefit. If there is no agreement between adults, then the child begins to hysteria in front of those who succumb to his provocations.
- Independence. Hysterics may also be the child's desire to show his independence, to do everything himself.
If you eliminate the cause of the hysteria, then you can avoid it itself. However, not everything is as cloudless as it seems. Usually all children are capricious. Parents should get used to it and just wait it out. The main thing is to behave correctly and to distinguish whims from ordinary requests.
Outcome
Hysterics is one of the ways to achieve the goal that is available to the child. Because adults are concerned about what others will say about them, they try to calm the hysterical baby as quickly as possible. And sometimes for this you just need to fulfill his whim. As a result, the kid understands how he can get his own.
Some outsiders take the side of their parents, others feel sorry for the baby. But the most important thing remains the behavior of the parents, who encourage or ignore the child's hysterical seizures, forming certain thoughts and conclusions in him. If the child realizes that his tantrums do not give him anything, then he will stop hysteria and start using other ways to achieve what he wants.
Reading time: 2 minutes
Tantrum in a child refers to a state of extreme nervous excitement, which leads to the loss of children's composure. Childhood tantrums are most often manifested by crying, loud screaming, rolling on the floor, and waving legs and arms. Often, children in an attack bite others and themselves, bang their heads against the wall. Being in this state, the child is not able to adequately respond to speech addressed to him and is not able to perceive the usual methods of communication directed at him. It is not necessary to prove or explain anything to him during this period, since the baby consciously uses hysteria, realizing that it effectively affects adults and thus the desired is achieved.
Causes of hysteria in children
Growing up, babies develop personal interests, desires that are often at odds with the desires of adults. If the baby fails to achieve his goal, then he experiences irritation and anger. So, hysteria appears when the interests of the parents and the child clash. There are typical situations that provoke this condition in the family:
Failure to verbally express personal grievances;
The desire to attract attention to yourself;
Desire to achieve something very important and necessary;
Lack of sleep, fatigue, hunger;
Illness or condition after illness;
Desire to imitate peers or adults;
Excessive custody and pathological severity of adults;
Lack of a pronounced attitude towards the negative and positive actions of the baby;
Undeveloped system of punishments and rewards for the child;
Break from an interesting lesson;
Upbringing mistakes;
Weak and unbalanced warehouse of the baby's nervous system.
Faced with such a phenomenon, parents often do not know how to behave correctly with the baby, and only wish that the hysterical whims would end as soon as possible. Much depends on the behavior of adults: will these tantrums last for years or will cease to exist after several unsuccessful attempts. In cases where adults do not react and are calm about hysterical attacks, then it is possible to correct such a situation quite quickly.
How to deal with a child's tantrum? Initially, you need to learn to distinguish between concepts such as "whim" and "hysteria". The baby deliberately resorts to whims in order to get what he wants and something impossible, as well as forbidden at the moment. Whims, like hysterical attacks, are accompanied by stamping feet, crying, screaming, throwing objects around. Often, the whims of the baby are impossible. For example, a child requires sweets that are not in the house or wants to go for a walk outside when it is raining heavily.
Tantrums are often involuntary, their feature is that it is very difficult for a baby to cope with his emotions. Attacks of hysteria in a child are accompanied by screaming, scratching the face, crying loudly, banging the head against the wall or punching on the floor. Often there are cases when involuntary convulsions occur: "hysterical bridge" in which the baby bends in an arc.
Adults should take into account that children's hysteria, being a strong emotional reaction, is reinforced by irritation, despair. During an attack, the baby has little control over motor skills, which is why he bangs his head against a wall or floor, practically not feeling pain. A feature of seizures is that they appear as a result of unpleasant news or resentment, intensifying with the attention of others and quickly stopping after the disappearance of the interest of the environment.
What to do if a child is hysterical? The first tantrums occur after a year and reach the peak of moodiness, as well as stubbornness at 2.5 -3 years. The age of three in psychology is called the "crisis of three years." In a crisis period, hysterical attacks can happen for any reason and reach up to 10 times a day. They are characterized by hysterical protests and stubbornness. Often, parents cannot understand how a once obedient child turned into a tyrant, throwing tantrums for the most insignificant and any reason.
How to avoid hysterics in a child? Observing the child, try to understand what state brings tantrum. It can be a slight whimper, pursed lips, puffing. At the first sign, try to switch the child's attention to something interesting.
Offer him a book, another toy, go to another room, show him what is happening outside the window. This technique is effective if the hysteria has not yet flared up. If the attack has begun, then this method will not bring the desired results. Using the following simple techniques, you can avoid hysterical attacks:
Full rest, observance of the regime moments;
Avoid overwork;
Respectfully treats the baby's leisure time, allow him to play and set aside sufficient time for this;
Clarifying the baby's feelings, for example (“You’re angry because you didn’t get the candy,” or “You weren’t given a car and you were offended.”) This will allow the child to learn to talk about and try to control his feelings. Let your child understand that there are certain limits that cannot be violated. For example, “You are angry, I understand, but you cannot shout on the bus”;
Do not try to do everything for the kid, show him that he is already an adult and is able to cope with difficulties on his own (climb a hill, go down the stairs);
The baby should have the right to choose, for example, wear a yellow or green T-shirt; go to the park or walk in the yard);
In the absence of a choice, what will happen is reported: "Let's go to the store";
If the child begins to cry, then ask him, for example, to show something or find some kind of toy.
Tantrums in a child 1.5-2 years old
In children of 1.5 years, hysterics arise against the background of nervous overstrain and fatigue, since the psyche has not yet settled down, and closer to the age of 2, whims turn into a kind of manipulation and act as a way to achieve their requirements. At 2 years old, the baby has already grasped the meaning of the words "no", "no", "I do not want" and successfully begins to use these forms of protest. This is because he is unable to fight by persuasion or the power of words, and acts unbridled behavior. With such behavior, the baby enters the parents into a stupor, and they do not know how to react correctly when the child scratches, throws himself on the wall, screams as if he is being hurt. Some parents succumb to such behavior and rush to satisfy all the requirements of the little tyrant, while others, on the contrary, give such a thrashing to discourage the desire to organize protests in the future.
How to react to a child's tantrum 2 years old? Often the beginning of an attack is a whim: “Give, buy, leave, I will not ...” If the hysteria was not prevented and it started, then do not try to calm the child down, scold, persuade, shout, this will only serve as an incentive to continue. Do not abandon the child under any circumstances, as this may scare him. Be always nearby, keeping the child in sight and maintaining confidence and calmness in yourself.
If the baby has a tantrum to achieve what you want, do not give in to him. Fulfilling his desires, adults thereby reinforce this form of behavior. In the future, the baby will continue to use hysterics to achieve what he wants. Having yielded once, you can be sure that the tantrum will repeat again. By resorting to physical punishment, you can only aggravate the condition of the baby. Ignoring the hysteria, the baby will calm down and understand that this does not bring the desired attention and in the future it is not worth spending energy on it.
Hugging the child tightly and holding for some time in your arms, repeat to him about your love, even when he is angry, throws himself on the floor and screams loudly. You should not persistently hold the baby in an embrace and if he breaks loose, then it is better to let him go. Do not let your child drive an adult. If the child does not want to stay with one of the adults, for example, with a grandmother, dad, or a teacher, then calmly leaving him, quickly leave the room. The longer you delay the moment of leaving, the longer the hysteria will be.
Parents are not always ready to fight tantrums of a 2-year-old child in public places. It is much easier to give in so that you just shut up and not shout, but this method is dangerous. You should not pay attention to the views of strangers who will condemn. Having yielded once, in order to avoid a scandal, you should be prepared that you will have to act in the same way. If your child refuses to buy a new toy in the store, be persistent. Let him be indignant, stamp his feet and express dissatisfaction. With a confident statement about his decision, the kid will eventually understand that he will achieve absolutely nothing with tantrums. In public places, tantrums are often aimed at the public rather than at the parents. Therefore, in such a situation, the most correct thing would be to just wait out the baby's attack. After the passions have subsided, show attention to the child, caress, take him in your arms. Find out what upset the baby so, explain to him that it is pleasant to communicate with him when he is calm.
Tantrums in a child 3 years old
The age of 3 years is marked by the following characteristics: the baby wants to feel independent and adult, often has his own "want" and tries to defend it in front of adults. The age of 3 years is considered to be the time of finds and discoveries, as well as the realization of oneself as a person. In babies, this period manifests itself in different ways, but the main symptoms are extreme stubbornness, self-will, and negativism. Often this behavior of a child's parents is taken by surprise. Yesterday everything proposed to the child was fulfilled with pleasure, but now he does everything the other way around: he undresses when asked to dress warmer; runs away when called. It begins to seem that the baby has completely forgotten absolutely all the words, except "I do not want" and "no".
How to deal with a child's tantrum? It is possible to wean a child from hysterics if you do not focus on bad behavior and even more so do not try to break him. Breaking the character will not lead to anything good, however, permissiveness should not be allowed. How to deal with a child's hysteria correctly? The kid does not have to decide that everything can be achieved by hysteria. The wisest thing that adults can do in this situation is to distract the child or to divert attention to something else.
For example, offer to watch your favorite cartoons, play a game together. Of course, if the baby is already at the peak of the tantrum, then this will not work. In this case, the fit of hysteria should be waited out.
If the child throws tantrums when you are at home, then persistently tell him that you will talk to him after he cools down, and continue to do your own business yourself. It is very important for parents to remain calm and in control of their emotions. After the baby calms down, tell him that you love him very much, but he will not achieve anything with his whims.
If the hysteria occurred in a public place, then, if possible, deprive the baby of the audience. To do this, move your child to the least crowded area.
If the child often throws tantrums, then try to avoid situations where he can answer "no".
Adults should avoid direct instructions, such as "Get dressed, we're going for a walk!" It is necessary to create an illusion of choice for the baby: "Do you want to take a walk in the park or in the yard?", "Are we going up the hill or in the sandbox?"
Gradually, by the age of four, whims, hysterical attacks subside by themselves, as the baby becomes able to express his emotions and feelings in words.
Tantrums in a child 4 years old
Often, children's whims, as well as tantrums, are the result of erroneous behavior of adults. Everything is allowed to the kid, everything is allowed, he does not know about the existence of the word "no". At 4 years old, children are very smart and observant. They understand that if the mother forbade, then the grandmother can also allow it. Define a list of allowed and prohibited things for your child and always stick to this order. Try to adhere to unity in upbringing, if mom has forbidden it, then it should be so and another adult should not interfere.
If the child's tantrums and whims are constant, then this may signal diseases of the nervous system.
It is necessary to consult a pediatric neurologist if:
Tantrums recur more often and become aggressive;
The kid loses consciousness during a tantrum and holds his breath;
The child has long tantrums after 4 years;
A child during seizures causes damage to others and to himself;
Hysterical attacks occur at night and are accompanied by fears, nightmares, mood swings;
Ends with shortness of breath and vomiting, sudden lethargy, and child fatigue.
If the baby's health is in order, then the problem lies in family relationships, as well as in the reaction of the immediate environment to the child's behavior. In the fight against childish hysteria, it is necessary to be able to maintain self-control. This can be very difficult at times, especially if the tantrum occurs at the most inopportune time. Be patient and try to find compromises. Many hysterical attacks are prevented if their causes are understood.
Physician of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMed"
