How often does this happen in life?
What we love, we don't love...
We love, drowning in feelings,
But it's a pity they don't need us...
Familiar situation? I think that each of us has come across such families, at least even in the examples around us. Neighbors, relatives, acquaintances, colleagues - anyone can serve as an example of such a family, but it's worse when we ourselves are faced with it.
Such situations, unfortunately, in life are very common. Most often, in childhood, adolescence, when our love is unrequited and makes us suffer from unrequited feelings. But, sadly, many couples create a family union without love. The reasons? Yes, a lot: financial problems, unplanned pregnancy, the arrangement of influential parents, fear of being alone, a sense of duty, pity. What if the family is created, but there is no reciprocity? How to correct such injustice and? Fortunately, it is possible to live happily in a marriage without love. Let's look at everything from the outside and we ourselves will probably see the necessary tips and tricks based on our life situations.
To begin with, I propose to consider this problem from the side of each of the spouses.
Wife's side
We women are by nature unpredictable "creatures". Sometimes it is very difficult for us, if not impossible, to understand and parse our feelings. Often women are a mystery even to themselves. Many women have a number of complexes and fears that push her to create an unequal marriage. Many psychologists argue that at a young age it is sometimes inexplicable, not amenable to any influence, and most importantly, eternal. At first, you love a person not for something, but just like that, but when you move to a different age category, the thoughts of women are directed in a completely different direction. Of course you want to fall in love, but the question is already: whom? And, like a capricious secular lady, a woman goes over on her fingers the qualities of a future chosen one: appearance, upbringing, position in society, house, car, place of residence, it’s probably not enough to count all the fingers, but in the end, such a wild desire to live comfortably, with conveniences and to the envy of everyone, completely reduces any chances of falling in love. What does a man need to be happy? Of course, women's love, warmth and affection.
Husband's side
Let's see now what a woman would like from his man, or rather what is necessary, rather, it is more correct. Male attentiveness, exquisite compliments, a good attitude, every manifestation of love feelings will kindle a small fire in any woman, which will eventually turn into a burning flame. Give the woman a chance. With your strengths and weaknesses, you are also a person who deserves to be loved. By itself, the male personality attracts with simplicity and sincerity, an easy attitude to everything around, and sometimes even irresponsibility makes a woman help a man, support and direct him on the right path. Feeling some, a woman shows concern, which already makes you think about the place of this person in her life. Try to become a parent. Often, this is exactly what a woman needs.
Now let's look at some tips and try to look at the situation from the outside.
First and "important!" - don't look for love on the side. Such a turn of events can simply destroy the family. If you sincerely desire to be loved, loyalty and honesty is the first step to establishing a relationship of trust, and there is no love without trust.
If there is no love from the husband. Unfortunately, a man is not as responsible for creating a marriage as a woman. Sometimes, simple female naivete, crazy love and excessive care just push a man to create such a family, and even during the wedding ceremony, choosing a piece of paper where the reasons for marriage are written as a joke, you can get the phrase "Forced." It's funny, but it's true, the groom was forced. It was your attitude towards him, the desire to be so loved and desired, without giving anything in return. Sometimes, women in their love are blind and ready to do anything for the sake of their beloved. But how to live in marriage so as to be happy not only because you love, but also because they love you very much?
Show your weakness. Women are the weaker sex, often in need of men's help. Find reasons to help you, protect you, and take care of you. For a man, the realization that he is needed brings pleasure and a desire to constantly protect this person. Get him interested. Find a lot of "impossible" jobs for you and reasons to help you. Yes, even drive a nail to hang a picture from your vacation or even a wedding.
Spend more time on your appearance. As you know, men, first of all, love with their eyes. Cleanliness, tidiness, light make-up will make a man think about his woman more often. Take, for example, well, or just walking. By the way, one of the ideas is to connect your husband to evening walks. Many of my friends took this advice and became close to their husbands quite easily.
Discover your talents. Every woman has hidden talents, including the talent to make a man fall in love with her. Be indispensable at work and at home, do what you love, and if it’s also profitable. Your husband will appreciate it. , but just do not overdo it, as the excessive manifestation of literacy and mental abilities suppress male nature.
Share interests with your husband. You are madly in love, and he is constantly busy with his affairs and work. Try to find out more about it. Support him in his work and, be an interesting conversationalist, a skilled fisherman, a gambling gambler, a travel lover, a fan of the football you hate, finally. 100% guarantee, if you mention one of the players in the game, accidentally remembering his last name when the commentator comments on the match, and your husband knows that you can't stand football, take my word for it - the reaction will be overwhelming! Your common interests will gradually bring you closer.
It is impossible to calculate whether a marriage will be happy! As life shows, any union can break up - both made out of love and out of interest, and if it so happened that the family was not created out of love, you need to make every effort, show all tender feelings and noble qualities, so that one day day God rewarded you with mutual feelings. This applies to both men and women.
But nevertheless, on my own behalf, I will add my opinion - whatever one may say, but a woman is a neck. Where it turns, as they say, there the head will look. Turn on your imagination, interest your man, because you know him better than others. Be sly, but not insidious. Help your husband to embark on the path of happiness, lead him to this path and extend a hand of mutual understanding. Weasel, femininity, tenderness, kindness and sincerity are your irreplaceable helpers. Take my word for it, not a single man has resisted this weapon yet. Let him not give up immediately, not tomorrow, not the day after tomorrow, but in the near future he will reciprocate. Even if you start small, use some tips, improve them for yourself depending on your situation, you will see for yourself that it is possible to live happily in a marriage without love.
Do you want to be NOTICED as a woman?
So that men WANT to care for you?
Love and happiness to you, my dear!
Good afternoon, dear readers! Men and women build different relationships, enter into marriages of convenience, sincerely fall in love with each other, find a true and true friend in a partner. But things don't always work out the way we would like. I met very different married couples, in some love and harmony reigned, while others simply tolerated each other because of the need to be together. Today I would like to raise the following question - is it possible to live without love in marriage?
What is marriage
Agree, family life today is quite different from the family life of people, let's say, the nineteenth or eighteenth century. There have always been relationships that were built not on love and other bright feelings, but on comfort, convenience and mercantile calculation. And today such examples are not new.
Some women look for a sponsor in their spouse. It is important for them to feel financial security, to live in luxury and wealth, and whether they have feelings for a man or not is no longer so important.
One of my clients met her future husband just to get citizenship. She told him directly. He agreed. But they began to live together and a real passion flared up between them. Later, both realized that they fell in love with each other. So they live together to this day.
In the article "" you can see with examples what spouses are looking for in each other. Sometimes love simply transforms over time, becomes not as ardent and passionate as before, but still maintains happiness in the family.
Mind and heart
One of my clients is terribly tormented by the fact that she lost her feelings for her husband. But since they have a common child, she does not consider the option of divorce, at least until her son is eighteen years old. She is ready to live with an unloved person, because she believes that children should live in a full-fledged family.
Everyone chooses their own option. If you feel that you have lost interest in your partner, then be sure to read the article "". After all - not always the best option.
Feelings can and should be maintained. Yes, long years in marriage, even if civil, dull emotions. , goosebumps do not run from touch, breathing does not stop, and so on. But besides this, there are other wonderful things in marriage. Such as care, respect, trust and support. And sometimes it is worth giving preference to this particular side of family life.
If you have problems with respect and trust in the family, then I strongly recommend that you read my article "". For without love, it is possible to save a marriage, but without respect and trust - no.
What to choose
Each person makes his own choice. Someone prefers feelings, emotions, passions. Others look at marriage more prudently and down to earth. How to proceed is up to you. If you are completely confused and do not understand what is happening, we will try to figure out your situation together.
To begin with, try to understand whether you and your missus can correct the situation and revive your feelings. Sometimes it is enough to live separately for a month or two and you will take a fresh look at your partner.
It took a year of separation for a couple of my acquaintances to understand that they cannot live without each other. But now I can call them one of the happiest couples.
If you understand that a relationship without love is not for you and you can’t fix this situation in any way, then you shouldn’t endure and force yourself to live with a person. It would be much better to break up and find your happiness with another person. So instead of two unhappy people, two happy couples will appear.
Remember that this is work. Any relationship requires effort and effort on your part and on the part of your partner. Nothing just stays on.
Why do you feel like you lost love? How many relationships did you have in total? How often do you fall in love? What is love for you? Tell us an example of a relationship without love and how did it end?
I am sure that you will make the right choice and be infinitely happy.
Good luck to you!
A family is the daily work of two loving people. All people are different - and that's why they are beautiful. Connecting fate with another person, everyone goes to the unknown distances of new relationships. Is it worth saving a marriage without love is a question, the answer to which cannot be a panacea for all everyday problems in the family.
When all is not yet lost
A lot of stories begin with the words “When we got married, love was crazy, huge, and now we have no love ... What should we do?” If there was love, and the marriage was concluded by mutual consent, then where can this feeling disappear, which changed the lives of two people forever?
Most often, spouses come up with the idea that marriage is bursting at the seams when children or a child appear in the family. The idyll of living together is undergoing global changes with the advent of the baby. In fact, love can save a marriage if only the husband and wife are able to understand and accept all the changes that are taking place. Why it seems that there is no love and it is time to either save the marriage or flee:
- The woman who previously belonged undividedly to her husband no longer belongs to him. She is a mother first and foremost. Maternal instinct absorbs a young mother. She used to walk around the house in a silk dressing gown, but now she wears a special T-shirt for feeding.
- The financial side of the issue. Money may not be enough. There were two, there were three. And it usually works alone. In such a situation, a faint-hearted man will begin to panic and make the wrong decisions. There is only one way out - to understand that all this is temporary.
- The couple began to communicate less. The main topics are the child, his health, provision. This routine can drive anyone crazy. Children are happiness for the family. But you need to find time for yourself, arrange an evening for two, by all means maintain the connection that inspired two loving hearts to unite and become one family.
How to make the right decision
What to do if there is no love - what steps to take to change life for the better. Before burning bridges and destroying everything, psychologists advise you to understand the situation and answer a few questions for yourself.
- "What do I want?" - the answer must be honest. Do not take into account the opinion of relatives and the judgment of friends. You need to look into your soul and ask honestly. The answer can be written down on paper. To read in a day and understand - the answer was really honest. Or is it a momentary whim.
- "What can I do about it?" - next stage. And again, the answer is honestly recorded. Steps and deadlines are detailed and detailed. A day later, the result is viewed and adjustments are made if there is a desire to correct something.
After that, there is a semblance of a plan to get out of this situation. The most difficult thing is a conversation with a partner, with a person close once and far away now. If a decision is made to get out of the situation with the use of drastic measures, then the conversation is inevitable. It is important to prepare for it.
- During the conversation, let each other speak. Listen without interrupting
- Do not hang labels "You are!" or "You are!" Discuss actions, not character traits. After all, at one time what is now annoying seemed so cute and funny.
- Be prepared to be misunderstood by your partner. It happens that only one thinks that there is no love in marriage.
- The most important thing is not to slam the door and not go out into the night. Adults can afford to disperse in the morning. And the morning is wiser than the evening.
One of the most difficult moments is to finish what you started. If a decision is made, then it is necessary to go to the implementation of the plan. It is important to remember that everyone is able to receive exactly as much love as they are able to give. If it is impossible to put the same amount in a filled palm.
If the next step is separation, then let it be calm. Respect for each other and lived together - it's good that it all happened.
Hello! I met my husband at work, he was then married (even married, but not of his own free will, but because the former mother-in-law insisted). We were good friends, helped each other and just got along well. There were no love relationships, even in my thoughts (at least for me), and I didn’t notice anything of the kind behind him. Generally good friends. Then my young man left me, I was worried, Dima (now my husband) tried to encourage, calm, tried to help in every possible way. A few weeks later, Dima's wife left, now I reassured him, although he said that they did not live very well and had already diverged several times. In general, somehow imperceptibly by itself, we began to meet. Of course, there was no special love, more friendship again. Less than a year later, they decided to get married. And everything would be fine if not for one problem: I did not love him as a man. He felt good and that was enough for me, I thought he would endure and fall in love. I thought that feelings can only ruin everything. Then they immediately wanted a child, but it didn’t work out. I went crazy, I only thought about how to get pregnant, all the treatments went through, but nothing helped. Doctors offered only in vitro conception, but I could not go for it, because I began to become churched. She did not want to go against God, she thought that it would be better to take a small child from the baby's house. After I stopped thinking about pregnancy, I realized that I could not fulfill my marital duty, it was unpleasant for me, it turns out I was impatient and disliked. I was in despair, I realized that I had made a mistake by marrying without love. During these 3 years that we were married, it also turned out that my husband's character is rather bad and it was more and more difficult for me to forgive him. My husband began to suspect that he was unpleasant to me, since after intimacy I could not hold back my tears. I did not know what to do, and decided that let everything be the will of God. And after 2 months I got pregnant, on my own, without any medical tricks. We were in seventh heaven and it seemed that all the bad things had evaporated. And after the birth of his son, things got even worse. The child was very restless, sleepless, I had both neuroses and tantrums, but my husband, instead of support, added fuel to the fire, although maybe not on purpose. In general, the relationship deteriorated in the end. Intimate life did not improve, or rather it was almost non-existent, 3-4 times a year. But I decided that for the sake of my son I would endure everything. But I don’t recognize myself, I became incredibly nervous. I think all the time that I want someone to protect me, someone to take pity on me. I don’t get this from my husband, and I still treat him no more than a friend, only our friendship has deteriorated over the years. He, too, cannot say that he loves me without memory and will make any sacrifices. I think that he also married me, just so as not to be alone. I am constantly sad longing for some unknown person to me. Probably I am missing and all these years I have been missing exactly a loved one, for whom I will want to sacrifice something and who will sacrifice something for me. Who wants to forgive if offended. But these are all dreams. I wondered if it was possible to save my marriage. I honestly tried, I tried for 2 years (my son is 2.5). But every time I understand that I only persuade myself, I deceive myself. And love doesn't come. Living together just for the sake of a son is also probably wrong. Live not as husband and wife, but as brother and sister, so what kind of family is that? Does a child need such a family? I do not know what to do. Maybe you can help me. Thanks in advance!
