In fact, it doesn't matter how the spouses ended up together in the same job - whether it is a consequence of an office romance, a family business, or in some other way. This phenomenon has certain pros and cons.
Pros - they are much less:
- Organizational side for planning family affairs. For example, it is easier to get home and to work together, have lunch, plan shopping, it is easier to organize parenting, housekeeping, etc.
- Disputes about whether it is good or bad if the spouses have the same profession are rather resolved positively. It's rather good. When passion ends, you need to say something. In particular, you can discuss the work, the business you are working on. Collaboration makes it possible to communicate on understandable topics. In general, the community of interests strengthens the family.
Recommendations for married couples who work together.
- It is advisable to develop the ability to disconnect from work outside of working hours. It is given, as a rule, with experience and, for many, with great difficulty.
- At work, as little intersection as possible. If you have to work on joint projects, then you need to learn to yield, look for a compromise, because, most likely, disputes will arise.
- It is better to spend vacation together as well. Because in this way the spouses will be able to actually break away from work and remember that they are, first of all, a family. But evenings and weekends should be spent separately, have their own hobbies, friends. This will give you the opportunity to take a break from each other.
- There are always exceptions to the rule, there are married couples who work quite successfully together at the same job and feel very good. - Probably, such couples simply cannot imagine themselves without each other.
Many of us, faced with the need to look for a new job, start searching not by posting our resume on recruiting sites, but by calling friends and acquaintances. At the same time, special hope is pinned, as a rule, on those who own their own business or hold a leading position in their company. And what a joy it is when one of them really offers us a job, and even under their own leadership! It seems that now the career will definitely go uphill.
But is everything really so rosy?
Benefits and risks of working under the wing of a friend
Let's take a look at what good and bad a friendship service promises.
Fast employment. If the boss is your friend or buddy, then numerous stages of interviews - with the girl from HR, with the director of HR, then with the head of the relevant department - can be skipped. All of this will be reduced, in fact, to one short telephone conversation. In addition, you are unlikely to be assigned a probationary period, which, you see, will have a beneficial effect both on the state of your wallet and on your self-esteem.
Additional privileges. According to old friendships, you can count on certain concessions in the work schedule, on the possibility of training at the expense of the company, on vacation at a convenient time for you, in the end, on a more convenient workplace and on unlimited access to the Internet.
Insured rears. Obviously, there will be a more tolerant attitude towards the mistakes you made: they will not be fired for the very first mistake, or even a serious mistake will be forgiven. After all, one of the properties of friendship is to enter the position of another.
Favorable attitude towards the expressed ideas and proposals. People tend to listen more to the opinions of those who are closer to them.
But as you know, each barrel of honey has its own fly in the ointment. And working under the guidance of a friend is no exception. Let's analyze the possible negative consequences.
Additional work or responsibilities. In fact, well, who else can the boss ask for a "friendly" stay to finish urgent work? At first he will ask rarely, and then more and more often. And be prepared to do it this way, without additional reward. You are not strangers to each other, have you forgotten? And to the additional work duties, personal requests can be added, with which the boss would hardly turn to ordinary employees.
The ambiguous attitude of the team. Get ready for the fact that colleagues, who are aware of your "special" relationship with the boss, will meet you, to put it mildly, wary. They will perceive it as nothing more than a sent Cossack and keep aloof. It is extremely difficult to become your own in such a situation. And some enterprising comrades may, on the contrary, seek communication with you, but with the sole purpose that you put in a word for them in front of your boss.
Additional stress in case of reprimand. Getting hacked by your boss or your friend is not the same thing. In the second case, the stress is much stronger, because the bitterness of personal resentment is added to the blow to professional pride.
Delayed wages. Keep in mind that if your company does not have the best times, you will be the first to be delayed in salary. After all, according to the chief, you, as a friend, are simply obliged to enter the situation and courageously endure all the difficulties, no matter how long they last. A common phrase is this: "Be patient, buddy, you see what is happening with us now ..."
“When my former classmate asked me to head the credit department at his bank, I was in seventh heaven. Still: it's so easy to take and take the position of a boss, to become the right hand of a successful businessman! But after a few months, not a trace of my delight remained. A friend regularly threw in overtime work, "forgetting" to pay for it. Apparently, he believed that I should do everything "out of friendship." He said that times are hard now, and we are partners without five minutes, so we will sort out all the cases and I will have a month's vacation and a bonus in the amount of a six-month salary. Needless to say, the promised X-day never came, despite the fact that the bank's affairs were on the mend. In general, when they began to lure me into another bank, I did not think for a long time and left. "
Arina,
financial consultant, Moscow
By the way, the boss who decided to hire a friend or a friend should also be aware that he may face a number of psychological inconveniences. In particular, it is morally much more difficult to make a remark or point out shortcomings to “one's own” employee than to a person who was taken “by ad”. What can we say about mental anguish, if it becomes clear that a friend for one reason or another cannot cope and it is necessary to part with him as an employee ...
“My friend was in a very difficult life situation when I took her to my accounting department. And so it began ... She treated her duties carelessly, was regularly late, or even did not come to work at all. The reasons have always been different: either feeling unwell, then the plumber must come during the day, then the cat must be taken to the veterinarian ... Especially often all her misunderstandings occurred during the reporting periods. And all the time she asked to enter into her position. The result is sad - I no longer have a girlfriend, very often we quarreled with her at work. Since then she has sworn to work not only with friends, even with acquaintances. "
Maria,
chief accountant, Omsk
Precautions
However, friendship will not interfere with work (rather, the opposite), if you learn to draw a clear line between personal and work relationships.
TIP 1. Observe the chain of command. As soon as you step over the threshold of the office, forget that the boss is your good friend Tolik. Within the walls of the office, he is for you Anatoly Petrovich. If other employees call him “you”, then you should do the same. Do not allow yourself any familiarity and familiarity with your boss, even in private. By doing this you will be doing him a great service.
TIP 2. Don't advertise your friendship with your boss. This will help you avoid all kinds of hostility from your colleagues - from whispering behind your back to outright hostility. And it is probably unnecessary to say that in no case should you divulge any facts about the personal life of your boss friend. However, the opposite is also true. You shouldn't tell your friend-boss anything about other colleagues, as they say, for the sake of jokes. This is justified only when someone from the team starts something that can harm the boss and his company.
TIP 3. Responsible for your duties. You have come to work. And the best thing you can do, being subordinate to your friend, is to contribute to the prosperity of the common cause and build up your own professionalism.
“I think so: if a person uses friendship to get some benefit for himself at work (it doesn't matter if he is a boss or a subordinate), then sooner or later such a relationship will end. It all depends on the degree of impudence of one and the patience of the other. Working together is like a catalyst in determining how reliable the person you consider to be your friend is. If friends did not happen to work together, the desire of one of them to use the other for their own purposes would still manifest itself in some other situation. Perhaps much more critical. And real friendship, I am sure, is only for the benefit of working together. Because everyone gives all the best, not wanting to let down a loved one. Even if some misunderstandings arise, friends will just talk frankly and remove the problems that have arisen. "
Yuri,
businessman, Vladimir
In any case, if a friend or girlfriend invites you to work, carefully consider their offer. After all, not only potential work is in the balance, but also long-term good relations. And the risk of losing both is quite high.
Rjob decided to figure out whether the situation is ideal when friends become in the position of "boss-subordinate", or does it mean - that's it, the end of friendship and stop work?
It would seem that working together with a person with whom at school they pulled the girls by the pigtails together, at the university they wrote off each other's tower, and now on weekends we go to the barbecue with our families - it's comfortable, easy and effective. You can argue and, without hesitation, offer the craziest ideas, you can put them in their place, you can give indulgence or, on the contrary, demand to the fullest, because you know - he can. Problems at home? A friend already knows about this, and signed a day off. Ideally! Seemingly. But ... The friend-subordinate begins to allow himself a lot to the detriment of the work process and the atmosphere, the friend-boss doubts whether he has the right to be too tough, because on Saturday we go fishing together. And how it looks from colleagues outside the circle of friends ...
Evgeny Sevastyanov
Open Studio, CEO
It is better not to be friends with subordinates. Friendly relations - yes, but not friendship. And that's why.
A person with a Russian mentality is poorly able to play two roles at the same time: along the "friend-friend" line and along the "leader-subordinate" line. The role of "manager-subordinate" always implies the presence of "conflict". Moments when the performer must be strictly required to comply with the rules and agreements are not uncommon. And how long do you think the friendship will last in such a confrontation? Until the first case. The subordinate will be offended - he did not expect this from a friend! He can leave, or he can engage in sabotage. And if I was just a friend, I would have remained a good employee.
Svetlana Zaborovskaya
Shop-Logistics, Head of Human Resources
Pros and cons of friendship between boss and subordinate
Discussion of working moments - brainstorming - takes place outside the office and sometimes a decision is made much faster.
A subordinate friend is more willing to complete tasks, as his sense of responsibility increases.
Managers trust their fellow employees more, and the easier it is to move up the career ladder.
The loyalty of subordinate friends is higher than that of the rest, provided that the leader is loyal enough.
Leaders are not always ready to part with subordinate friends or punish them, even if they do not cope with their duties - they are afraid of offending a friend.
During working hours, non-working issues are discussed, up to the discussion of a joint weekend.
When a boss is fired, sometimes a friend-subordinate is ready to leave behind him, or he can be fired by a new boss, having recruited his friends in the same way.
As a HR manager, I often face situations where a manager cannot tell a friend the news of a dismissal, and HR does it for him.
Maria Ponomarenko
SMART Personal, founder
The main problems arise at the intersection of social roles: on the one hand, friends are equal partnerships, on the other hand, unequal relations are initially laid down in a boss-subordinate pair.
Basically, such situations are typical for starting a career. Beginning managers, due to a lack of experience and skills, tend either to a permissive management style, where subordinates are allowed a lot, and responsibility is minimal, or to a tough authoritarian style, where subordinates are perceived as a tool to achieve their goals.
Permissive style. Young specialists-subordinates try to knock out preferences for themselves in tasks, powers and income - work less, get more. Which, of course, has a bad effect on the results of the work. As a result, there are claims to the boss-friend already from his boss. In addition, other employees of the unit see a biased attitude towards a friend on the part of the boss, and this creates the basis for demotivating colleagues, for complaints and squabbles in the team.
Authoritarian style. A young manager is not ready to work with the individual motivation of his charges. His subordinate friend rates this as "arrogance" and "betrayal." Friendship ends.
In any case, it is advisable not to allow situations when the leader and subordinate are friends. It is extremely difficult for a boss and a subordinate to maintain friendly relations. As a rule, this succeeds at a more mature age.
In addition to the risks mentioned, there is an important problem that is often forgotten: if friends - a boss and a subordinate - do not have high loyalty and are connected with material or financial resources, then in the absence of proper control from the company, there is a real threat of theft. So, in one of the branches of a trading company, friends - the leader and one of the subordinates - stole building materials from the warehouse.
Olga Korneva
head of marketing department
Much depends on whether the boss knows how to say "no" despite friendship, and how the employee perceives this "no". If this is a friendship of two professionals who are ready to practice work situations "without personalities" - that's great.
The problem arises if one of the parties (or both at once) uses friendship to compensate for the missing skills. As a young boss, I tried to befriend my subordinates, not knowing how else to ensure high results. As a result, when the crisis hit, it turned out that each employee hopes for a special status in this situation for himself personally - "in a friendly way", and this greatly complicated my work. The recession was overcome, and we got out of the struggle stronger than we entered it, but emotional outbursts during the crisis “burned out” me completely and showed us all not the best sides of each other. I quit. Since then, I have been doing friendship “prevention” to avoid over-escalating emotions in the workplace, and try to rely on regular management.
Olga Plisetskaya
country coach on duty
In business, mixing roles often leads to disastrous results.
Situation. Two friends decided to work together. One, having become successful in his business activities, decided to bring the other to work together by appointing a commercial director. Relations began to deteriorate literally on the third day, when, according to Alexei (names have been changed), who was hired, Mikhail “began to behave inadequately: he forbade him to enter his office without the consent of the secretary, did not accept reports without the signature of his deputy, did not let go an hour earlier, when it really was necessary. "
In Alexei's picture of the world, Mikhail is a friend, and a childhood friend, with whom both into the fire and into the water, and here the "stone expression", "someone else's look", "unusual demeanor". In Mikhail's picture of the world - Alexey “does not respect boundaries”, “does not understand that I will treat him even stricter than the others, because if they find out about our friendship, they will not take him seriously”, “behaves like a spoiled child asking for attention and privileges. " Having learned separately what everyone expects from the other side and how they see the situation, and that both sides have a desire to maintain relations and find a golden mean in interaction, we jointly came up with the “Rules”, according to which it became obvious and understandable to both Alexey and Mikhail that there are certain "roles" that can be changed and improved in order to maintain friendly relations and effectively cooperate within the business.
Morality. Agree on rules and roles ashore. Do not hesitate to contact specialists: psychologists or coaches. Believe me, bosses-friends sometimes do not know how to play their role and choose a way of behavior that they once saw in other bosses. And friends-subordinates do not want to obey, but want to Cooperate, and painfully perceive such a change of roles. Agree. As Shakespeare said: "Life is a theater, and people are actors in it." Business is also a game, and it is important to understand, before starting to play your role, what is new in it for you, what will change in your relationship, and what is important to consider when interacting. There are no ready-made recipes, there is only you and perhaps your intention to be happy and effective.
Petr Kravchenko
SP Media, Development Director
I had a similar experience when I worked as the chief editor of the regional supplement to the Izvestia newspaper. When I was offered to lead the publication, I formed the first team of my fellow students, but the construction did not last even a month.
I very clearly distinguish for myself where I am talking with a friend, and where with an employee. In the second case, the conversation was tough. But my colleagues did not get such “controlled schizophrenia”, and they left. The lack of managerial experience in terms of relationships with people also affected. In the end, we promised each other that we would never work together again.
At the same time, I have two businesses with my close friends. I am still very demanding and sometimes harsh in my wording, but my equal status apparently makes my position less oppressive.
Natalia Storozheva
expert of the Russian School of Management
Friendship between a boss and a subordinate is a common situation. There are many advantages in this: mutual understanding, trust, support, solidarity, coordination of actions. But there are also disadvantages: difficulties with subordination, recognition of leadership, hidden envy.
Friendly relationships are good in startups, at the stage of "promotion" of a business. When the situation requires intensive multitasking, when there is no clear division of responsibilities and “everyone does everything,” then friendship is a valuable resource, a source of growth and development for business. Every third startup is a team of friends or former colleagues, where one or two take on the role of a leader and take responsibility for the overall result, while the rest work in the format of collaborators.
When the business enters the next stage of development and begins to gradually formalize, here the friendship between the boss and the subordinate can crack. This is due to the increased distance between the manager and employees, including friends. Distancing is an objective process, but not everyone can understand and accept it. The more people in the company, the more complex business processes become, the more “bureaucracy” there is in the company.
Questions that were previously discussed over a cup of coffee are now resolved only at a meeting or with the help of service notes. Not every friendship will pass the tests of "budget," "plan," and "report."
From the point of view of a leader, friends are poorly managed employees, with them it is much more difficult than with other specialists.
From the point of view of a subordinate, a boss friend is often arrogant, biased, ungrateful, greedy.
In addition, friendship is often destroyed by envy: we started together, sat at the same table, and now I have to account for every thousand rubles!
If you value friendship, then do not hire friends for work, rather help them find a place in a good company.
If you value relationships, do not hire your friends, as the boss is "always wrong" and for you he is always on the other side of the barricade.
By the way, we have launched a Telegram channel, where we publish the most interesting news about real estate and real estate technologies. If you want to be one of the first to read these materials, then subscribe: t.me/ners_news.
Subscription for updates
Margarita Smurova
13.02.2015 | 618
Working in a team led by your friend is a tempting prospect. But let's figure out whether it is worth doing and how this development of events will affect future relations.
Finding a profitable and promising job is a troublesome process. "Warm" places have long been dismantled, vacant ones are rarely attractive, the search for a compromise option may take months. The idea of \u200b\u200bhinting about the problem with employment to a friend or girlfriend who has the opportunity to form a team suggests itself. But, alas, not everything is so simple.
The benefits of working in the same team with a buddy
When thinking about working with a friend's team, the imagination paints a rainbow picture. The first days of adaptation will be much easier, since a friend has probably already talked more than once about the intricacies of his work and its specifics, and there will always be someone to ask a question. The prospect of more frequent communication also seems tempting.
A friend will always provide support at work
The ability to receive information from the "bottom" also cannot be discounted. Some problems that may not be visible from the height of the commanding chair, a friend will convey clearly and in detail.
In general, there are plenty of reasons to go to work with a friend.
Friend or Boss - Disadvantages of being submissive to a buddy
Practice shows: the slightest excesses will turn advantages into disadvantages. The presence of a common topic, understandable and relevant to both, turns into a complete absence of other interests. Having gathered at the table on the occasion of the celebration, the friends, after a few minutes, move on to production problems.
Getting into a boss-subordinate relationship can be awkward for both partners, especially if the former had to make some effort to provide a job to a friend, and the latter knows about it. This problem arises if the relationship between friends is really warm and friendly.
Working together can ruin even strong friendships.
It is more difficult for a subordinate if the boss, willingly or unwillingly, wants gratitude for a perfect deed. Relationships in this case begin to crumble before our eyes. Any request to take on additional responsibilities is perceived as pressure, an attempt to make a comment as part of the production process - as a reminder of a favor. Refusal will seem ugly both from the standpoint of a friend and from the standpoint of a subordinate. There is no one even to complain and discuss these problems with: a friend has turned into a boss.
Problems in the team are also to be expected: other employees are not always ready to have a friend of the boss in their colleagues. The boss's friend is most often perceived with hostility, since it is he who is prophesied unreasonably fast promotion and it is with his "denunciation" that the punishments imposed by the chief are associated.
Rules of conduct with a boss friend
- Work issues should be resolved only at work, and friends should remain outside of it.
- The form of addressing the boss during work should not become familiar, regardless of whether there is a colleague nearby or not.
- A complete refusal to demonstrate their status and the full performance of all official duties will help to establish relations with the team.
- The demand for a raise and other benefits must be substantiated.
If the feeling of discord still began to visit, and the prospects for resolving the problem by a serious conversation are not foreseen, the choice of "boss or friend" still has to be made. Perhaps he will not be in favor of work, because sooner or later you can find a good job, and it is not easy to find a true friendship.
It happens that the boss and the subordinate are friends. Is this good or bad? The author proves that this is extremely harmful to the business and business relationships. A boss and a subordinate cannot and should not be friends. What if this has already happened? You need to be friends! Destroy a friendship or sacrifice a promotion for the sake of friendship. Read on!
It happens that some progressive mother boasts: “My daughter and I are friends! We do not hide anything from each other! " Oh well! There is nothing to be proud of. On the contrary. Mom will cry yet!
Even more perplexing are the cases when the boss and the subordinate are friends. What grief, so grief!
This usually happens if, as in the song: “There were two comrades serving. Aha! " Two friends worked together or two workers worked together and became friends. Friendship often goes far - families are friends.
They are friends, they are friends, and suddenly ... Bam! One of them is appointed superior over the other. Have arrived!
In the mind, this cannot be done, and if one of the friends deserved a promotion to a leading position, then it would be right to separate the friends:
- appoint a manager to lead another department;
- transfer a subordinate friend to another department.
- not appoint any of your friends as a leader;
- fire a friend immediately as soon as the friend is appointed as the boss.
However, things are getting worse in life, and rarely when they choose the right decisions. Friends remain friends - one boss, the other his subordinate. From that moment on, everything rolls downhill, and, having rolled, will be smashed to smithereens. The merciless and shameless exploitation of friendly relations begins.
Friendship is arranged in such a way that everything should be equal in it. As in the song: “You are half and I am half! Aha! " Equally all:
- i told you intimate things about myself, and you tell me your secrets;
- i helped you, and you help me;
- i asked you to do it for me, and you ask me ...
- the chief tells about the secrets of the echelons of power to a person who has nothing to do with it or permission - he divulges the secret, and a subordinate friend will tell his colleagues, and here's a riot on the ship;
- the boss helps a subordinate friend to get tasks easier or more interesting, protects from business trips and extracurricular work, rewards first of all and punishes last;
- the boss cannot order a subordinate friend, but can only ask, and from that moment the boss ceases to be a boss, and if so, then other employees of the boss no longer value anything, and shadow leaders creep out of the dark corners like spiders.
Chief kaput!
And what does this friendship mean for a subordinate friend:
- not in a friendly way to conceal from a friend of the boss what is said about him in the team, as well as employees among themselves, about secrets, personal, intimate ... willy-nilly, you will become a "snitch";
- a subordinate friend will now take the first step forward, will become a registered volunteer for all unpopular and extracurricular work, contrary to public opinion, will vote for the inhuman decision of the boss's friend;
- friendly - "I ask you!" friend of the chief will become an order, for refusal to fulfill which - execution.
This entire dramatic performance unfolds before the eyes of the native collective, neighboring collectives, bosses from top to bottom, families ... The cup of patience of the nature of the state of affairs will overflow, and the drama will develop into a tragedy - friends will become friends.
It will be good if a friend's boss finally transfers to neighbors or fires another subordinate. It’s good if a subordinate friend completely cuts off, stops obeying, starts a riot and forces him to hang on the yard. Worse, if, pouring out poison, they poison the lives of each other and their families.
I know - there will be apologists for friendship, freedom and equality who will ardently prove that friendship between a boss and a subordinate is possible, desirable, beautiful, divine ... Well, well! So say all novice alcoholics and drug addicts: “I drink every day, and nothing! I know how to control myself! Nothing will happen to me! " Nature is stronger than our stupid dreams.
The friendship between the boss and the subordinate is extremely harmful to the business and business relations. If this happens to you, take immediate remedial measures - they were listed above. This is the tone of the newspaper ads of narcologists. You can think of my phone as a "helpline".
