Parental alphabet of interaction with the child. Parental alphabet of interaction with a child educational method

Your child's world ..! "# $ Teaching aid for parents and teachers Rostov-on-Don yeniks 2010 www.phoenixbooks.ru UDC 37.0 LBC 74.90 KTK 480 P37 Platonova S.M. P37 Parental alphabet of interaction with a child: a teaching aid for parents and children - dagogov / S.M. Platonova. - Rostov n / a: Phoenix, 2010. - 220, p. - (The world of your child). ISBN 978-5-222-17470-8 The book is a methodological manual on technology solving difficult situations of interaction with a child. It offers readers a description of the diverse life experience of interaction between children and parents, presented through the identification of types of situations and justification of the necessary actions of an adult. The book is addressed to beginners and experienced parents and teachers, leading educational work with kids. UDC 37.0 ISBN 978-5-222-17470-8 BBK 74.90 Platonova SM, 2010 Design: Phoenix LLC, 2010 www.phoenixbooks.ru 3 Address to parents The book is dedicated to my parents - Platonov Mikhail Dmitrievich and Ekaterina Alekseevna% Dear parents! The purpose of this book is to help you educate your child. Children often confuse us, that is, they create situations in which we do not know how best to answer their question, react to their words or actions. For example, a three-year-old girl played with dolls in her room. And suddenly, screaming and crying, she runs to my mother in the kitchen, repeating: "Where is dad, where is dad?" Dad is at work, the girl knows it. What to do? Mom puts her hand in her pocket, pretends to pull something out of her pocket, opens her palm and hands it to the girl with the words: “Here is Daddy.” The girl, contented and happy, takes "dad" from her palm and runs away. How did mom know that you can do this? Why did the child need a toy invisible dad? How can we learn to choose simple and effective ways response to children's actions? We will try to reflect with you and find some rules for choosing an action, although, of course, they can only supplement parental intuition, faith in a good beginning in a child, parental creativity. In this book we will learn to understand the child, his condition, intentions, interests, desires. The subject of the conversation will be the situation of interaction between parents and www.phoenixbooks.ru 4 Parental alphabet of interaction with a child with a child, and the goal is the ability to turn it into a positive, child-developing experience. We called the book “Parental Alphabet of Interaction with a Child”, as we strive to highlight some basics in interaction, knowledge of which will help us in choosing an action. The “letters” of the alphabet of parenting are the types of situations that we will consider seven in this book. The book consists of four parts: theoretical, illustrative, practical and additional. In the first part, we introduce you to the logic of determining the type of situation and the rationale for choosing the way of action of an adult. In the second part, we illustrate each type of situation with examples, supplementing them with a commentary on the choice of specific actions of an adult. In the third part, we offer you ready-made situations different types for an independent solution. You can correlate your decision with the option we propose. The examples given in all sections are taken from life, therefore, getting acquainted with them, you can significantly expand your understanding of the difficulties and ways of raising children. In the last, additional part, we present one of the ways to help the child through a joint discussion of stories. Thus, we equip parents with a very simple and understandable, known to our ancestors, effective technology of raising children, which can be useful in solving situations different types... So, we begin - we get acquainted with the theoretical justification for the choice of the mode of action of parents. www.phoenixbooks.ru 5 Part 1. Theoretical 1% Human life can be viewed as a chain of situations. The situation is the minimum element of our being, which has its own integrity and originality. In the Explanatory Dictionary of the Russian Language S.I. Ozhegova and N.Yu. A Swedish situation is defined as a combination of circumstances, position, situation. Today, in various humanities, the so-called situational approach is developing, which seeks to teach people to make the right decision in different situations. For example, A. Flescher's situational ethics focuses on the fact that there are no objective, uniform ethical norms for all cases of life, and what is good in one situation will turn into the opposite in another. For example, the prohibition of abortion is a significant moral norm of our time, but this prohibition would be inhumane if it comes about a mentally ill girl who became pregnant from a similar patient in a psychiatric clinic. In a number of modern universities focused on a situational approach, the learning process is primarily a system of problem situations offered to students for solution. According to the supporters of such training, it prepares the best for practice, in which specialists need to make competent decisions in traditional and unusual situations. www.phoenixbooks.ru 6 Parental Alphabet of Interaction with a Child So we will make the situation an object of consideration. The focus of our attention, of course, is the situation of interaction between an adult and a child. The subject of our consideration will be situations in which the child's actions for some reason do not like us, cause anxiety, tension, etc., i.e. difficult situations interaction between a child and an adult. In order to learn to choose the right actions in a given situation, we first need to understand what the child feels, wants, understands inside this situation, why he behaves this way. Based on the feelings and motives of the child's actions, we distinguish seven types of situations of interaction between the child and the adult, which we will consider in this section. Our task is to learn how to determine the type of situation, since our actions should depend on the type of situation. Therefore, in the theoretical part, the task of readers is to get acquainted with the types of situations, learn to distinguish them, understand how and why adults should behave in a situation of each type. To help you succeed in solving this problem, for each of the seven types of situations, we will try to: define the situation, name its signs; give examples of situations of this type from life; describe the features of such a situation; characterize the reasons for the child's behavior, the motives of his actions; describe and justify the correct model of adult behavior. www.phoenixbooks.ru 7 Part 1. Theoretical 1.1. & "," & (!) "# $ These are situations in which the child did not know how to act, did not suspect that he was doing something bad, or was even sure that he was doing well; did something by accident, accidentally the main symptom of situations: the child could not (did not know how) to act differently, he himself suffers. Consider an example of a situation of this type. On Sunday, a girl of 8 years old with her friend was going to Usually dad was at home, who gave her money for ice cream, sweets. But today he was not there, he went on business. Dad's jacket hung on a hanger. Dad always took money out of the pocket of this jacket. The girl decided take on her father's mission, since he himself cannot fulfill it. She was one hundred percent sure that her father would give her money, just now he is not. Without hesitation, she took the money from her pocket and went for a walk. Home the girl returned to great mood, but saw an angry father. At the threshold, he met her with a harsh cry: "Thief!" Then she heard that her father was disappointed in her, that he could no longer respect her, that she would be punished and would not go outside for two weeks, etc. Nobody asked the girl anything, she did not have time to insert a word, and very soon she could no longer speak from the resentment that stifled her. Today this is an adult, but she remembers the situation, and the pain of resentment has not yet gone completely. Later, they did not talk about this situation with dad. Let's think about what the girl's fault was. She did not even have a thought that she was stealing or taking without asking. She was sure that it was her money and she took www.phoenixbooks.ru 60 Parental Alphabet of Interaction with a Child 2 ** + In this section and in the previous one, to demonstrate the significance of the theoretical reasoning performed, specific examples of situations of interaction between a child and an adult are given. These examples were taken from life and described in the works of day and correspondence students of the Faculty of Psychology of the Leningrad State University named after A.S. Pushkin or the faculties of psychology and geography of the Russian State Pedagogical University named after A.I. Herzen. Leningrad State University named after A.S. Pushkin has branches in the Leningrad region, Perm, Sverdlovsk, Kamensk-Uralsky, Sverdlovsk region, Chukotka, so that the heroes of the stories described live in different regions Russian Federation... Text taken from students' papers is enclosed in quotation marks. 2.1. & "!," &! ! "# $ 2.1.1." Nadya always ate poorly, complained of a lack of appetite. Parents could not solve the problem of how to feed the child. Solution: Grandmother came up with a fabulous trip to the Land of cooks for Nadia. Together they cooked a “magical porridge "for breakfast, then" magic dinner "www.phoenixbooks.ru 61 Part 2. Illustrating for the whole family and in the evening -" royal dinner. "This game helped Nadia to interest in food and the process of its preparation. It is interesting that when Nadia grew up, she chose the profession of a cook and is now the chef of one of the prestigious restaurants. ”2.1.2.“ My son was in grade 7. In the summer, the whole family went on vacation for 6 months, and it turned out that he had to start his studies in a city school with children new to him. The students of the class did not begin to communicate with him, since he is a “stranger.” I felt sorry for the child. Solution: I decided to help him. I began to collect jokes for him from magazines, we read anecdotes and he tried to remember them. tell the guys at breaks jokes. The result was overwhelming, everyone became interested in him, they wanted to be with him. " 2.1.3. “My daughter broke a crystal vase. Since the vase was not needed, this was not known for a long time. When it became necessary to put flowers, I began to look for a vase. I found it in the form of shards, neatly packed in a box. My daughter was not at home, I put the flowers in another vase, and the box with the shards by the trash can. The daughter came back from school and saw the box. Tears began to well up in her eyes. Solution: I quickly hugged her and said that I want to go to the store now and invite her to walk with me. She looked frightened anyway. I explained that I didn't really like the old vase, and I had long dreamed of buying a new one, which can now be done. We went to the store and bought another a beautiful vase ... We chose her together, and during our conversations I tried to explain to her that I was afraid to talk about such situations - www.phoenixbooks.ru 62 Parental Alphabet of Interaction with a Child There is no need for us to find a way out together. Now my daughter always tells me immediately about what happened. " Each of us has broken a lot of glass objects in our lives, they break very easily. It is not in vain that a proverb was invented as a consolation for us: "Dishes beat for happiness!" Why are children so afraid to confess? Most often, because, seeing a broken thing, adults are upset and immediately throw out the negative emotions that have arisen on the child. The splash can be so strong that the child, instead of his own grief over the spoiled thing, begins to feel resentment when he sees that the thing is much dearer to the parents than the child himself. 2.1.4. “This situation happened in the summer, when I was vacationing with my grandparents in the village. I was 9 years old then. One evening they went to visit a neighbor for a short time and I was left at home alone. I sat by the window and watched the neighborhood boys playing ball. Suddenly a fly burst into my world, which began to fly in front of my nose, hitting the glass, irritating me. When the fly finally landed, I swung and hit it. The blow was so strong that the glass, on which there was a fly, fell out and shattered. I was so scared of my grandparents' wrath over the broken glass that I ran away and hid in the greenhouse. I don't remember exactly how long I sat there, but when it got dark, I began to freeze and decided to sneak into the house unnoticed. My grandmother was waiting for me on the threshold. Seeing her, I immediately burst into tears and began to babble incoherently something about glass. I expected a cry, but my grandmother began to hug me, kiss and laugh. It turns out that after returning home, and seeing that the glass was broken, and the granddaughter was missing, my grandparents decided that I had been kidnapped. They called their parents in the city and they rushed to the village. Seeing me, my grandmother was www.phoenixbooks.ru 87 Part 3. Practical (problem book with solutions) 3% () Dear parents! In this part of the book, we offer a description of situations that were stopped at the time of an adult's decision. At this moment, the adult should think and determine what to tell the child, what to do. This section is prepared to train your ability to think, analyze the situation of communication with a child, and make decisions. The hardest part for you in this section is to keep yourself from looking back. Probably, such a habit has been living in us since school days, and it is really not easy to hold on. But if you can't force yourself to think for yourself, then no training will work. I wish you victory over yourself! 3.1. - $ 3.1.1. , 1.1. “The situation is connected with my younger brother Koley, when he was 5 years old. He liked one girl. March 8 was approaching, he wanted to give her a gift and decided to give a money. Kolya knew where the money was and took one of them, hoping that if only one was gone, the parents would not notice. The loss was found immediately, www.phoenixbooks.ru 88 Parents' alphabet of interaction with the child, the parents began to look for money and found money under his pillow. " 1.2. “A boy, 6 years old, decided to prepare a pleasant surprise to the arrival of parents from work - to cook soup. He did everything as he had seen before, when adults were cooking soup - he put all sorts of things there. And in the end, to make it tasty, he did not spare granulated sugar. " 1.3. “When I was 5 years old, my father left us. And a year later, my mother decided to get married again. A “stranger's uncle” appeared in the house, but no one explained to me who he was and how I should call him. I couldn’t say “daddy” to a stranger's uncle, so I didn’t call him in any way, I tried not to address directly, choosing phrases without addresses (“Mom calls to eat”). They considered me an unnatural child, a “beech”, they were offended that I didn’t call my stepfather ”. 1.4. “First love is a wonderful feeling! I turned 14 and my parents gave me a gold chain and earrings. At this time, I really liked my older brother's friend, who often came to visit us. To my regret, I was just a child for him. After a while he left for the army, and I gave him this very chain as a keepsake. Time passed, my mother noticed the loss. Questions began, at first I unlocked, and then I told everything. " 3.1.2. , 2.1. “Children at the dacha played a buzzbox. It was time for lunch. In the midst of the game, the children were called to the table. The driver at this time was seven-year-old Lesha. The child ran into the dining room and continued to hum. He understood that it was time to have lunch, but he didn’t want to be the last one and didn’t want to. Www.phoenixbooks.ru 89 Part 3. Practical (problem book with solutions) bodies, so that the game would stop because of him. Then Lesha “stained” Petya, who was standing next to him, and he had no choice but to quietly hum and touch the other. So, the chain continued - no one wanted to be the last. " 2.2. “Brother and sister were playing hunters and during the game they ripped two soft toysimitating the process of hunting animals. " 2.3. “A group of children are playing Indians. They are armed with homemade bows and arrows. To meet them a man is walking... The children decide that the cowboy is their enemy and shoot him with bows. " 2.4. “My daughter, 5 years old, loves to play with dolls. Within a week, I began to notice that my dishes were missing from the kitchen, as well as products from the refrigerator (yogurt, eggs). As it turned out, the husband did not take anything. I went to my daughter's room and saw a whole kitchen in the cupboard: the plates contained yogurt, eggs, cereals. " 2.5. "Summer. A beautiful sunny day. Girls play with dolls as “mothers and daughters”. Each has its own "daughter", dressed in a dress that is sewn by "mommy". And suddenly the girl Tanya comes and shows all of us what coat she made for the doll. We all became jealous, as the coat was made from beautiful fabric and even trimmed with pieces of fur. And then my friend Vera called me to her home. Leaving me, she went to another room. After a while, he comes in and holds in his hands a piece of the most beautiful fabric - brocade, pale blue. She shared the fabric with me and we started sewing outfits for our dolls. When the outfits were ready, we went to "surprise" our friends. There was no limit to delight and joy. Having played enough, we asked my young- www.phoenixbooks.ru 127 Part 4. Complementary 4 / * + 4.1. $ 0-6 "# $ & 0" 6 "7 4.1.1." In the black-black forest there is a black-black house in which a black-black woman lives ... "- this is how one of many begins scary stories ... Six-year-old children, listening to her, freeze with fear, adolescents - impatiently await an unexpected outcome, and adults - remember the vivid sensations of childhood. Anxiety and fears pervade the life of a preschooler and cause a response in the hearts of parents. How can you help children avoid unnecessary fears? How do you deal with your child's fear of the carpet hanging on the wall? How to talk to children about things that scare them? Should I tell a child that it is a shame to be afraid? These and other questions arise from caring parents. We have prepared a small text, after reading which parents will be able to answer these and other questions for themselves, to help their child grow up cautious and courageous. What do you need to know about fear? Fear is a legacy of our nature, the oldest defensive response of all living beings to danger or its possibility. www.phoenixbooks.ru 128 Parental Alphabet of Interaction with a Child The purpose of fear: salvation. Fear serves to warn a person about the impending danger, allows you to focus on its source, to look for ways to avoid danger. Reason: the survival instinct, the desire to avoid trouble, pain, death (uncertainty, shame, loneliness, etc.). Types of fear: by source: non-objective, general (I'm afraid in general, I'm afraid of everything) and objective (I'm afraid of something specific); by the strength of emotional experiences: apprehension, anxiety, anxiety, fright, fear, horror, panic, affect; according to the changes caused in the body: mobilizing (activating, when, for example, running away from a dog, a person can jump over an obstacle insurmountable in normal conditions) and relaxing (causing stupor, blocking actions). According to psychologists, the type of fear a child will experience depends on both genetic factors and the style of upbringing in childhood. Manifestations of fear: physiological signs: rapid heartbeat, reddening of the bone, an influx of strength, lump in the throat, weakness in the legs, spasm of muscles, blood vessels, bronchi, palpitations, sweat, trembling, dizziness, involuntary relaxation, muscle paralysis; behavioral signs: the child bites his nails, swaying, drumming his fingers on the table, pulling his hair, etc. Conclusion: fear and the ability to be afraid are good. Excessive fear is dangerous. For example, 80% of drowning people die due to fear, which prevents them from relaxing and lying on their backs. www.phoenixbooks.ru 129 Part 4. Complementary Features of the child's fears. A child under two years old often does not know fear. Then this innate program turns on and turns on very powerfully, totally. At two years old, children, for example, are afraid of visiting a doctor. From the age of three, the number of specific fears decreases, symbolic fears appear: darkness, heights, loneliness. The child learns what death is and is afraid of losing his parents. The child does not talk about his fears, about the terrible dreams he has seen, since speaking, according to his feeling, can revive these fears. For example, a child in the outline of a carpet hanging over the bed sees a dragon and is afraid of it, but if you tell your mother about this and ask to remove the carpet, the dragon will be offended and take revenge. Therefore, the child is silent, and every day strokes the dragon, tells him kind wordsto appease him. More intellectually developed children have more fears. Parents' dissatisfaction with work, housing, life increases anxiety and the number of fears of children. At 6-7 years of age, fear of one's own death becomes the leading one. From 7 to 11 years old, a child is most afraid of “not being the one”, doing something wrong, not meeting generally accepted norms and requirements. The presence of fears in a child is the norm, but if there are a lot of fears, then we should talk about the presence of anxiety in the character of the child. Anxiety in preschool children is not a stable psychological trait, that is, it can be eliminated. A child who is not forced not to be afraid is usually able to eliminate his fear himself. Older preschoolers, junior schoolchildren begin to tell each other horror stories that perform very important functions: removing those living inside www.phoenixbooks.ru 217 Part 4. Complementary Abramenkova V. What are our children playing? Toy and Anti-toy. - M .: Yauza, Eksmo, Lepta book, 2006. Andersen H.K. Fairy tales. - L .: Fiction, 1981. Arefieva T.A. Children and money. - SPb .: Rech, 2006. Barkan A.I. His Majesty the child, as he is. Secrets and riddles. - M .: Centenary, 1996. Barkan A. Bad habits of good children. - M .: AST - Astrel, 2009. Belkin A.S. What is a success situation and how to create it. - M .: Education, 1991. Grimm J., Grimm V. Fairy tales. - Minsk: Belarus, 1983. Zhuravlev V.I. Foundations of pedagogical conflictology. - M .: Ros. ped. agency, 1995. Korchak Ya. How to love a child. - Yekaterinburg: U-Factoria, 2008. Levi V.L. Unconventional child ... - M .: Pedagogy, 1983. Levi V.I. The domestication of fear. - M .: Metaphor, 2002. Russian folk tales by A.N. Afanasyeva: in 3 volumes / Published by L.A. Barag and N.V. Novikov. - M .: Nauka, 1984. Natanzon E.Sh. Psychological analysis of the student's actions and methods of pedagogical influence. - M .: Education, 1986. Rodari J. Fairy tales. Poems. - L .: Lenizdat, 1980. www.phoenixbooks.ru 218 Parental alphabet of interaction with a child Russian folk riddles, proverbs, sayings / comp. SOUTH. Kruglov. - M .: Education, 1990. Rybakova MM. Conflict and interaction in the educational process. - M .: Education, 1991. Sukhomlinsky V.A. Ethics reader. - M .: Pedagogy, 1990. Shchurkova N.Ye. Workshop on pedagogical technology. - M .: Pedagogical Society of Russia, 1998. Shchurkova N.E., Pityukov V.Yu., Savchenko A.P. and others. New technologies of the educational process. - M., 1993. www.phoenixbooks.ru 219 Contents 8 / For readers ................................. ......................................... 3 Part 1. Theoretical .... .................................................. .5 1.1. Difficult situations for the child himself ...................... 7 1.2. Situations in the game ..................................... 16 1.3. Border check situations ........................................ 23 1.4. Situations of verification of an adult ... 28 1.5. Situations of emotional outburst ........................ 31 1.6. Situations of pedagogical conflict ...................... 36 1.7. Misconduct situations ................................................ ... 43 Part 2. Illustrative .......................................... ...... 60 2.1. Difficult situation for the child ................................. 60 2.2. The situation in the game ...................................... 67 2.3. Situation of border checks ........................................ 71 2.4. The situation of verification of an adult ................................................. 75 2.5. The situation of emotional outburst ........................ 78 2.6. The situation of a pedagogical conflict ...................... 79 2.7. Misconduct situation ................................................ ... 81 Part 3. Practical (problem book with solutions) ............... 87 3.1. Problem book ................................................. .................... 87 3.1.1. Difficult situation for the child ....................... 87 3.1.2. The situation in the game ............................ 88 3.1.3. Boundary check situation ............................ ..90 3.1.4. The situation of checking an adult ......................... 91 3.1.5. The situation of emotional outburst .............. 92 3.1.6. The situation of pedagogical conflict ............ 93 3.1.7. Misconduct situation ......................................... 94 www.phoenixbooks.ru 219 Contents 8 / For readers ............................................. ............................. 3 Part 1. Theoretical ................ ....................................... 5 1.1. Difficult situations for the child himself ...................... 7 1.2. Situations in the game ..................................... 16 1.3. Border check situations ........................................ 23 1.4. Situations of verification of an adult ... 28 1.5. Situations of emotional outburst ........................ 31 1.6. Situations of pedagogical conflict ...................... 36 1.7. Misconduct situations ................................................ ... 43 Part 2. Illustrative .......................................... ...... 60 2.1. Difficult situation for the child ................................. 60 2.2. The situation in the game ...................................... 67 2.3. Situation of border checks ........................................ 71 2.4. The situation of verification of an adult ................................................. 75 2.5. The situation of emotional outburst ........................ 78 2.6. The situation of a pedagogical conflict ...................... 79 2.7. Misconduct situation ................................................ ... 81 Part 3. Practical (problem book with solutions) ............... 87 3.1. Problem book ................................................. .................... 87 3.1.1. Difficult situation for the child ....................... 87 3.1.2. The situation in the game ............................ 88 3.1.3. Boundary verification situation .............................. 90 3.1.4. The situation of checking an adult ......................... 91 3.1.5. The situation of emotional outburst .............. 92 3.1.6. The situation of pedagogical conflict ............ 93 3.1.7. Misconduct situation ......................................... 94 www.phoenixbooks.ru 220 The parental alphabet of interaction with the child 3.2. Solutions................................................. ..................... 95 3.2.1. Difficult situation for a child ........................ 95 3.2.2. The situation that arose in the game ............................ 96 3.2.3. Situation of border checks .............................. 98 3.2.4. Adult verification situation ............. ............ 99 3.2.5. A situation of emotional outburst ............ 101 3.2.6. The situation of the pedagogical conflict .......... 102 3.2.7. Misconduct situation ....................................... 104 3.3. How to determine the type of situation (using the example of children's lies) ....................................... 106 3.3.1. Childhood lies ................................................ ... 107 3.3.2. What you need to know about lying ......................................... 108 3.3.3. Features of children's lies .............................. 109 3.4. Summing up ................................................ ........ 121 Part 4. Complementary ..................................... ............... 127 4.1. How to help a child overcome fear ..................... 127 4.1.1. To parents about children's fears .......................... 127 4.1.2. Ways of solving the tasks set ............... 132 4.1.3. Thoughts worth thinking about, including with your child ................................ 133 4.1.4. Reading with the child and discussing fairy tales about fear .......................................... ........................... 134 Russian fairy tales .................... ............................................ 135 The cat and the fox .. .................................................. ............ 135 Frightened Bear and Wolves ................................. .138 The sworn prince .............................................. ...... 141 Khanty tale "Ide" ...................................... ......... 144 Tales of the Brothers Grimm ..................................... ............... 145 The Brave Tailor ................................ ................. 145 The tale of the one who walked in fear of learning .................. 155 The Tales of Gianni Rodari .. ................................................ 168 Country where there is nothing sharp ............................... 168 www.phoenixbooks.ru 221 Contents Elevator to the stars ... .................................................. .... 170 Kingdom without Fear .................................. .......... 174 The boy who was afraid of everything ............................. 176 Fairy tales and stories B .AND. Sukhomlinsky ........................ 177 Wolf teeth ...................... ....................................... 177 Summer thunderstorm ........ .................................................. ... 178 I asked my grandmother ... ........................................ ...... 179 I am not afraid of either thunder or lightning ............................ 180 As Nina Gusaka was not afraid. .............................. 181 How Kolya became brave ... ...................................... 182 The timid boy ......... ......................................... 183 4.2. Helping Your Child Be Truthful ..................... 184 Thoughts to Consider ................. ..184 Tales for reading about lies .......................................... ...... 186 French folk tale "The bird that spoke the truth" ............................ 187 I.А. Karpov. Liar (fable) .............................................. 193 L.N. Tolstoy. Liar................................................. ......... 194 V.A. Sukhomlinsky. Even the flowers turned red .................. 195 V.A. Sukhomlinsky. How Natasha bought a sly from Lisa ............................................ ........................... 196 V.A. Sukhomlinsky. White feather ................................ A.H. 197 Andersen. The true truth ...................................... 199 T. Janson. A terrible story ........................................... 202 L.N. Tolstoy. How Uncle Stepan told about what happened to him in the forest ..................................... .......... 212 O. Tumanyan. Liar ................................................. ........... 213 L.N. Tolstoy. Hedgehog and hare ............................................... ... 215 Literature ............................................. .......................... 217 www.phoenixbooks.ru Series "The World of Your Child" 7! "# $ - Managing editor S. Ostashov Technical editor L. Bagryantseva Cover A. Vartanov Proofreaders O. Milovanova, M. Lepekhina Put in set 05.05.2010. Signed for printing on 26.07.2010. Format 84 108 1/32. Paper type No. 2. Typeface Newton C. Offset printing. Print service sheet 11.76 Circulation 2500 copies Order No. Phoenix LLC 344082, Rostov-on-Don, Khalturinsky lane, 80. Printed from ready-made transparencies at CJSC "Kniga" 344019, Rostov-on-Don, Sovetskaya st., 57. www.phoenixbooks.ru

), measuring the same parameters of child-parent interaction.

It is important for a psychologist to know not only the assessment of relationships on the one hand - parents, but also the vision of this interaction from the other side - from the perspective of children. Such a need arises especially often in psychological counseling of adolescents and their parents. I. Markovskaya set herself the task of creating mirror questionnaires that have two forms: for parents and for children.

At the first stage of work, the author was faced with the task of choosing criteria for assessing the interaction of parents with children, which could later become the scales of the questionnaire. Literature data indicated that most authors identify the following parameters of parent-child interaction: autonomy-control (E.S.Sheffer, R.K.Bell, S. Brody, E. E. Maccoby, V. Schutz); rejection-acceptance (A. Roe, M. Segelman, A.I.Zakharov, D.I. Isaev, A.Ya. Varga); exactingness (E. E. Maccoby, O. Conner, P. Slater); the degree of emotional closeness, affection (J. Bowlby, V. Schutz, G. T. Khomentauskas); severity (E.E. Maccoby, P. Slater); inconsistency - a sequence (S. Brody, E. E. Maccoby, W. X. Sevell, A. I. Zakharov).

These parameters were taken as the basis for the scales of the parent-child interaction questionnaire. The questionnaire also included cooperation and agreement scales as important parameters of interaction according to R.F.Bailes. Since A. S. Makarenko, S. V. Kovalev and others also note the importance of the authority of the parents and associate with it the possibility of influencing the child, we considered it necessary to include the scale of authority in the questionnaire. Another of critical indicators the relationship between parents and children is the degree of parental satisfaction with the process of interaction with children. The parent's dissatisfaction with the relationship with the child may be a factor in seeking help from psychological counseling. The satisfaction scale was included in the adult and children's versions of the questionnaire.

More than a hundred statements were drawn up describing interaction in the family, as a result of further analysis, 80 statements were left, which were presented to the experts to determine the meaningful validity. The group of experts was made up of psychologists from the cities of St. Petersburg and Chelyabinsk with at least 5 years of practical experience in working with children and parents.

The experts had to assess the content of each question for compliance with a certain scale of the questionnaire. Questions that received less than 80% of the votes or were assigned by the majority of experts to several scales simultaneously were excluded from further work. To give the questionnaire a good form, an equal number of questions were left on each scale, except for two, which are identified by most researchers and which can be considered basic in parent-child relationships. These are the autonomy-control and rejection-acceptance scales, they included 10 statements each, and the rest of the scales - 5 statements each. The final version of the questionnaire for children included 60 statements.

The adult version of the questionnaire for parents of adolescents also includes 60 questions and has a structure similar to the children's version.

When filling out the questionnaire, parents and children are asked to assess the degree of agreement with each statement on a 5-point system: 1 point - completely disagree, this statement does not fit at all, 5 points - completely agree, this statement absolutely fits.

The questionnaire "Parent-child interaction" for adolescents and their parents presents the following 10 scales.

1. Undemanding - the requirement of a parent. The data on this scale show the level of parenting that is manifested in the interaction of the parent with the child. The higher the reading on this scale, the more demanding the parent, the more he expects a high level of responsibility from

2. Softness - the severity of the parent. Based on the results of this scale, one can judge the severity, severity of the measures applied to the child, the severity of the rules established in the relationship between parents and children, and the degree of coercion of children to do something.

3. Autonomy - control in relation to the child. The higher the indicators on this scale, the more pronounced the controlling behavior in relation to the child. High control can be manifested in petty care, obsession, the desire to limit; low control can lead to complete autonomy of the child, to permissiveness, which can be the result of either indifference to the child, or admiration. It is also possible that low control is associated with the manifestation of trust in the child or the parent's desire to instill in him independence.

4. Emotional distance - the child's emotional closeness to the parent. It should be noted that this scale reflects the parent's perception of the child's closeness to him. Such an interpretation of this scale is caused by the mirror form of the questionnaire, according to which children evaluate their closeness to their parents, their desire to share the most intimate and important with their parents. Comparing the data of the parent and the data of the child, one can judge the accuracy of the parent's ideas, overestimation or underestimation of the child's closeness to him.

5. Rejection - the adoption of the child by the parent. This scale reflects the parent's basic attitude towards the child, his acceptance or rejection of the child's personality traits and behaviors. Acceptance of a child as a person is an important condition for the child's favorable development and self-esteem. Parental behavior can

perceived by the child as accepting or rejecting.

6. Lack of cooperation - cooperation. The presence of cooperation between parents and children perfectly reflects the nature of the interaction. Cooperation is a consequence of the child's involvement in interaction, recognition of his rights and dignity. It reflects equality and partnership in relationships.

parents and children. Lack of this can be the result of broken relationships, authoritarian, indifferent, or conniving parenting styles.

7. Disagreement - consent between the child and the parent. This scale

also describes the nature of the interaction between parent and child and reflects the frequency and degree of agreement between them in different life situations... Using two forms of the questionnaire - children and adults, it is possible to assess the degree of consent not only

on this scale, but also on all other scales, since the discrepancies between them also make it possible to judge the differences in the views of the child and the parent on the educational situation in the family.

8. Inconsistency is the consistency of the parent. The consistency of the parent is an important parameter of interaction; this scale reflects how consistent and constant the parent is in his requirements, in his attitude towards the child, in the use of punishments and rewards, etc. The inconsistency of the parent may be the result of emotional imbalance, educational uncertainty, rejecting attitude towards the child, etc.

9. The authority of the parent. The results of this scale reflect the parent's self-esteem in the sphere of his influence on the child, to what extent his opinions, actions, actions are authoritative for the child, what is the strength of their influence. Comparison with the child's data allows one to judge the degree of discrepancy in the assessments of parental authority. When children give a high assessment of the authority of a parent, then most often this means a pronounced positive attitude towards the parent as a whole, therefore the indicators on this scale are very important for diagnosing the positivity - negativity of the child's relationship to the parent, as well as indicators on the next - 10th scale. 10. Satisfaction with the relationship of the child with the parent. According to the 10th scale, one can judge the overall degree of satisfaction with the relationship between parents and children - both from one side and from the other. A low degree of satisfaction may indicate violations in the structure of parent-child relations, possible conflicts, or concern about the current family situation.

The version of the questionnaire for parents of adolescents served as the basis for compiling another form of the questionnaire - for parents of preschoolers and younger students. Some questions were changed, which turned out to be inadequate for children of this age, and two scales of the questionnaire were replaced. Instead of the scales of disagreement - consent and authority of the parent (7th and 9th scales), two new scales were introduced: 7th - anxiety for the child; 9th - educational confrontation in the family. This replacement is explained by the fact that the indicators of these scales can provide valuable information for a counselor psychologist, to whom parents turn for help and who needs more full information about the nature of upbringing in the family. Many authors draw attention to parental anxiety for the child as an important factor for understanding the occurrence of neurotic reactions in children. A.I. Zakharov also singles out as a feature of the pathogenic type of upbringing, low cohesion and disagreements among family members on upbringing, which can lead to upbringing confrontation within the family. In addition, the replacement of the 7th and 9th scales is caused by the lack of a parallel form of these scales in children's version questionnaire, since at this age it is quite difficult for children to answer questions related to their attitude to parents, and without comparison with children's data, the scales of consent and authority lose their diagnostic value.

Thus, the questionnaire "Parent-child interaction" (CPP) has three forms: one - for children and two - for adults, 60 questions each.

Instructions

4 points - generally yes;

3 points - yes and no;

2 points - more likely no than yes;

Option for teens

1. If he (a) demands something from me, he will definitely achieve it.

2. He (a) always punishes me for my bad deeds.

3. I rarely tell him (her) where I am going and when I will return.

4. He (a) considers me to be a completely independent person.

5. I can tell him (her) about everything that happens to me.

6. He (a) thinks that I will not achieve anything in life.

7. He (a) often notices flaws in me than advantages.

8. He or she often entrusts me with important and difficult tasks.

10. Sometimes he (a) can allow something that yesterday was forbidden (a).

11. I always take into account his (her) point of view.

12. I would like my future children to treat me the same way I treat him (her).

13. I rarely do what he (a) asks me to do the first time.

14. He (a) rarely scolds me.

15. He (a) tries to control all my actions and deeds.

16. Believes that the main thing is to obey him (her).

17. If I have a misfortune, first of all I share with him (her).

18. He / she does not share my hobbies.

19. He (a) does not consider me as smart and capable as he (she) would like.

20. He or she can admit that he is wrong and apologize to me.

21. He (a) often follows my lead.

22. You can never say for sure how he (a) will react to my words.

25. At home, he / she gives me more responsibilities than in the families of most of my friends.

26. It happens that he applies physical punishment to me.

27. Even if I do not want, I have to do as he (a) wants.

28. Believes that he or she knows best what I need.

29. He (a) always sympathizes with me.

30. I think he (a) understands me.

31. He (a) would like to change a lot in me.

32. When making family decisions, he / she always takes my opinion into account.

33. He (a) always agrees with my ideas and suggestions.

34. You never know what to expect from him (her).

35. He (a) is for me a standard and example in everything.

36. I believe that he (a) educates me correctly.

37. He (a) makes many demands on me.

38. By nature he is a gentle person.

39. Usually he (a) allows me to return home whenever I want.

40. He (a) seeks to protect me from the difficulties and troubles of life.

41. He (a) does not allow me to notice his (her) weaknesses and shortcomings.

42. I feel that he / she likes my character.

43. He (a) often criticizes me on trifles.

44. He (a) always listens to me readily.

46. \u200b\u200bHe (a) punishes me for such acts, which he (a) does.

47. I share most of his (her) views.

49. He (a) often makes me do what I do not want.

50. Forgives me what others would punish.

51. He (a) wants to know everything about me: what I think about, how I treat my friends, etc.

52. I do not consult with him (her) with whom to be friends.

53. I can say that he (a) is the closest person to me.

54. He (a) all the time expresses dissatisfaction with me.

55. I think he (a) welcomes my behavior.

56. He (a) takes part in the affairs that I come up with.

57. We represent my future life differently with him (her).

58. The same actions of mine can cause him (her) to reproach or praise.

59. I would like to be like him (her).

Question number

ABOUT

Question no.

ABOUT

Question no.

ABOUT

Question no.

ABOUT

Question number

ABOUT

Amount

Note: M - assessment of the mother; O is the father's assessment.

For parents of teenagers

Report the degree of agreement with the following statements on a 5-point scale. Rate the statements separately for each parent on the answer sheet: under the M for the mother, under the O for the father:

5 points - undoubtedly yes (very strong agreement);

4 points - generally yes;

3 points - yes and no;

2 points - more likely no than yes;

1 point - no (absolute disagreement).

3. He (a) rarely tells me where he is going and when he will return.

4. I consider him (her) to be a completely independent person.

7. I tell him (her) more often about his (her) shortcomings than merits.

8. I often entrust him (her) with important and difficult tasks.

9. It is difficult for us to reach mutual agreement.

10. It happens that I allow him (her) what I forbade yesterday.

11. Son (daughter) always takes my point of view into account.

12. I would like him (s) to treat his children the same way I treat him (her).

15. I try to control all his (her) actions and deeds.

21. I often follow him (her).

22. I find it difficult to predict my behavior in relation to

him (her).

24. I like our relationship with him (her).

25. At home, he or she has more responsibilities than most of his friends.

28. I think I know better what he (she) needs.

31. I would like to change a lot in him (her).

33. I always agree with his (her) ideas and suggestions.

35. I am for him (her) a standard and an example in everything.

39. I let him (her) return home when he (s) wants.

45. We disagree with him (her) on very many issues.

46. \u200b\u200bI punish him (her) for such acts that I do myself.

47. He (a) shares most of my views.

48. I get tired of everyday communication with him (her).

49. I have to force him (her) to do what he (she) does not want.

52. He (a) does not consult with me, with whom he (she) to be friends.

57. We imagine with him (her) his (her) future life in different ways.

59. I think he (she) would like to be like me.

60. I want him (s) to always treat (treat) me the same way as now.

For parents of preschoolers and younger students

5 points - undoubtedly yes (very strong agreement);

4 points - generally yes;

3 points - yes and no;

2 points - more likely no than yes;

1 point - no (absolute disagreement).

1. If I demand something from him (her), then I will definitely achieve it.

2. I always punish him (her) for bad deeds.

3. He (a) himself (a) usually decides what clothes to wear.

4. You can safely leave my child unattended.

5. The son (daughter) can tell me everything that happens to him (her).

6. I think that he (a) will not achieve anything in life.

7. I often tell him (her) about what I do not like about him (her) than I like.

8. We often do homework together.

9. I am constantly worried about the health of my child.

10. I feel that I am inconsistent in my requirements.

11. There are often conflicts in our family.

12. I would like him (s) to raise his children the same way I raise him (her).

13. He (a) rarely does what I ask the first time.

14. I very rarely scold him (her).

15. I try to control all his (her) actions and deeds.

16. I believe that the main thing for him (her) is to obey me.

17. If he (she) has a misfortune, first of all he (a) shares with me.

18. I do not share his (her) hobbies.

19. I do not consider him (her) as smart (smart) and capable (capable) as I would like.

20. I can admit that I am wrong and apologize to him (her).

21. I often think that something terrible could happen to my child.

22. It is difficult for me to predict my behavior towards him (her).

23. Raising my child would be much better if other family members did not interfere.

24. I like our relationship with her (him).

25. At home he / she has more responsibilities than most of his / her friends.

26. We have to apply physical punishment to him (her).

27. He (she) has to act as I say, even if he (she) does not want to.

28. I think I know better than him (her) what he (she) needs.

29. I always sympathize with my child.

30. I think I understand him (her).

31. I would like to change a lot in him (her).

32. When making family decisions, I always take into account his (her) opinion.

33. I think I'm an anxious mom (anxious dad).

34. My behavior is often unexpected for him (her).

35. It happens that when I punish a child, my husband (wife, grandmother, etc.) begins to reproach me for being too strict.

36. I think that on the whole I am raising my son (daughter) correctly.

37. I make a lot of demands on him (her).

38. By nature I am a gentle person.

39. I let him (her) walk alone in the yard.

40. I strive to protect him (her) from the difficulties and troubles of life.

41. I do not allow him (a) to notice (a) my weaknesses and shortcomings.

42. I like his (her) character.

43. I often criticize him (her) for little things.

44. I always readily listen to him (her).

45. I believe that it is my duty to protect him (her) from all dangers.

46. \u200b\u200bI punish him (her) for such actions that I do myself (a).

47. It happens that I unwittingly set a child against other family members.

48. I get tired of everyday communication with him (her).

49. I have to force him (her) to do what he (a) does not want.

50. I forgive him (her) for what others would punish.

51. I would like to know everything about him (her): what he (a) thinks about, how he treats his friends, etc.

52. He (a) himself (a) chooses what to do at home in his free time.

53. I think that for him (her) I am the closest person.

54. I applaud his (her) behavior.

55. I often express my dissatisfaction with him (her).

56. I take part in the affairs that he (a) comes up with.

57. I often think that someone might offend him (her).

58. It happens that I reproach and praise him (her), in essence, for the same thing.

59. It happens that if I tell him (her) one thing, then the husband (wife, grandmother, etc.) specifically says the opposite.

60. It seems to me that my relationship with the child is better than in the families of most of my friends.

Question number	Question number	Question number	Question number

Calculation and processing of the results of the questionnaire bpp

All three forms of the questionnaire (children and adults) are processed according to a similar scheme. The total number of points on each scale is calculated, taking into account whether these are direct or reverse statements. Reverse statements translate into points in this way:

Answers: 1-2 - 3 - 4 - 5.

Points: 5-4 - 3 - 2-1.

In the key blanks, the opposite questions are indicated by asterisks. Since scales 3 and 5 contain 10 statements, and not 5, as in the others, the arithmetic sum of points on these scales is divided by 2. The total score is put down in the last column of the registration form. Each line of the answer sheet belongs to one scale (see key). For example, the 1st scale includes statements: 1, 13, 25, 37, 49; to the 10th scale: 12, 24, 36, 48, 60; to the 3rd scale: 3, 4, 15, 16, 27, 28, 39, 40, 51, 52; etc.

Key to the BPR questionnaires for teens and their parents

Question number	Question number	Question number	Question number	Question number	Scale sum



					Divided by 2


					Divided by 2

Scales of the VRP questionnaire for adolescents and their parents:

2) softness-rigor;

3) autonomy-control;

4) emotional distance-closeness;

5) rejection - acceptance;

7) disagreement - consent;

10) satisfaction with the relationship with the child (with the parent).

Key to the BPR questionnaire for parents of preschoolers and primary school children

Question number	Question number	Question number	Question number	Question number	Scale sum



					Divided by 2


					Divided by 2

Scales of the VRP questionnaire for parents of preschoolers and primary schoolchildren:

1) undemanding-exactingness;

2) softness - strictness;

3) autonomy-control;

4) emotional distance - closeness;

5) rejection - acceptance;

6) lack of cooperation-cooperation;

7) anxiety for the child;

8) inconsistency-sequence;

9) educational confrontation in the family;

10) satisfaction with the relationship with the child.

Seidalieva Ainara
Parents meeting in senior group "Alphabet of interaction between parents and children"

1. Speech

A person's life can be viewed as a chain of situations. Today in various sciences, the so-called "Situational approach", who seeks to teach people to make the right decision in various situations.

So we will make the situation the subject of our conversation interaction of an adult with a child... The subject of the conversation will be situations in which actions baby for some reason we do not like it, cause anxiety, tension, irritation, etc., that is, difficult situations. In order to learn how to choose the right actions in a given situation, first of all, you need to understand what inside this situation he feels, wants, worries, understands childwhy he behaves this way.

Based on the motives of action baby, seven types of situations can be distinguished interaction between child and adult, which we will consider. Our task is to learn how to determine the type of situation, since our further actions will depend on the type of situation.

Difficult situations for yourself baby.

These are situations in which child did not knowwhat to do, did not suspect that he was doing something bad, or even was sure that he was doing well; did something by accident, by accident; could not do otherwise or was forced to do so.

The main symptom of situations: child could not(could not) to do otherwise, he himself suffers.

Let's consider an example of this type of situation.

On Sunday, an 8-year-old girl with her friend was going for a walk. Usually dad was at home, who gave her money for ice cream and sweets. But today he was not, he left on business. Dad's jacket hung on a hanger. Dad always got money out of the pocket of this jacket. The girl decided to take on her father's mission, since he himself cannot fulfill it. She was one hundred percent sure that dad would give her money, just now he is not. Without hesitation, she took the money from her pocket and went for a walk. The girl returned home in a great mood, but saw an angry father. At the door, he met her tough shout: "Thief!"... Then she heard that her father was disappointed in her, that he could no longer respect her, that she would be punished and would not go outside for two weeks, etc. Nobody asked the girl anything, she did not have time to insert a word, but very soon she could no longer speak from the resentment that stifled her

Let's think, what was the girl's fault? She did not even think that she was stealing or taking without asking. She was sure that this was her money and she took her own - after all, dad always gave her metal money from his pocket. Most likely, she did not think at all about such a phenomenon as theft, since she had never encountered it.

Why did dad react like that? He probably wanted to nip theft in the bud and believed that such a reaction would be a bright lesson for life. Perhaps he himself once suffered from theft and had a very negative attitude towards him, which made his actions so emotional.

The girl several times took money from her pocket, but she did it cunningly - she took only part of the amount so that it was invisible. Although, of course, she took risks.

Why did she do it? If she is not guilty of anything and not a thief, then why steal?

Because she was already called a thief. For everyone, she is a thief, and he called her the most dear person for her. She was very upset.

What can do childwho is very upset?

How to reduce the pain of resentment and justify the actions of your beloved dad?

Internal voltage needs to be discharged. These actions relieved the pain a little. Could she get involved in this and continue to steal? I could.

This situation is a very vivid illustration of the existing law on the degree of punishment. We use punishment to child no longer repeat the wrong actions, but the real inner force that can prevent him from repeating the wrongdoing is the feeling of guilt and the desire not to do bad things in the future, so as not to be guilty again.

Thus, in a difficult situation for baby, we do not punish him in any way, there is nothing to punish him for!

Situations with money associated with the fact that children absolutely do not understand their value are quite common. Children can take money from home and distribute it to the children, as they believe that if they just lie, then they are not needed. They can take them to play.

Adults need to be given the child needs explanations, to teach him to act correctly, to teach those skills, due to the absence of which he cannot cope with the situation today. We have nothing to scold and punish baby, there is nothing to blame him for.

Interesting that parentsHaving lost a wallet or key, they usually get upset and sympathize with themselves. But if you lost your wallet child, are often angry with him for absent-mindedness, irresponsibility, inattention, etc.

If we want to child made conclusions and acquired new abilities, we need to rely on his understanding, to include him in the activity he is aware of.

If you scold and punish, then the problem will not be solved from this, and the notoriousness, insecurity in baby will appear.

If a child performs these actions because he does not see any other way to solve his problem, then our task is to help him solve the problem.

The reason for the occurrence of a difficult baby situations can become themselves parents, them relationship... For example, children have a very hard time fighting. parents among themselves, and even more so their decision to divorce.

Also, a difficult situation for yourself baby, we can solve with the game.

1.1. Boundary check situations.

These are situations in which child tries to break the prohibitions in order to cancel or mitigate them.

From an adult child learns, what can and cannot, prohibitions and their control come from an adult. The adult sets the boundaries that cannot be crossed, and sets posts on them. But child by nature an experimenter. His psyche is looking for the most convenient and attractive options for action, and for this it checks the established boundaries for strength.

There is a special period of 2 to 4 years in the need to check borders, when child listens very carefully to the prohibitions of an adult (for example, do not touch the stove, you will burn yourself, and immediately does what is prohibited.

It turns out that the prohibitions of adults can provoke traumatic actions baby... Therefore, it is better to organize a personal acquaintance under your control. baby this age with a dangerous object.

In many families child behaves completely differently in the presence of dad and mom, with grandmother and with their parents... He experimented, tried to dictate his own terms, as a result, it worked with someone, but not with someone. According to the results child chose the line of conduct

The main task of an adult is to gently but unequivocally confirm the existence of boundaries, if necessary, once again justify their necessity and remind them of the consequences of their violation.

1.2. Adult verification situations.

Children try to test the strength of not only the boundaries, but also the adult himself. Children deliberately create a difficult situation for an adult in which he manifests himself, and they will find out how real he is.

Adults are tested for erudition, intelligence, humor, fairness and, above all, for psychological stability. Highlighted four qualities that children especially appreciate in adults man: kindness, justice, intelligence, humor. At different age levels, these qualities are ranked in importance in a different sequence.

Child-organized adult tests begin with psychological tests when the adult finds himself in an emotionally difficult situation. All this is unexpected and unpleasant for an adult and causes a storm of negative emotions in him. What will the adult do next? Will he shout, look for someone to blame, punish? All of these behaviors will indicate that the adult has not passed the test.

Very often in a situation of checking an adult, we punish baby... Can you answer question:

Why, in such a situation, we most often seek to punish baby? Maybe because we are not ready for such situations, we do not know how to maintain emotional stability and goodwill, we are afraid of unpredictability, are not able to react to a situation in which we look awkward, with humor?

1.3. Situations of emotional outburst.

These are situations of violation baby ethical norms of communication due to a difficult emotional state. Child still does not know how to cope with his feelings, cannot hide them. Being in the grip of negative emotions, he says something rude, harsh, offensive to the interlocutor.

Many children still do not know how to manage their emotions, cope with feelings, hide them.

You must understand that child and myself, having said an unpleasant word, frightened, upset. Therefore, it is better if the reaction of an adult is adequate to the situation and does not lead to an escalation of the conflict, but helps to kid, feeling that you are wrong, correct the situation. To do this, you need to use

ethical defense techniques:

1. Question for reproduction.

You pretend to hear the words baby: “I'm sorry, please, you said something, but, unfortunately, I didn't hear. Be so kind, please repeat. " Emotional intensity of the state baby dropped along with the phrase that jumped out, he is already more in control of himself and he himself is already embarrassed.

2. Contrasting merits child's actions.

We say what baby is always good(polite, kind, understanding, modest, delicate, etc., and suddenly now he showed himself as an intolerant person (harsh, rude, suspicious, distrustful, etc.)... What happened? We are waiting for an explanation.

3. Admitting guilt.

We are talking to kid: “I guess I really offended you if you declare such things to me. You just wouldn't let yourself do it. But I, unfortunately, did not notice how I offended you and when. If it's not difficult for you, please explain. "

4. Demonstration of surprise.

Adult shows to kid a strong emotional reaction to his words - surprise. Surprise suggests that we did not expect from this wonderful child of such actionsthat we are dumbfounded, unsettled and expecting from him ... Explanations? Apologies?

5. Generous forgiveness.

We just say to kidthat we forgive him. We can add nothing to these words and explain nothing. Forgiveness is important in itself.

6. Substitution of motive.

For example, your daughter was playing on the street and saw one of the boys call his grandmother. "dog"... You and your daughter quarreled and she told you shouts: "Mom, you are a dog!" Answer mom: “How interesting, and you, then, will be a puppy. How are we going to bark or talk? " Thus, the mother did not accept the use of a rude word by her daughter as an opportunity and framed game motive. The child understoodthat his mom can be called "Dog" only in the game.

7. Explanation to kid his behavior and reasons.

Using this technique contributes to enhancing emotional culture. babyhelps him learn to understand and control his emotions.

8. Delayed conversation.

This technique must be used if child severely pissed off and cannot quickly control his feelings. We just suggest to kid talk about it later: after lunch, evening or even tomorrow. It is very important that the conversation takes place and is not an instructive monologue of an adult, but a frank conversation child and parent about their feelings.

So, the adult's task is to apply an ethical defense technique that will allow to kid feel embarrassed for what you say and return communication to generally accepted cultural norms.

1.6. Situations of pedagogical conflict.

These are situations in which desires, interests, opinions are contradictory. child and adult.

Most often they are associated with the desire of an adult to force baby do something, what the child does not want to do... An adult believes that it is necessary, important, and child I do not agree with him and for some reason does not want to fulfill the requirements of an adult. A conflict arises. Most often, an adult is sure that he is right and is trying to resolve the conflict from a position of strength, that is, by threatening, intimidating. But nobody wants to obey out of fear.

We can escalate threats and child will eventually give way, but what will we actually achieve? Breaking his character, becoming an obedient performer? Lowered self-esteem? The desire to do spite on the sly? The appearance of stealth and cunning, when he will try not to do what he does not want, but secretly from parents? Negative about what he was forced to do?

Sometimes we create conflict simply because we are not concerned with what we want and do. child, seriously, we proceed only from our desires.

Situation for analysis:

Lena, 6 years old, sculpts with interest and enthusiasm in her room at the table. Mom enters the room and gives the order to immediately get ready for a walk. The girl wants to finish the job and asks to wait a bit. Outraged by the disrespect for her demands, the mother takes away the plasticine and forces her daughter to dress. "How stubborn"... The angry mother continues to say, putting on a coat and a hat on her daughter.

Why do we believe that only our circumstances are important and, even when doing a good deed for baby(while going for a walk with him, do we manage to create tension in the relationship?

Think, is what you demand really important?

If you cannot explain child soso that he understands why he needs what you demand, then you do not need to demand it. If you lack arguments, then there are none.

If you are confident that for personal development the child is vitalwhat you require, and you have the arguments, then to resolve the conflict, you must use the following technique:

It is necessary to turn the external conflict between child and adult, into an internal conflict, between a positive and a negative beginning of the baby, his promising and momentary interests.

Purpose: acquisition by parents of experience of interaction and mutual understanding with children, strengthening of emotional contact between parent and child.

Tasks:

Formation of practical skills in parents in the field of interaction with children.
Introducing parents to species "Difficult situations" interaction between an adult and a child.
To teach and form in parents the skills of correct interaction with a child in a given situation.
Increasing the level of understanding between an adult and a child.
Promoting the formation of harmonious relationships between parents and children, changing the image of the child in the perception of parents in a positive way.

Incentive material: a ball of thread, a recording with calm music, a tape recorder, situation cards, aids for parents

Meeting plan:

Greetings from parents.
Exercise "Acquaintance"
Psychologist's presentation and analysis of each type of situations
A game "Understand me"
Independent work of parents in groups
Reflection of the lesson. Summing up and handing over a memo for parents "Types of situations of interaction with a child"
Relaxation "Clearing anxiety"

Meeting progress:

1. Greetings from parents

Good evening, dear parents! Today our meeting is called "Alphabet of interaction between parents and children" . "Letters" The ABCs of parenting will be the kinds of situations that we will look at today.

2. Exercise "Acquaintance"

The psychologist invites parents to get to know each other better by passing a ball of thread. The participant who has the ball in his hands calls his name and an adjective in the first letter of the name, which characterizes him as a person. Then the ball is transferred to the next participant.

When the ball returns to the psychologist, he asks: "What does this look like?" (spider web, asterisk, etc.)

I would like to draw your attention to the fact that in life our relationship with children resembles a similar interweaving of threads.

At the end of the exercise, the ball is wound in the opposite direction, while it is necessary to repeat the name and adjective again so that all participants will remember them.

3. Speech by a psychologist.

A person's life can be viewed as a chain of situations. Today in various sciences, the so-called "Situational approach" , who seeks to teach people to make the right decision in various situations.

So we will make the situation of interaction between an adult and a child the subject of our conversation. The subject of the conversation will be situations in which the actions of the child for some reason do not like us, cause anxiety, tension, irritation, etc. difficult situations of interaction between a child and an adult. To learn how to choose the right actions in a given situation, first of all, it is necessary to understand what the child feels, wants, experiences, understands within this situation, why he behaves this way.

Based on the motives of the child's actions, seven types of situations of interaction between the child and the adult can be distinguished, which we will consider. Our task is to learn how to determine the type of situation, because our further actions will depend on the type of situation.

3. 1. Situations difficult for the child himself.

These are situations in which the child did not know what to do, did not suspect that he was doing something bad, or even was sure that he was doing well; did something by accident, by accident; could not do otherwise or was forced to do so.

The main symptom of situations: the child could not (could not) to do otherwise, he himself suffers.

Let's consider an example of this type of situation.

On Sunday, an 8-year-old girl with her friend was going for a walk. Usually dad was at home, who gave her money for ice cream and sweets. But today he was not there, he left on business. Dad's jacket hung on a hanger. Dad always got money out of the pocket of this jacket. The girl decided to take on her father's mission, since he himself cannot fulfill it. She was one hundred percent sure that dad would give her money, just now he is not. Without hesitation, she took the money from her pocket and went for a walk. The girl returned home in a great mood, but saw an angry father. At the door, he greeted her with a harsh cry: "Thief!" ... Then she heard that her father was disappointed in her, that he could no longer respect her, that she would be punished and would not go outside for two weeks, etc. No one asked the girl anything, she did not have time to insert a word, and very soon she could not speak because of the resentment that stifled her.

The girl several times took money from her pocket, but she did it cunningly - she took only part of the amount so that it was invisible. Although, of course, she took risks.

Why did she do it? If she is not guilty of anything and not a thief, then why steal?

Because she was already called a thief. For everyone, she is a thief, and he called her the most dear person for her. She was very upset.

What can a child who is very offended do?

How to reduce the pain of resentment and justify the actions of your beloved dad?

Internal voltage needs to be discharged. These actions relieved the pain a little. Could she get involved in this and continue to steal? I could.

This situation is a very vivid illustration of the existing law on the degree of punishment. We use punishment so that the child no longer repeats erroneous actions, but the real inner force that can prevent him from repeating the wrongdoing is the feeling of guilt and the desire not to do bad things in the future, so as not to be guilty again.

Thus, in a situation that is difficult for a child, we do not punish him in any way, there is nothing to punish him for!

Here is another case: A preschool girl often visited her grandmother and played with her different games, including the store. For the game, she used the money that her grandmother had in different places. Once, when she and her dad were walking home from their grandmother, she fumbled in the pocket of her dress for a piece of paper money, which she forgot to leave with her grandmother. She pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to dad. Dad was very happy and said: "Did you find the money?" Without allowing the child to insert a word, he continued: “What a clever girl! Miner! And you give it to me? Well done! We will buy something with this money! " The next time, when she came to her grandmother, the girl specially put a piece of paper money in her pocket. After all, she wanted the truck to be a breadwinner again, and for her dad to praise her again. Then my grandmother noticed that the money was missing and told her parents. Only the girl was to blame for everything. She was scolded for a long time, they said that she had disgraced her parents, and was forbidden to go to her grandmother for some time.

Let's think, what was the girl's fault? In an effort to take approved actions?

If grandmother had money in different places, why should she have guessed that she needed it?

In a situation where the girl was saving money and bought a chocolate and flowers for her parents as a gift, the parents managed to scold the girl for lying and not saying where she got the money.

Why are we so reluctant to trust the child?

Maybe this is due to some of the parents' own childhood experience or to their fears of the possible negative development of the child?

Often, the problems that we want to avoid grow out of our suspicion and distrust, and the resentment of children remains for a long time and destroys relationships with parents.

Situations of this type can be very different. Here are some more examples:

You bought your child new rubber boots. Sending him for a walk, they gave him an order not to get dirty new shoes... The child returns in wet boots. Why did this happen? Going out into the street, the child was filled with joy because of the new thing, all his attention was riveted on beautiful shiny boots. What can you do with boots? Of course, try it out of the opportunity, show the other guys what deep puddles he is not afraid of now.

Why do we punish the child?

For his joy and emotion?

Because he is still small and does not know how to restrain his desires?

What should adults do when faced with a child in such a situation? If the child simply did not know something, did not understand, did not know how, it was difficult for him, then, of course, the adult's task is to provide the child help needed... Adults need to give the child the necessary explanations, teach him to act correctly, teach those skills, due to the lack of which he cannot cope with the situation today. We have nothing to scold and punish the child for, nothing to accuse him of.

Interestingly, parents, having lost their wallet or key, are usually upset and sympathetic to themselves. But if a child has lost a wallet, they are often angry at him for absent-mindedness, irresponsibility, inattention, etc.

If we want the child to draw conclusions and acquire new abilities, we need to rely on his understanding, to include him in the activity he is aware of.

If you scold and punish, then this will not solve the problem, and the child will become insecure and insecure.

If a child performs these actions because he does not see any other way to solve his problem, then our task is to help him solve the problem.

The reason for the emergence of a difficult situation for a child can be the parents themselves, their relationship. For example, children are very upset by quarrels between their parents, and even more so their decision to divorce.

Also, a situation that is difficult for the child himself, we can solve with the help of the game.

3. 2. Situations in the game.

These are game situations, i.e. children are just playing, but what happens in the game, we would like to change.

If what the children are doing conflicts with our adult affairs, for example, with the need to go somewhere, do something necessary for us to do, then the easiest way is to rebuild the children by entering game situation through taking on the role appropriate to the game and directing events in the right direction.

Children are enthusiastic about connecting an adult to the game, as he brings new ideas into it, develops the plot of the game, it is more interesting with him.

Adults often do not consider what the child is doing, and only consider their adult affairs important. Therefore, parents insist that all games be stopped due to lunch, the need to sleep and other moments. Although it is not at all difficult to enter the game and influence its development in the right direction.

Analysis situation:

1. Lenya rides a bicycle around the apartment, imagining himself to be the driver of a big car. Mom calls for food, Lenya refuses, since he has not finished delivering the cargo.

Solution: Mom takes a plate of porridge, sits on the sofa and says: “Comrades drivers, drive your vehicles into the park. A mobile canteen has arrived at your place. We are waiting for you" ... Lenya "Arrives" to the sofa, puts the car bike "to the park" , not forgetting to close the doors with the key and turn on the alarm. Lenya ate calmly, after which he continued his flight by car. Everyone is happy.

2. My niece is 5 years old. Very often, while playing, she forgets about everything. Once I was visiting them, gathered to have supper, called Alina to the table. And she plays Alcoa the dog: she runs on all fours with a leash, barks, does not react to the words of adults. Dad began to scold his daughter, the situation escalated.

Solution: I tell her: "Alka, come with me to wash your paws, they are dirty" ... I take it by the leash, she runs with joyful barking into the bathroom. Washing "Paws" , I say: "Come on soon, otherwise your bones in the bowl are getting cold" ... Alya runs to the table.

The child can immerse himself in the game under the influence of a book, film, cartoon, which made a strong impression on him.

For example, five-year-old Denis is very fond of cartoon The Lion King , he looks a lot and begins to get used to the image of a lion, to his actions and deeds. It's time to go to bed, and he lies on the floor like the hero of this cartoon. Mom tries to talk to him, he only growls in response.

What to do? You cannot destroy the emotional responsiveness of the boy, his deep experience of the events of the cartoon. The simplest thing is to take on the role of one of the cartoon characters and come up with a situation in which Leo goes to bed on the bed prepared for him. For example, the evil queen invites him to lie on a sacrificial stone. By the way, in the cartoon, the characters speak a human language, so his mother reminds him that he is the Lion King, who can speak, and begins to communicate with him.

One of the problems with children's participation in play is the desire to play for real. This aspiration is a lot of trouble for an adult and can lead to serious danger. For example, two boys were playing Indians at home. Wanting to do everything for real, the children made an Indian fire right on the floor in the room. Fortunately, my mother turned out to be at home, who did not allow the tragedy to take place.

Playing as a doctor, children are trying to really, piercing the skin, to give an injection; buttons and mosaic details are swallowed as tablets. Therefore, our task is to explain to the child the need to play pretend, since play is a convention, the play itself does not imply actions for real. When we play, we are transported from ordinary reality into a conventional fictional world.

3. 3. Border verification situations.

These are situations in which the child tries to break the prohibitions in order to cancel or soften them.

From an adult, a child learns what is and is not allowed; from an adult comes prohibitions and their control. The adult sets the boundaries that cannot be crossed, and sets posts on them. But the child is by nature an experimenter. His psyche is looking for the most convenient and attractive options for action, and for this it checks the established boundaries for strength.

A 4-year-old girl heard on the street how a boy said to dad: "Daddy, you are a goat" ... She wanted to know if it was okay to say that to her dad. Intuitively, she understood that her dad was unlikely to consider such treatment acceptable. Therefore, when she came home and shouted the phrase she had heard to dad, she ran to the toilet and closed herself in it. Dad reacted violently negatively, although he did not break the toilet door. The boundaries were set.

There is a special period from 2 to 4 years in the need to check boundaries, when the child listens very carefully to the prohibitions of the adult. (for example, do not touch the stove, you will burn yourself), and immediately does what is prohibited.

It turns out that the prohibitions of adults can provoke traumatic actions of the child. Therefore, it is better to organize under your control a personal acquaintance of a child of this age with a dangerous object.

In many families, the child behaves completely differently in the presence of his father and mother, with his grandmother and with his parents. He experimented, tried to dictate his own terms, as a result, it worked with someone, but not with someone. In accordance with the results, the child chose the line of behavior.

Here's an example of such a situation:

“They bought Lena elegant patent leather shoes. The next morning she is going to kindergarten.

Lena: I'll put on new shoes.

Mom: No, Helen, we have already agreed, these are shoes for holidays and for guests.

Lena: No, I want it today! (Starts to cry)

Dad: Don't be upset, we'll figure something out. Mom, maybe just one time?

Mom: No, I don't agree. The child must learn to take care of expensive things.

Lena cries harder and declares: Then I won't go to kindergarten at all.

Grandma appears.

Grandma: What happened again? Again, you upset the child in the morning! Come to me, girl, tell me who offended you. Oh, shoes? I'll buy you others today, you will wear them when you want ... "

What experience does the child get in this situation? The experience of pressure on people with the help of tears and threats, whining and extortion, the experience of maneuvering between adults.

Even if one adult does not agree with the demands of the other, in a situation of interaction with a child it is better to remain silent, and then, already without a child, discuss the disagreements and try to come to a common opinion.

There are families in which the rules change depending on the mood of the parents. What was impossible today is possible tomorrow, but the day after tomorrow it will not be possible again. In such a family, the child feels life as an adult's arbitrariness and learns to guess and use his mood.

So, what should an adult do when a child tests boundaries?

You need to respond calmly and kindly, realizing that such experimentation is normal behavior for an active child.

The main task of an adult is to gently but unequivocally confirm the existence of boundaries, if necessary, once again justify their necessity and remind them of the consequences of their violation.

3. 4. Situations of verification of an adult.

Adults are tested for erudition, intelligence, humor, fairness and, above all, for psychological stability. Four qualities that children especially value in an adult are singled out: kindness, justice, intelligence, humor. At different age levels, these qualities are ranked in importance in a different sequence.

Very often in a situation of checking an adult, we punish the child. Can you answer the question:

Why, in such a situation, do we most often seek to punish the child? Maybe because we are not ready for such situations, we do not know how to maintain emotional stability and goodwill, we are afraid of unpredictability, are not able to react to a situation in which we look awkward, with humor?

Analysis situation:

1. A little girl was staying with her aunt. Once, when her aunt was putting her to bed, she called her a cow. The girl thought that in response, her aunt would start cursing.

Solution: Aunt said: "And you - gold fish!» ... Then the girl again called her a cow, and in response she heard an affectionate word. Thus, the aunt turned everything into a joke, which the girl liked. Later, as they put them to bed, they played, calling each other with affectionate words.

2. Christina at the age of 5 decided to check how her mother would behave if she hid. At the same time, she opened the door to the stairs so that my mother would think that she was gone. Mom discovered that the child was gone. The search led nowhere. She was very scared. Mom found Christina by chance after 30-40 minutes. Christina was scared, realizing that the game had gone too far, but she herself could no longer stop it.

Solution: Mom did not punish Christina, realizing that the girl had already been punished with her fear. When they both calmed down, they talked calmly, but with tears in their eyes. Mom told the girl that she loved her very much and was terribly scared of losing her. Christina was silent, hugged her mother, and then said: “I wanted to see how you look for me. Forgive me mommy " ... The girl did not do that again.

So, the task of an adult is to allow the child to check and be able to pass the checks, i.e. demonstrate the quality they are tested for, while maintaining a friendly attitude towards children.

3. 5. Situations of emotional outburst.

These are situations of violation of ethical norms of communication by a child due to a difficult emotional state. The child does not yet know how to cope with his feelings, he cannot hide them. Being in the grip of negative emotions, he says something rude, harsh, offensive to the interlocutor.

Many children still do not know how to manage their emotions, cope with feelings, hide them. For example,

A 5-year-old girl Tonya, being with her grandfather, is trying to assemble a picture from pieces of a mosaic. She does it badly, she starts to cry. The grandfather, who loves his granddaughter, invites her to postpone the mosaic and continue work later, to which Tonya says: "Leave me alone, you old fool!" ... The grandfather is offended and does not talk to his granddaughter in the future.
Mom's acquaintance holds out four year old child "Candy" , which is bread wrapped in a wrapper. The boy unwrapped the candy and, upon finding the contents, was upset and said: "Uncle, are you a fool?"

Solution: In this case, mom needs to help the child and not offend the guest. We can say the following: “Seryozha, don't be offended. In childhood, we also played each other like that. Our guest hoped that you would understand that this was a joke. Take another candy " .

3. In a fit of anger, a three-year-old boy told his mother: "I'll kill you and bury you in a hole!" .

You need to understand that the child himself, having said an unpleasant word, is frightened, upset. Therefore, it is better if the reaction of an adult is adequate to the situation and does not lead to an escalation of the conflict, but helps the child, feeling that he is wrong, to correct the situation. To do this, you need to use

methods of ethical protection:

1. Question for reproduction.

You pretend that you didn't hear the child's words: “I'm sorry, please, you said something, but unfortunately I didn't hear. Be so kind, please repeat. " ... The emotional intensity of the child's state decreased along with the phrase that jumped out, he is already more in control of himself and he himself is already embarrassed.

2. Opposing the child's merits to his actions.

We say which child is always good (polite, kind, understanding, humble, delicate, etc.), and suddenly now he showed himself as an intolerant person (harsh, rude, suspicious, distrustful, etc.)... What happened? We are waiting for an explanation.

3. Admitting guilt.

We tell the child: “I guess I really offended you if you tell me such things. You just wouldn't let yourself do it. But, unfortunately, I didn’t notice how I offended you and when. If it's not difficult for you, please explain " .

4. Demonstration of surprise.

The adult shows the child a strong emotional reaction to his words - surprise. Surprise suggests that we did not expect such actions from this wonderful child that we are dumbfounded, unsettled and expect from him ... Explanations? Apologies?

5. Generous forgiveness.

We just tell the child that we forgive him. We can add nothing to these words and explain nothing. Forgiveness is important in itself.

6. Substitution of motive.

For example, your daughter was playing on the street and saw one of the boys call his grandmother. "dog" ... You and your daughter had a fight and she shouts to you: "Mom, you are a dog!" Mom's answer: “How interesting, and you, then, will be a puppy. How are we going to bark or talk? " Thus, the mother did not accept the use of a rude word by her daughter as an opportunity and substituted a play motive. The child realized that his mother can be called "Dog" only in the game.

7. Explaining to the child his behavior and reasons.

Using this technique contributes to enhancing the emotional culture of the child, helps him learn to understand and control his emotions.

8. Delayed conversation.

This technique must be used if the child is very angry and cannot quickly cope with his feelings. We simply invite the child to talk about it later: after lunch, in the evening, or even tomorrow. It is very important that the conversation takes place and is not an instructive monologue of an adult, but a frank conversation between a child and a parent about their feelings.

So, the task of an adult is to apply an ethical defense technique that will allow the child to feel embarrassed for his words and return communication to generally accepted cultural norms.

3. 6. Situations of pedagogical conflict.

These are situations in which the desires, interests, opinions of the child and the adult are contradictory.

Most often they are associated with the desire of an adult to force the child to do something that the child does not want to do. An adult believes that this is necessary, important, but the child does not agree with him and for some reason does not want to fulfill the requirements of an adult. A conflict arises. Most often, an adult is sure that he is right and is trying to resolve the conflict from a position of strength, i.e. threatening, intimidating. But nobody wants to obey out of fear.

We can escalate threats and the child will eventually yield, but what are we really going to achieve? Breaking his character, becoming an obedient performer? Lowered self-esteem? The emergence of a desire to spite on the sly? The emergence of secrecy and cunning, when he will try not to do what he does not want, but secretly from his parents? Negative about what he was forced to do?

Sometimes we create conflict simply because we do not take what the child wants and does, seriously, we proceed only from our desires.

Analysis situation:

Lena, 6 years old, sculpts with interest and enthusiasm in her room at the table. Mom enters the room and gives the order to immediately get ready for a walk. The girl wants to finish the job and asks to wait a bit. Outraged by the disrespect for her demands, the mother takes away the plasticine and forces her daughter to dress. "How stubborn" ... The angry mother continues to say, putting on a coat and a hat on her daughter.

Why do we believe that only our circumstances are important and even doing a good deed for the child (going for a walk with him), do we manage to create tension in the relationship?

Think, is what you demand really important?

If you cannot explain to your child so that he understands why he needs what you demand, then you don’t need to demand it. If you are missing arguments, then there are none.

If you are sure that what you require is vitally important for the development of the child's personality, and you have the arguments, then the following technique should be used to resolve the conflict:

It is necessary to turn an external conflict between a child and an adult, into an internal conflict, between the positive and negative principles of the child himself, his promising and momentary interests.

For example, your child refuses to put away toys before bed. You tell him: “I understand that you are tired, but after all, you are a strong-willed person and have repeatedly shown your ability to do what is needed, overcoming fatigue. I believe that my wonderful son will cope with the situation today ” .

Thus, we turn to the positive side of the child's personality, demonstrate faith in his ability to cope with himself and put him in a situation of choice: to overcome his weakness or surrender to her today.

The task of an adult in a conflict situation is to make sure that the child has the desire we need, that he himself wants to be good.

Sometimes you need to retreat temporarily, to yield. What for? To give the opportunity for circumstances that do not suit you, spontaneously develop to such an extent that in a new situation the motive you need appears in the child.

3. 7. Situations of misconduct.

These are situations in which the child knows that he is doing badly, that he cannot do this, but he does it anyway.

Why does the child do what is prohibited? There may be various reasons for this. To understand the child and help him in the future not to commit misconduct, it is very important to find out these reasons and help the child not to depend on them.

In this case, the reasons are those motives that induce him to commit an offense.

The main motives for committing misconduct:

Satisfaction of vital needs.
The power of desire.
Self-interest, the desire to have money, things.
Striving to be no worse than others (meet the requirements of the reference group).
Striving to be accepted by the group.
Enhancing your prestige and status.
Desire to try.
Striving to test yourself in a risk situation.
The desire to prove their courage in a situation where the child "Take on the weak" .
Seeking attention.
Actions "Out of spite" .
In order to restore justice.
"As everyone" or for the company.
For fear of blackmailers.
To achieve positive social goals.

Thus, the motives for committing an offense can be very different. These motives include positive, negative and neutral.

If the motive is negative (2, 3, 4, 9, 11, 13, 14) , then we need to help the child get rid of it.

If the motive is positive (12, 14) or neutral, then the child must be taught to satisfy him in socially acceptable ways: not through an offense, but through an act.

So, the task of an adult in a situation of misconduct is to find out the motive for committing it. If the child does not name the motive (Answers: "I dont know" ) , then, perhaps, he is embarrassed to admit, because many of the motives have a negative meaning from the point of view of ethics, or he himself does not fully realize why he did so. Disagree when a child says he did it "just" that there is no motive: everything has its reasons.

Punishment in a misconduct situation can be a demonstration of upset parents. J.J. Rousseau proposed this method of punishment - the method of natural consequences. In this method, the child who has committed an offense experiences the discomfort caused by the consequences of the offense. For example, if he broke a chair, there is no need to rush to get him a new one. Let him live with a broken chair for a while.

You and I must understand that a child has the right to make mistakes, but it is important to help him, "Turn prank into wisdom" , as Amonashvili writes, i.e. comprehend the experience gained and learn not to repeat mistakes.

Knowing the motives and reasons for the child's behavior, we can determine the type of situation, and then, in accordance with this, choose a model of our behavior.

4. Game "Understand me"

I suggest you relax a little and play a game "Understand me" ... Your task is to determine how the child feels when pronouncing the proposed phrases.

Baby says Baby feels

Look, dad, I made a plane from a new constructor! Pride. Satisfaction.

I'm not happy. I do not know what to do. Boredom, stumped.

All the children play, but I have no one. Loneliness, abandonment.

I can do it. I don’t need help. Confidence, independence.

Go away, leave me alone. I don't want to talk to anyone. Pain, anger, resentment, feelings of dislike.

I can not. I try, but I can't. Should you try? Disappointment, desire to quit.

I am glad that my parents are you and dad, and not others. Approval, gratitude, joy.

5. Determining the type of situations

Parents are divided into 4 teams. Receive cards with different situations written on them. Their task is to determine the type of situations.

One day in winter, the boys decided to play "War" ... Along the road, the tractor cleared the snow off the roadside. The snowdrifts served as both cover and ammunition for the boys. They began to sculpt lumps of snow and throw them into passing cars, representing them as enemy tanks, and themselves as partisans. (Situation in the game)
Seryozha went to kindergarten with a new beautiful and not cheap typewriter. Returned from kindergarten he is without her. When asked where the car is, happy child handed dad a box containing a live horned beetle, and explained that he had exchanged a car for a beetle. (A difficult situation for a child)
They built in the country new house... The father, working on the second floor, periodically asked his son for 10 years to bring and serve him one or the other. The child ran to the barn and brought what was needed. The father shouted another request to his son. The son did not understand, he asked again, then again and again. Without understanding what was required of him, he shouted to his father: "Why are you yelling like a fool, you better go down and tell!" ... Father did come down, but not to repeat the request. (Situation of emotional outburst)
Mom bought new cosmetics for gifts in the store, put the purchases on the shelf and warned girls three and five years old not to touch them. Returning after a while, she saw that the girls had tried all the cosmetics, ruining the packaging. It was impossible to give gifts. (Misconduct situation)
My 4 year old baby, like all children, loves to play with his toys, but does not like to put them away. We have a certain agreement with him: if he wants to watch cartoons, he must first put all the toys in place. Sometimes, before he has assembled the toys, he plays his favorite cartoon cassette. (Boundary check situation)
As a child, I spent a lot of time with my great-grandmother. She loved me very much, spoiled me, we often laughed with each other, made fun of each other. At some point, I stopped perceiving her as a person who is much older than me, began to perceive her as a friend. I was curious to know if my grandmother could become a real girlfriend. This concept for me included not only telling secrets, but also a familiar attitude. Once I had to call my grandmother, and after thinking, I shouted: "Hey, grandma!" . (Adult verification situation)
The school will host a drawing competition based on P. Bazhov's fairy tales. We need to draw an illustration. Tanya draws well, but refuses to take part in the competition, arguing that she does not want to do it. The teacher tries to force Tanya to take part in the exhibition, emphasizing that the student's duty is to take part in the life of the school. (Situation of pedagogical conflict)
Reflection. Summing up the results of the lesson and handing out a memo for parents "Types of situations of interaction with a child"
Relaxation "Clearing anxiety"

Title: (presentation to the parents' meeting on Wed. group DOW)
Year: 2010
Pages: 25
Format: presentation in ppt format (rar archive)
Size: 5.84 Mb
Good quality

Life is replete with situations in which the child needs to make decisions on his own. How to teach a child to do it right?

The main sign of the situation is that the child could not (did not know how) to act otherwise, he himself suffers.

Difficult situations for the child himself:

Situations in which the child did not know what to do, did not suspect that he was doing something bad, or even was sure that he was doing well;
Did something by accident, by accident;
I could not do otherwise, or was forced to do so.

Required adult actions

Give the child the necessary explanations
Teach a child to act correctly, teach those skills, due to the lack of which he cannot cope with the situation today
If a child performs these actions because he does not see any other way to solve his problem, then you need to help him solve the problem

The content of the presentation " The ABC of parent-child interaction«.

Situational approach
Difficult situations for the child himself
The main symptom of situations:
Required adult actions:
Situations in the game
Boundary check situations
Adult verification situations
Emotional outburst situations
Ethical defense techniques
Situations of pedagogical conflict
Misconduct situations
The main motives for committing misconduct
Natural consequences method
Types of situations of interaction with a child

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