Fu blah! I read everything! I will write a very long post, I hope you, the author, show patience and find time to read it.
I am younger than you, not much, but nevertheless. I have no such experience, so I think only theoretically.
In my opinion, there are only 2 options: stay and leave. Each has its own pros and cons.
Option 1. Stay.
- you really love this person and for this reason you want to maintain a relationship with him (with his mutual desire to save your family). Reasons from the category “what will people say”, “oh, how embarrassing in front of the people” at the age of 48 should not even appear in my head.
- if you are completely financially dependent on him and without him you really go around the world
- if you can tolerate having a baby
- if you are physically dependent on him. What I mean. Many women simply do not know how to live alone. They do not know how to get to the clinic, where to run, if the pipes have broken or the tap has flowed or something else has happened from everyday problems, they are used to the fact that everything is bought / decided / got by a man. Often such women simply do not know how to solve problems, the smallest and at first sight easy ones, but they do not know HOW to do it, since the husband was engaged in it.
- you do not have reliable close girlfriends, friends, relatives, children, on whom you can rely and trust them completely.
- if you do not have your own life, work, hobbies, hobbies, an interesting and busy life (you sit at home and do nothing except cleaning and watching TV), or all this will be lost if you leave.
If all or part of this is present, you should stay. Can you survive alone? Financially? In everyday life? Psychologically? Answer yourself, there is no need here (on the internet, oddly enough, and despite the anonymity, many still embellish reality, sort of like complacency).
Option 2. Leave.
This option suits you if:
- you are financially independent (you have your own, independent of your husband, work, living space, savings, investments, etc.), that is, everything that will allow you to live comfortably (just comfortable, not under a bridge) alone (or freely ).
- you know how to live alone (I don’t understand women who, after divorce / separation, tease their husband “fix it”, “I’ve got it broken”), that is, you are ready to solve your problems YOURSELF, and not hang them on your ex-husband by that time , relatives, friends, children. Children, relatives, friends can help you, but only minimally. You have your own free life.
- you will never accept the presence of a child (he will not go anywhere, unlike his mistress)
- you have people who will support you, especially at first.
- you have an interesting life, independent of your husband (or you can easily organize it) - excursions, walks, exhibitions, galleries, theaters, cinema, travel (that is, that will allow you not to get depressed or hang yourself from loneliness).
If you decide to stay, the question arises, what to do with the child. I see it this way. The husband must help him financially. But I would not have tolerated his teasing with him .. If you can close your eyes to this, while having a comfortable life, then go ahead. But I would raise the question of his meetings with his mistress. They must naturally stop. But in this case, you will have to rely on his "word of honor". Dig into the memory - whether he had any other hobbies, even the most light ones, what he is with friends, whether he lies / deceives his partners, whether he steals, whether he gets out with lies in business. If so, then he is a liar in life and will not change, such is his character, and with age, his character is only shown brighter. I would not trust such a person. But you know him better and you know whether to trust him or not.
By the way, you once mentioned that you feel sorry for your grandson, that he is deprived of the attention of his grandfather. That is, he is not interested in him and does not communicate, or is he, after all that happened, not allowed to communicate? If they do not give it, this is the biggest nonsense! Let him talk, play, talk. From time to time he will understand that a grandson is much easier. Parents of grandchildren usually do not require increased attention to their child, do not complain, but are only immensely happy if they can relax and walk together for at least half an hour while grandfather and a woman are busy with their grandson, therefore scandals from the category of "why do you pay little attention to your child?" it will not arise with a grandson, but with a child and a mistress it may, and in the end he will go over to his grandson, and with that child, only financial relations will remain.
If you decide to leave, then the main thing is not to sprinkle ashes on your head. 48 years is not the end of life. Someone already wrote - I don't need anyone. Do you really need someone? Think not that you are alone, but that you are free! Life is what we think about it. Look for the positive in everything. Sorry for 30 years? Well, remember all the good things that happened. They, too, were not naprvsno. And only the best awaits you. When the head comes to a calm state, think about everything that has been written to you here. And choose the option that suits YOU the most. Good luck, strength and health!
In modern society, an illegitimate child has long ceased to occupy the shameful place of an outcast, his individual rights are enshrined in law and must be respected equally by the legitimate. But despite the legally enshrined rights and obligations of this category, there is an opinion among the people that outside of marriage, babies are not protected in any way, they will remain at the mercy of fate and cannot count on the help of their father, just like their mothers. What to do if an illegitimate child appears? Let's try to clarify the situation from the point of view of law and psychology.
The rights of children born out of wedlock under the law
Illegitimate is a slightly outdated word, but it accurately reflects the essence of the concept when a baby is born from parents who did not register their marriage at the time of his birth.
The situation arises for various reasons. This may be a second family, which, according to our laws, cannot be registered, the couple's unwillingness to marry, and even any mercantile considerations (housing, hereditary issues, social benefits, etc.).
And yet, married or not, the baby needs paperwork, and hence the patronymic.
The disputed paternity issue is usually resolved in several ways:
- the father and mother together submit documents to the registry office, recognizing their paternity and motherhood, the child receives a patronymic, the surname of the father or mother, the parents - the corresponding marks in their passports (sometimes at the same time couples finally register a marriage if they are aimed at the family);
- in case of refusal of paternity, motherhood is recorded according to the mother's words, and paternity is established in court, and the main fact will be DNA analysis;
- in case of refusal of paternity and the impossibility of establishing the identity of the father, the court allows the mother to give at her discretion a first and middle name, as well as her last name;
- also, the court may authorize the issuance of a patronymic by a relative or guardian, if paternity cannot be established.
When paternity is established in court, alimony is charged - a monthly maintenance fee from the father until the first comes of age. In the case of voluntary recognition, an oral or written agreement may be concluded between the parents on how much and in what form the father will help financially.
Then it is possible to agree on the non-material participation of the father in upbringing - walks, joint weekends, etc.
With a court-established or voluntarily recognized paternity, the child becomes a relative of the first degree, which means that he can claim the inheritance in the same way as children who appeared in a legal marriage.
If there are any, then the law makes them equal in legal rights to the parent's property. Thus, in our country today, illegitimate children have the maximum legal protection of their interests.
What kind of alimony can you expect?
According to the law of the Russian Federation, a man recorded in a birth certificate as a father is obliged to pay a monthly amount for the maintenance of children in the following amount: for one - ¼ of total income (from all sources), for two - 1/3 of income.
Please note that the executive service simply does not have the ability to enforce payments if the defendant's income before the court is not officially recorded.
In fact, a well-off, but officially unemployed man in practice often turns out to be free from such a burden, and if his personal plans do not include alimony, but on the contrary, he is going to hide from them, then it is almost impossible to legally achieve at least irregular payments.
The executive service does not have the right to track bank accounts in cases of a non-criminal nature, which means that the solvency of a certain person cannot be proved without information on income provided to them. Alimony for an illegitimate child is a sore subject for many mothers, because in life it turns out that you can count on help only if the man himself is determined to do so.
Let's look at the situation from the other side, through the eyes of a man's wife, who burdened the family budget with replenishment on the side. If the wife is an understanding, sympathetic and kind person, then she argues that the baby is not to blame for the current situation and deserves his or her father to help, provide, and educate as much as possible.
But this does not always happen, because we are talking about treason, and wives often give an ultimatum - forgive me if you break all ties and don’t give a dime. At the same time, the illegitimate child of her husband will not receive neither mercy nor justice, because such spouses unequivocally consider alimony as a means that a walking man completely unfairly tears off families.
The indignation is intensified by the thought that the mistress will buy herself new things and make repairs with the family's money, and not just food for her offspring.
Thus, if a man is legally married and has offspring from his mistress, but does not intend to support two families, then the prospect of alimony melts before our eyes. Most likely, he and his wife will do everything possible so that the illegitimate child and his mother do not get anything.
Such a situation must be foreseen and resolved amicably, in court or with the involvement of a third party for discussion - relatives, lawyers for negotiations. There is a weak, but still, hope that the deceived wife will step over her anger and resentment and stop hindering her husband's fatherly duties.
"I want to see the child!" - what to do?
In addition to material participation in upbringing, fathers sometimes wish, admitting persistently, to raise their child, see, walk, take to the circus, take them to the village, to the dacha, on weekends or vacations, and also make important decisions on an equal basis with the mother.
Morally, such feelings are more acceptable and natural than a complete ignorance of one's own child, but here psychological difficulties may arise. After all, there is no talk of a full-fledged family, which means that emotional trauma on both sides is inevitable.
We will have to decide once and for all what the further personal relations between the father and mother will be - they cohabit, they have a guest marriage, lovers without obligations, or simply people bound by the same goal who want to jointly raise and put a son or daughter on their feet.
It is especially difficult to decide on a particular format of relations if the mother or father already has a family. The spouse may perceive a wife's illegitimate child no less painfully than wives perceive the offspring of her husband's infidelity.
Children, as a rule, live with their mother, grow up in her home and family, so some men who have received a wife's illegitimate child for the support and upbringing, out of pride or to avoid mental anguish, prohibit not only accepting help from the father, but also any contact with him. Formally, they do not have the right to do this, but in life their will sometimes plays a major role.
For the sake of a comfortable atmosphere at home, women refuse to meet an illegitimate son or daughter with a father and cut off all ties.
Russian legislation today provides equal rights in receiving money from parents of both ordinary children who were born in a registered marriage and illegitimate children. This means that an illegitimate child can receive alimony from a parent who does not share the same living space with him. But the payment of the required amounts in this case has many additional aspects.
Sometimes people who are in a civil marriage can no longer live together and disperse. The attitude towards illegitimate offspring may be different, but the decision whether to provide alimony is made by the common-law husband, or the wife, who now lives separately from the baby. Who and under what conditions can qualify for payments? What to do for a parent to pay child support
Husband's illegitimate child
Will the husband pay child support if his mistress has children with him? If the mistress decides to give birth, and the father's name is not indicated in the birth documents, the husband's paternity will have to be proven through a lawsuit. Often, the husband has no desire to pay alimony, and in order for the illegitimate offspring to receive them, the mother must go to court with a subsequent medical examination and proceedings. This situation provides for two ways of development: amicable agreement of the parties (joint submission of the necessary documents to the registry office) and judicial (DNA test, on the basis of which the court issues the main verdict in the case, other documents as evidence that the husband is the father).
What are the rights of an illegitimate child?
It is necessary to find out what rights an illegitimate offspring has from the very beginning. The first right that the legislation of the Russian Federation grants to illegitimate children is the right to receive alimony from the biological parent, if his identity is established. The amount of money is set in court and is expected to be paid until the age of majority. The second right is a mandatory share from the inheritance of the established parent, and the inheritance is obtained on equal terms with other persons of the first order. Children born out of wedlock have the rights to everything available to children who are fortunate enough to be born in marriage, privileges in a legal and financial context.
Read about who and on what grounds can take a child abroad.
If you need permission from the father to take the child to Turkey, read
Alimony for an illegitimate child
To answer the question whether a mistress can demand alimony for an illegitimate child, it is enough to familiarize yourself with the current legislation of the Russian Federation, the relevant articles and provisions of which equalize the rights to receive regular cash payments from a parent, illegitimate and "ordinary" heirs, and this definitely means "Yes" ... If no agreement has been reached and the father refuses to pay child support, it can be obtained through a court order.
An application for alimony from a common-law husband or lover must be drawn up in the appropriate order:
- The main proof document is DNA examination.
- Testimonies of relatives, neighbors, acquaintances.
- Joint photographs and letters where the fact of paternity is mentioned.
- Shop receipts that indicate the man bought something for the baby.
The court must submit any documentation that somehow confirms the paternity of the man.
In the event that the husband recognizes the fact of his paternity and is ready to pay alimony to his mistress, (or returns back to a civil marriage with it), the following documents must be provided:
- Identification.
- Copies of birth certificate and marriage registration.
- Father's income statement.
- Certificate from the place of residence, which confirms the fact of maintenance only by means of the mother.
How much should a man pay to an illegitimate child - the amount of payments?
The court sets the amount of payments that the husband will be required to pay monthly, based on 1/4 of the total income from all registered sources. Two children - 1/3 of the income, and so on. Important: the collection of specific amounts for alimony cannot be carried out by the executive service if the man's income is not registered at the official level, thus, a completely wealthy, but nowhere officially unemployed husband can evade payments; tracing of the defendant's banking operations is not provided for by law.
The amount of money can be fixed, or as a percentage of income. A fixed amount is established by the court if:
- An amicable agreement has been established between the parents.
- The father has no regular income.
- Other objective reasons indicating the impossibility or difficulty of timely payments.
Preference in receiving funds in the form of a percentage is given in the case of:
- If the son or daughter accounts for 1/4 of all husband's income, and for two children - respectively 2/4.
- If the total amount of alimony reaches half of the husband's salary.
The payment of fixed amounts is established in accordance with the material and marital status of the parties. Alimony is awarded for payment directly from the moment the plaintiff goes to court. Cash payments for the previous period (twelve months or three years maximum) may be collected retroactively.
Can an illegitimate child claim an inheritance?
Despite the fact that the Civil Code of the Russian Federation provides for the priority of the right to inherit precisely from children, only a son or daughter recognized by a husband during his lifetime can receive an established part of the inheritance. Important: if the husband in his will has already divided the property at his own discretion, the entire inheritance is divided in accordance with this document; in case of minority or incapacity for work of children out of wedlock, they have the right to receive their share regardless of the information in the husband's will. To prove kinship with a deceased who has not acknowledged his paternity, it is necessary to undergo an appropriate examination.
https://uborshizzza.livejournal.com/2019/02/01/
I came across a map showing the percentage of illegitimate children by country.
A very interesting picture. I didn’t find the map, but here are other images.
In France - 50% out of wedlock; in Norway -54% out of wedlock; Iceland -66% out of wedlock, in the northern regions of England and in Scotland, almost 60% of children are born out of wedlock; in Sweden - 54.2; in Norway - 55%; Bulgaria - 56%; Estonia - 59.7%; Belgium - 49%; Latvia - 43.7%; Netherlands - 43.3%; Hungary - 42%; Czech Republic - 41%.
But there are those in the EU. Who has a small and medium percentage of children born out of wedlock: in Greece - 5%; Cyprus - 15%; Italy - 21%.
Extramarital births are much less common in Asia: in 1998, their percentage in Japan was 1.4%, Israel - 3.1%, China - 5.6%, Uzbekistan - 6.4%. However, in some countries it is noticeably higher: in Kazakhstan - 21%, in Kyrgyzstan - 24%.
The countries of North America and Oceania are still in the middle - the number of children born out of wedlock is growing rapidly, but so far it is below 50%. In the United States, 72% of children born to black women and 66% of children born to Indian women are children born out of wedlock. For comparison, the rate is lower among white women at 29%, while among Asian American women it is 17%.
As for the countries of Latin America, Colombia has the highest birth rates of children out of wedlock - 84%, followed by Peru - 76% and Nicaragua - 72%; in Chile - 70.7%, in Paraguay - 70%, in Peru - 69%, in Brazil - 65.8%, in the Dominican Republic - 63%, in Mexico - 55%.
In Africa, these rates vary greatly. For example, in Nigeria, illegitimate birth is 6%, and in South Africa - 63% of children.
In Russia - 21% are born out of wedlock. And in Ukraine the same number.
By comparison, in the 1940s, only 4% of children were born out of wedlock.
It is very difficult to say what these changes are connected with. It is clear that with the crisis of the traditional family, but how exactly?
One of the reasons is the full equalization of rights for children born in and out of wedlock.
Another reason was the social benefits for single mothers. After all, many are actually married, but do not register it. The head of the demographic research group at the Pew Research Center, Gretchen Livingston, says that, for example, almost 60% of children born out of wedlock do not live with a single mother, but in families where the parents are not in formal relations.
More children born out of wedlock in disadvantaged sectors of society and among ethnic minorities.
Also an important factor influencing the growing rates of illegitimate birth and child rearing are homosexual couples who either do not want to legalize their relationship, or do not have such an opportunity due to the fact that in many countries same-sex marriage is not allowed.
Experts note various factors affecting the growth of births out of wedlock: cultural and religious principles, economic growth - for example, the boom in such birth rates in the United States occurred in the years before the 2008 economic crisis.
Another indicator of this problem is age: in the last couple of decades, there has been a sharp increase in the birth of illegitimate children by women who do not want to register their relationship. And their age category is about 20 years old.
The percentage of illegitimate children is higher (almost 10%) during the first pregnancy. At the same time, the largest number of illegitimate births is observed among young women, so in the United States 86% of births to women under 20 years old are illegitimate, 60% - among women 20-24 years old, and 33% - among women 25-29 years old. However, the percentage of out-of-wedlock births rises in women who give birth after 40 years. In Russia, such mothers provide almost a third of illegitimate births.
That is, there are more illegitimate children in poor families; in large families; in families of ethnic minorities (if we are talking about the United States), among very young women (under 20 years old) and among women over 40 years old.
But, in general, it's interesting. In many countries, more than 50% of children grow up without fathers (or without mothers).
And that's not counting the divorced! It remains to find out how many children grow up in complete families with their biological parents.
This is a completely new world.
Daytime student K. gave birth to an illegitimate child. Due to the lack of housing, being in a difficult financial situation, she decided to place the child in the Baby House. The administration of this institution agreed to place the child at ...
289
price
the question
issue resolved
Alimony for the illegitimate son
Hello I have an illegitimate son, in his birth certificate I am registered as a father. His mother filed a lawsuit in court for the payment of alimony and indicated in the lawsuit that the minimum amount of alimony should be 15,000 rubles per month. I am currently ...
500
price
the question
issue resolved
The rights of my husband's illegitimate son when using my children's capital mat
Hello, please tell me, my husband has an illegitimate son, but he adopted him, we want to buy a room for maternity capital, will his son have a share if suddenly my husband doesn’t get old, maternity capital is given to my children?
Can child support be collected while married?
Hello. The situation is as follows. We were going to divorce my wife. From marriage 2 children, one in 2.5 months will be 18. I have 1 more child, 8 months, through the establishment of paternity, I want to live with them. I left my family 3 weeks ago, but at the same time I ...
Do illegitimate children have the right to inheritance?
My husband has an illegitimate daughter, can she claim an inheritance if our apartment is registered in my name, but acquired during the marriage under the contract of purchase and sale. My husband and I have a son.
Is it worth filing for alimony if the marriage is not dissolved?
My husband has an illegitimate child, and a year ago we also had a baby, his former common-law wife, wants to file for alimony. Tell me if I also give, how much he will pay approximately (salary 50,000 per month)
I am married, what is the correct way to apply for the appointment of alimony?
I am married, planning a child, my husband has a child out of wedlock (alimony is already deducting), he asks me to file for alimony. How much will be charged for each and how to arrange everything correctly? Can they refuse?
In what cases can a disabled child born out of wedlock claim a part of the father's inheritance?
Hello! What part of the inheritance of a deceased father can an illegitimate disabled child claim in the event of proven paternity, given the presence of other heirs of the first group? What can be the fact of proven paternity? What kind...
December 13, 2016, 16:07, question No. 1472422 Roman Krymsky, Moscow
How to secure the property of parents if the father has an illegitimate child?
Hello! My dad was dating a girl before he married my mom. The girl became pregnant, dad at that time in another country married my mother. This girl claimed that the child was from his father, but dad denied this (in terms of time it did not come out that he could be ...
November 23, 2016, 10:08, question No. 1450278 Nikolay, Nizhny Novgorod
Will the illegitimate child sue a share of our joint property?
my husband has an illegitimate son, paternity was established through court, he was not married to the mother of that child. Now we are going to take our own home, we are officially married and have 2 children. Will the illegitimate child be related to our ...
How much child support should a husband pay to an illegitimate child?
Help in solving the problem: an illegitimate child has appeared, 2 underage children are married, my husband does not work, SP is suspended, an application for 10600. We do not have such a sum, what should we do?
Alimony for children in marriage
Good afternoon. I am married. There are two children in marriage. There is an illegitimate child. An agreement was signed with the mother of the illegitimate child on the payment of alimony in the amount of 16.6%. If the mother of the illegitimate child goes to court, it will be pronounced ...
