How to accustom a 2-3 year old child to kindergarten without tears and hysterics: advice from a child psychologist

A new time in children's life is kindergarten. Here the child meets a large group for the first time. All children experience the period of adaptation to a new place and new people differently. A common reaction is crying. It happens that the baby behaves calmly in kindergarten, but in the evening at home he gives free rein to tears, and sometimes the baby initially shows readiness to go to the institution, and at the very door begins to be capricious. The older age of the toddler (3 years and older) means easier adaptation.

Children may initially agree to go to kindergarten, but at the last moment refuse and even cry

Why does the child refuse to attend kindergarten?

The baby's crying when he goes to preschool has a number of serious reasons. Let's list them:

• The baby is afraid of a change in environment and regime. When a baby is not yet three years old, he urgently needs the attentive attitude of his mother. A baby from his familiar home environment, where his beloved mother is always nearby, finds himself in a strange world, where all the people are completely unfamiliar to him, even if they treat him positively. The baby has to accept the rules of the daily routine, which may differ from those he had at home. It is also important to take into account the need for discipline, which was not so categorical with my mother. Violation of personal space and daily routine provokes the appearance of hysterics.
• Negative experience of the first visit to kindergarten. Often it is this negative experience that results in the child’s categorical refusal to further attend the preschool.
• The child is not mentally ready for kindergarten. This reason can be the most difficult to solve. Its origins may lie in the developmental characteristics of each child. Sometimes the primary source of this problem is a lack of emotional communication with the mother.
• The baby does not have self-care skills. This can cause difficulties for the child to stay in a preschool institution.
• An overabundance of impressions. There are so many emotions that overwhelm a baby in kindergarten that the baby may simply get tired and overtired. In this regard, unexpected whims, tears, and nerves appear.
• Negative attitude of staff towards the child. This is not always the case, but such a condition should not be excluded.

Children under three years of age are still very strongly attached to their mother and cannot be separated from her for a long time.

Garden training

Dear reader!

This article talks about typical ways to solve your issues, but each case is unique! If you want to know how to solve your particular problem, ask your question. It's fast and free!

Let's answer the question of how to accustom a child to kindergarten. Thanks to simple techniques, you can achieve a reduction in the level of tension and anxiety, and create a beneficial environment within the child’s personality for accepting new living conditions. You can accustom your child to kindergarten only gradually. Prepare yourself mentally and prepare your baby for the day when you take him to preschool for the first time. Create a daily routine at home similar to what your baby will have in kindergarten (walking, feeding, sleeping).

You also need to teach your toddler by explaining what children do in kindergarten and what role teachers play. Often children do not understand why their mothers give them to other people's aunts. It should be explained how to inform the teacher about your needs and how to call him correctly, then adaptation to the new life will be easier.

Take several walks around the territory of the preschool educational institution. Show your baby how beautiful and interesting it is all around. Emphasize that very soon your son or daughter will have the opportunity to walk here with other children under the supervision of a teacher.

For the first days of adaptation, limit your time in the facility to two hours. Increase the time interval gradually. After 2-3 weeks (this period can be shorter or longer depending on the child), if desired, the little one can be left in the garden for the whole day.

So that the child does not suffer from separation and adapts faster, at first it is better to leave him in kindergarten for just a couple of hours

Creating a Favorable Impression

When you pick up your child from kindergarten, be sure to ask how he liked it in the kindergarten and what they did during the day. Be sure to focus on the positive aspects, because sometimes it is on positive remarks from parents that the child himself develops a positive attitude towards the institution.

Start going to bed early so you can talk to your daughter or son before bed and talk about kindergarten. The night before going to preschool, you can discuss what toy the baby will take with him tomorrow and jointly choose clothes for the next day.

The daily routine adopted in the institution should be maintained on weekends. Repeat everything that children usually do in kindergarten and what the baby has already learned to do there.

Decide what your farewell and meeting will be like. Rehearse these scenes several times. Such actions are extremely necessary for your baby, especially if he is afraid of parting with you. Follow these rituals in the future.

Attending kindergarten is the beginning of a life deprived of physical contact with parents, albeit temporarily. Children still need their mother’s warmth and love, so take them in your arms more often, hug them more often and try to show them maximum care. Do not forget that at home the child must make up for the lack of your attention.

To ensure that the child’s biological clock does not go astray, it is advisable to follow the daily routine established in the kindergarten, even on weekends.

Parents' mistakes

Difficulties often encounter parents on the way to mastering a new place for their child. Let's give examples of common mistakes and look at ways to prevent them.

One of the most common mistakes is that parents are not prepared for a negative reaction to kindergarten. They do not know how to react to tears and whims when the child does not want to go to kindergarten, because at home the child quite adequately accepted the offer to go there. It must be taken into account that the baby is encountering such an experience for the first time, that is, he cannot predict the whole picture in advance. Adaptation with tears is a common and completely normal phenomenon. Tears will go away as suddenly as they appeared, if parents just show patience.

Often parents mistakenly begin to scold or even punish their children for crying. This will not solve the situation. Adults must show patience and tact. It is important to help the baby adapt to the new place of stay. Educators are obliged to come to the rescue in this difficult matter.

Postpone everything

During the adaptation period, the mother must abstract herself from any other important matters, including going to work, in order to fully attend to the baby. The adaptation time can be 2-3 months. Also, parents themselves should not be nervous and express their concerns outwardly. Now is not the time to beat yourself up about whether you are a good or bad parent; the most important thing for you is to be calm and balanced. Kids very easily adopt the attitude of adults, but they have to overcome an important milestone and learn to live in a large group. Do not tell dad or another family member that your son or daughter was crying if the baby is nearby at that moment. You should not focus on your anxiety, because children, although they are sometimes considered too young, understand everything very well, and even better, feel it. All this will increase children's anxiety.

Even if the child’s anxiety seems far-fetched, you need to calmly and lovingly help him get through this difficult period.

A common mistake is when mothers begin to show less attention to their child at this time. The burden of responsibility has fallen from their shoulders, they breathe a sigh of relief - and completely in vain, because right now you need to spend as much time as possible with the baby in order to show that you love him as much as before and even more. Having heard how your little one happily shares with you his experiences of the past day and talks about games and activities, you can be calm - your little one has mastered the science of adapting to kindergarten.

The length of the adjustment period will be individual for each child. Adaptation is also a test for adults - how they themselves are determined to help their child and are ready to support in difficult situations.

Solving existing problems

Let's imagine a situation where a child does not want to go to kindergarten, provided that he has been attending it for a long time and increasingly expresses concern at the moment when his mother says that it is time to get together in a group. Most likely the reason here is that a 4-5 year old child has problems in relationships with peers or with teachers. Perhaps the little one did not react well to the arrival of the new teacher, or there is an unresolved conflict between classmates.

The cause may be a simple lack of sleep. As soon as parents introduce a new suitable daily routine, the problem will solve itself. The baby will fully recover overnight and get up on his own with pleasure.

Adequate sleep is the key to a child’s good mood and well-being, which will allow him to quickly adapt to kindergarten

How to fix the situation?

Finding out the reasons

What should parents do if the baby expresses his dissatisfaction and protest about going to a child care facility? Let's look at the most optimal solutions from the point of view of Dr. Komarovsky:

1. Conversation with a child. Every time you pick up your son or daughter from kindergarten, ask how they spent their day. Perhaps from the conversation you will learn that the teacher treated the baby rudely or that one of the children offended him. The reason why the baby cries and does not want to go to a preschool educational institution is revealed in 80% of cases in this format.
2. Conversation with the teacher. It is necessary to follow the rules of communication: be polite, calm, do not make complaints and do not raise your voice. This approach ensures that you receive truthful feedback from the person under whose control your baby is all day. After listening to his opinion, you will be able to draw conclusions about how the teacher influences your child.
3. Conversation with parents. Frequent and group tantrums in most children in the morning require a parent meeting to identify the reasons for this behavior.
4. Invite your child to draw his kindergarten. Seeing joy and lively emotions in the picture, be sure that the problem is somewhere else - most likely in the family. The predominance of dark tones, tears, swearing in the picture is a reason to contact a psychologist or show this picture to the group teacher.
5. Contact the teacher with a request to show the results of your child’s work within the preschool walls. Having seen that, compared to other children, your baby is lagging behind in drawing, sculpting or appliqué, you should work with him additionally at home. Then the child will no longer feel inferior compared to his peers.

Even a quarrel with another child can be the reason for reluctance to attend a preschool educational institution

Elimination of causes

1. Seeing the problem in the difficulty of your child’s communication with other children, visit the playgrounds more often and help him establish contact with the kids. We need to help him overcome his isolation and teach him to communicate and live in society.
2. Don't be led by his whims and stop spoiling him too much.
3. The routines at home and in the kindergarten should be as similar as possible, especially when it comes to lunch and quiet time.
4. Instill in your child the skills of communicating with adults, so that from a young age he understands the need to obey adults and realizes the importance of subordination.
5. Having found out that the cause of the child’s tears and hysterics is an incompetent teacher, and this is confirmed by the majority of parents in the group, you should contact the management of the preschool educational institution to appoint a new teacher (more details in the article:).
6. The existing conflict between your child and the teacher must be resolved with the latter. The absence of a positive decision will lead to the fact that the garden will have to be changed.
7. If possible, spend at least one day in a group. Of course, you are unlikely to see the whole picture, because the teacher may behave differently in front of you, but still it will be easier for you to understand what exactly is causing your child’s anxiety.

Elimination of violations

1. Speech defects that interfere with normal communication and activities should be eliminated. To do this, you need to contact a speech therapist.
2. Existing serious pathologies (cerebral palsy, mental retardation, autism, hearing impairment, vision impairment, etc.) require the child to be transferred to a specialized kindergarten. Don't insist on your child being in a regular daycare. A specialized institution is more suitable for working with children of this type.
3. The reason for refusing to attend kindergarten may be the child’s strong sensitivity and emotionality. It’s hard for the baby in the garden, he’s uncomfortable there, he wants a calmer place and a more friendly atmosphere. Try seeking advice from a psychologist. An experienced specialist will tell you how to behave in such a situation. Try to give your baby fewer reasons for stress, and turn on classical music more often in the evenings.

1. Do not try to change the kindergarten if the child does not mind visiting it and wants to go to this institution.
2. Do not shout or swear at your child if he refuses to go to kindergarten. Behave calmly and restrainedly, without irritation or anger - this way you will help your child adopt your positive mood.
3. Quarrels and conflicts between adults should be out of the child's sight. The parents' divorce should not affect the child in any way.

To find out the reasons why a child refuses to attend kindergarten, a comprehensive analysis is required. Everything is important here: how he perceives the garden as a whole, the attitude of his peers towards him, and the opinion of the teacher. Keep in mind that the reason does not always lie in external stimuli; sometimes the negative home environment is to blame. It is difficult for parents to be objective in resolving this issue. The best way to figure it out is to consult a psychologist. This option involves identifying the root of the problem and making a decision to eliminate it.