Creek - Frequent problem family education, occurring even in the most healthy and friendly cells of society. Occasionally boil the child any mother, however, some parents communicate with children solely on elevated colors.
Of course, most of them subsequently repent, asking for forgiveness in children. Perhaps moms could restrain, find out what can happen if you bring up a child in a constant voltage and misunderstanding atmosphere.
Creek is one of the ways to make your child fear, but not respect. And what do you expect? Fear and authority is, as they say, two big differences. The child can be afraid of a formidable circuit, to fulfill what he was ordered.
Perhaps on the one hand, it is good. But, if an evil father and a hysterical mother is not the image to which you are striving, then you need to understand. First of all, it is worth understanding why such an educational policy can lead.
Also, parents should be known. This is important because constant cries and anger on the child are often accompanied by physical punishments.
In psychology, it is customary to allocate three main aspects of the influence of the parent cry. A permanent conversation on elevated colors affects such areas as:
- children's personality;
- development of child-parent relationship;
- social development of the child.
It is necessary to consider each aspect in more detail.
First of all, it should be remembered that small child Everything perceives literally, conducting uncomplicated analogies. If the mother is offended - the most expensive and close personSo she does not like him.
As a result of the relationship deteriorates, their positive emotional color disappears. It is harmful to children of any age, and especially for babies in early and preschool childhood.
Adults who cannot understand the cause of such an alienation begin, in turn, be annoyed, disappointed. Sometimes even their thoughts arise, they say, so much for him I do, I try to fulfill all his whims, and he is silent ...
A closed circle arises, in which mother or father is angry and shouts, the child is silent, because or is too small to discuss the problem, or does not understand how to explain his feelings, or does not believe that it will be able to fix something.
Social development of a child
Psychologists also celebrate the negative impact of constant screams on the further relationship of the child with society. Moreover, they can be expressed in several negative points.
- If the rapidation of the cry became a kind of family style of communication or a kind of ritual, there is a chance that the child will transfer similar communicative habits into its future life. That is, in his own family, he will also shout on children or spouse, refusing to make them compromise.
- As noted above, the child begins to negatively treat the whole world. Because of the inconsigned basic trust, it is difficult for him to enjoy life, trust people and tie a strong relationship with them. Accordingly, problems can be with the formation of friendly or love ties.
- The likelihood is high that the child will not be independent in the future, and its character line will become infantality. This is due to the lack of support for parents and the sensation of shortly. Infantile behavior may also manifest itself in the form of an inability to be responsible, desire to shift it on other people.
In addition, screams and punishment often contribute to the emergence of the so-called victim complex. In this case, the child constantly feels unnecessary, feeling a feeling of resentment, suffers from any occasion and requires increased attention and pity from others.
"Why am I screaming for a child?" - This question asks each mother and every dad, who realize that something is wrong with their small cell of society.
The situation is exacerbated when a woman is divorced or parted with his beloved man who found out about her "interesting" position. It is difficult to imagine what will happen if the child in addition will be a picked copy of the "Non-dad".
Well, if at one very very moment the mother stops and thinks for a minute, it is possible to shout on the child only because of the fact that her life was noted at all as she represented before. Otherwise, the situation will only worsen the situation.
Cause No. 4. Increased demanding
In this case, we are talking about overestimated expectations from the child. Often women even before childbirth and even pregnancy draw in their imagination the image of the perfect baby. Often it gives all better qualities And the abilities, plan his life.
And suddenly, "unexpectedly" the child grows completely not as he appeared in dreams. He is completely imperfect, not so clever, as I would like (it usually does not recognize, but felt at the subconscious level), and in general - does not like music and does not want to become a great football player.
As a result of a similar encounter of reality with a fictional world and anger is born. Now the cries of mom are trying or something to change, or simply express their dissatisfaction with the resulting "result". And, it would seem, just need to inform your appetites and love the baby that it is.
Elevated guardianship sometimes brings the same harm as parental indifference. As children grow up, parents begin to shout so that the child does not climb a slide, did not touch the dog, did not run, did not jump on the puddles, did not climb the tree.
Teams in an ordinary tone, of course, give it easier to keep the child to solve the problem.
That is, in fact, the parents are trying to take care of the children not because of endless love for them, but because of pure egoism - Mom and Dad just want to be less nervous and worried.
As a result, the child does not miss the number of cones, it does not feel the consequences of rapid actions, does not remove the lessons from the steps taken. Although, definitely, act when the baby runs on the road either playing with a box of matches, you need immediately.
Useful article OT. child psychologistFrom which you can find out how to conduct an adult yourself, or does not understand the requests of the parents.
Reason number 6. Fear not to have time
Parents always run somewhere, late, hurry, do not have time. That minibus or the bus is about to leave, then you need to go to the store on sale, then you need to get to the doctor on reception.
However, such problems are not worried about the small child, he is not in a hurry anywhere. It is interested in the cat on the Cat on the curb, flying dove, uncle with a broom at the store, the reflection of the sun in a puddle.
But since the mother knows more, then they shout on children, so that they rather dress up, did not chat, did not look around, they did not run, but in general they were near. As a result, overall irritation, screams, kids resistance, again orders and spoiled mood at all conflict participants.
"I explained how many times you explained, you don't understand?" - The mother shouts in the hearts, looking at the notebook with a homework or seeing the next unsatisfactory evaluation.
It would be much more constructive to figure out why the child does not understand anything from where the same errors come from, for what reasons he cannot learn to multiply the numbers or write competently.
But you could try to explain once again, make sure that the child exactly understood everything. If nothing happens, you need to contact, for example, to the tutor. In general, try to find an approach to your own chad, but it is really easier to scream.
Does the above-described reasons mean that parents do not like their children? Of course not. Just not all moms and dads are thinking about exactly how they love. So it turns out that love is peculiar - with screams and overtalks.
What to do?
Studying behavior in this case is a difficult and painstaking job. Therefore, only general recommendations are presented below, it is better to turn to a psychotherapist, which will help to understand the true causes of "screaming behavior" and prompt exit from the situation.
- Remove the stimulus. If all the time on the nerves, all possible stimuli should be excluded from life - the so-called "triggering mechanisms" of aggression. For example, change the work on which the cruel chief constantly quit. Of course, this is an extreme case, but your child is more expensive.
- Plan a time. Learn or with the help of specialists to plan the routine of the day, so that they do not rush anywhere and at the same time everywhere.
- Submit consequences. Before scream, imagine that harm that the child is applied. The baby is frightened, neurological diseases begin, other health problems arise.
- Drink sedative. Contact your doctor who will select the drug to strengthen the nervous system. However, do not eat alcoholic beverages to remove stress with them. New problems will be added.
- Imagine guests. One of the popular deterrent factors is the presence of guests in the apartment. It is necessary to imagine as soon as you want to govern your child that guests are located in the living room that everyone hears.
- Conditional sign. Agree with the child if his age allows, about the key phrase that will be pronounced when the mother starts to lose self-control. For example, the baby can pronounce the following: "I love you, do not shout." This will allow not to fall into rage and pull the steam.
- Psychological literature. On the Internet or libraries, you can find a lot of useful books that contain recommendations of experienced psychologists specializing in this issue.
- Voicate feelings. Do not be afraid to talk about your own feelings: "I'm talking now" or "I'm in rage because of your act." It is much better than the crew's usual for you.
Another option is if the child was adopted, adopted or, perhaps a woman lives with non-rigid children. This question should be addressed, based on this situation. To do this, it is better to consult with a psychologist.
It is important to understand why the child lives separately from his mother's mother. Also, it should be established how close is the relationship between reception offspring and a non-rigid mom. Based on these major components, the specialist will tell you how to behave all the households.
As conclusions
- Baby - the highest value for the mother. It is necessary to love it, definitely, and, therefore, it is necessary to try to get rid of all the problems that exist between parents and the baby. Including should be abandoned from constant okhricov.
- If the mother regularly raises the child with a cry, there is a chance of the emergence of numerous problems complicating socialization and development of relations with friends and the future satellite of life.
- It is important to establish the true cause of such behavior to then allow the unpleasant situation correctly. The background of screams can be stress, increased demanding and fear for the health of the child.
- If the shouts do not work back, you need to immediately ask for forgiveness from your chad. This will allow parental relationship Return to normal course.
- Support for a qualified psychologist may need if no recommendations help to restrain their own aggressiveness.
According to the opinion of experts, screams are one of the species emotional violence Above the child. What he is the younger, the stronger his wound off the rage, sounding in the parental voice, especially if the conversation at elevated tones is practicing mother.
It is important to always remember the parents that the baby is impassing the baby is extremely simple, but the consequences of this psychological wound can be cured without "scars" only in some cases. Therefore, the problem "I constantly scream on my child" must be solved as soon as possible.
To date, it is specially popularity to recruit the theory that the child should cry as much as he needs. It is assumed that parents do not need to calm children at all, because it may prevent the development of protective mechanisms that allow you to fight stress. This means that if my mother is constantly soothes his child, he will not learn to independently overcome his problems. However, studies have shown that in fact it is not the case, and children who grow in such parents showing intentionally insensitiousness, much worse integrated into society, with difficulty establishing links with other people and usually experience behavioral problems in all spheres of life. Is it useful for a child who is going to hysteria? You better disassemble more closely, which is the contact of the mother and the child and why it should not be excluded.
Touch
Touch is one of the most important languages \u200b\u200bon whom mother and child are spoken. Accordingly, if the mother decides to calm her child, she takes him on his hands. Already one touch produces in the body of a child hormones that contribute to the reduction of stress. Thus, it calms down and can fall asleep. It would seem that it can really lead to negative consequences and influence on the future, but in fact, nothing happens - the child during the growing period is studying himself to cope with stressful situations, so it is not worth it to expose to even greater stress in childhood when it is completely defenseless. It is better to calm him so that he can grow in a normal atmosphere.
Sign language
Already from the very birth, children begin to recognize the language of gestures and facial expressions. Therefore, it is very important that you try to calm them, and not angry with them for not wanting to fall asleep. Studies have shown that children react much better for merry smiling faces - they themselves begin to smile, feel much better. If they see a sad or evil face, their mood is immediately falling. And if they constantly see only a negative in front of them, it may complicate for them further life, as it will leave a strong imprint on their minds.
Movement
Movements are also incredibly important if we are talking How to calm the child and whether to do it. As you understand when a child is crying, he is experiencing serious stress, it accelerates his heartbeat and, accordingly, has a negative impact on both the psyche and the state of health. What could be good is that the child thinks that his parents left him and forgot about him. If you will calm your child, you will definitely need to take it on your hands - this will already give a touch with your effect. But, in accordance with the studies, best way Soothe the child is to swing it from side to side. This has a relaxing effect on them, crying disappears, the heartbeat comes back to normal.
Purity
Very often, the parents face a question - is it worthwhile to wake a child who stained a diaper if he does not wake up from this? At first glance, you can think that it is necessary to do this, but doctors say that if your child has no skin infection or illness, for some time in the dirty diaper hurts much less than the next stress for your child.
Company
Another question concerns where the child should sleep - along with parents or in a separate room. Now there are radio-nanny, which allow you to hear every movement and breathing your child from another room. But still it is recommended to sleep in the same room with a baby, as this allows him to calm down faster and is in itself builds a base on the fight against stress during the day.
In the old books dedicated to the upbringing of children, you can meet the Council to leave the baby crying: they say, he has to understand from an early age that parents are not obliged to obey all his whims. In other, more modern, writings, on the contrary, it is recommended to throw to the child in the first call. What to do a young mother? Let's talk about how to wean a child cry, and what is worth do, and is it worth it at the sight of a crying son or daughter. You will find the answer in this article.
Crying baby - parents should be near
Is it worth leaving the baby crying: psychology
Psychologists argue that at each stage of its development, a person must solve certain tasks. From how one or another stage will be overcome, future character depend on and even fate. In infancy, the foundations of confidence in the world are laid: the so-called basic trust. If confidence formed, a person will be confident, decisive and bold. Otherwise, the nuclear qualities of the person will be indecision, constant anxiety and imperidity.
What depends on whether confidence in peace will be created? Psychotherapists believe that the main role in the passage of this stage personal Development Parents of the child play. Mom in infancy is the whole world: she feeds, entertains, provides comfort and safety, satisfies all the needs of the child. If the mother successfully copes with its duties, the attitude towards it gradually applies to the whole world as a whole. Of course, otherwise the same happens.
Baby crying because. that he is terrible The child does not have such a rich choice as you can declare my needs to parents, perhaps only to cry. So he reports that he is bad, lonely, that he needs food and communication.
If after such a "signal" appears mom, then the world seems to be predictable and safe. Otherwise, the conviction is formed in the subconsciousness that it is impossible to have any impact on the event and how much yelling, it will not be better. Naturally, the basic confidence in the world in this case cannot be speeches.
In adults, whose parents prefer not to respond to crying infant, the following beliefs are formed:
- no one loves me;
- no one will help me in a difficult situation;
- i am not important for my loved ones;
- the world is a non-smart and uncomfortable place.
Naturally, the presence of such beliefs is excellent soil for the formation of a neurotic disorder. Therefore, if you do not want your child to experience the difficulties of a psychological plan in the future, try not to leave him cry alone.
Tip: Do not listen to those who claim that a child can cry "from harmfulness"! Crying and Creek are the only methods of communication that the newborn baby has. Even if he is not wet and does not want to eat, it may be necessary to communicate.
Why does the child cease to cry, if not getting a "feedback"?
"Specialists" who advise not to pay attention to the crying of a child, explain their point of view by the fact that sooner or later the baby, to which the parents are not suitable, ceases to cry and falls asleep. This is true. But for what reasons, the child "calms down" and is it useful for his psyche?
Making loud sounds, the child hopes to get from the mother "Feedback", that is, a certain behavior.
Children in an orphanage will soon have a scatter - they lose hope If this "feedback" is missing, the baby really can suddenly shout. However, this will happen because he calmed down. After all, both adults who repeated a request many times and did not receive any result, come to the thought, which continue meaningless. As a result, in the subconscious of the child, the relationship between the active expression of its discontent and parent behavior is not formed. It can be said, he loses hope to achieve his own, naturally, ceasing to cry and fall asleep due to banal overwork.
By the way, it is believed that the lack of a parent response to crying a child can cause autism. After all, the baby simply does not understand why it is necessary to communicate with others: he is used to the fact that any attempts to establish communication, do not lead to anything.
Child Autistist - Cause - Lack of Parent Reactions for Crying Organic changes during crying
When a child is crying for too long, a hormone begins to produce a cortisol in his body. This is rather dangerous, because in infancy brain develops dynamically.
During strong stress, which causes unsuccessful attempts to attract attention, cortisol literally destroys the nerve cells.
Stress, which is experiencing a child with a long lack of parents, launches a chain of specific reactions from the entire body as a whole. For example, the digestive system suffers, with the result that colic, constipation or diarrhea can begin.
Tip: Many young mothers in the literal sense "distingate" their spouses from the children's cradle.
Participation of the Father is obligatory This can occur due to a stereotype that Mama should be engaged in the baby, and the task is to make money. In addition, mommy may be afraid that the dad will do something wrong and harm the child. Do not do this: it is important that between the child and his father with early age Emotional connection was formed. In addition, if Mom is tired, Dad will be able to calm the child instead of her. At this time, a woman can sleep, relax and restore forces, so as not to experience irritation on the baby, which is too much "hump".
Differentiation of crying: pledge of the formation of social skills
Any mom knows that the kid can cry in different ways. In a certain way, he signals that he wants to eat, wet or just missed. Usually crying "differentiate" a few months after birth. However, it only happens if the child has not crushed alone.
If parents do not react to crying, the baby simply does not need to try to convey to mom and dad to certain information.
Parents Reaction - The most important for the child Otherwise, the child will try to explain as soon as possible what he wants. So he will cry in different ways. Of course, this does not mean that the child deliberately "chooses" exactly how it is necessary to cry: the relationship between the sounds of the sounds and the behavior of the parents is fixed on the subconscious level. However, the child assimilates that the reaction of others will depend on his behavior. For example, if a child begins to cry sharply, publish loud sounds, it may mean that it is wet, and if the quietly humpy - wants to communicate. And this is very important for further social and psychological development.
Communication with a child is the most important
Tip: Adults must behave like adults. No need to believe those who claim that the child is crying to film you or boredom: this is the only way to communicate.
Hug a child, talk to him, make sure that he does not need to change diapers or did not come time to eat. Do not ignore communication with the child even if you are very tired: so you can bring up a harmonious personality.
Calm parents - a calm baby
Now you know why you need to react not to the baby's cry and try to calm it as soon as possible. If you behave in a similar way, you can avoid problems in the future. After all, a child who is confident that Mom and Dad love him and always ready to come to his aid, feels calm and sure. So, he will not require parents in the future that parents are constantly attended by him in order to make sure that they are protected and love.
If you ignore the cry of a child, in preschool age He will constantly demand the evidence of your love. Some children literally do not produce parents from sight and even try to walk along with them into the restroom. Thus, the fear of loneliness experienced in infancy is expressed.
Calm parents - Psychological Comfort for the Child After all, every time mom does not react to a cry, the baby is experiencing a real horror: it seems to him that she left forever and never returns again ...
In orphanages for children can be created best conditions. Good food, high-quality care ... However, the kids are developing slower than peers as mentally, and physically, and it has been serious difficulties with adaptation in society. Psychologists believe that it is explained very simple: the staff of orphanages simply does not have the opportunity to respond to crying children abandoned. You do not need to leave the baby one: Give him the faith in the fact that the world is a reliable, cozy place, and he is needed and loved!
The first year of the child's life is a stage that has a tremendous impact on his entire further life. It will never grow and develop so quickly, and will never be so helpless and dependent. His physical and mental health is completely in the hands of the parents, and if everything is more or less clear with physiology - the baby does not ill, his height and weight is normal, it is cheerful, it means everything is in order, The psychology of the child up to the year is a secret for seven seals.
Psychology of raising children up to the year
Why is he crying? Maybe he is just capricious? Maybe manipulates? What if we break it? - These questions do not give rest to moms and dads.
Relatives in vain give advice - "They were also raised!".
But are we always satisfied with how raised us?
How many may boast a complete absence of psychological problems?
In search of answers, modern parents appeal to popular articles and research, but here they will be disappointed. Experts are rapidly theories and hypotheses, but they do not have the only correct answers. In the end, education methods have to choose, relying on intuition, and yet current information can be useful. It is possible to justify their views or, without having agreed with fresh trends, to inform him to follow them.
If the child is crying
One of the most controversial issues in the education of a baby is the reaction to cry.
Is it worth the parents instantly react and eliminate possible reasons discontent? Or crying child You can leave in the crib if it is dry and recently poked. There are two diametrically opposite answers to this question:
- Traditional approach: « pay and stop "," let it develops the lungs " or rude "Sometimes you need to go push." The fans of this method believe that the child from the very early age should actively teach from the desire to be on their hands, too frequent applying to the chest, awakening in the middle of the night. For this, it is worth damaging; Sooner or later, the child will be established that the screams do not bring results, and will cease to demand unnecessary or harmful, according to parents.
- Children's approach. This view of the psychology of the child under the age of year denies the need and benefit. Children's centers believe that the child should not cry alone. If parents cannot find the physical reasons for his discomfort, then they must eliminate psychological. As a rule, breast children require bodily contact with her mother, because they lived in her body for 9 months and about the same time they needed to get used to separate existence. According to theories "Natural parenthood"It is necessary to satisfy the need of a child in wearing on the hands, jointly with the parents of a dream, long sucking the chest as much as it takes.
Epiphany independence
Traditionalists believethat in the child from birth should be raised by the skill is one, entertain himself, fall asleep alone. Otherwise, there is a risk of growing infantile, non-acceptable, incapable of adaptation in a collective, man.
The traditional psychology of child upbringing up to a year provides for the maximum autonomy of children from parents: its cot or even a separate bedroom from birth, walking in a wheelchair, breast-feeding According to the regime and the nipple to satisfy the sucking reflex.
Mama on a notic!
Girls Hi) I didn't think that the problem of stretch marks would affect me, and I will write about it))) But there is nowhere to go, so I write here: how did I get rid of stretch marks after giving birth? I will be very glad if my way will help you ...
Mother can go to work early, replacing himself a nanny. Adults ride vacation without children. Failure to comply with these conditions can lead to the fact that the child will refuse to leave the bed of parents, will be afraid to fall asleep alone, it will be extremely hard to overcome from the chest, etc.
"Naturenics" are convincedThat the baby is very important to be fully manual and chest, "to do" addiction and care, so that at the older age will rush to the everyday sea.
They choose a joint dream, as the baby under the side of the mother sleeps much stronger, free breastfeeding - without a regime, without a nipple: the child is applied at first wishes regardless of the place and time; Walking in Sling - Mother wears a child on himself, including going on their own business.
Parents are not allowed from themselves children, until those themselves declare their desire to buy a grandmother, for example. According to this approach, children deprived of constant attention in infancy will definitely try to compensate for this disadvantage, becoming older.
Today, psychology cannot definitely determine which of the two approaches to raising children up to a year more correct and meets the peculiarities of their psyche.
Breasting remains a wandering in the dark to the touch in absolutely unfamiliar area.
Almost from my birth, the kids cry. They cry when they have something hurts if they want to eat or have physical discomfort. And parents rush through the slightest peak to check whether everything is in order with their child. They understand that the kid is not yet able to say about his chagrins or unpleasant sensations. So, researchers from Tilburg University in the field of clinical psychology found out: about a year, children communicate with the help of crying.
Then the baby will grow up, mastering the first words, it begins to communicate with adults, but still periodically crying. The reaction of adults can be the same - they are thrown to the roar, striving immediately eliminate the cause of tears. Are you also from such parents? Then you urgently need to consult a doctor! To begin with - to a psychotherapist. Your mental health is threatened. Are you able to indifferently transfer children's crying or even irritate at the sight of tears? Go to the psychotherapist even faster.
Writer and psychologist Elaine Aron in his book HighlysenSetive Person writes that an instant reaction to children's crying is due to genetically - the mother understood: something could be a physical threat to the baby and instantly rushed to save him. According to Gestalt therapist Marina Filatova, modern parents With an increased empathion (a sense of compassion), so-called deprivation can develop - they blame themselves in tears of the baby, bringing their own state to clinical manifestations of depression. A frequent child crying causes a strong panic reaction in an adult, it is localized in the brain area associated with the processing of emotions.
Professor ED Wingers from the University of Clinical Psychology claims: the cries of the child are very detachious not only for nervous, but also for the physical condition of parents. Continuous children's crying for a long time, up to 15-20 minutes, can also lead to violations of adult auditory apparatus. And these violations, in turn, aggravate the nervous disorder, irritability, worsen sleep quality.
Dr. Christine Parsons from the Danish University conducted research and on the basis of the results obtained approves: the prolonged effect of crying infants to the nervous system of an adult has destructive consequences, right up to irreversible. Therefore, it is necessary to take all measures in a timely manner to preserve psychological sustainability.
Another extreme is a complete indifference to adults to crying kids or even a sense of irritation. This may, according to the Canadian psychologist Gordon Newfeld, testify to the already existing serious deviations in the psyche of the parents and should be a reason for contacting the specialists. Often, its own children's experiences, not seriously perceived by other family members, can lead to the formation of psychological deviation over the years. And with the appearance of such an adult his baby, crying, like all other children, psychological problems grow up like a snowball. So such a common phenomenon, as a children's crying, can be a reason for the speedy access to a specialist. But first of all for parents.
