"Of course not," the psychologists and teachers will answer. "In some cases, it is simply necessary" - they say some inhabitants, and that the sin is to hone, some psychologists with teachers.
When the belt is punished
Before moving to the question "beat a baby with a belt or not?", Let's think: "And for what, in fact, you can beat the belt?".
In the Middle Ages, corporal punishment was considered the norm in the educational process. They beat, truth, rods, not a belt. And thus punished children for any provinces. Does not listen to the teacher - 10 rods, did not fulfill homework - 15 ridges, and there could not be about barbing with elders and speeches. Let's turn to the story and remember that in the Middle Ages, in the times of the Inquisition, and adults were executed in public on the square, and skillful adaptations were invented for this. In all countries of Western Europe and Russia, corporal punishment concerned people of lower classes and children. Isn't it humiliating? Already then, J. A. Komensky and Thinkers of the Epoch of the Enlightenment of J. Locke, J. Rousseau, Pestalozzi performed against such buildings. And we seem to be moving in the right direction, referring to the person and appealing to the conscience of the child. Yes, not everywhere: From the end of August 2011, the bodily punishment of schoolchildren with rugs was allowed in the UK. Is it impotence of teachers or the need for time?
Does this solve the problem of upbringing? Probably not. It's just so easier: I took a stick / belt, I left, as it should be, so that it was not every way, so that the child was afraid and did not go anymore. But to explain, look for the reasons for the "bad" behavior of the child, and I don't want to change something in yourself and surrounded by a child too much.
Any child's behavior is explained. That's just incomprehensible, for which misconduct you can beat the belt.
Many have come across that the teenager came home with the smell of tobacco, he also smoked. Consequently - harmed his health. Restless father takes the belt and ... beat off the hunt to smoke. Who stopped after this to take tobacco? Nobody, actually. Later the same child begins to simply eat alcoholic beverages. Case in the child? Does not reach? No, just he does what he wants, just the company came across suitable, and where is the father? He is busy with his affairs. He earns money, at best, and even at home, it seems, defiantly drinking beer and smoking cigarettes. In the first case, the parent provides money on bad habitsAnd in the second - applies an example. How to be? News healthy image Life and instill his child through joint sports. Otherwise, for the sake of justice, ask the same teenager to beat you.
What else is used as a punishment belt?
For a spoiled thing, for example: broken window, broken toy, torn dress or parent car. Just expensive all these things are expensive, and the child does not understand this, does not know how much money is earned. " Only when you break the rules next time road, ask the traffic police inspector. Why not please that your child remains alive and healthy?
For the fact that mom / dad was late somewhere due to the slowness of the child (he was slowly dressed, she walked on slippery street not as fast as I would like) or his whims ("not that dress", "I don't want to go anywhere"). Only the next time you will be lazy, changing one dress / costume to another, gathering on a visit, stick with you and belt, whatever you have been punished for being late for your fault.
Why there is no belt
That is because:
- the physical punishment may entail the physical injury of the child: slapping in the hearts of the crumb, it is possible to cause not only pain, but also harm to his health;
- the punishment of the belt is a refund for the unjustified ambitions of the parents, and what is it for the child, they do not think about, so we say no parental weakness and powerlessness;
- body punishment is a way to show your child's superiority over it, for this reason we affirm: no belt;
- the causing of pain and suffering is weaker - it is low and deliberately, it raises cruelty, so: there is no whipping children;
- it is useless to the child, so: no, no, there is no punishment with a belt, rogging, etc.
These funds are not in themselves educational.
How to react when "the baby belt is crying"?
The best educators are our example, our love and attention.
If the behavior of a child carries a threat to his life:
- Warn it about it.
- Serve example right choice (Only not in words, but in business). Kid preschool age It is worth stopping, keeping calmly and quietly for elbow or shoulders, as an option, you can hug.
- Sometimes allow you to "fall" to be compared with something.
- Support in good endeavors.
If the child's actions carry the destroyer nature for the surrounding world (breaks, crash, spoils):
- Stop.
- When the gusts of anger / hysterical child will stop, explain the malfunction of behavior and their feelings about this.
- Offer to correct the situation: wipe the spilled, repair broken, sew torn. For kids - with you. For older, as an option - to compensate material value: to work out (to work in the house, pick up a younger brother from school / kindergarten - the main thing that it is in addition to the permanent duties of the child), to find a way to earn (develop a plan for earning and implementing it - in modern world Technologies are not so difficult).
Understanding our children, and let them grow with decent people with a sense of self-sufficiency and confidence. And the belt is not an assistant in this matter.
Why you can not beat the child, watch the video - the consultation of the psychological service:
What do you say about raising by corporal punishment? Most likely, you will be sharply against. Personal pages of history and look at how our ancestors have brought up. Beating at the time - the norm and even a rule of good upbringing. As a result, we see that obedience was not just a word in those days, but also to reckon their parents and was considered a rebellion at all and was only in exceptional cases. About whims in those days and did not hear. So, "Knut" is a good method, and it is better than the modern "gingerbread"? It is the question of the supplication of corporal punishment today we will disassemble.
More recently, the physical punishment of children was the usual phenomenonPsychological aspect
Before you start a conversation, look at the statistical data. About 95% of respondents to the question, whether their parents beat them in childhood, answered in the affirmative. More than half of them, namely, 65% added that these punishments brought them a tangible benefit.
We now turn to the consideration of the influence of physical punishment on the psyche of the child. Psychologists, as well as all other sensible people, are convinced that the kid will never find a reliable defense against such a weighty "argument". Having the goal to force the crumb to do something, bypassing his endless whims and harm, the parent, taking advantage of it, very effectively will decide it.
Everything works, but here the question arises that the reason bad behavior It is not clarified and not eliminated. Thus, we only get a short-term effect. Doctor Komarovsky also says. For regular execution of your requests and requirements, you will have to resort to violence all the time. Constantly beating is not included in your plans? Remember that the child is afraid of punishment only in the first few times, then he will bother and only more and more angry against you. The desire to take revenge, based on the offense and pain, is growing.
Most often after breakdown, the parent has a sense of guilt in front of a child. Parents, as a rule, in most cases strongly repent after each of their breakdowns. The feeling of guilt is growing, because they raised their hands on a small and completely defenseless person.
Most chief CouncilHow to keep anger and assault: feeling that you are about to knock, quickly run out of the room, raise deeply deeply, count: 1, 2, 3, 4 ... and so on. Help yourself with any ways to avoid another beatings.
Science against whipping
Dear reader!
This article tells about typical ways to solve your questions, but every case is unique! If you want to know how to solve your problem - ask your question. It's fast and free!
From a scientific point of view, the question of the feasibility of the use of physical punishments in educational purposes was repeatedly considered by scientists. Professor Murray Strauss, who teaching in the New Hampshire University argues that children whose parents beat them in childhood in more adulthood Have a lower level of intellectual development (IQ). Grown kids whose parents tried to look for alternative impact options and ways of education, have higher performance.
Do we ourselves do not want to make a child in the psyche of the child about its low self-esteem, give him uncertainty in themselves, we reduce mental abilities? Is it really to change confidence and intelligence we yourself invite you to come fear and pain? We see that the kids do not study badly and think slower than peers, we spend them and punish each two, but it only exacerbate the situation.
A child who is subject to physical punishment grows insecure in itself and closed
Law against Beehive
About 13 people out of 100 participating in an independent survey indicated the fact that the problem of domestic violence should wear not only internal, personal character, but also public. These issues should be engaged in special bodies following the respect of the rights and freedoms of the child. Such services should come to the revenue to a defenseless person who has not yet has enough of their own forces to resist the threat. It is always easy to punish a weak. In the legislative system of any country, you can easily find the point in which it is said that any violence towards children should be prosecuted by law, even before the deprivation of parental rights.
Remember, it is impossible to beat a child with a moral or from a legal point of view. No part of the body is created for violence - neither back, nor na, ne all the head! This is a law!
Seeing the hysterical seizure of a 3-year-old child and feeling that only a slap can be returned to reality, do not rush to do it. Remember that you can always find other methods of exposure. For example, use the following: take the crumb to your knees and hug firmly. Give him the opportunity to calm down in your arms, come to my senses. After some time, you can calmly talk to him.
Help your child to get out of a hysterical seal with love and understanding
I solve the question for yourself, punish the child physically or not, and not finding convincing arguments that such actions contradict all possible principles - both moral, and mental, and legal, - answer such a question: what can give birth to violence (we recommend reading :) ? Honestly answer yourself: nothing except violence.
Consequences of assault
We emphasize again: never beat the child! Compare the situation when someone hit you. How will you treat this person? What is the child different in this case? Yes, almost nothing. The mechanism of perception of the situation is the same. There are completely crumbs, the kids are already stored in their small heads the dream of the Misty of Parents. They can not cope with adults yet, so they switch to lighter targets: junior comrades, animals. It is terrible to understand that the wrong behavior of parents in relation to their children may eventually give birth to the country of new maniacs, murderers, rapists and sadists. Most of these monsters were at one time victims of excessive family violence.
Why not beat children? It is worth you to hit the baby, as he immediately understands that:
- you can hit the weak;
- parents are unable to cope with children's cereals;
- propruntization is a great way to solve all problems;
- the closest people (parents) cause fear, they need to be afraid;
- the child has no physical opportunity to answer offend.
Due to the inequality of forces, the child simply cannot answer the offender the same
Despite the fact that 67% of their respondents respond negatively about the use of physical punishments in educational purposes, they still periodically slip their chad. Often parents raise a hand on a weak karapus because of their own impotence. They cannot convey the word "it is impossible" to bring in other ways. Beating on the pope seems to them the most effective way. No, so should not. Anyone will understand the tired mother who stood out of his strength, irritated and broken, but none of the listed states justifies slaps and fellows towards his beloved baby. Feeling that you are about to knock and leave yourself, start acting: Consider up to 10, breathe deeply, go to another room, Bates pillow, try different methods eliminating anger. Do our best, but do not let yourself strike a weak.
What to do?
We have already mentioned that bad deeds, Harmfulness and whims are only the consequence, and the reason lies completely in the other. What? It will seem strange and banal - in the desire to be seen and heard.
The baby wants to achieve our attention at all costs, so give him this attention. Walk more often and play together, more often hug and kiss. You will see how correctly act: caress and care are capable of melt the coldest heart ice.
How to be when you have exhausted, all verbal arguments? What should I do if you need to convey the wrong action to the child? Silence is not an output, but an attempt to change the situation can be a good method.
Joint leisure strengthens family relationships, increases the level of confidence
Learn to search for compromises
Situation: You are tired and want to sleep, and the baby does not fail anymore. You all tried to calm it: requests, threats ... There is a feeling that he does everything on purpose to film. Still a little bit and you will show off ... Stop! Imagine the 4-pilots of an adult - your friend-peer on the site of your Karapuza. He wants to have fun and noise, while you are already fatally tired and fall from the legs. Will you sprinkle it or worse to smooth the belt? Most likely, you try to find a different way to arrange. You or yourself go to another room, or ask to remove it, referring to your own fatigue. Try the same ways with the baby. Maybe, the crumb just missed you, then the most faithful remedy is strong hugs and a mental conversation.
The second situation: the kid offends other kids on the site, can knock on the shovel on the head. Get away with him on the sideline and calmly, but persistently talk to him, explaining that you will go home now, as he does not know how to play well with others. Tell me also that so you will do as long as it does not learn good behavior. Seeing that even after your conversations, the baby continues to do bad, know for sure - he does it called. So he wants to attract your attention.
Give yourself the opportunity to be real
The scale of negative emotions from pranks and holling your chad will soon get to the boiling point. You are struggling with you, try not to shout and not angry, but still reaching the limit you do not cope and beat your bloodstroke again (we recommend reading :). After that, you buy yourself, scold and blame. Do not. Most the best way - Talk to the child and explain why you did that.
If an adult was mistaken - you can say about this to a child
Conversations can be carried out at any age. It doesn't matter how much baby is now one, two, two years or 10 years. Do not hesitate your anger and irritation, let the baby know about them. Do not strive to be an ideal mom, be alive and natural. Call your own names: "I was terribly angry with you, because ..." Always reinforce your words by explanations. Having saved yourself from the need to save anger and anger, as well as learning to talk about it with the baby, you will see that the need for punishments will disappear.
Find root cause
If you have become regularly and methodically sculp the crumb for any provinces, and for serious misconduct you can make it very much, there is an obvious problem. Of course, not children, and your personal. Staying in heavy emotional and mental stateThe parent is constantly inflicted and annoyed. Punishments and spanking, he takes out his malice, relieves stress. Most people who beat the kids themselves were beaten in childhood. They do not see anything bad in beating: we were punished with a belt on the pope, we will punish and we. Understanding that parent tactics in relation to man was wrong, he all burns out them, proving the surrounding and to himself that the beating is useful. Such parents can hit the child in the heat of anger on her lips for some kind of bold word in their address.
In such situations, the right way to get rid of children's psychological injuries. Without seeing the causes of their omnibration and frequent use of corporal punishment, consult a psychologist. Science Psychology will help in this case to reveal the root cause and eliminate it.
The main assistants in the education of education, it is a humane education - patience and endless love. It is difficult to raise children - a hard work and work is not easy, but all problems and difficulties can be overcome. Seeing the negative from the Karapuz, do not hurry with the conclusions. It is important to find out the cause of such behavior. Do not forget that each age has its own characteristics and needs to be served.
As soon as a person who has emerged already has to appear in front of you, as a full-fledged person. It is impossible to perceive it as a weak and subjective creature to you that fulfills all your requirements and desires.
Body punishments lead to the fact that the crumb becomes frightened, embittered and morally humiliated. Do not allow yourself to destroy the trust existing between you and your chance. Beating awakens in it feelings of hatred, and this behavior will only deteriorate. Following this, new punishments will come. Cut this vicious circle. Do not let the child lose their self-esteem.
Why do many parents actively apply physical impact on their own children? The reasons for this phenomenon are quite deep. But the physical punishment as extremely detrimental, one can replace much more efficient and humane alternatives.
Some argue that "It is necessary to smoke the child until he grown". And this is a tribute to tradition. After all, in Russia an inalienable element of education was birch roses. But today everything has changed, and physical punishments are equal to medieval executions. True, this question is important for many and remains open.
Key causes of using physical punishment in the educational process
A huge number of parents apply strength in the raising of children and at the same time do not think that it can provoke consequences. For them, it is familiar to fulfill their parental debt, generously endowing children by subtletyels. Moreover, to maintain discipline often in a prominent place, the object of intimidation is hanging - the belt, etc.
What are the reasons for such fierce medieval cruelty from modern mothers and dads? There are several reasons:
- Inheritance reasons. Most often, parents take out their own children's insults already in their Chad. Moreover, such a father or mother usually do not understand the report that there is upbringing without violence. Their confidence is that the adaptation is consolidated by the said educational words in a child, unshakable;
- Lack of desire, as well as time to upbringing the baby, holding a long conversation, explaining its wrongness. After all, it is much faster and easier to hit the child than sitting with him and talk about his misconduct, help him understand his own wrong;
- The lack of even elementary knowledge about the process of raising children. Parents take the belt only from hopelessness and from ignorance, how to cope with the "Little Monster";
- Motion offense and anger for their own failures., Previous and current. Often parents laugh their own Chado only because it is no longer to break on com. The salary is meager, the head of the tough, the wife does not listen, and then there is still a harmful child, spinning under his feet. And the parent gives the pope for it. Moreover, the louder the child is crying and the stronger the father is afraid, the stronger will he be offended by the child for his own problems and failures. After all, a person needs to feel his own power and power before anyone. And the worst thing, when for a child there is no one to stand up;
- Mental disorders. There are also such parents who simply need to scream, get a disassembly without visible reasons. Next, the parent reaches the required condition, presses the baby to himself and crying with it. Such moms and dads require help of the doctor.
What is a physical punishment?
Physical punishments, experts include not only the direct use of rough strength in order to influence the child. In addition to belts, towels, slippers, and subtletiles, and punishment in the corner, and jerking hands and sleeves, and ignoring, and violent feeding or not feeding, etc. But in any case, one goal is pursued - to hurt, demonstrate the power over the child, to point it to him.
Statistics:children under 4 years of age are most often imposed in physical form, since they can not hide, defend or indignant: "For what?"
Physical impacts provoke new wave The disobedience of the child, which, in turn, leads to a new surge of parent aggression. Thus, the so-called cycle of domestic violence appears.
The consequences of physical punishment. Is it possible to beat the child?
Are there any benefits of physical punishment? Of course not. The incorrect statements that the gingerbread does not give effect without a whip and that light loan in some situations is useful.
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After all, any physical punishment turns into consequences:
- The fear of the parent, from which the child directly depends (and in the same way). This fear over time develops into neurosis;
- Against the background of such neurosis, the kid is difficult to adapt in society, to find friends, and later - and the second half. It affects his career;
- Self-similar self-assessment is extremely understated by such methods. The child is remembered for a lifetime "the right of strong". And with this right, at the first opportunity, it will take advantage of himself;
- Regular spanks affect the psyche, causing delays in development;
- Children who are constantly concentrated on anticipation of punishment from parents are unable to focus on lessons or games with other children;
- In 90% of cases, the child will act like their own children beyond the parents;
- Over 90% of the attackers were subjected to violence from parents as a child. Probably, no one wants to raise the maniac or a masochist;
- Regularly received punishment, the child loses a sense of reality, stops solving pressing problems, learn, experiencing constant anger and fear, as well as the desire for revenge;
- With each blow, the child is distinguished from the parent. The natural relationship between parents and children is disturbed. In the family with violence there will be no mutual understanding. Growing, the child will deliver many problems to tiranam parents. And in the old age of parents is waiting for an unenviable fate;
- Punished and humiliated child are extremely alone. He feels broken, forgotten, thrown into the side of life and unnecessary anyone. In such states, children are able to make such nonsense as care in bad companies, smoking, drugs, or even suicide;
- Entering into the courage, parents often lose control over themselves. As a result, a child who fell under the hot hand risks to get injured, sometimes incompatible with life, if after the tumak parent falls and hit the sharp object.
Children can not beaten. There are effective alternatives
It must be remembered that physical punishments are weakness, and not the power of parents, the manifestation of its insolvency. And excuses like "he does not understand differently" remain only excuses. In any case, there is an alternative to physical violence. For this:
- You should divert the child, switch attention to anything interesting.
- Move the kid by the occupation, in which he moves to stitch and capricious.
- Hug a baby and convince him of his love. After you can spend with a baby at least a couple of hours of own "precious" time. After all, the child is missing precisely. We also read: ).
- Come up with new games. For example, you can collect scattered toys into two large drawers who are the first. The award can be a good fairy tale for the night of Dad or Mom. And it will better thank, rather than a poddle car.
- Use loyal punishment methods (deprivation of laptop, TV, hike for a walk, etc.).
We also read:
- Beat or beat? History of all condemned mom -
- 8 loyal ways to punish children. How to properly punish a child for disobedience -
- 7 Rough Parents Errors during SSOR with children -
- How can not punish a child -
- It is necessary to punish the child at 3 years: the opinion of parents and psychologist -
It is important to learn how to get a child without punishment. Methods for that huge amount. There would be a desire, and you can always find an alternative. For any parent, it is important to understand that children categorically impossible to beat under any circumstances!
Why you can not beat children. Self-control of parents and physical punishment
Opinions of mammies from forums
Olga: My opinion is that very strictly impossible. Because We begin to drive into a tight framework, and when there will be no children next to us, they will begin to take off in full. Remember, always begins to want to want it even more, then you can not or do not. And we can not always fall asleep, even if you really want. Beat or never beat ?? I am against beat, although I sometimes slam. Then scold myself. I think raising your hand to the child, it's just we do not cope with our emotions. You can just come up with a sentence. We have an angle. Small terribly does not like to stand there, roars. ... But we have a contract with him if it is raised there, until you calm down, I will not talk to him. And it costs until it cools. The most severe probably find a punishment, because at all one method does not work.
Zanon2: Do not beat and punish! agree. But there is no beat!
Beloslav: I, too, sometimes span, then I myself think again broke, you can not beat ... I try to change theme at all if psychos attacked, usually it is before day sleep It happens, but most of all depresses me that the child, when a squat and I swear, says "Bay" .. He still does not say phrases. I explain that I love him and beat I don't want to beat it and I don't care forgotten now, it seems to forget became ... And our dad believes that it is necessary to beat ... And I will not convince him .. I beat it in childhood ...
Natalinka15: Yes, a difficult topic, I try not to scream, well, but I do not accept the child at all, I try to negotiate. If it is impossible to quietly agree, then for some time I leave my daughter alone and just turning and leaving. It happens in different ways it reacts, sometimes it immediately calms and happens. But for when I leaving both of us have time to think and calm down. In principle, it is always possible, sweats to solve the world and we will reveal.
Ladoshki_K_Fer: What I thought about ... Why we, adults and parents, let them want to hit your child if he declines, acts as a stimulus, if it fails to agree with him ... And why don't we spare at all native adults? ... .. .. They can also annoy, offend ... After all, we will think a hundred times before giving an opponent in the face. same? We are afraid to come forward by the aggressor, we want to look a civilized, smart and tolerant, translate the conflict for diplomacy. What and children then does it not work for some?
We also read: how to educate children: whip or gingerbread? -
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Is it possible to punish your child? Most often, this question is asked young parents. The topic of corporal punishment is very controversial. There are 2 categories of parents: the first are physical punishment, and the second - no. Beat on the pope or not beat? If he does not listen? What consequences can be?
Key styles of education
The history of human development allocates three main style of education that parents use:
What is physical punishment?
The type of punishment, the purpose of which is to cause a bodily pain inguish, is considered to be physical. In addition to the well-known methods (slap, belt on the pope), there are punishments with a towel, domestic sneakers, click on the forehead, etc. All these methods persecute one goal: show your superiority over the child, create a pain effect, prove its right point.
The main reasons for the physical punishment of children
Most modern mothers and dads, punishing their children, believe that these are their parental debt. But this contributes to several key causes:
Why do children do not obey?
We all know that there are no ideal and obedient children. In psychology, several reasons for children's disobedience are distinguished:
- diffidence;
- gaps in education;
- way to draw attention to yourself;
- striving for contradictions;
- way to assert
- many child requirements.
Most children's whims and cases of disobedience are connected with the fact that the child grows, feels independently a unit, and parents still think that he is still a crumb. The baby does not listen if the mother and dad do not pay attention to him. This is very effective method. If you do not have much time to pay a lot of time, then he may have a resentment, and then he can do everything not as you want, but how it will find it necessary.
Your heir may feel in case of increased irritability of parents and frequent wondering for clothes. The lack of a system in the education of children is observed when a large number of people take part in this process - father with mother, grandparents, uncle and aunt. Everyone from the educators has its own method, it may differ from the methods of other family members. For some, the behavior of the crumbs is the norm, for others - unacceptable, and then the baby does not know how to behave correctly.
Parents who use authoritarian education style, there are many demands on the chad, sometimes not appropriate to its development and age. They put their opinion above all, the opinion of the child is not taken into account, only demand from it. If it does not perform instructions, it is punished. It is very difficult to develop a child in such a medium.
Influence on the child
Physical and psychological prohibited by law, but many parents practice this method, considering it the most effective. Adults often can not hold back their anger, it is easier for them to give a belt on the pope than to explain the child an affordable child of his wrong. If you use such as corporal punishment, then wait for the consequences. Often, a little man has a fear that subsequently can affect his further life.
If the child is afraid of a loved one, then this in the future can affect him interpersonal relationship, Adaptation in society, at work. Parents should know what to beat on the pope, to humiliate, shouting at their heir, it is impossible, because it can grow insecure in itself, without aspirations in life. He will think that one has power, that's right.
Physical effects of corporal punishment
Very often, corporal punishments lead to physical injury from your Chad. This is due to the fact that many parents do not count their strength when punishing children. There is addictive to slaps on the pope, especially if they apply every day. This leads to the fact that the behavior of the child does not change, and the power of bodily effects increases. As a result, severe injuries are formed.
Without controlling yourself, the parent is able to injure a child who is incompatible with his life. And then the punishment of children will lead to deposits. Tumaki and Podtabatils lead to the fact that the baby can hit the sharp corner or other objects in the house.
Physical consequences can manifest themselves in the form of Enurrawa, a variety of ticks, encopter, etc. Do not beat the children, be increasing! After all, the child is several times less than you.
Psychological consequences of bodily punishment
- Low self-esteem. The child will be guided by the principle in life: who has power, that's right.
- Impact on children's psyche, a delay in development is possible.
- The lack of concentration of attention in the lessons in games.
- Projection of the same behavior on your own children.
- Most children who have been physical violence are becoming in the future attackers.
- The child ceases to live a reality, without solving the problems that have arisen, without studying.
- Constantly there is a feeling of fear and a desire to take revenge.
- Punishment and humiliation leads to loneliness, the child feels alienated, no one needs anyone.
- There is a distance from the parents, the relationship is spoiled. If violence is applied in the family, there will be no contact points.
Psychological consequences are also frequent concern, a sense of confusion, fear, increased anxiety. May worsen appetite, the child can sleep badly, hyperactivity increases.
Alternative to corporal punishment, or how to punish a child
The manifestation of weakness, the lack of certain pedagogical knowledge and skills in parents leads to physical in order not to hurt him? You can not beat children, apply an alternative. What you need for this:
- It is necessary to switch the child's attention to something else.
- Karapuz should be injured in such a lesson so that he stops blind.
- Come up with new entertainment in order to encourage the baby, and not the opposite. For example, you can fold all the scattered toys in the box. Read his favorite book or a fairy tale for the night.
- Kiss and hug your child so that he felt your warmth and love. Cut it more free time.
- Replace bodily punishment with more loyal methods (do not go walk, turn off the TV, take the tablet).
Treat your philosophically to the pixels of your children, projecting the entire spectrum of action. Try to communicate more with your children, create a trusting relationship with each other, and then problems will become much smaller. Learn to cope with problems without punishments. It is important to understand the parents that children cannot be hit under any circumstances!
Young photographer from Hungary Fanni Putnoczki made this photo of his younger sister with "cited" bruises to show the horror of violence against children. For many children, this horror is real. Photo: World Photography Organization
Violence over children has no safe forms. There is no acceptable strength with which strong and adult has the right to hit weak and unrequited. One who cannot do with modern methods of upbringing, it is better not to start children at all.
While discussing the draft law on countering domestic violence in Belarus takes a wide variety of revisions, news portals continue to cover the case of the cruel murder of a two-year-old girl in Slutsk. What a terrible, devilish irony in the neighborhood of these news.
No one in the right mind will justify parents who score their children to death. But where the discussion about domestic violence is unfolded, the many "but", "if" and "sometimes" pops up. It turns out that in exceptional cases, for exceptional misdeems, only if other methods did not help, slightly, on the pope, purely in educational purposes, without any sadistic pleasure ... what is there, even useful, it turns out!
This text will not be about the legal aspects of domestic violence, not about the abusers and victims - it will be about the border. About the abstract feature that separates phenomena, states and objects from opposite or adjacent. And in this text there will be a lot of question purposes.
Everyone felt the difference between a sadist parent from criminal reports and a person who admits that the child can be slammed on the pope, unless otherwise understand. We are well aware of how far one one from the other - and between these two poles there is a whole range of transitional, intermediate scenarios.
... spank, so that I knew; give a purse, so as not to be confused under his feet; pour in the first number for the deuce; give a slash for unwitting dishes; beat to bruises for later return; Seek crying baby ... break him a handle or scroll your head, but not with evil, but because I'm tired of crying ... and finally - to score. To death. Two years old
Do you want to search for yourself a safe point on this scale leading from justifying easy blows to inhuman beatings?
President Lukashenko criticized the concept of the draft law on countering domestic violence: "All this is a fool, taken primarily from the West ... We will proceed exclusively from our own interests, our Belarusian, slavic traditions And our life experience. " "A good belt is sometimes useful for a child,"- the head of state believes.
Suppose the child behaves more worse (which is not surprising), and parental punishments are becoming stricter. At what point do you cease to be a fair parent, a supporter of moderate traditional penalties, proven generations, and become a little sadist? Not yet, which brutally mocks over the bad baby, but already - the most darling - dangerous? That is, so that one blow to the back is still acceptable, but a little stronger to attach - no, it is already unacceptable. I'm not sure that anyone can show me this point of no return.
And from what age can you start beat your child? Baby, probably not worth it yet? When will you walk - already possible? Winged, probably, still barely stands on the legs. Maybe in children's gardenWhen is it five less than an adult? Unfortunately somehow. Probably, in school, the bad estimates will begin, there will be many reasons. The main thing is to finish on time, because the teenager can suddenly respond to the blow. And how many stories, when the children who were mocked over the years, killed their parents with implausible cruelty and not tested. There is nothing good in this, but there is nothing strange too.
How much can you beat your child and by what parts of the body? In addition - it is clear, we honor tradition. Is it possible to use the belt with weighting elements? Should there be traces in the edification? Is it ethically to beat the girls or should be punished with a belt with navalized pants only boys? Doesn't it look like some kind of completely painful deviation?
How do parents come to the thoughts that they need to start beat the child? Education consists of a sequence of actions and educator solutions. The parent, who did not cope with his tasks, is trying to catch the missed beep? Giving a hand to strike, he paints in his impotence and its insolvency as an educator. Beats the child is not because it is to blame, but because the aggressor cannot cope with anger, irritation and discontent with its own pedagogical successes. In front of him, the result of a series of his bad solutions is faced with the pants' sentence. He speaks of uncontrollability, not wanting to admit that it was simply apparent.
Or a child beat from birth? That is, the parent initially in his educational plans lays these measures as permissible? For what you can - at least slightly - slap baby, what can he deserve the punishment? What is hungry? What did you want on the handles?
Someone from the case of the case is on the case of the exteroid parents, falling into anger ("I can't more with him", "see what you brought me!", "You were bad and raised mommy"). Someone is beating constantly and strongly - simply because parents are asocial inhuman psychopaths, too inevitably, unfortunately, entering news reports. Is it far one one from the other?
"We beat us - and we grew up normal people"Here is the standard excuse of the belt supporters into which the error crept. They did not rose normally. They continue to broadcast from generation to generation this unhealthy advocacy scheme of violence over weak and defenseless. Sometimes - completely helpless, trusting, unable to oppose cruelty.
The cruelty, invading the world-ended person, settles there, supplanted the norm; The handsked child will be cruel to people, animals, and someday - to their aging parents. Beatings for beatings, let no one am surprised. Even one is the only unfair, unacceptable parental punishment can be imprinted in memory for life, and then your adult child will remember this, putting sobbing, with hatred for you, living or dead.
The traditions are born, strengthened, inheritated, obsolet and die away, each has its own life cycle, and the essence of cultural progress. The concept of the norm over time is shifted, adjusted, is due to the modernity; Briefing children whipping is very good for a long time, this is an anachronism.
From a slap on the pope to deaths very far, but there are no marks on this segment. Violence over children has no safe forms. There is no acceptable strength with which strong and adult has the right to strike a weak and unrequited, there are no permissible places for whipping. One who cannot do with modern methods of upbringing, it is better not to start children at all.
