Many parents ask a question how to find a common language with a teenager, because it becomes more closed, too irritable and even slightly aggressive. He no longer strives to spend his time with his parents, but in relation to academic performance, well, she fell.
For you, the problem is becoming an urgent problem. What to do? In no case to scold, on the contrary, all the time to underline the fact that he needs his family as it is, with all his problems and disadvantages.
- Prove to him actions, and not in words that you can trust. Observe all agreements, keep this word - exactly then it will become the same.
- Praise for positive actions and good undertakings, focus on them attention, even if there are less than bad deeds and hooligan trim.
- Try to turn your demands into his desire, i.e. It is simple: he must want to want the same thing as you.
- Suppose if all the time I unobtrusively emphasize the significance of good education, to mentally pass with him the entire chain to the end, emphasize the benefits of what he can get due to him, then performance will increase.
- Helping to properly arrange priorities. For example, being the leader is good, but to learn mutual understanding, proper communication with peers - more importantly.
- Change the wording of some questions so that the teenager disappeared the desire does not communicate with you. Suppose not "What did you get today?" (in terms of estimates), and "What was interesting in school?", "What do you like there today / didn't like it?"
- Cancel physical punishment if it is. The child should not in the period transitional age Being to speak to parents the truth for any reason that it was not. The faster the adults will learn about it, the more they will have time to correct the negative situation.
- Forget about the offensive words and expressions, they will be needed to eradicate from their speech. This will insult the dignity of the teenager, he will return it to parents with interest, and then the question is how to find a common language with a teenager, you will have to replace on "How can I talk to him?"
- Do not compare your teenager with neighboring Masha and Vasyami, only with yourself. Always try to evaluate it positively, even if it is still non-compressed in something. Do not turn your comments in charges.
- If you want to praise, then praise it. If you are forced to criticize, then only a deed. Those. Praise should be personal, and criticism impersonal.
- To try to give your adolescent to your adolescent: rejoice even to his smallest success and worry with him any failure. Be around in any case.
- Actively help him fight with any problem. He should know that parents are allies, and not indifferent observers or his opponents.
- Believe in him, and then he will not strive to the street, because it takes him at home, love and respect.
In fact, it only seems to find a common language with a teenager is difficult. Start gradually, and you will see how wonderful will your life begin to make up, because you will be loved by no duty, but in the call of the heart. This is what is your goal?
Teenagers in our country are children from 12 to 17 years old. This piece of life for children is divided into three periods - the junior adolescent age (12-13), the average adolescent age (13-16) and senior adolescent age - from 16 to 17 years.
Adolescence is characterized by increased maximalism, vulnerability and desire to prove to the world value of his personality. Therefore, a teenager tries to listen to adults (not even listen at all) and more - peers, whose opinion becomes archiving. At the same time, the adult remains in bewilderment: yesterday yesterday Vassenka or Lenochka, who listened to every mother-daddy word, today argue and prove their own opinion.
Besides psychological features Adolescent, the conflict of parents and adolescent children is influenced by the misunderstanding between both sides. For example, Dad says: "Turn the light and go to bed, it's too late." - Dad has in mind that the child is harmful to sit at the computer, and the child hears another in this phrase: Dad limits his freedom. Therefore, it is advisable to communicate with the teenager as patiently as possible, explain to him what exactly did you mean when they asked for a teenager to do something or that.
If the adult tone rises, children instantly recognize it. Irritation, anger, aggression - all this catches a sensitive child's ear, even if dad or mom try to speak calmly. As soon as the teenager feels that an adult is trying to make it in something guilty, he instantly telesreates and begins to contradict the adult in any way. Therefore, try to talk to the child as calmer as possible, to be polite with them, so that a socially immature still person felt respect in relation to himself.
The importance of the opinion of the teenager
If you do not know how to solve this or that situation, honestly consult your child and ask his opinions. The child will express his feelings, and you will have a full-fledged conversation, and not unilateral accusations. If you have doubts, express their child. Then he will understand that before him is not indisputable authority, but a person with his thoughts and feelings, doubts, the same as a child. And will be more willing to listen to the opinion of adults.
To keep a certain situation under control, it is not necessary for anything to seek the consent of the child to a particular step. Teen should be able to choose. It is very important for them now, much more important than dad or mom to achieve your own requirements. Therefore, at this stage (in adolescence) it is very important to talk more to the child, and not to demand from him.
If the child does not need to be obeyed, he will not need to rebel against the "outdated" obscons, which "impose" adults. Excessive critical comments and demand from the teenager to be in all perfect are harmful than helpful. I will not achieve ideal, but very quickly set up a child against yourself.
In addition, adults must feel and recognize when the child is required by the Council, and when the child "takes on a sample": And can I talk to Pope and Mom about or about it. Very good, if the circle of those that parents can discuss with a teenager will be as diverse as possible.
How to call a teenager for a frank conversation
Very often in adolescence, the child compares its behavior model with the model of peer behavior. He can come from school and tell about how he behaved in the classroom Vasya. He does not express his opinion, this is a test for parental opinion. In this case, the big mistake of the parents will immediately rush in the bayonets on the poor Vasya, scold him and complete the conversation "But I am in my time ..." The child will turn around and become thinking that the model of parental behavior and in this, and in the following cases are originality will not be.
The correct behavior of the parents is to cause a teenager to a frank conversation. Two main questions that they must ask the child: "What do you think about the behavior of Vasi" and "why do you think so?" And the third, no less important question: "What would you do"?
If such conversations are held with adolescents constantly, the child will not hire their feelings and intentions from adults, and you can always respond in time if your son or daughters begin difficulties with anything. For example, with how to behave in a particular company. The main task of the parents is to keep the precious opportunity to frankly communicate with the child regardless of the circumstances in which he got. A sense of constant communication with parents, the feeling that he will always understand and listen, for a teenager is much more important than the model of submission and authoritarianism. The feeling that the child will always understand, gives him great self-confidence and in communicating with peers, the social role of the child is becoming more stronger and stable.
When he becomes an adult, he will be firmly confident in himself and the same attitude will take place to communicate with an adult team. Career and personal life of such a teenager will develop much more successful.
How to gently say a teenager "no"
Of course, parents cannot constantly agree with the child, because it will not strengthen their authority, but on the contrary, will destroy. First of all, parents must be honest with their son or daughter. But the teenager "no" should also be able to say. There are many phrases with which you can say a child that you disagree with his opinion or what you do not like it. First, you need to listen to the child without interrupting, even if he, in your opinion, carries a complete nonsense. And, if you disagree with his opinion or act, carefully express: "I would most likely come in different ways." The child will certainly have a question like.
Either say teenage: "I can't agree with you, although it is possible that there is something in it. But the situation can be approached more efficiently. " And to discuss the situation with the child, considering and respecting his opinion. Either say another magic phrase: "I have a different opinion, but I respect yours. You can do what you think. Although it would be more useful ... "
Thus, you do the main thing: show the child, as you respect him, and do not impose your own opinion, but you give to understand your own position. Then the child is studying you, what to defend and have your own opinion is normal, it should not necessarily coincide with the opinion of the largest authority for him.
If the child does not contradict openly, he will not have necessity and most importantly - the temptation is to resist. Communicate with a teenager is a difficult task, but you will undoubtedly cope.
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The problem, how to communicate with the teenager may arise at any age of the child. Someone is experiencing a puberty period calmly, almost imperceptibly for others, other children are transferred this time Painly. Moreover, both for yourself personally and for others. In this regard, the problem becomes relevant for many parents: how to communicate with adolescent 12, 13, 14, 15, and sometimes even 16 years. There are somewhat simple, but effective rules for this!
How to communicate with a teenager
The first thing to understand and accept is: the child has grown. It no longer so clearly needs adulthood, like a baby, but still compared with the elders. It strains him. As well as changes in the body, natural signs of mature, social relations with classmates and a lot of other problems.
The task of an adult at this stage is to help, and not aggravate.
And for this you need to understand how to communicate with the child with a teenager!
Rule number 1. Remember yourself!
In bustle children's age Many parents are completely given to the child's life. Shared walks, general classes, total time. It's time to divide. And remember yourself. This will provide two pleasant moments:
- will be satisfied with yourself - external species, new acquaintances, hobbies, hobbies;
- the focus on the child will decrease - the quarrel frequency will decrease, a more peaceful and pleasant atmosphere will come in the house.
Additional bonus: Satisfied and passionate parents - an example of admiration and imitating any teenager!
Rule number 2. Do not forget to breathe!
If learn to communicate with a teenager, then the first to remember this rule. Breath. At the beginning of any conversation, you need to physically breathe. Necessarily.
At the same time, it does not matter whether the crucial conversation or lyrical communication is brewing - just inhale. And then dialogue.
What for? The brain saturation with oxygen will give a positive charge and will help react without irritation to different little things and reservations.
Rule number 3. Take a teenager as "what is it"
Or she. It does not matter.
Tips, how to communicate with a girl with a teenager and with young men do not differ much.
But to take a growing miracle is the direct responsibility of any parent. Anyone.
Yes, prickly. Yes, sharp. Yes, wants dreadlocks and tattoo. But this is his formation and development. And the brightness of life is now felt especially strongly - even without any.
Therefore, just take and maintain - "and in the mountain, and in fun."
Rule number 4. Agree with desires
Teenager wants to see in an adult partner. Which takes, understands and approves it. And the main thing that will always help. It can be expressed in any trifles. For example, a child comes home and asks: "Mom, pour me tea, please." He can himself, but he is important to participate Moms even in this small life moment.
Of course, this does not mean that it is necessary to break down and run to a teenager for the first requirement. But it is possible to perform some of his desires. 
Pleasant Bonus: If you have support in trifles, a child may not be descended to a categorical search for attention. And this means, eats a chance to avoid the requirements "I want piercing on the face", "hole in the ear", "green hair throughout the body".
Rule number 5. Love is simple and unconditional
What is your favorite child, your child, you need to remind yourself all. Especially when problems begin and the teenager does not want to communicate with their parents. He does not want to communicate because the parents are bad or not needed. Not.
Just at the moment the time is more important for him: the new film, the saying of a classmate, the need for loneliness or creativity.
Why do you need to remember about love? Because the beloved person we are ready to forgive a lot - even idleness and misinterfidence. So here. Just love, understand and, if possible, forgive small germs.
Rule number 6. Tell me about yourself
Teenage age is good that you can discuss everything. His chief and Roman subordinates at work. Financial relations with banks and funny events on the street. Why do you need to do with adults? To save the connection with the child.
Your question "How was the day", the answer will at best be "normal". Because you have already expressed your opinion on the events of the teenager, where I wanted, and those who wanted. He has no desire to repeat. And do not wait for the magic recipe here, how to communicate with the son or daughter as a teenager.
Better tell about your day and your events. This will give to understand the younger child that in the house we are glad to any discussions. And heard him immediately, as he wants it.
Bonus: Indired through the stories you can unobtrusively form a teenager's opinion by different topics, express negative and positive reactions to different events. That is to raise.
Rule number 7. Collect new horizons
This is the coolest and interesting point.
Its essence is as follows: the interests of the parents of the child studied before his age 10-12. Now he has their own. And self-parents themselves do.
Let the daughter or son tell about the trends of music and teach to play you, parents, on the guitar. Or hobble hockey. And maybe you will start playing a computer game together.
A new growing and developing personality is so great! So look for the points of contact, and in the family will not be disclaimed. 
Pleasant Bonus: You can open for yourself something cool and amazing.
Rule number 8. Rear is a house
Always. Unconditionally.
At home you can relax, pour, rave, laugh and cry. No one will condemn, does not break, will not punish. The house is the rear, where you can always come.
It should know and understand every teenager, and the task of parents to maintain this understanding the highest possible time.
Rule number 9. Independence +.
Always give a little more independence than necessary. This will help avoid violent expansion of horizons and mass problems.
Let mom / dad be offered to make the Summer Iroquais, to independently get to another city to the grandmother or repair a complex technique. The more opportunities are given to a teenager, the less he requires the rally.
How to communicate with a teenager? Complicated? Not. If you do everything consciously, thoughtfully and understand: this harmful and hard age will someday ends!
Usually children at about twenty-five finally understand that mom has always been right in everything. However, before this happens, you need to survive several years of a puberty period with misunderstanding, swearing, scandals and sometimes care from the house. Parents, having offspring -, know how large the change is when, from a cute loved child, Choo suddenly turns into an eternally dissatisfied monster, which is rude without a reason and makes insane acts. Most often it falls at the age of 11 - 15 years with a peak at 13-14.
Teenager can also be understood. Childhood ends, and children begin to look at. Immediately they are divided into beautiful and not very secured and from the middle class, smart and mediocre. The companies define the leader and the first beauty, eternal losers and Tikhoni. A couple of couples are formed and the hearts from undivided feelings are broken first. These are no longer children, but not even adults. A teenager is looking for himself, trying to understand what he stands and prove it to others. At this age, children often turn to one or another subculture, trying to stand out in the crowd, radically change the appearance and style of clothing.
Often parents note that, excessively excitable, emotionally painful. Usually a teenager is rude, checking the framework of the permitted, and sometimes makes things that border with violation of ethical and legal norms. At this age, I want to know what it is possible and that it is impossible.
There are no cases when a child makes extreme actions, is fond of dangerous directions of sports, in order to draw attention to the public, as well as test themselves on strength.
For many, the teenage period is quite painless, leaving behind only traces of acne on the face and memories of fervent passions. Such children get an education, become normal average people and communicate well with their parents. But sometimes a pubertal stage and the associated psychological thumbnails can impose a heavy imprint to the entire subsequent life. And in order to prevent this and not to lose the emotional connection with a difficult teenager, parents should be patient and explore the following tips.
Considering his personality from infancy and listening to his opinion. No, now it will not be about how to go about the baby and grow a selfish monster.
It is important to accumulate to adolescent age the so-called "Credit Credit": To bring the trust and respect for a child to such an extent that he will gladly share his pubertal problems and experiences. From that moment on, parents can turn into best friends and comrades when proper approach. It will be fine if the family will have joint happy memories and hobbies to this period. It would help with a teenage crisis.
Most importantly, calmly and thoroughly protect the child from committing crazy actions. It is required to explain to him how dangerous is uncontrollable extreme hobbies, and send energy into a peaceful direction. For example, help choose a suitable sport, make a campaign together, alloy, conquering tops.
It is important in this period not to miss a teenager and not let him get under the unnecessary influences of various companies. And this is a very sharp area. With his concern, parents often repel the child from themselves, imposing their rules on him and hurt his pride. Hardly forbidden to communicate with anyone or walk where - either, father or mother commit main mistake: Most likely, the child will come up to the opposite. Their excitement is understandable and justified. However, the concepts of "control" and "care" should be distinguished. The baby grew up, he is almost an adult and will not tolerate excessive guardianship, even if he does not earn yet. In this situation, parents benefit from respected from their heir. Those parents who organized a favorable effect on the child are stronger than the influence of the street. It is necessary to talk a lot and for a long time with a teenager, discuss the news, give advice and tactfully guide his thoughts in the sure side.
At this age, the child is very weak and vulnerable to their friends. The worst punishment for him is to be a loser in the eyes of a company or a representative of the opposite sex. There are cases when children make inconceivable acts only on "weakly", under the suites of peers. Sometimes it may end up sad. In order for your son or daughter to be the victim of the authority and totalitarianism of the street company, it is necessary gradually, from childhood to inspire confidence in himself and its strength. Praise for achievements, help seek goals, learn reports with him, train techniques to once put on a pedestal. Such a child who knows the price, even for fifteen years will find the strength not to succumb to provocations if they are.
A splash of negative and aggression inherent in adolescent period is due to physiological and hormonal rearrangements of the body. In principle, this is the option of the norm. But it takes carefully to watch the child's behavior, so as not to miss if suddenly nervous system will fail. Sometimes in some families, it is possible to relive the pubertal period only with the help of a psychotherapist. If the teenager became closed, unlikely, removed, not going to contact, is engaged in something incomprehensible - this is a reason once again To seem to look at it.
Very often, parents note that they do not find common those for a conversation with a child who is increasingly distinguished. Indeed, parents will have to come to terms with the fact that in the next few years they will be much more interesting with friends and peers. But the teenager should always remember that he loved, wait and always take at home. To do this, we must constantly do something together, the joint pastime brings closer and promotes conversations. You can just highlight the day a week when the whole family is going and rides, for example, on a picnic, fishing, or shopping. Make such family falary to good tradition and never break it.
There are often cases when a teenager, yielded to temptations adult life, starts to miss school, skip classes. Very frequent girls at this age novels with guys much older. In these situations, the swearing and notation will help. You will not forbid a love girl to love, and the adult guy will not make sit at home. Here only a patient and understanding approach can help.
The only thing that remains parents to tell the child than is fraught with his future behavior. It always hurts to watch when children choose not the path that parents propheted them, but keep contact and proximity is much more important. It should be remembered that a teenager can be removed by any sharp movement.
Do not invade a teenager's personal life - Search for his diaries, check things, read posts on your phone or social networks. This is much stronger to scare away the child from parents than it will help. If you have strong suspicions about your son or daughter, try to talk to him in souls and express your fears and doubts. Believe me, the invasion of personal space hurts a person, even if this person is born and seemed to be a child belonging to you. Remember the respect and trust that it is not easy to achieve, but necessary.
Most parents often put their "unsuccessful" children as an example of a particular character, be it the son of a neighbor or a daughter of colleagues. What can be said here, there are few families of a family to discuss, you will never know how it really is there. But here you can lose your understanding and intimacy with your own child.
It is probably the most difficult time in the life of a person and the most severe crisis. But he passes in a few years that you need to live correctly and worthy. The most important thing is to keep the connection with the child, and not to make it live according to its rules. If the teenager behaves aggressively, steals at home, lying, rude, the parent must first analyze the atmosphere in the family and ask himself a question: "Why does he do that?" Maybe sometimes you should start working with yourself and your behavior of the house, and then scold a teenager. In the pubertal period, it is necessary to understand that the child is already an adult and have the right to make independent decisions within reasonable limits. And no negative actions should be the reason for dislike and the child's abandonment. All problems are solved if you do not find the strength to establish relationships with a difficult teenager, take advantage of the services of a family psychologist.
No matter how much you spent strength to raise the child in early childhoodAs far as we can believe that you know your "baby" from and to when it comes to adolescent age, many questions and problems appear. How to find a common language with a teenager and tune in to his wave?No matter how preparing for adolescence, for all parents he comes unexpectedly. The child changes in front of his eyes: It seems that yesterday the child calmly listened to the teachings, and today the whole essence of the teenager begins to rebel. Son or daughter sometimes and minutes can not listen to parents, denying almost every word said. How to talk with a teenager if a child considers himself right in everything?
1. We look at the clock
Psychologists argue that it is possible to interest a person with a conversation in the first 60 seconds. If you spend this time on the notation, most likely to find a common language with a teenager you will not succeed. The son or daughter will simply clict in himself and will be silently perceived information, not delivered in the meaning of the said.
2. Eyes in the eyes
This rule is not for you. Parents communicate with a teenager should be unobtrusively. One mother tells: "I had a serious conversation with my daughter. Several times I tried to start him, sowing next to the child and looking into her eyes. The daughter closed in himself and did not go to frankness. Everything decided by itself. Preparing for the arrival of guests and cutting salads, we started talking. Surprisingly, we found a common language. The relaxed atmosphere contributed to this. "
3. Gadgets come to the rescue
Modern children rarely communicate verbal. It is easier for them to write something online than to express their thoughts in words. Collect new technologies, communicate through chats, email. Many will say that it is so possible to completely move away from the teenager, but in practice it turns out exactly the opposite. Children love advanced parents.
4. On the same wavelength with the child
No one will give one hundred percent advice, how to communicate with a teenager. We are all individual, so it is necessary to clearly know the preferences of your child. Chado loves music - ask what styles and performers are now in fashion, the teenager loves sports - offer together going to a football match. Total interests bring together, so you will quickly reach the heart of your teenage.
5. Become in the shower lawyer
Not that a boring lawyer who is trying to prove the correctness of the judge, but a man who can competently state his thoughts and convince the interlocutor in the correctness of the opinion. If you want to learn how to talk to a teenager correctly, avoid accusations and single answers. If after the first phrase to express the child: "You never listen to me," and leave, slamming the door, the dialogue will not work. Similar situation with questions and answers. Interested in how the day went, do not complete the conversation on common phrases like "normal", "as always." Try to clarify what exactly happened, at the same time sharing my thoughts about Living.
Many parents do not know how to find a common language with a teenager. They are trying to promote the authoritarian style of communication, forgetting that the adheft child is also a person. Take the fact that the child grows and has its own views on life. Be flexible, and then you will understand your child for a hundred percent.
