Irina, Tolyatti

What can it mean if the birth of a child and the death of a loved one coincide?

Good afternoon! My dad had an incurable disease (oncology). I got pregnant with my second child while he was battling an illness. The pregnancy went well, only at the end my dad got worse and worse, he suffered a lot from pain, but it was as if he was waiting and did not want to upset me with his death until I gave birth. And I started to walk more than the due date. Finally, in the morning at the end of August, she gave birth to a son, dad found out about this and left us by the evening of the same day. I was in the hospital and did not go to the funeral, in a dream I asked for his forgiveness for everything. The son was born healthy, but at 1.5 months he began to have epileptic seizures. Maybe there is an explanation for this from the standpoint of religion? Maybe I should do something? I put candles in the church for the repose, I know that dad wanted only good. Maybe it's not for nothing that my son's birthday and dad's death coincided. Thanks for the answer.

I think that you need to separate these two events within yourself. The death of a person, unfortunately, is natural (it is not an extraordinary event), even if it is a person close to us. What appeared must disappear, what was born must die. The spirit returns to God, while the body departs to the earth “from where it was taken to eat” (Gen. 3:19). The main thing is that in the interval between these events.

I hope that your dad was not indifferent to his soul and tried to take care of it, and those sorrows that he endured before his death cleansed what he could not or did not have time to repent. He is gone and stands before the Throne of God. We can help him now only by prayer and works of mercy in his memory. And he, if possible, will ask for mercy on you and your son.

Dad knew about your love for him. Probably, he would not take offense at you for not attending the funeral - after all, you gave birth to his grandson, who would be loved by him. continuation of his family.

Usually priests are not ghost-seers (unless they deceive themselves). I do not know and cannot know the cause of your child's illness, but in addition to the help of doctors, for which it is not a sin to seek, my request is: try not to be formal Christians. It is necessary not only to give communion to the child often, but also not to leave home prayers and church services with the whole family. You need to find an opportunity for your repentance, i.e. so that you, parents, with a clear conscience, can proceed to the Chalice.

And, as we pray in the Our Father: “Thy will be done!” The grace of God is greater than our expectations, we just need to see it in everything that happens to us. Everything is done with us for our salvation, but the cures for our diseases are bitter. And don't forget to be grateful for what we have.

You don't really understand what that means. But by the intonation of their voices, you immediately feel that this is a special day.

A carousel of grandparents, parents, relatives, neighbors revolves around you. And, even, uncles and aunts whom you do not know, right from the doorway, give you gifts and wish you happy birthday.

Toys, sweets, cake with candles. You forgive all whims and pranks. And you start to feel very important, very important. You are the center of the universe.

This is how the birthday myth is born.

A beautiful myth, according to which, every year on the same day, you plunge into the holiday of your “I”, generously showering him with gifts and wishes, in the traditional decorations of a feast and a noisy company.

With age, the thrill of waiting for this day dulls or disappears altogether. You, even, can not invite guests, celebrating this day with loneliness. But in the depths of my soul there is a feeling of unusualness of this day.

But life brings many surprises. And over the years, we suddenly discover that it is on our birthday that we are faced with grief and sadness of loss, instead of the usual joy.

It happens that it is the day of our birth that is overshadowed by the departure of our loved ones, relatives, and loved ones to another world. Or their funeral or commemoration falls on our birthday.

And a lot of time will pass when the pain of loss will subside, we will recover from the blow and suddenly think (or maybe not) about the “coincidence” of these two events.

The opposite also happens. When our birthday, or the birthday of our children, falls on a date on which a grandmother or grandfather, uncle or aunt, great-grandmother or great-grandfather or parents left this world many years ago.

This is how these two worlds intersect - Life and Death. But why are these two dates, different at first glance, so connected: Birthday and Death Day?

“One gate for Life and Death,” wrote Berdyaev. And these gates are opening in these days. True, we do not always notice it.

Our birthday is really no ordinary day. On this day we are open.

All our energy channels, all subtle energy bodies are open. On our birthday, we are like a very sensitive antenna tuned to subtle vibrations.

Vibrations of what?

There are many names: Cosmos, Divine, Information field, the world of Light, the world of Shadows, the voice of Eternity, etc. Without going into disputes, let's call it vibrations of other worlds. But not in the sense of aliens, aliens, UFOs. And in the sense that there are other worlds in which the parameters of space measurement are qualitatively different from ours. That is why we cannot see or feel these worlds in the usual, familiar way for us.

Recall an example from a school textbook that a fly sees all movements in slow motion, like slow motion frames of a movie. This allows her to fly away from danger in time. What in our view looks like an instant, a second, in the “world of flies” is stretched for tens of seconds or minutes. Because the parameters of time in the "world of flies" are different from ours.

Similarly, in other worlds, parallel or intersecting, space may not be three-dimensional, like ours, but two-, five-, six-, ten-dimensional. This is one of the reasons why it is difficult for us to establish a connection, a contact with other worlds. We are like radios tuned to different frequencies.

But there is a time when our “frequencies” are able to perceive the “frequencies” of other worlds.

And one of the points when they “coincide” is the birthday.

It is on our birthday, thanks to our openness, that we are able to receive information from other worlds.

We open the Gates of Life and Death. Through these Gates we receive information about ourselves, about our essence, about our true “I”.

But often we do not hear it or do not want to hear it, replacing it with fake information of laudatory toasts and wishes.

And when our deafness reaches a critical limit, that's when they break through it like a brick wall. Then such polar events “coincide” on a single date: the birthday and death of loved ones.

What do our loved ones want to tell us about, “timed” the day of their departure to another world, or a funeral, a commemoration for our birthday?

There is some generic connection, which is expressed not only by biological and genetic parameters, but also occurs at a subtle energy level.

Such an energy connection can “work” not only along the line of direct kinship: mother-son-grandfather-aunt, etc. A wife can "get involved" in energy connections with her husband's relatives and vice versa.

The significance of such a connection, in each case, must be considered individually. But there is one thing in common - there is a powerful influx of energy, the meaning of which we do not always understand (or feel). This energy, like getting the missing link in the chain, allows us to solve important problems. Because it was her (or the energy of this quality) that we lacked. It is as if they “open” energy channels to us, which are “responsible” for our ability to solve certain problems.

Our family and friends give support to us living!

They, who have gone through the earthly experience of life, who have known joys and sorrows, ups and downs, help us to go our way.

This is not about continuing the educational process of "fathers and sons." The case is quite different.

In my astrological practice there was such an example. Woman V. was expecting a baby. But the gestation period has been delayed. The child seemed to be in no hurry to go out into the world. The contractions began on the birthday of this child's grandfather, who died long before the baby was born. Comparison of horoscopes showed that it was on this day that the child received a big energy “slap”. As if grandfather said: “Wake up, baby, it’s time, don’t be lazy!” The birth went well.

Another example. Just before his 23rd birthday, S.'s grandfather dies. It happened on June 19th. And on June 21, on S.'s birthday, his funeral took place. An analysis of horoscopes showed that the grandfather, who loved his granddaughter very much, thus transferred to her the energy that is “responsible” for good luck in family life. But it did not work out for S. The first marriage was not happy.

Some time later, S. got married a second time. It turned out that her husband's birthday is June 19th. His date of birth "coincided" with the date of death of his wife's grandfather.

When such “coincidences” occur in our lives, we cannot always understand their meaning. Most often, we evaluate such situations as a huge bad luck, or even as the intervention of black forces.

But no matter how we treat it, any such “coincidence” of events carries a huge amount of information. Whether we want to know it, whether we want to use it in our lives are questions of a different order.

In everyday life, when we talk to someone we know, and he says: “You know, so-and-so died,” the usual reaction to this is a question: how died? Very important, how a person dies. Death is important for a person's sense of self. It is not only negative.

If we look at life philosophically, we know that there is no life without death, the concept of life can only be evaluated from the standpoint of death.

I somehow had to communicate with artists and sculptors, and I asked them: “You depict various aspects of a person’s life, you can depict love, friendship, beauty, but how would you depict death?” And no one gave a clear answer right away.

One sculptor who immortalized the siege of Leningrad promised to think about it. And shortly before his death, he answered me this way: "I would depict death in the image of Christ." I asked: "Is Christ crucified?" “No, the ascension of Christ.”

One German sculptor depicted a flying angel, the shadow of whose wings was death. When a person fell into this shadow, he fell into the power of death. Another sculptor depicted death in the form of two boys: one boy sits on a stone with his head on his knees, he is all directed downwards.

The second boy has a flute in his hands, his head is thrown back, he is all directed after the motive. And the explanation of this sculpture was as follows: it is impossible to depict death without accompanying life, and life without death.

Death is a natural process. Many writers tried to portray life as immortal, but it was a terrible, terrible immortality. What is endless life - endless repetition of earthly experience, stoppage of development or endless aging? It is difficult even to imagine the painful state of a person who is immortal.

Death is a reward, a respite, it is abnormal only when it comes suddenly, when a person is still on the rise, full of strength.

And old people want to die. Some old women ask: "Here, it's healed, it's time to die." And the patterns of death that we read about in the literature, when death befell the peasants, were of a normative nature.

When a villager felt that he could no longer work as before, that he was becoming a burden on the family, he went to the bathhouse, put on clean clothes, lay down under the icon, said goodbye to neighbors and relatives, and died peacefully. His death came without the pronounced suffering that occurs when a person struggles with death.

The peasants knew that life is not a dandelion flower that has grown, blossomed and scattered under the wind. Life has a deep meaning.

This example of the death of peasants dying, giving themselves permission to die, is not a feature of those people, we can find similar examples today. Once a cancer patient came to us. A former military man, he behaved well and joked: "I went through three wars, pulled death by the mustache, and now it's time for her to pull me."

Of course, we supported him, but suddenly one day he could not get out of bed and took it quite unambiguously: “That's it, I'm dying, I can't get up anymore.” We told him: "Don't worry, it's a metastasis, people with spinal metastases live a long time, we'll take care of you, you'll get used to it." “No, no, this is death, I know.”

And, imagine, in a few days he dies, having no physiological prerequisites for this. He dies because he chose to die. This means that this good will for death or some kind of projection of death takes place in reality.

It is necessary to give life a natural demise, because death is programmed at the moment of conception of a person. A kind of experience of death is acquired by a person in childbirth, at the moment of birth. When you deal with this problem, you can see how intelligently life is built. As a person is born, so he dies, easily born - easy to die, hard to be born - hard to die.

And the day of death of a person is also not accidental, like the day of birth. Statisticians are the first to raise this issue by discovering the frequent coincidence of people's date of death and date of birth. Or, when we remember some significant anniversaries of the death of our relatives, it suddenly turns out that the grandmother died - a granddaughter was born. This transmission to generations and the non-randomness of the day of death and birthday is striking.

Clinical death or another life?

Not a single sage has yet understood what death is, what happens at the time of death. Such a stage as clinical death is left practically unattended. A person falls into a coma, his breathing stops, his heart stops, but unexpectedly for himself and for others, he comes back to life and tells amazing stories.

Natalya Petrovna Bekhtereva recently died. At one time, we often argued, I told cases of clinical death that were in my practice, and she said that this was all nonsense, that changes were simply taking place in the brain, and so on. And once I gave her an example, which she then began to use and tell herself.

I worked for 10 years at the Oncological Institute as a psychotherapist, and one day I was called to a young woman. During the operation, her heart stopped, they could not start it for a long time, and when she woke up, I was asked to see if her psyche had changed due to the long oxygen starvation of the brain.

I came to the intensive care unit, she was just coming to her senses. I asked, "Can you talk to me?" “Yes, but I would like to apologize to you for causing you so much trouble.” - "What's the trouble?" – “Well, how about it. My heart stopped, I experienced such stress, and I saw that for doctors it was also a lot of stress.”

I wondered: “How could you see this if you were in a state of deep drugged sleep, and then your heart stopped?” “Doctor, I could tell you a lot more if you promised not to send me to a psychiatric hospital.”

And she said the following: when she fell into a drug-induced sleep, she suddenly felt that it was as if a soft blow to her feet made something inside her turn, like a screw is turned out. She had the feeling that the soul turned outward and went out into some kind of foggy space.

Looking closer, she saw a group of doctors bending over the body. She thought: what a familiar face this woman has! And then she suddenly remembered that it was herself. Suddenly a voice was heard: "Immediately stop the operation, the heart has stopped, you need to start it."

She thought she had died, and remembered with horror that she had not said goodbye to either her mother or her five-year-old daughter. Anxiety for them literally pushed her in the back, she flew out of the operating room and in an instant found herself in her apartment.

She saw a rather peaceful scene - the girl was playing with dolls, her grandmother, her mother, was sewing something. There was a knock at the door, and a neighbor, Lidia Stepanovna, came in. In her hands was a small polka-dot dress. “Mashenka,” the neighbor said, “you tried all the time to be like your mother, so I sewed for you the same dress as your mother.”

The girl happily rushed to her neighbor, touched the tablecloth on the way, an old cup fell, and a teaspoon fell under the carpet. Noise, the girl is crying, the grandmother exclaims: “Masha, how awkward you are,” Lidia Stepanovna says that the dishes are beating fortunately - a common situation.

And the girl's mother, forgetting about herself, went up to her daughter, stroked her head and said: "Masha, this is not the worst grief in life." Mashenka looked at her mother, but, not seeing her, turned away. And suddenly this woman realized that when she touched the girl's head, she did not feel this touch. Then she rushed to the mirror and did not see herself in the mirror.

In horror, she remembered that she had to be in the hospital, that her heart had stopped. She rushed out of the house and found herself in the operating room. And then she heard a voice: “The heart started, we are doing an operation, but rather, because there may be a second cardiac arrest.”

After listening to this woman, I said: “Don’t you want me to come to your house and tell your family that everything is in order, they can see you?” She happily agreed.

I went to the address given to me, my grandmother opened the door, I told how the operation went, and then asked: “Tell me, did your neighbor Lidia Stepanovna come to you at half past ten?” - “She came, but do you know her?” “Did she bring a polka-dot dress?” “What are you, a wizard, a doctor?”

I keep asking, and everything came together to the details, except for one thing - the spoon was not found. Then I say: “Did you look under the carpet?” They pick up the carpet and there is a spoon.

This story had a great effect on Bekhtereva. And then she herself had a similar experience. In one day, she lost both her stepson and her husband, both committed suicide. For her, it was a terrible stress. And then one day, entering the room, she saw her husband, and he turned to her with some words.

She, an excellent psychiatrist, decided that these were hallucinations, returned to another room and asked her relative to see what was in that room. She came up, looked in and recoiled: “Yes, your husband is there!” Then she did what her husband asked, making sure that such cases were not fiction.

She told me: "No one knows the brain better than me (Bekhtereva was the director of the Institute of the Human Brain in St. Petersburg). And I have a feeling that I am standing in front of some kind of huge wall, behind which I hear voices, and I know that there is a wonderful and huge world, but I cannot convey to others what I see and hear. Because in order for it to be scientifically sound, everyone has to repeat my experience.”

Once I was sitting next to a dying patient. I put the music box on, which played a touching tune, then asked, "Turn it off, is it bothering you?" “No, let him play.” Suddenly her breathing stopped, the relatives rushed: "Do something, she is not breathing."

I rashly gave her an injection of adrenaline, and she again came to her senses, turned to me: “Andrei Vladimirovich, what was that?” “You know, it was clinical death.” She smiled and said: “No, life!”

What is the state into which the brain passes during clinical death? After all, death is death. We fix death when we see that breathing has stopped, the heart has stopped, the brain does not work, it cannot perceive information and, moreover, send it out.

So the brain is only a transmitter, but is there something deeper, stronger in a person? And here we are faced with the concept of the soul. After all, this concept is almost supplanted by the concept of the psyche. The psyche is there, but the soul is not.

How would you like to die?

We asked both the healthy and the sick, "How would you like to die?" And people with certain characterological qualities built a model of death in their own way.

People with a schizoid type of character, such as Don Quixote, characterized their desire rather strangely: "We would like to die so that no one around could see my body."

Epileptoids - they considered it unthinkable for themselves to lie quietly and wait for death to come, they should have been able to somehow participate in this process.

Cycloids - people like Sancho Panza, would like to die surrounded by relatives. Psychasthenics are anxious and suspicious people, worried about how they will look when they die. The hysteroids wanted to die at sunrise or sunset, on the seashore, in the mountains.

I compared these desires, but I remember the words of one monk who said this: “I don’t care what will surround me, what will be the situation around me. It is important for me that I die during prayer, thanking God that He sent me life, and I saw the power and beauty of His creation.”

Heraclitus of Ephesus said: “A man on his deathly night kindles a light for himself; and he is not dead, putting out his eyes, but alive; but he comes into contact with the dead - dozing, awake - comes into contact with the dormant, ”is a phrase over which you can puzzle almost all your life.

Being in contact with the patient, I could arrange with him that when he died, he would try to let me know if there was something behind the coffin or not. And I got this answer, more than once.

Once I made an agreement with one woman, she died, and I soon forgot about our agreement. And then one day, when I was in the country, I suddenly woke up from the fact that the light came on in the room. I thought I forgot to turn off the light, but then I saw that the same woman was sitting on the bed opposite me. I was delighted, started talking to her, and suddenly I remembered - she died!

I thought that I was dreaming all this, turned away and tried to fall asleep in order to wake up. After a while, I raised my head. The light was on again, I looked around in horror - she was still sitting on the bed and looking at me. I want to say something, I can't - horror. I realized that in front of me was a dead person. And suddenly she, smiling sadly, said: "But this is not a dream."

Why do I give such examples? Because the uncertainty of what awaits us makes us return to the old principle: "Do no harm."

That is, “do not rush death” is the most powerful argument against euthanasia. To what extent do we have the right to interfere with the state that the patient is experiencing?

How can we hasten his death when he is perhaps experiencing the most brilliant life at this moment?

Quality of life and permission to die

It is not the number of days that we have lived that matters, but the quality. And what gives the quality of life? The quality of life makes it possible to be without pain, the ability to control one's consciousness, the opportunity to be surrounded by relatives and families.

Why is it important to communicate with relatives? Because children often repeat the story of the life of their parents or relatives. Sometimes in the details, it's amazing. And this repetition of life is often also a repetition of death.

The blessing of relatives is very important, the parental blessing of a dying child to children, it can even save them later, save them from something. Again, returning to the cultural heritage of fairy tales.

Remember the plot: the old father dies, he has three sons. He asks: "After my death, go to my grave for three days." The older brothers either do not want to go or are afraid, only the younger, a fool, goes to the grave, and at the end of the third day, the father reveals some secret to him.

When a person passes away, he sometimes thinks: “Well, let me die, let me get sick, but let my relatives be healthy, let the illness end on me, I will pay the bills for the whole family.” And now, having set a goal, no matter whether rationally or affectively, a person receives a meaningful departure from life.

A hospice is a home that offers a quality life. Not an easy death, but a quality life. This is a place where a person can end his life meaningfully and deeply, accompanied by relatives.

When a person leaves, air does not just come out of him, like from a rubber ball, he needs to make a leap, he needs strength in order to step into the unknown. A person must allow himself this step.

And he receives the first permission from his relatives, then from the medical staff, from volunteers, from the priest and from himself. And this permission to die from oneself is the most difficult.

You know that Christ, before suffering and praying in the Garden of Gethsemane, asked His disciples: "Stay with Me, do not sleep." Three times the disciples promised Him to stay awake, but fell asleep without providing support. So, in a spiritual sense, a hospice is a place where a person can ask: "Stay with me."

And if such a great personality - the Incarnate God - needed the help of a man, if He said: “I no longer call you slaves. I called you friends, ”addressing people, then following this example and saturating the last days of the patient with spiritual content is very important.

If you care about life and death,

Since childhood, I noticed such coincidences that very often, in almost every family, there is such a pattern that grandchildren and grandmothers are born "heaps". Not necessarily on the same day, but close - on the same week, for example, or with a difference of 10-15 days.

There are three such cases in my family, and I myself gave birth to a daughter 4 days before my mother's birthday. Daughter did not wait, she wanted to see the world)

This happens in almost every family. Why? What is the riddle?

I read on a forum an interesting opinion on this topic.

It was told that such coincidences carry an inner meaning hidden in the family program. A person is born not just like that, but with a certain task from the point of view of his kind - these people, born on the same day or very close, have the same task.But this does not mean at all that events in the life of these people should coincide. They don't have to match at all. The date is a coincidence of internal programs, the event side should not be repeated, but the level of internal experiences or understanding of life can be repeated.

Still wondering why this is happening?

By the way, I have noticed more than once that if grandmothers and grandchildren are born on the same day or very close, then in the future these people have a fairly good mutual understanding and warm relations. Often better than with other grandchildren or with another grandmother.

More often such coincidences occur when children in one family are born in some narrow period of time. That is, the difference between their birthdays is very small. True, in this case it is possible to somehow this can be explained from a medical point of view, apparently in some months it was easier for their mother to get pregnant.

By the way, cousins ​​and sisters often have a very small difference in dates of birth - you can’t explain it here, because mothers are different)

An interesting real life example. One friend was born on May 13, and her brother was born on May 15. They grew up, created their own families, they had children ... he has a daughter on May 13, and she has a son ... on May 15))

Naturally, such coincidences are not always and not for everyone.
Tell us about your interesting cases.

And can you somehow explain this connection?

Add yourself